


Relight My Life

by Legorandia, LukaTisus



Series: Relight My Life [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Homophobia, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Conversion Therapy, Past Domestic Violence, Past Drug Use, Polyamory, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:06:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 110,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9099523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legorandia/pseuds/Legorandia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LukaTisus/pseuds/LukaTisus
Summary: Garrett Hawke, a rich repairman, and Anders, a med student with a rough history, have been in a relationship for years. When Fenris, an elf who barely knows who he is outside of his name, shows up in Kirkwall in desperate need of help, the two open their door to him with no clue how their lives are about to change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For all of the jaded and wounded fans of Handers and Fenhanders out there, I want to start this out by reassuring you all that this is NOT a Handers-to-Fenhawke fic. Hawke and Anders have a healthy, established relationship that is not going to go away regardless of the (eventual) addition of Fenris as a third partner. This is healthy, happy polyamory country, and Anders is safe here. 
> 
> That said, I hope you enjoy our baby! We've been putting a lot of work into it. -Lego

“Yes… _yes_ , oh _fuck…_ ”

Anders shuddered before collapsing, panting, on top of the well-toned man beneath him, chest heaving as he fought to catch his breath. All around them the bedroom was lit with early morning light filtering in through the curtains; Hawke thought it turned Anders’ hair to pure gold when it played across the long strands, which had spilled over one freckled shoulder and were now tickling his neck.

“Mm, I should wake up with you more often.” Hawke’s lips found the nearest skin, which so happened to be Anders’ ear, causing the other man to hum with pleasure. “If this is what I get…”

“Maybe if you didn’t stay up so late binging shows on Netflix, love.” There was teasing affection in Anders’ voice as he pushed himself up onto his elbows, just enough so that he could kiss his boyfriend. Their mouths moved together unhurried, both men drinking in the feel, taste, and touch of the other before the demands of the day would inevitably force them apart. Hawke drew Anders’ lower lip between his own, sucking as he shifted his hips and chuckling softly at the small gasp the movement drew from the blonde.

“Not all of us have to wake up at the crack of dawn,” Hawke replied with a smile. His hands slid down to Anders’ hips where the other man was seated over him, his softening cock still buried within him. “Would be a shame not to take advantage of that.”

“Mm, well, speaking of which…” Anders sat up and reached over for the alarm clock he’d nearly shoved off of the nightstand earlier when it had first gone off. Turning it back around he cursed at the time. “ _Shit_ , I have to get going.”

Despite protests Anders clambered out of bed, holding onto a bedpost for a moment as his legs wobbled beneath him before seeking out a pair of briefs and reasonably clean jeans. “I’m still on rotation with Wynne, you know how she can be if you’re tardy.”

“Heads up!” Anders turned right as Hawke tossed him a box of tissues, fumbling and nearly dropping it before he managed to get ahold of it. With a smile and slightly flushed cheeks he wiped away the evidence of their morning sex, tossing the box back to Hawke once he was done. Hazel eyes lingered for an extra moment on his boyfriend’s naked and unashamedly exposed body, and he bit his lip before tearing his gaze away to continue getting dressed.

“You going out today?” Anders asked as he gathered his hair into a loose bun, examining his face for just a moment in the mirror. He needed a shave but didn’t have time.

“Yeah, got a call about a busted crapper at Rutherford’s place again. I don’t know what he does but I have never seen a man destroy plumbing like that.” Hawke yawned and stretched far more than he needed to, dark eyes peeking up at the other man to see if he could get him to stare again. Shaking his head with a laugh Anders turned away from him to tug on his shoes.

“Don’t forget, I’m at the clinic tonight, so go ahead and eat without me. I should be home by ten.” Anders grabbed his coat, took another glance at the clock and cursed again. “Shit, I have to go, I love you Gare, see you tonight!”

“Love you too! I’ll save you some lasagna.” Hawke called after his boyfriend’s retreating back, making a strangled sound of surprise and protest as a massive and extremely excited dog bounded into the room after Anders’ opened the door.

“Gorbash no!!!” Hawke leaped up and away until his back hit the wall behind the bed in an effort to keep the more tender parts of his anatomy away from giant dog paws as the mastiff jumped into bed with him, causing the bed springs to creak in protest. He could hear Anders laughing on his way down the stairs and shook his head in mock offense, reaching out to scratch Bash’s head with one hand as the other worked to wipe the remaining semen off of his stomach with a tissue.

The hours he kept working freelance were far more flexible than that of a third year medical student, and Hawke had always tried to match Anders’ schedule as well as he could, but it still took an effort to wake up with him so early in the morning. An effort that might be worth it, he mused, if he got to wake up like this every day, even with the inclusion of the dog at the end. From downstairs he could hear the odd clatter as Anders rushed to gather his things; a few seconds later the man shouted up at him.

“McMittens is on the fridge again Gare, make sure he gets fed before you go!”

“I’m not putting that cat’s food on top of the fridge!” Hawke’s returned shout was met with the sound of the front door slamming shut as Anders ran to make the bus. With another sigh he dragged the hand that wasn't petting his dog over his face before climbing out of bed and tugging on a pair of pajama pants.

“Come on Bash, let’s see what _McBittens_ is up to now.” The mastiff leapt back down to the floor and followed his human happily downstairs. There was more than one cat waiting for breakfast—as Hawke neared the kitchen two tabbies, one orange and one grey, hurried over to him and began meowing as if they’d never had a bite of food in their whole lives.

“Good morning Ser Pounce-a-Lot, Lord Meowington.” Hawke headed first for the backdoor, opening it and the screen to let Gorbash out into the cold winter morning before turning his attention to the loudly crying cats at his feet. Normally Anders fed them before leaving, but normally he wasn’t distracted to the point of almost being late so Hawke accepted the task this morning, pulling out cans of food as the two tabbies weaved in and out through his legs sounding utterly pitiful. As he popped open one can, a third, impatient yowl pierced through the air and Hawke looked over towards the offender.

“Mr. McMittens, just what do you think you’re doing up there?” Hawke placed his hands on his hips, giving the tiny black and white kitten perched on top of the refrigerator a disappointed look. Anders had taken him in very recently and the kitten had proven to be—in Hawke’s words—a demon, swiping and biting at anyone who tried to touch him when it didn’t suit him and always turning up in the most difficult places.

“If you want some—” Hawke paused to read the label of the can of cat food he was opening, “—real liver and chicken, you’re going to have to come down from there and eat with the big kitties.”

Mr. McMittens did not seem impressed by his argument. Hawke placed two plates down for Pounce and Meowington, and began preparing a third, giving the little ball of fluff a side eye.

“You want to grow up to be a big, strong, ferocious kitty cat, don’t you?” Hawke held up the plate and McMittens yowled again but seemed no closer to climbing down. “That will only happen if you eat on the floor with your big brothers.”

The kitten yowled loudly at him again and Hawke huffed through his nose, looking away as he fought to maintain his stubbornness for a minute. Finally, accepting defeat, he placed the plate on the counter beside the fridge.

“There, how’s that? A compromise. That’s my final offer.” Why Anders had adopted the evilest cat ever never ceased to be a wonder, Hawke mused as he walked to the coffee maker. He had several hours before he had to be anywhere but he knew if he went back to bed he wouldn't want to get back up again, so Hawke settled for caffeine instead, idly unplugging his phone from its charger nearby and looking for any new texts while his coffee brewed.

The soft thud of a kitten jumping down onto the counter drew Hawke's eyes back in that direction, and he shook his head as McMittens tore into his breakfast. "You are a terror, you know." Hawke quickly snapped a picture and sent it to Anders with the comment, " _Demons can be bought_ " before returning to his coffee and the rest of his morning.

 

* * *

 

The clinic was part of Haven, a shelter in the lower part of the city that residents referred to as Darktown. Anders had been volunteering at it for years now, sometimes assisting the doctors and nurses who also occasionally volunteered their time, sometimes just providing another body to serve food and hand out blankets. While they rarely turned anyone away the shelter was primarily set up to help homeless LGBT people of all ages, and walking past the equality sign into the foyer always gave Anders a warm feeling.

In the dead of winter as it was, the biggest concern was keeping everyone warm. There were extra blankets and donated sweaters going around, and the heater was humming... a little too loudly, Anders noted, frowning at the appliance as he walked past it to where they were serving dinner. Cold weather always brought in larger crowds, and Anders had arrived with a box of canned goods to try to help feed everyone. It was the least he could do, living with his rich and incredibly generous partner while these people struggled for each meal. He knew what it was like to be in their position all too well, and Hawke was more than happy to spread the wealth to anyone who needed it.

Anders had been on his feet since the moment he arrived, examining anyone who came in complaining of a cough or a fever or any other ailment before sending them to either the dinner line, or to the doctor working in the back for a more detailed examination. He could only make it here a few nights out of the week, but those nights were his favorite. This was why he wanted to become a doctor, after all—to help people who desperately needed it, to provide a place where they were safe and cared for when their family and friends had rejected them. The volunteer work may have been useful to his degree but he would have done it regardless, serving up bowls of soup and offering whatever aid he possibly could to anyone new who walked through their doors.

There was someone new peering in right now who Anders had never seen before. It wasn't odd, there were new faces every night, but from what he could see of this person he appeared to be elven—a black beanie pulled down low on his head concealed his ears but his build was slight, and what Anders could see of his face certainly looked more elven than human. Anders didn't see a great many elves at the shelter on account of there being another in a different part of town that provided services exclusively for them, and he wondered if this man was looking for the clinic specifically or if he was seeking other resources.

"Anders, come over here if you've got a minute!"

The blonde man turned to see one of the other volunteers, a woman named Lirene, waving him over to where she and several others were filling bowls and plates. As Anders approached she nodded towards a man who was seated nearby.

"His cough is horrid, and look how red his eyes are. At least put a mask on him so he doesn't spread whatever he's got around the place."

"Got him, thanks Lirene." Anders nodded and walked over to sit beside the gentleman, his previous thoughts forgotten for the moment as they spoke and Anders checked him for fever. It was a good catch, the man was obviously unwell and Anders was able to persuade him to visit the exam room in the back once he was finished with his soup; rising to his feet the elf in the beanie popped back into Anders' mind however when he looked around the stranger was nowhere to be seen.

 _Perhaps he went to the elven shelter after all_ , Anders thought, looking around for another moment before shrugging it off and continuing with his night. The bustle of the shelter and the clinic kept him busy enough that the elven man was soon gone from his mind, and by the time he was walking out to catch the last bus home to Hawke and his cats Anders had forgotten entirely about him.


	2. Chapter 2

It was two days later when Anders made it back to the shelter and spotted the elf again.

Seated at one of the tables in the dining area, Anders was going over a list of resources with a young girl who had just been kicked out of her home. She couldn’t have been more than 16-years-old, sitting there looking stressed, heartbroken, and exhausted; Anders had promised they would help her in whatever way they could, and had just handed her a pamphlet to look over for a youth center in Lowtown when he spotted the elven man lingering by the door.

He was dressed exactly the same way as he had been the other day, right down to the black beanie covering his ears. Anders smiled at the young lady.

“Take a few minutes to look over everything, alright? I’ll be right back.”

Rising to his feet Anders looked for the elf again, spotting him a bit further inside this time inching his way towards where dinner was being served. There was another volunteer nearby who wasn’t on kitchen duty, and Anders headed over to him, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“Hey Levyn…” The other man turned around and gave him a somewhat nervous smile. Levyn always seemed a bit nervous, but he also came to the shelter every day to help so Anders figured he had to be at least a half decent person. “That elf over there, has he been in a lot lately?”

“Who?” Levyn followed his line of sight, confused for a moment before he spotted him and nodded. “Yeah, now that you mention it I have been seeing him around lately. He doesn’t stick around though, I don’t think he’s talked to anyone.”

"Hmm." As Anders watched the elf completely bypassed the soup line and headed to a pile of rolls on a table at the end of the dinner line. His clothes looked thin, definitely not warm enough for how low the temperature had been falling at night, and when he grabbed a roll in each hand and turned as if to go Anders made up his mind and started towards him.

"Excuse me, hello...?" The elf started as he was approached, edging away and looking extremely nervous. From this close Anders could see that he wasn’t blonde as he’d thought from a distance—the bits of hair poking out from under the beanie were actually white, a stark contrast to his dark clothing and brown skin.

Anders tried to look reassuring, smiling gently, "It's alright, you're not in trouble. I just wanted to ask if you have a place to stay for the night."

The elf fidgeted and refused to meet his eye, shaking his head stiffly and mumbling almost too quietly to hear, "No."

"Well we can..." Anders had barely started to respond when the elf abruptly backed up, turned, and walked away from him about as quickly as he could without flat out running. The blonde man was left gaping after him, mouth open in mid-sentence as he darted out through the front door with his bread rolls.

"Can't help him if he doesn't want to be helped." Anders turned his head to where Lirene was standing at the serving station shaking her head. "All we can do is give him what we can if he comes back."

With a sigh Anders glanced towards the door one more time before walking back to the girl he'd been speaking to. The heater clattered sadly behind him as he passed, and he narrowed his eyes in warning at the appliance before sitting down and attempting to pick up where he'd left off.

Maybe the elf was on drugs, or doing something else illegal. Maybe he just didn't like humans, Anders wondered, his thoughts stubbornly remaining on the obviously nervous stranger throughout the rest of the night until he was on his way back home. Slouching back in his seat on the bus Anders looked out the window and hoped the white haired elf had found somewhere warm to stay for the night. It was very nearly the beginning of a new year, and the nights tended to be coldest around First Day.

Anders heard the deep 'boof' of a very large dog as he rattled his keys in his front door, smiling and shaking his head until he heard the faint sound of Hawke's voice calling Gorbash back. He waited another few seconds before opening the door and smiling appreciatively at his boyfriend, who had his arms around the mastiff.

"Welcome home, love...!" Hawke held Bash where he was until the door was shut and Anders had walked over to scratch his head; only then did the excited dog tension begin to drain away, and Hawke released him so he could stand up and kiss his boyfriend.

“There’s chicken for you in the kitchen.” Anders made an appreciative sound, bumping his forehead against Hawke’s and smiling tiredly.

“That sounds fantastic. Let me get changed, I’m about to fall off of my feet.”

Ten minutes later the two were settled together on the couch, pajamas donned and a plate of reheated dinner in Anders’ hands. Sitting on the opposite end of the couch Hawke pulled his partner’s feet into his lap and began to rub, earning a moan that was as close to orgasmic as it could be around a mouthful of chicken. Gorbash had settled on the floor by the coffee table while Ser Pounce and Lord Meowington both jumped onto the couch, Meowington on the back and Pounce in Anders’ lap, purring and eyeing his food.

“I got puked on today,” Anders said conversationally as he gathered a forkful of vegetables. “And I got to shave someone for surgery. It was fine until he said I was cute, then it was just awkward.”

“Well in his defense, you are pretty cute.” Hawke began massaging up the other man’s calf and Anders’ eyes slipped shut in pleasure.

“I am.” Anders agreed, cracking open his eyes just in time to swat a paw away from his plate. “I suppose I should get used to things like that. What did you do today?”

“Had an emergency job this morning that turned out to just be frozen pipes.” Hawke switched to the other leg and began working his way down from Anders’ knee, smiling at the look of tired contentment on his boyfriend’s face. “Happens every year when we start getting these cold nights, people forget to let their faucets drip.”

“They never learn.” Anders shook his head at that before frowning a moment later, pushing the food around on his plate thoughtfully as Hawke pressed his thumbs into the arch of his foot. If it was cold enough to freeze, then it was cold enough to be dangerous to someone who didn’t have shelter for the night. Logically Anders knew there were others in Kirkwall who were just as unfortunate, but he hadn’t seen them taking bread or spoken to them face to face. It weighed on him that there were people he couldn’t help, who didn’t _want_ help when it was right there within their reach.

“What’s wrong…?” After seven years it was easy for Hawke to read his face, and Anders almost smiled. What could he say though, that he was worried about one homeless elf in a city full of dozens? The other volunteers would call him an idealist. Hawke though… Hawke cared as much as he did. It was one of the reasons they fit together so well.

“There’s been an elf hanging around the shelter.” Putting his plate on the coffee table Anders scooped Pounce up in his arms. The cat promptly jumped out of his lap. “He won’t stay, he just comes for food and then leaves. I tried to talk to him today and he seemed very nervous. I’m worried he’s out on the street tonight.”

“He’s not going to the Tabris House?”

Anders shook his head, “I don’t think so. He said he isn’t staying anywhere.”

Thinking on that, Hawke ran his hands up and down the long legs in his lap before pushing himself up, taking Anders’ hand to tug him forward so that their lips met in the middle. Hawke cupped his jaw, fingers brushing over stubble and through stray strands of blonde hair that had fallen free over the course of the day.

“It isn’t your fault if you can’t help them all.” He murmured against soft lips, kissing him again before resting their foreheads together. “I know you hate it, but…”

“I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.” Anders echoed what Lirene had said to him that night, a faint, humorless smile on his face.

“You can damn well try though.” Hawke told him. “You _do_ try, and you touch every single person who comes into that place.”

The smile was genuine this time, and Anders closed the distance between them to kiss him again. “Thank you, love. I should go to bed, I have to be up again in six hours.”

“Mm, I’ll try to join you soon,” Hawke leaned back reluctantly to let him move. “I _was_ considering watching the first episode of Firefly though.”

The sharp look he received got him laughing as Anders poked a finger at his chest. “Don’t you _dare_.”

“Alright fine, fine…!” Hawke fell back on the couch in surrender as Anders disentangled himself and got to his feet, shaking his finger at him. “I’m just going to let Bash out one more time, then I’ll be up.”

“Rewatch Firefly without me…” Anders muttered as he walked to the stairs, one corner of his mouth turned up in amusement. “I can’t _believe_ …”

“Oh, I spoke to my mother today…!” Hawke called after him, twisting around to look over the back of the couch as Anders paused at the bottom of the stairs. “She wanted to know if you still have the night off for First Day. We’re supposed to go over for dinner, remember.”

“That depends,” Anders said with a raised brow, “Is that insufferable asshole going to be there?”

Hawke nodded with an apologetic grimace. “They’re bringing casserole.”

“Then no, I most definitely do not have that night off.” Anders shook his head with a short, unamused laugh. “I can’t believe your sister is still dating him after all these years.”

Hawke shrugged. “Maybe this will be the golden year where she realizes he’s a jackass. It’s bound to happen sooner or later, Beth won’t tolerate it forever.”

Standing, he walked around to where Anders had stopped, settling his hands on the taller man’s hips and resting his chin on his shoulder. Anders leaned back against him and sighed.

“I know you hate him. I hate him too.” Hawke murmured, wrapping his arms around his waist. Anders settled his own over them. “But it’s the only day of the year Mother gets to see all of us in one house. It means a lot to her.”

Anders sighed again, heavily, before nodding. “I’ll be there. But I’m wearing that Bi Pride shirt.”

Chuckling Hawke pressed a kiss to his cheek, “Wouldn’t expect you in anything else. Now go on…” Hawke released him, swatting his ass as Anders began up the stairs and grinning at the yelp he received. “I’ll be up in a few minutes.”

“You’d better be.” Anders paused a few steps out of reach and turned to smirk down at him, running his tongue over his lips. “I won’t wait forever.”

The sound that Hawke made at the sight brought a laugh to Anders’ lips, and he turned back to walk the rest of the way up to their bedroom as Hawke scrambled off, calling for the dog.

 

* * *

 

When Anders returned to the shelter several days later he was greeted by an unusual amount of chaos. People were on their feet and gathered in groups, and there were a number of raised, irate voices complaining about the cold and the shoddy building. It _was_ cold, Anders realized, making his way to Lirene as she tried to get a handle on everyone.

"Blasted heater finally died this afternoon," She told him. The poor woman looked frazzled down to her last nerve. "I've been trying to work out if we have enough saved up to afford a new one but I haven't had much time to look at it."

Looking over her shoulder towards the broken heater, which someone had pulled out of the wall likely in an attempt to fix it, Anders thought for a few seconds before nodding decisively. "Let me make a call."

He weaved through the crowd and headed to the back of the building, dropping off his bag in the room designated for staff before pulling out his phone and calling the first contact on his list. Despite knowing full well that Hawke would jump at any chance to help him Anders still tried not to call in favors with his boyfriend, but a cold shelter wasn't going to be much help to anyone.

Hawke answered on the third ring. "Hey...! What's going on?"

"Hey, are you busy right now, Gare?" Anders peeked around the back at the clinic to see who was there that night but found it dark. No heat and no physician, the night just kept getting better.

"Just about to make dinner." Anders heard Gorbash barking in the background, followed by Hawke shushing him. "Damned kitten got into Bash's food. Anyway, what's up?"

"The heat's out at the shelter. Could you maybe come take a look at it...?"

"Anders, you know you don't even have to ask. _McMittens get out of that!_ " There was the sound of a scuffle followed by more barking, and Anders smiled. "Anyway, give me fifteen minutes and I'll be there."

"Thank you, love." Anders hung up and slid his phone back into his pocket, shaking his head and smiling before steeling himself to walk back out to where the cold and angry people were. He could at least give Lirene a hand until the cavalry showed up.

True to his word Hawke arrived around twenty minutes later, strutting up to the front entrance of the shelter and striking a pose in the doorway with his hands on his hips, shoulders back, and chin jutted forward to add a dramatic edge to his entrance.

"Did somebody call a _Repairman_?" He boomed, barely phased by the stares directed his way as he strode in and looked for Anders, spotting him over by the food table.

"Where's this unit at?" He inquired, nodding to Lirene and grinning at the way Anders was shaking his head, caught somewhere between amusement and embarrassment by his partner's antics.

"Right over here on the wall." Anders answered, leading Hawke over to the broken heater and adding, "Thank you for doing this, Gare." He offered him an appreciative smile and Hawke smiled back, inspecting the screws that held the heater's front panel in place as he dug into his tool-belt for his phillip's screwdriver.

"Of course. I just hope I can fix it, be a shame to have to replace the entire thing." Hawke said, looking around for a place to set the screws down before deciding to simply pocket them.

“Whatever you can do for it, we appreciate it. I’m going to go help Lirene.” Anders headed back to the crowd, leaving Hawke to focus.

Several minutes later Hawke had discovered several smaller problems that had ultimately lead to the heater's failure. The air filters were clogged with ages old dust, the fan's motor had seized, and years of rattling away had shaken loose a few of the connections. Hawke had just removed the fan's motor to see if it could be salvaged when Anders sidled back up to him.

"Look, over by the main doors. He's back." Anders murmured. Hawke followed his gaze and spotted the elf hovering in the small lobby, brow slightly creased with his shoulders drawn inward. He was clearly cold and appeared perplexed that it wasn't much warmer inside the clinic.

"Don't stare," Anders warned softly before walking away again. Hawke watched out of the corner of his eye as the elf made his way further in, observing how he stopped and seemingly assessed how crowded it was before deciding whether or not to approach one of the food tables.

Try as he might Hawke's curiosity was getting the better of him; as the elf headed toward the table he was closest to, laden with a few bread rolls and food that was otherwise not very filling, he decided he was going to attempt to strike up a conversation with this mysterious stranger. Once the elf was close enough he side-stepped back from the heater, moving to unwittingly stand between him and the table.

"Hi!" He greeted with a smile. Instantly the elf froze, his eyes narrowing just a tad in what was unmistakable suspicion. Hawke wondered for a moment if perhaps his grin was a little too friendly? _Reel it in, Gare_. He told himself, relaxing his expression so he didn't come off as completely maniacal.

"How are you, this evening..?" He asked, softening his tone just a little further.

The elf was eyeing him, fidgeting as his gaze darted toward the buns and back up to this bearded mountain that was blocking his path. For a moment it almost seemed as if Hawke was going to strike out at his attempt at communication as well, however after what was far too tense a moment the elf replied.

"...I'm fine." _Maker_ , his voice was deep, rough, and gravely, absolutely nothing like Hawke would have expected out of an elf.

"Good, good. I'm just, ah, here to get the heater working again. You look cold, you should try the soup? It's authentic chicken, I swear." He suggested, smiling again and noting the way the elf's brows went from furrowed to slightly raised as he stared at him with intense green eyes. Probably at the bad attempt at a joke, but it was something, at least. Hawke was getting somewhere, this was good!

All at once the elf veered away, a low huff escaping him. Hawke watched, slightly gobsmacked, as he moved to another table with small food items, snatching a couple of apples from a bowl and heading out the doors without another word. Stunned, Hawke turned to find a gaggle of the shelter workers had stopped what they were doing to watch the two, only to find he had gotten no further than any of them had. Meeting Anders' eye he received a confused and concerned shrug, brow knit with worry over the elven stranger.

Maker help him, that concern was going to start gnawing at him as well now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 should be up soon! This one was a bit transition-y, it didn't quite fit at the end of the first chapter or the beginning of the next. - Lego


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some hinted homophobia in this chapter. Also it's about 75% smut and 25% plot, but the plot that's there is starting to pick up a bit! -Lego

“I can’t _believe_ him.” Hawke growled at his dashboard, clutching the steering wheel a bit too tightly. The traffic light up ahead turned red and he stopped the SUV with a slight jerk, running a hand irritably through his hair. “How is that even appropriate dinner conversation??”

In the passenger seat beside him Anders was staring out the window impassively, his tone flat and devoid of emotion when he replied. “Beth did give him a look at one point. Maybe she is finally getting sick of him.”

“Hey…” Hawke reached over for his boyfriend’s hand, weaving their fingers together and tugging gently to get his attention. The look on Anders’ face when he turned towards him was a careful mask of apathy, but Hawke knew him, could see the hurt and the anger in his eyes. “I’m sorry. We don’t see him for so long, I forget how terrible he really is. I keep thinking maybe this will be the year when he finally learns how to be a decent, normal human being, but it never is, and it’s not fair to you.”

“Love…” Anders managed a smile but there was more pain in it than anything else. “He _is_ a normal human being. Some people are just like that. Also, the light’s green.”

“Shit.” Hawke turned his attention back to the road, though he kept Anders’ hand held tightly in his own, rubbing his thumb across it. Thankfully there weren’t many other cars out that night on account of the holiday. First Day was traditionally spent with family and neighbors—most of the other families would be inside finishing dinner or taking part in after dinner activities such as playing games, or drinking wine, or playing games while drinking wine, but Hawke and Anders had headed home early on account of the latter having to be up early in the morning. At least, that was the excuse they gave every year when the evening became too much to bear.

“People shouldn’t be like that.” Hawke stated, frustrated, as he turned down their street. “At least they shouldn’t be at our dinner table. I mean, who does he think he is??”

“Maybe the heir to the family that owns half of Starkhaven?” Anders deadpanned.

“That doesn’t give him the right to insult you. You’ve been part of our family for the same amount of time he has, _longer_ in fact since they weren’t dating for the first few years, he needs to just fucking chill.” Hawke stopped to let a couple cross, recognizing them as a pair who lived a couple of houses down from them. They gave him a wave of thanks as they hurried past, laughing and obviously having a good time, and Hawke forced a smile as he waved back.

“You know if it wasn’t for Beth I would have punched him in the face a long time ago.” He muttered as they rolled forward again.

“I know.” Anders gave his hand a squeeze. “I appreciate that. I have dreams about it sometimes.”

They pulled into their driveway a minute later and sat together in silence for a moment after Hawke turned off the car. Eventually Anders spoke again quietly.

“The worst part is, I love myself.” He rested his head back on the seat, eyes closed as Hawke brushed his thumb across his fingers. “I don’t apologize for who I am, I don’t feel any guilt or self-loathing anymore… but whenever he’s around he makes me feel like I’m fifteen all over again, and all I can hear is my father’s voice and _I can’t stand it_ .”

“Anders…” Hawke pulled his hand over and pressed a kiss to the back of it, letting it linger for a few seconds. He hated this—hated that he couldn’t do more for him short of choosing Anders over his own family, a choice his partner would never ask him to make. Bethany had been dating the Vael boy since high school, and while he’d been great for her, especially after their father had died, he and Anders had done nothing but clash since they’d first met. They’d managed to keep the number of times the two of them ended up in the same house down to once a year, but even that was tiresome.

“Here’s what’s going to happen.” Hawke said decisively, cupping Anders’ hand in both of his. “We’re going to go inside, I’m going to let Bash out, and then I’m going to make love to you because you deserve it, and because I love you, and nothing that bastard says will ever make me stop loving you. How does that sound?”

That drew the first real smile from his partner since they’d left his mother’s house. “I can’t think of a better end to this evening.”

The two went inside, Anders letting Hawke walk through the door first and intercept the dog that was waiting excitedly for them. He hung up his coat in the hall closet and went to the kitchen to grab the cat treats while the other man took Gorbash outside. Meowington was the first to come running at the sound of the bag being shaken, followed seconds later by Pounce thumping down the stairs.

“There’s my pretty boys…!” Anders cooed, dropping treats for each of them and looking around the kitchen. “Where’s McMittens tonight, hmm? Mr. McMittens?”

There was the sound of a muffled meow somewhere nearby, and Anders looked around in confusion before calling to him again, “McMittens…?”

The meow came again, and his brows lifted as he walked across the kitchen and opened one of the lower cabinets. A blur of black and white fur darted out from between the pots and pans and Anders shook his head with a laugh. “I swear to Andraste, you end up in the strangest places.”

He had to block the other two with his legs to give the kitten his treat, and was crouched down petting Meowington when the backdoor opened and all three cats scattered as Bash trotted back inside. Hawke followed after him, shivering a bit and closing the door before spotting his partner. A grin came to his face, and he shrugged out of his coat and draped it over the counter before walking over to settle his hands on Anders’ hips, drawing him into a kiss.

“You are the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Hawke murmured against his lips. “How did I get so lucky…?”

Anders chuckled, sliding his hands around Hawke’s back and slipping his fingers just barely beneath the hem of his jeans. “I’m the lucky one if you think a man surrounded by cats is sexy.”

“No… no, it’s definitely me.” Hawke walked him backwards against the counter, catching his lips again in a deep, hungry kiss. His hands ran over lanky sides, slipping under Anders’ shirt to smooth over his freckled hips as he slowly kissed down his jaw and neck, lingering at every spot. Anders practically melted under his lips, head falling back against the cupboard behind him as he gripped the counter with one hand for support, legs inching apart as Hawke continued down to run his tongue across his clavicle, tugging the collar of his shirt away for easier access.

“Garrett…” Anders breathed, eyes closed as he arched under his lover’s touch. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Hawke dragged both hands down his chest, kissing right down the center of his t-shirt before dropping to his haunches and splaying his hands on Anders’ thighs, pushing them apart so that he could kneel between them. Looking down Anders bit his lip at the sight as Hawke gripped his hips and closed his mouth over the erection that was just beginning to become visible in his pants.

“ _Ohh_ …” Anders kept one hand on the counter, lacing the other through his partner’s hair as Hawke moved up and down the length of his rapidly hardening cock, sucking leisurely from base to tip. “Oh _Maker_ …”

Hawke didn’t let up, sucking and tonguing at the head until Anders was cursing above him before moving back down, his thumbs moving up and down along the sides of his trapped cock. It wasn’t until Anders was panting, jeans soaked with spit and legs trembling, that Hawke finally showed some mercy, popping the button free and tugging down his zipper. There was a dark, wet spot of precum on Anders’ boxer briefs and Hawke closed his mouth over it, sucking the head of his erection through the cotton and making Anders gasp his name.

“Are you going to fuck me in the kitchen…?” Anders asked somewhat breathlessly, shifting as Hawke pushed his jeans down just enough to get better access to the hard cock in front of him.

“Maybe.” Hawke found the edge of the head through the cotton briefs and dragged his tongue over it, causing his lover to shudder and tighten the grip in his hair. “If I feel like it.”

“You, ah… do remember what happened the last time we tried that…?”

“What, you don’t want a 200 pound mastiff jumping on your back again?” Hawke pulled back to grin up at his flushed and panting partner, sliding a hand over to replace his mouth and squeezing the damp and twitching member.

“I’m just saying it’s generally best when we have a door between us and the very protective dog before we start shouting.”

Hawke raised a brow at him, leaning back on his heels thoughtfully for a second before rolling to his feet and pressing flush against Anders, capturing his mouth in a heated kiss. Anders’ arms were around him immediately, and he made a soft sound of protest when Hawke drew away.

“Don’t. Move.” Anders opened his mouth and Hawke lifted a finger to silence him, smiling as he backed up. “I’ll be right back. Stay.”

“Garrett…” His attempt to protest went ignored as Hawke darted out of the kitchen. Closing his eyes, Anders took a few slow, deep breaths to calm himself down. He heard Hawke calling Gorbash in the other room and looked towards the doorway, perplexed but also amused at whatever his boyfriend was doing. A moment later he heard a door close, and then Hawke jogged back into the room.

“Locked him in the bathroom.” At Anders’ surprised laugh he shrugged, grinning. “You didn’t specify what door needed to be between us.”

“You want to have sex in the kitchen that badly?” Anders slid his hands up Hawke’s chest as the darker haired man pressed close again, fingers slipping under the elastic of Anders’ briefs.

“I want to be able to take you anywhere I want to take you.” Hawke murmured against his lips before turning his head and going for his ear instead, teeth tugging on the lobe. “In any room…” His hand slid inside Anders’ briefs, palm pressing flat across the length of his cock. “…on _any_ surface.”

“Oh _fuck_ …” Anders pressed up against that hand, rocking his hips as his eyes slid shut again. “Lube…?”

“Got it from the living room.” Hawke ran his tongue up his partner’s neck before dropping to his knees once again, this time tugging Anders’ briefs down along with his jeans and taking his hard, flushed cock into his mouth the second it sprung free. Anders exhaled sharply and slid his fingers back into Hawke’s hair as the man began working up and down his length, pulling back to suck on the head before swallowing him down again.

The taste of precum and the jerk of his lover’s cock against his tongue had Hawke flushed and aching with desire, and he slipped a hand down to palm himself through his jeans before he popped open the container of lube that he’d retrieved, liberally coating his fingers. He nudged Anders’ legs apart a bit further, twisting his tongue around the sensitive head of his cock and slipping his hand between his legs, seeking out his entrance.

“ _Fuck_ your mouth is so good…” Anders couldn’t keep his eyes closed, cracking them open to watch his lover go down on him and feeling a spike of lust at the sight of Hawke, cheeks flushed and lips swollen around his cock. The finger circling his entrance made him shiver, and he spread his legs as wide as he could with his jeans still bunched above his knees. “You look so good, _Maker_ , I’ll never get enough of you…”

“You’d better not.” Hawke pulled off to take a breath, tonguing the leaking tip of his partner’s cock and groaning at the jolt he felt go through Anders’ body. “I plan on keeping you for a long time.”

“Forever…” Anders breathed, gasping a second later when Hawke slipped a finger inside of him, taking his cock back into his mouth at the same time. One finger was never very much for Anders to take but Hawke took his time with it, thrusting in and out at a leisurely pace while sucking on the sensitive area under the head of his cock, drawing another full body shiver from the man standing over him. By the time Hawke was working a second finger in Anders was making soft, breathy little sounds with each movement, utterly caught up in the building heat and pleasure.

“ _Ohh_ …” Without the counter to brace himself against Anders surely wouldn’t have been able to keep standing, the wet heat and suction around his cock along with the fingers pressing up inside of him making his legs weak. When Hawke’s fingers found his prostate his head fell back and he let out a moan so loud he would have been embarrassed had there been any chance at all someone else could overhear him; resting his head against the cupboard Anders began thrusting shallowly, breathlessly moaning a minute later, “You’re going to make me come if you keep that up.”

“Don’t hold back.” Hawke drew back to respond, looking up to watch his lover’s face hungrily as he began thrusting into him harder, swallowing his cock down again and working his tongue over the length of it with renewed effort.

“ _Fuck_ , Garrett…” It took only a few more minutes before Anders felt the swell of heat overtake him; gasping Hawke’s name he trembled as he came, spilling over his lover’s tongue and rocking against him until the last wave had passed. Hawke continued moving over his cock until the hand in his hair tightened, urging him off despite the fact that Anders was still hard.

Shivering Anders slid down, kneeling somewhat awkwardly over Hawke's lap and pulling him into a hot, passionate kiss, groaning at the taste of himself on his lover's tongue. Hawke fumbled for the towel that was hanging near the stove, wiping his fingers off before he gripped Anders' ass with both hands and made a low sound of desire, hips rocking upwards into nothing as his cock strained against his pants.

"Up for another?" He panted, as if the erection rubbing against his stomach wasn't a good enough clue.

"Mmhmm," Anders hummed, hands working on the buttons on Hawke's shirt as he kissed him again deeply. Popping open the last one he drug his hands down Hawke's chest, fingers running through thick hair before finding his nipples and pinching, making Hawke whimper into his mouth and rock up against him. Sliding his hands into Anders' hair Hawke tugged out the tie, freeing it from the tidy ponytail he'd put it up in that night before sinking his fingers into the long blonde strands.

"Don't lose that tie," Anders breathed against his mouth, "It's my favorite."

"I put it on the counter." Hawke captured his lips again, hands moving to cup Anders' jaw, drawing a soft moan from the other man when he held him in place, the body in his lap practically melting in submission. His knees were starting to ache from kneeling on the tile floor, however, and Hawke decided a change of location would be a good idea before they went any further, drawing back and biting Anders' lip with a growl.

“Let’s go to the living room.”

“Mmm, what happened to ‘any surface’…?” Anders teased, shivering a second later when Hawke bent down to run his tongue up his throat.

“Didn’t say it couldn’t be a soft surface. Now, up, love.” Hawke urged him up and Anders complied, reaching back to grab the counter and pull himself onto his feet and letting out a surprised gasp when his lover’s tongue ran over the head of his still hard cock.

“ _Gare_ …”

“I couldn’t resist.” Hawke rolled to his feet a second later, smirking and pressing close to kiss him teasingly. “You might want to leave the pants behind.”

Stepping back Hawke let his shirt slide tantalizingly down his shoulders, grinning seductively and swaying his hips from side to side as he walked backwards towards the living room. His shirt slipped down to his elbows and he let it drop to the floor, stepping over it uncaringly and reaching down to pop open the button on his jeans, his eyes locked onto his partner’s the whole way. Watching this performance Anders bit his lip and followed after him, bracing himself on the wall to pull off his shoes before tugging his pants off and discarding them elsewhere on the floor.

Hawke led him to the couch, reaching for his hands when he started to pull off his own shirt and shaking his head.

"Leave it on. I like it." Hawke ran his hands down the front of his t-shirt, straightening it across Anders' chest so the words—“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Bi-eautiful” in bisexual pride colors—were spread flat. Anders laughed softly.

“Whatever you want, love.” He settled his hands on Hawke’s broad shoulders, stepping close so that their partially clothed bodies were pressed together once again. Hawke raised a brow at him, smirk returning in full force.

“Whatever I want…?” He pretended to consider for a moment, hands slipping around to squeeze Anders’ bare ass before he turned the two of them around and shoved the other man down onto the couch. Hawke climbed on top of him, crawling up until he covered him, his arms pressed against the couch cushion beside Anders’ head and their legs intertwined.

“ _Yes_ …” Anders breathed, letting his head fall back as he surrendered utterly, completely, into Hawke’s embrace. Arching against him he slid his arms around his back, “Give me _more_ , Garrett.”

Hawke had pocketed the tube of lubricant before leaving the kitchen and he retrieved it now, sitting back and making a show of coating his fingers once again before slipping two fingers back inside of his lover. Hawke was aching for it at this point, his cock throbbing impatiently at the sight of Anders lying beneath him, thighs spread and cock stiff and flushed dark red, but Hawke still wanted to make sure he was well prepared, thrusting into him and watching hungrily as pleasure flickered across his lover’s face.

Anders was incredibly responsive on top of having remarkable stamina, and Hawke had learned many ways to get the most out of both of these things over the years. Stretching back out over him he drug his tongue across Anders’ throat and was rewarded with a shaky gasp, which turned into a whimper when Hawke closed his lips over a patch of skin and began to suck.

“ _More_ …” Anders pleaded, reaching down to grab his boyfriend’s still clothed ass and rocking against him in an effort to coax him into just getting on with it already. Hawke tsk’d at him, lifting his head and capturing an earlobe between his teeth, earning himself a sharp inhale of both surprise and pleasure.

“Don’t worry beautiful, you’re going to get more very soon.” Hawke promised, his voice low and rough with arousal. He ran his tongue over Anders’ ear and began nibbling along the cartilage as he worked a third finger inside of him, his free hand on the back of Anders’ neck under a curtain of blonde hair. Anders' eyes slipped shut again, his hips rocking mindlessly and head leaning to the side while Hawke ravished his ear.

"Garrett, _please_ ..." Anders whimpered a minute later, arching against him impatiently. "Please, I'm ready, _Maker,_ I need you."

Giving the earlobe between his teeth one last suck, Hawke moved to capture his lover's lips, groaning at the desperate way Anders responded to the kiss. He moved his hand to the back of his head, holding him in place while he ravished him and swallowing down every needy sound the blonde made; removing his fingers Hawke pulled himself out of his boxers, exhaling hot through his nose as he slicked himself up before wiping his hand off on his jeans and gripping Anders' thigh.

“Wrap your legs around me.” He hardly had to ask with how willingly Anders complied; after all of the buildup Hawke didn’t make him wait any longer, lining himself up and sinking into him, his eyes fluttering from the tight, familiar heat that surrounded his cock. Anders’ thighs trembled and he moaned high in his throat.

“Good?” Hawke asked breathlessly.

“Maker, _yes_ .” The response he received was just as breathless, with an edge of impatience. “ _Please_ , love.”

“So needy…” Hawke drew back, hands gripping Anders’ hips to hold him down as he slid out of him almost entirely. “I love how much you love everything I do to you.”

He slammed back into him, drawing a cry from Anders’ lips, a smile playing over his own as he repeated the action. After a few hard thrusts he slowed, rolling his hips slowly and sensually and stretching back out over his partner to kiss him deeply. Anders’ hands were in his hair immediately, holding him close and making soft, needy sounds in his throat while their tongues twisted and they moved together, passion burning hot and deep between them.

“You’re perfect.” Hawke breathed against his lips. Resting on his forearms he dug his hands into Anders’ hair, cupping his head in his hands as he brushed feather light kisses onto his lips over and over, pleasure making his breath stutter. “Completely… absolutely… _perfect,_ in every way.”

Anders’ eyes fluttered, cracked open just enough to look up at the face above his, his already flushed cheeks darkening further at the words. Tugging on Hawke’s hair he pulled his lover into another kiss, losing himself in the taste and touch of him, every little thing he’d memorized over the years that said _Garrett_ to him—the softness of his beard against his chin, the scent of the soap that they both used, and yes, the absolutely gorgeous feeling of Hawke’s cock buried deep within him and rubbing just right with every movement of their hips. Almost seven years together and neither of them had grown tired of this; rather, with time came experience, and when Hawke added a little extra power to his thrusts at just the right angle it hit Anders just the way he wanted it, causing the blonde to practically writhe beneath him and moan sharply, breaking away from his mouth to catch his breath.

Hawke tried to keep the pace slow but soon found himself speeding up, pleasure building in his cock and flickering through the rest of his sweat damp body. He was very aware of the throbbing erection that was rubbing against his belly and leaving traces of precum on his skin, arching to rub harder against it for a moment before pushing himself up so that he could run his hands down Anders’ chest to the bottom of his shirt. Hawke slid his hands beneath it and moved back up his lover’s chest, pushing his shirt up until it was bunched under Anders’ arms before his fingers danced back down to the hardened nubs he’d uncovered.

A hard thrust accompanied by the sharp pinch around his nipples drew a loud, stuttered gasp from Anders who instantly began rocking against him harder. His hands drifted from Hawke’s hair down his neck, squeezing his shoulders before settling on his biceps, feeling the way the muscle flexed beneath his hands. Already Anders could feel his second orgasm building, each thrust driving him towards it; he tightened his legs around his partner, urging him to move faster, harder, his head lolling back against the arm of the couch.

“ _Fuck_ …” His voice was a broken moan, hands squeezing Hawke’s arms as the pleasure continued rising to a second peak. “Come on, love, with me… _Maker_ , I want to feel you come in me.”

“ _Shit, yes_ …” Hawke gasped, digging his knees into the couch cushion and speeding up, his eyes fixed on Anders’ face, watching every flicker of ecstasy pass over his features. “You feel _so good_ , love, _ohhh_ , I could do this all night…”

“Me, _nhhh_ , too…” Anders let his hands drop to Hawke’s sides, sliding them up before dragging his nails down his chest with just enough pressure to sting. Hawke made a strangled sound, his eyes finally falling shut as the scratch of nails further ignited the fire that was already burning hot within him. He was suddenly a lot closer than he had thought—body trembling Hawke gave in to the pleasure, his thrusts turning quick and urgent and his lover’s name on his lips when he came a few seconds later. The rush of heat made Anders whimper and he reached for Hawke’s arms again, holding onto him and shivering with every pulse of the thick member inside of him.

“B-beautiful,” Anders gasped, and Hawke opened his eyes to look down at him again, not taking more than a couple seconds to take in his expression before he was leaning down to kiss him, teeth clacking from the rush of it before they adjusted. Supporting his weight on one arm Hawke reached down to squeeze the head of Anders’ cock, drawing a muffled and surprised gasp from him and making the body beneath his jerk as he wet his hand with precum before taking the desperately stiff shaft in his palm and stroking hard and fast. Anders tangled his hands back into his short, black hair, pressing up against him at every possible point and moaning high in his throat with each stroke before his body stiffened and he spilled over Hawke’s hand, breaking away from the kiss to cry out.

Hawke continued stroking him until Anders pushed his hand away, inhaling deeply to catch his breath before looking up at his lover with a worn out, adoring expression.

“Think we scared the cats…?” Hawke barked out a laugh at that, shaking his head and kissing Anders’ cheek tenderly.

“Well, considering I have no clue where they are… probably.”

“Mmm…” Anders ran his fingertips across Hawke’s arms and chest, utterly content and in no hurry to move. “Our couch is really comfortable. I vote we stay right here until bedtime.”

As if on cue Hawke’s pants began to vibrate, followed by the slightly muffled sound of ‘Stronger Than You’ playing from inside of his pocket. Anders groaned as Hawke laughed, wiggling out of his embrace just enough so that he could wipe off his hands and dig out his phone. A quick glance told him it was no one in his contacts, and he waggled his tongue at his partner before answering it with an impressively professional tone.

“Hello? Oh, good evening Miriam…!” At the sound of that name Anders’ eyebrows shot up and he pulled his legs away to let Hawke extract himself and move off of the couch. Miriam was an older woman who lived just a few houses away from them; she was a friend of Hawke’s mother and lived on her own. She often called Hawke over to help around the house and he always took care of her, even if some of what she asked wasn’t a service he typically offered when he worked jobs, such as helping her set up her security system.

Hawke stood and somewhat awkwardly tugged his pants up as he spoke with her, and Anders rose as well to hunt down his own pants and some tissues to clean up their mess. He found the latter on a table beside the couch and the former on the floor near the kitchen with a large grey tabby cat kneading the denim and looking like he was about ready to claim them as his bed for the night.

“Hello m’lord, could I have those back?” Anders crouched beside Lord Meowington and began to pet him, earning a meow and an affectionate headbutt against his hand. With a soft chuckle Anders leaned in and placed a kiss on the top of the cat’s head before lifting him up and setting him back down on his other side so that he could take his pants. After tugging them back on he retrieved Hawke’s shirt and draped it over the back of the couch before wandering over to their DVD shelf and browsing. Despite the claims they’d made to leave dinner early they didn’t have to actually be in bed for a couple more hours, and Anders wanted to get the most out of his free evening, especially after how it had begun.

“I swear, it’s always something.” Hawke remarked once he’d hung up, leaving his phone on the coffee table. The blonde man turned to face him, arms curled around a boxset to hide it against his chest.

“Is it something you need to go do right now…?” Anders didn’t really want him to leave but sometimes it was necessary. Hawke shook his head though.

“It can wait ‘til morning.” Hawke gave him a curious smile, noting that he was obviously holding something from the DVD shelf. “Why, do you have plans?”

Biting his lip Anders smiled coyly, unfolding his arms to reveal the Firefly boxset he was holding. “You were saying something about rewatching this…?”

“Oh, Maker, I lied to you earlier.” Hawke grinned at the perplexed look on his boyfriend’s face, leaning against the side of the couch and looking Anders up and down as he stood there disheveled with the boxset in his hands. “ _This_ is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Laughing Anders shook his head, stepping over to him to peck his lips. “I’ll put it on. Go let Bash out of the bathroom.”

“ _Shit_ , I totally forgot about that!!” The look on Garrett’s face as his eyes widened had Anders laughing all over again, and he watched him sprint away to let the dog back out, a look of pure love and adoration on his face before he turned to get the TV set up. After seven years of being loved by that man, he felt he could withstand anything.

 

* * *

 

Hawke woke the next morning to the sound of his alarm going off. Anders' own alarm had woke him briefly earlier but it hadn't taken him long to doze off again; now, pushing himself up, Hawke rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with the heels of his palms and yawned, mentally working through his day's to do list.

First off was breakfast and Gorbash's walk, or he was sure the dog would never forgive him, especially after cooping him up in the bathroom the night before. Climbing out of bed Hawke took a quick shower, heading down to the kitchen afterwards to whip himself up something quick to eat. He was out the door twenty minutes later with the dog, shivering in the icy morning chill; a heavy frost had settled overnight, and even with the sun edging up over the distant hills the temperature seemed as if it was going to stay below freezing for the day.

"Remind me to dig out your winter jacket, bud." Hawke said to Bash once they were back inside, leaning down to vigorously rub the big dog's sides before he let him wander over to his bed. He went to the closet next to grab his toolbelt and then headed back out into the cold by himself, walking up the street to Miriam's place.

"Oh! Good morning, Garrett!" The woman beamed at him when she answered the door, glancing past him at the glittering, bluish dusting of ice across her lawn before ushering him into her house. "Maker, but it's cold out this morning. Come, come inside and warm up, I'll put on some tea for you."

"'Morning, Miriam!" Hawke smiled at her. For as much as she liked to call him over for the most trivial of tasks to help with, he found he didn't mind in the slightest. She was a sweet, kind-hearted old woman who always had a new story for him about his mother or various other long-time residents of Kirkwall, as well as baked goods which she always insisted he take home with him. He suspected at times she called him over simply for the company.

"The cupboard's over here, dear. The foul thing's not been lining up proper for days and it finally let go last night." She lead him into the kitchen and frowned at the pantry door which was dangling precariously by the lower hinge, the upper one having come loose completely. It was an easy enough fix, a couple of hole plugs to narrow the channel and Hawke was sure the screws would hold.

"Got it, this probably won't take long. In the meantime, how have you been doing, Miriam?" He asked, digging into his belt for his cordless drill and the screw-bit he required and inspecting the holes to assess which size and length of plug he needed.

"I'm doing very well." Miriam answered, fishing a couple of mugs out of a cupboard next to where he was working. "I had to turn the heat on, last night! I think we might have snow soon."

Hawke nodded, listening as he worked and Miriam continued to chat, bustling around him and pulling out a tray of brownies. She placed a few into a ziplock bag and put a half dozen others onto a plate on the table.

"Here, you take these home." She indicated to the bag, setting it on the table as well, "These are for you and Anders to share. I hope he's doing well? I see him at the hospital on occasion, when I go in for tests."

Hawke nodded as he tapped the plugs into the old, frayed screw-holes in the cupboard wall, certain Anders probably heard plenty of tales all his own from her. "He's doing very well, and thank you." He said around the three screws he was holding precariously between his teeth. He took them into his hands once he'd set the hammer down, ready to refasten the cupboard door in place. "He's been working pretty hard with his rotations at the hospital."

"As well as that shelter in Darktown, yes?" Miriam asked, smiling as Hawke nodded. "He's a good man, helping all those poor folk down there."

The expression on her face was a fond one as she turned and disappeared into the small storage closet. She rummaged around for a few moments before returning with a bag full of homemade preserves and canned foods.

"Have him take this down there the next time he goes and let him know he's free to ask me to bake some goods for them, anytime! I'm sure they'd love a nice pie, or some pastries."

"You're a wonderful woman, Miriam." Hawke said, testing the door once he'd screwed it back in place. He was pleased to see it click closed and swing open without any interference. "Thank you, so much. I'm sure Anders will want to come and thank you himself as well."

Stepping away from his handiwork Hawke knew better than to attempt to leave right away. Instead he made his way over to the table and pulled a chair out, sitting down and and pulling his mug of tea closer while he helped himself to a brownie. He had time after all, and it wouldn't hurt to humour her for a little while.

"Is there anything else you need me to look at while I'm here?" He asked, taking a bite of his brownie and trying not to let his eyes flutter closed at how perfectly moist and chocolatey it was. Pure perfection. Delighted that he was staying, Miriam sat down across from him, happily adding some sugar to her tea and stirring it. She seemed distracted for a moment, as if trying to recall something, before her brow furrowed.

"Come to think of it, there may be. You know the old house next door, the one that used to belong to the de Carracs? It's been vacant for years." Hawke nodded, well aware of the house. The previous occupants had straight up vanished one day, and there had been rumors ever since that the husband had killed his wife and fled town.

"Well... the last couple of days I've thought I'd heard noises. Even this morning I was sure I heard something. Maybe it's just my imagination, but would you mind taking a look?"

Curious, Hawke nodded again. "Of course I will. If it's some young ruffians, I'll just run them out of there." It was either that or a stray animal most likely.

Seeming relieved, Miriam beamed at him and pushed the plate of brownies closer. As Hawke drank his tea and helped himself to another she fell into a story about some hijinks the neighborhood children got into years ago, keeping him entertained for well over an hour before he decided it was time to get going.

“Thank you again for your help, and for taking time out of your day to spend with me.” Miriam told him as she walked him to the door.

"Anytime, Miriam...! I'll let you know if I find anything next door as well." He assured her, stepping back out into the cold with an armload of brownies and food-donations for the people at Haven. Rather than cut down the street toward his home Hawke decided to walk to the house next door first where the mysterious noises had been coming from; Miriam had indicated she'd heard the sounds near the rear and front of the house, so with that in mind Hawke cut between the two houses and headed around the back to take a look in the kitchen window.

Peering in Hawke scrubbed some of the dust off the glass with the sleeve of his coat. His brow furrowed at the sight of a few open cupboards and a couple drawers that had been pulled out of the counter, left lying upside down on the floor. With a frown Hawke pressed his nose a bit further against the glass, squinting at what he was certain was a tipped over bin and trash spread across the floor—something a vacant house definitely wouldn't have accumulated on it's own.

A bit concerned now, Hawke made his way back around to the front of the house and looked in through the living room window. At first he saw nothing, but then a slight movement drew his attention, and Hawke started as he caught sight of a pair of legs sticking out from behind the dividing wall into the foyer. The person they were attached to was curled in a tight ball and barely visible in the dark.

"Hey!" He shouted, pounding on the window, "Get out of there...!!"

The figure barely moved, and Hawke felt a cold twist in his gut. Dropping his bags he moved to the front door and tried the handle—locked, of course. Moving back to the window Hawke glanced in to see if the person had moved. Finding that they still hadn't he ran around to the back of the house, looking for the method of entry the person had used.

The back sliding doors were locked, the ground-level windows were shut tight, but a small window to the basement had been forced open.

_Of fucking course._ He thought, getting down on his belly and praying to the Maker he could fit through without get stuck halfway. It was tight—wriggling to squeeze his shoulders through he stretched his leg out and toed around blindly for footing, sighing in relief once he was in. Quickly, dreading what it was he was going to find and hoping the person wasn't just a murderer with a very clever tactic at luring victims, Hawke headed up the stairs to the main floor, taking a moment to gather his bearings before making his way into the living room and stopped dead when he nearly tripped over the figure on the floor. His eyes widened, not believing them at first.

At his feet, curled in a tight ball and trembling violently, was the elf that had been lurking around Haven like a ghost for the past few weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short PSA that I have absolutely no medical training and literally everything I know about being a medical student has come from watching Scrubs, researching on the internet, and spending two weeks in the hospital six months ago. -Lego

It was nearing lunchtime when Anders felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, or at least it would have been near lunchtime had he still been in a classroom where he’d been for the past several years. Now as a third year student he’d been forced to adjust to an entirely different schedule, one that was set by the demands of the hospital and its patients, which meant lunch happened whenever he managed to get a break, as did answering his phone. Anders made a mental note to check it as soon as he had a spare minute, his attention on inputting a patient’s history into the computer at that particular moment.

Ten minutes had passed by the time he was able to check his phone, finding it to be a text from Hawke. Opening it Anders expected to see a picture of the dog or one of the cats doing something ridiculous, but the actual message caused a small flutter of concern.

**Garrett** [11:36 AM]: Can you call me when you have a minute?

With a frown Anders dialed his partner, shifting his weight nervously as thoughts of what might have happened played through his head. Had Mr. McMittens done something worse than usual? Set the kitchen on fire, perhaps?

The phone had barely rung once before Hawke answered, sounding a bit worked up, “Hey, are you on break?” 

“Yeah, I have a few minutes.” The tone of his partner’s voice caused an anxious twist in Anders’ stomach. “What’s going on?”

“Maker, you’re not going to believe this, I found that elf. The one from the shelter? He was in rough shape though, I had to call help...!”

“Wait, you found the elf who was at Haven?” Anders definitely hadn't been prepared for  _ that _ to come out of his boyfriend’s mouth, of all things. Glancing down the hall, he stepped into an empty room for a bit of privacy. “Where was he?”

“At the old de Carrac place,  _ right fucking on our street _ .” Hawke’s voice changed tones as he spoke, as if he was moving about. “You know how I went to Miriam’s to help her this morning? Well, she said she’d heard noises there, had me go check it out… I saw him on the floor but he was cold,  _ ice  _ cold, he barely moved when I tried to wake him so I called an ambulance, they just got here a few minutes ago.” 

“You broke into the de Carrac house??” Anders blurted in disbelief. It was completely absurd, even if he also had to admit that it was just like Hawke to do something like that. The other man let out a small chuckle.

“Yeah. Almost got stuck trying to wiggle through the basement window.”

“Maker's breath... so he's probably headed here then. I'll have to go down to the ICU and see him if they’ll let me.”    
  
Hawke didn’t reply right away. When he spoke again, his voice was wavering a little, “...I hope he’s okay. Andraste’s ass, I don’t even know the guy and I just… I...”

“Hey…” Anders’ voice softened. “It's going to be alright, Gare. You did the right thing, he'll get help here for whatever's wrong with him. I promise I'll check on him when I have a chance and let you know how he is.”

“Yeah. I... I hope so. I just hope I was in time.” Hawke answered quietly, taking a moment to breathe, “I’d better go, the paramedics look like they want to ask me some questions. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Talk to you later.” Anders hung up and stood there for a moment, processing this news. It was a good thing Hawke had gone over to Miriam’s house for whatever odd little task she’d needed that morning it seemed—depending on what was wrong there was a chance he had saved the elf’s life by finding him when he had. What a coincidence that it was be the same elf as before though… Anders shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts of the situation he walked back out into the hall to return to work.

 

* * *

 

No matter what Anders did he couldn’t turn his thoughts off. By the end of the day he’d spoken with Hawke again and exchanged numerous texts with him over the condition of the elf; a few hours after the first phone call Anders managed to make it down to the ICU and had found him in a room, fast asleep with an IV in his arm. He’d been admitted with hypothermia which was unsurprising considering the state Hawke had found him in, and was being treated with warmed fluids to raise his core temperature.

Anders’ shift was over now, however instead of heading out to catch the bus he made his way back down to the ICU after changing back out of his scrubs to his street clothes. The reason the elf had been asleep when he went down the first time was because he’d apparently caused quite a ruckus in the ambulance once he’d realized where he was, and had subsequently been sedated by the paramedics. The doctor working with him had told Anders they were running some tests but hadn’t divulged exactly what they were looking for, though he had seemed fairly sure that the results would tell them why the elf had been struggling. To Anders it was currently just another mystery piled onto the rest of them.

“Dr. D’Marcall…!” The man turned around when Anders called him and nodded in acknowledgment.

“Ahh Anders, I was wondering if you’d be back.” Dr. D’Marcall was currently looking over a patient’s records on a computer but he gave Anders’ his full attention for a moment, jerking his head back in the general direction of the room the elf was in. “He’s awake. Hasn’t been for long, and he’s still pretty out of it, but it’s something.”

“Really?” That certainly was something. Anders had to figure they still had him on something to keep him calm and stop him from tearing his bed apart, but if the elf was awake maybe they could talk a bit.

“Yep. You go see him while you can. He’s being discharged in the morning.” The doctor’s expression turned slightly somber and he sighed, looking back at the screen. “You know, the hardest part of this is we get these people back from the brink of death and then release them right back onto the streets. Sometimes we can get them to a shelter but still, how much are we really helping if he’s just going to end up in the same situation again next week? Especially considering this.”

Dr. D’Marcall gestured towards the computer and Anders peered over his shoulder. It was the results of the tests they’d run; it took him a few seconds to figure out what he was supposed to be noticing, but once he saw it he didn’t have to wonder anymore why the elf had been acting the way he had.

“..oh.” Anders sighed softly. “Damn.”

“Yeah. Listen, I know you and your partner are worried about him but honestly… I wouldn’t put too much work into this one. Unless he’s really committed to some kind of recovery the odds are going to be against you.” The doctor locked the computer and stepped away, giving Anders a polite smile. “Have a good night, Anders.”

“Thanks, you too.” His reply was automatic as he stood there thinking over all the times he’d seen the elven man and the way he’d behaved. It was starting to make some kind of sense, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still need a place to go after he was discharged. On the contrary, it could very well make finding him shelter and help even more important. Walking over to his room Anders wondered if he could convince the elf to go to the Tabris House or actually stay at Haven.

The man in the room was no longer wearing the sweat drenched clothes he’d been in when Anders came down to see him the first time. Someone had undressed him and put him in a dry hospital gown at some point, likely to help raise his body temperature. Anders was struck with the unusual sight of him without the beanie—his hair was a cloud of white around his face and tapered ears, and as Anders approached green eyes opened and turned in his direction.

“Hey…” Anders offered him a small smile as he stepped over to the bed. “I just wanted to see how you were doing. Sorry, you don’t know me, but my partner is the one who found you.”

This close he could see that the elf had tattoos on his arms. They were actually very nearly covered with white ink, and when Anders looked close he could see that they extended up his neck as well, leaving only his face bare with the exception of two lines curling up over his chin. They hadn’t been visible earlier when he’d been bundled up in his own clothes but the gown left his arms uncovered from the elbow down. Anders had never seen anything like it before.

The elf was watching him, looking a bit like a trapped animal in a cage… a  _ drugged _ animal in a cage considering the slightly glassy look to his eyes from the sedative. For a moment he seemed to be trying to focus on Anders’ face, squinting before speaking in a hoarse, raspy voice.

“…I do know you.”

Anders raised his brows at him. “You do?”

“You’re… from the shelter.”

Anders’ smile brightened a bit in surprise. So the elf  _ did _ remember him. “I am, I volunteer there a couple times a week. My name’s Anders. What’s yours…?”

He didn’t receive an answer right away, the glazed over green eyes lowering away from his own as the man fidgeted a little, tucking his arms closer to his sides. Anders could make out some bruising on his skin, the darker blues and purples making the white ink stand out even further.

When he did finally respond his already low voice was even lower. “…Fenris.”

“Hi Fenris.” Anders rested his hands on the foot of the hospital bed, glancing briefly towards the IV drip they had him on before turning his attention back to him. “So, your doctor told me you’re going to be leaving in the morning. Do you have anywhere to go? Any family in the area we could try to contact? I just… I don’t want to see you end up back in here in a few days, so if there’s anyone…”

“No.” The answer was almost immediate, the same one he’d given when Anders had asked at the shelter.

“No one at all…?” Anders pressed. “Not a friend or anything?”

“No.” Fenris didn’t offer him much else, just a stiff, “There’s no one.” Anders sighed softly, weighing the other options.

“Well there’s always Haven, we have beds available and warm meals three times a day. There’s also the Tabris House, it’s an elven shelter, they may have different resources than we do. Also…” Anders shifted slightly, his gaze drawn once again to the bruising on the man’s arms before he continued, the small, polite smile returning to his face.

“…there’s a doctor I can refer you to once you leave. She’s elven, volunteers at the clinic at Haven sometimes, but she also has her own clinic and she’s pretty good at taking care of people who don’t have anywhere else to go. She could help you with your...  _ situation _ .”

What he was saying seemed to register with the elf, who looked away, clearly uncomfortable.

“You don’t have to make any decisions right now though.” Anders added hurriedly, “Just try to get some rest.”

Fenris nodded though he didn’t look his way again, uttering the words, “Thank you” in a tone that told Anders it was time for him to leave and let the man be alone. He stepped away from the bed, shifting his backpack on his shoulder as he backed towards the door.

“I’ll come see you in the morning when I get in. Have a good night, Fenris.”

After leaving the hospital Anders texted Hawke while he waited for the bus to let him know he was on his way home. A few minutes later he received a reply that didn’t surprise him in the least bit considering the way the day had gone.

**Garrett** [5:07 PM]: Is pizza okay for dinner

**Garrett** [5:07 PM]: I haven’t been able to focus on cooking anything

**Anders** [5:08 PM]: Sure

**Anders** [5:08 PM]: You know what I like

**Garrett** [5:09 PM]: Which is why I’ll be ordering two  <3

**Anders** [5:13 PM]: Anchovies count as a meat!

**Garrett** [5:15 PM]: They’re still not going on my pizza!

**Anders** [5:16 PM]: And you call yourself a meat lover

**Garrett** [5:16 PM]: You know what meat I do like ;)

**Anders** [5:17 PM]: Bacon?

**Garrett** [5:18 PM]: Of course bacon, who doesn’t love bacon

**Garrett** [5:18 PM]: You know what else? ;) ;) ;)

**Anders** [5:19 PM]: Hmmm

**Anders** [5:19 PM]: Pepperoni?

**Garrett** [5:20 PM]: Nooo dangit

**Garrett** [5:20 PM]: Well yes

**Anders** [5:20 PM]: You’re adorable  <3

**Anders** [5:21 PM]: I should be home in about 30 minutes

**Garrett** [5:21 PM]: Okay I’ll order the pizzas

**Anders** [5:22 PM]: I’ll bring home the meat ;)

**Garrett** [5:22 PM]: :D :D :D :D

 

* * *

 

Anders ended up getting home a bit later than he’d originally expected, so the pizzas had already arrived by the time he was jiggling his key in the door and waiting for Hawke to wrestle Gorbash under control. He  _ did _ like his partner’s dog, really, he did, but there was just so  _ much _ dog and Anders generally preferred not getting knocked flat onto his back when he got home, or being the recipient of sloppy dog kisses due to the mastiff’s unsettling ability to jump up and lick his face with hardly any effort.

“Hey…! Was traffic bad?” Hawke asked once he walked in. Anders shook his head and held up a brown paper bag.

“Thought you might enjoy something special tonight. We’re almost out anyway.” After setting down his backpack and removing his coat Anders finally walked over to give Bash his customary head pats, handing the bag to his partner who looked in and let out a gasp.

“More Malibu…! And pineapple juice too, oh…” Hawke tugged him over, planting a kiss on his lips before enclosing his arms around his boyfriend after setting the bag down. “Thanks, love.”

“How’re you doing…?” The arms around him weren’t budging so Anders began rubbing gentle circles in his back, leaning his head against Hawke’s when the other man tucked his face into his neck.

“Fine. I mean, better than this morning, but, still…”

“It had to be hard for you.” Anders lifted a hand to comb it through his partner’s hair who instantly melted even further against him. Despite how relaxed he felt though there was still a certain edge to Hawke’s voice when he spoke again.

“It’s just… seeing him like that, and talking to the paramedics…” Hawke sighed and Anders continued petting his hair. “…just got me thinking too much about Dad, y’know?”

“I know. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, Gare.” Turning his head Anders placed a soft kiss to his temple. “You did good for him though, he’s going to be alright. I was actually able to talk to him a bit before I left.”

“Yeah?” Hawke raised his head at that, meeting his gaze with a small, relieved smile. “What’d he say? Did you find out where he’s from?”

Anders shook his head, drawing back just enough so the two could see each other better. “No, he was pretty out of it. I did find out his name though, it’s Fenris.”

“Fenris…” Hawke repeated. A faraway look came to his eyes for a moment as he seemed to be processing that tidbit of information. “Is that an elven name? Didn’t we watch something recently with an elf named something like that?”

“Considering he’s an elf I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the name was elven.” Anders chuckled slightly and kissed his cheek before pulling away, grabbing the bag of rum and juice and taking it to the kitchen where the pizzas were cooling on the counter. They smelled amazing and he hummed in approval. "You got them from Sandal’s! I swear there’s something magic about their pizza.”

“I know, they’re my favorite.” Having followed after him Hawke leaned against the counter and whispered conspiratorially, “ _ I think the cheese is enchanted. _ ”

Grinning Anders leaned in to whisper back, “ _ Maybe that's the secret of their secret sauce. _ ”

Hawke laughed and relaxed a bit more, all of the stress and anxiety of the day slowly melting away now that his partner was home with him. The two busied themselves with getting dinner together, Anders fixing them each a drink while Hawke piled their plates with their respective pizzas. They made their way to the couch, bypassing the rarely used dining room table to cozy up together as they did most nights.

“So, tell me more about Fenris.” Hawke asked conversationally, taking a big bite of meaty pizza. His beard was full of cheese instantly.

“I don’t really know much, like I said, he was out of it.” Anders had settled against his side and was slouched down with his feet on the coffee table, comfortable and enjoying the brief bit of time he got to spend with his partner like this. Lord Meowington jumped onto the couch to join them a minute later and the blonde lifted his plate away. “He was very guarded, seemed to be on edge. Hopefully they give him something to help him sleep tonight.”

An image came back to Hawke of the elf lying on the floor, cold and unresponsive. It was quickly accompanied by the memory of large green eyes staring up at him in the shelter, seemingly cautious and very unsure of the man who was making a fool out of himself in front of him. Hawke’s gut clenched, and he set down his piece half eaten.

“How long do you think he’ll be there…?” The thought of such an obviously anxious and guarded person being left all alone in the hospital at night just wasn’t sitting well.

“Just tonight. He’s being discharged in the morning.” Anders picked an anchovy off of his pizza and flicked it onto the ground for the cat. When he glanced back over Hawke was giving him a hopeful look.

“Can I give you a ride in the morning and see him when he gets out?”

With a small smile Anders shook his head, “They won’t discharge him until a good couple of hours after I get there. You’re welcome to come by then though, I can text you.”

Hawke grinned and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, tugging him in for a kiss. “Thanks. It’s silly but I’m worried about the guy, you know?”

“It’s not silly at all.” It was Anders’ turn to peck his lips. “It’s one of the reasons I love you.”

Satisfied and feeling a bit more content, Hawke picked up his discarded pizza and took another bite, frowning contemplatively as he chewed. “I swear I’ve heard his name recently but I can’t remember where.”

“It does sound vaguely familiar.” Anders agreed, taking a sip of his drink.

“What have we watched lately with elves?”

“What have we watched that  _ hasn’t _ had elves in it?” Hawke elbowed him playfully and Anders snorted. “They’re in every dragon movie, that’s all I’m saying.”

“I mean something  _ about _ elves.” Hawke’s expression had drifted far away again as he tried to remember, eyes squinting at the TV in concentration. “What was the one movie about the end of the world?”

“Oh…!” Anders snapped his fingers as it came to him. “Into The Breach?”

“That’s the one! With that god who turned out to be behind the whole thing. Fen-something.” Hawke set his plate in his lap and dug his phone out of his pocket, tapping open the IMDB app to search for the movie. A minute later he exclaimed a triumphant, “Fen’Harel! Elven god of mischief.”

Peering over his shoulder Anders chewed thoughtfully. “I thought he was the god of rebellion.”

“Maybe he’s both. I’m not really up on my elven mythology.” With a shrug Hawke tossed his phone onto the table and picked his plate back up. “Maker, I’m glad we figured that out, it would’ve bothered me all night.”

The two eventually settled into watching another episode of Firefly, each polishing off a good half of a pizza before Anders pulled himself away to study, turning down another drink because he knew it would only make it harder to concentrate. Hawke gathered up their dishes and put their leftovers in the fridge; standing outside in the cold while Bash went out in the yard he couldn’t help himself from thinking about Fenris again, wondering what kind of night he was having. He hoped, despite everything, that it wasn’t too bad a night.


	5. Chapter 5

Despite what he'd told Fenris the night before Anders didn't have time to visit him before his shift began, though he did manage a quick walk through the ICU on his way upstairs to find out when he was going to be released. As predicted it was going to be a couple of hours; on the elevator to his floor Anders sent a quick text to Hawke to confirm before putting his phone away and heading to the changing room once the elevator had stopped.

He was just finishing morning rounds when Hawke texted him that he was on his way. Anders had spoken briefly with his supervising physician about the elf in the ICU and had been granted leave to go see him again once they began the discharge process, thus he headed back down a few minutes later, a number of thoughts coming to him as he stood in the elevator. He was nervous and wasn't entirely sure why, though he knew part of it was because there was nowhere for Fenris to go after this. Maybe he could be convinced to stay a night or two at a shelter, maybe he could even be talked into signing up for a program to help him get back on his feet, but he couldn't be forced into anything—it was his choice, and Anders had already seen how little he seemed to want anyone's help.

Reaching his door Anders knocked before opening it slowly, peering into the room. It was a very different sight than what had greeted him the night before; Fenris was out of bed and dressed in his own clothes, pacing the length of the room in agitation.

"Hello, it's me again." Anders tentatively stepped in and offered a small wave and a smile. "Getting ready to leave?"

At the sound of his voice Fenris paused and turned towards him, an impatient, almost wary look in his eyes. Tugging at his sleeves the elf glanced past him toward the door, his shoulders tense.

"Yes. It is taking too long. I just... want to go."

“Have you been waiting a while?” Maker knew the nursing staff was always busy, especially in this part of the hospital.

“Almost an hour.” Fenris answered. He’d stopped his pacing at least, standing stalk still as he watched Anders quietly and tugged at the sleeves of his shirt. He looked as though he wanted to say something, brow furrowing before he added, “...so a while, yes. I haven’t seen the nurse come by.”

Anders frowned; it wasn’t unusual for this kind of thing to happen but he had hoped to be able to be there when Fenris left, especially considering Hawke’s desire to come and visit him. His partner would be waiting outside, he’d had trouble with hospitals for as long as they’d known each other and Anders didn’t particularly want to send Fenris out alone to be tackled by someone he probably didn’t remember.

“Give me a minute, let me see what I can do.” Exiting the room Anders felt a slight rush of nerves over the fact that he barely knew what he was doing. He definitely didn’t want to talk to a nurse, some of them were pleasant but others could be downright vicious once they smelled the med school on him. Dr. D’Marcall had been pleasant enough the night before though, so Anders decided to look for him and hope he could help them out.

It took longer than a minute but Anders eventually found Dr. D’Marcall who, after an entirely-too-brief chat, placed the pile of discharge papers in his hands and sent him back to the room where Fenris was waiting. Now extra nervous for no good reason, Anders still managed to smile again when he walked back in, holding the papers up victoriously.

“I guess you just need to sign these and you’re free to go…!” He walked over to hand them to the elf along with a pen, shifting idly from foot to foot and trying not to stare as Fenris examined the first paper as though trying to sort something out. Instead Anders found himself taking in the elf’s threadbare clothing, noticing, for the first time, that he didn’t have any shoes on.

“Do you not have shoes…?” He asked, brow knit with concern. Fenris was lucky to have not been admitted for frostbite as well as hypothermia with the way the weather had been lately, if this was how he’d been dressed when he’d arrived.  
  
“No.” Fenris answered. His voice was strained. “I could not find any that fit.” Focusing intently on the papers in his hand he refused to make eye contact, and Anders frowned.

“You might have some luck at the Tabris House. That’s the elven shelter I mentioned last night, they should have some clothes that fit you.”  
  
“Perhaps...” The elf responded, trailing off. The subject seemed to be making him anxious; not wanting to make the situation even more awkward than it already was Anders looked away, glancing out the window before another thing occurred to him.

“Oh, I feel I should warn you, my partner wanted to see you off so he’ll probably be outside waiting.” Anders smiled a bit awkwardly at that, rubbing the back of his neck. “His name is Hawke, he’s big and sort of hairy but I promise he’s a sweetheart.”

Finally the elf looked back up at him, a sharp, cautious look in his green eyes.

"Why...?" Fenris started to ask before stopping himself, thinking hard for a moment. "He is the one you said found me?" He asked tentatively, as though not trusting his own memory of their conversation the night before.

“That’s right.” Anders verified. “He’s been worried about you, he just wants to see you awake and, you know, alive. Oh and I almost forgot, I have something for you...”

Anders slapped his hands over his pockets, searching for a moment before he withdrew a business card and held it out. “This is the doctor I was telling you about. Her name is Fiona, her clinic’s not that far away from Haven and she has a very reasonable system in place for people with no income. I think she could really help you, if it’s something that you want.”

Fenris eyed the card as it was extended to him, looking up to meet Anders' eye briefly before taking it and looking it over. His expression was hard to read, but eventually he nodded.

"Thank you." A second later he had finished signing the small stack of papers and handed them back over. Anders really only had about half of a clue of what he was supposed to do with the discharge papers but he took them anyway, smiling and hoping he at least looked confident.

"Good, you're all set then. Do you mind if I walk out with you?"

"I don't mind." Fenris took another look around the hospital room as though to reassure himself he had all of his belongings, which consisted of the clothes on his back. He waited for Anders to leave the room first before following after him; the blonde made a quick stop at the nurses station with the paperwork, giving the woman seated at the desk his most charming smile as he handed it over and then heading out of the ICU before anyone could criticize him over it.

“I’m actually supposed to be going back up to my floor, but I think I can spare an extra few minutes,” He said as he pressed the button for the elevator that would take them to the lobby. Retrieving his phone Anders saw that he had a missed text from Hawke, who had arrived almost ten minutes ago. He sent a quick response that they were on their way out, stepping into the elevator once it arrived.

“Do you know where the Tabris House is?” Anders glanced back over at the elf, once again taking in his clothing and lack of shoes. The clothes at Haven likely wouldn’t fit him well, most of their donations came in for humans.

“No." Fenris answered, straightforward and simple as he seemed to always be.

“I can give you directions from here if you’d like.”

Fenris shifted uncomfortably, thumbing at his sleeves again as the elevator descended before he finally acquiesced. “...if it is not far.”

The elf was once again displaying that cautious, guarded behavior that had been so apparent at the shelter, standing with his back against the wall, shoulders tensed. It was as if he was prepared to fight off an impending attack at any point, and Anders wasn't sure how to set his mind at ease. Instead he opened the map app on his phone, giving it a second to locate him before turning the screen towards Fenris.

“We're here right now. If you go this way—” Anders swiped to scroll across the map, “—you'll be back at Haven again. But if you take this road south instead the Tabris House is about five blocks down once you get into Darktown. I can point it out once we're outside.”

They had reached the lobby by then and Anders headed to the main entrance, his expression lighting up as he spotted Hawke through the doors, leaning against the railing and holding a coffee cup in each hand.

“There you are…!” The man exclaimed when the two of them walked through the doors. Standing up straight he handed one of the coffees to Anders, who took it gleefully. “I was starting to think they’d never let you out of there.”

“Discharge paperwork, always takes forever.” Anders sipped his coffee and practically moaned, eyes fluttering shut in pleasure. “ _Thank you_ , this is exactly what I needed.”

Fenris had stopped a few feet away from them looking like he was about to bolt at any moment. Anders gestured towards him, making introductions, “This is Fenris. Fenris, Garrett Hawke.”

“Most people just call me Hawke.” He took half a step forward as though to shake Fenris’ hand but aborted the motion in mid thought, opting instead to simply wave at the elven man. “You look a lot better today than yesterday.”  
  
“I'm sorry but I have to go back in.” Anders gave his partner an apologetic look before turning back towards Fenris and gesturing towards the street that ran along one side of the hospital. “That's the street you want to take. If you go to that clinic I told you about, tell her Anders sent you.”

Fenris nodded silently; looking back towards Hawke, Anders smiled and lifted his cup in thanks again. “I'll see you tonight, love.” With that he turned and walked back into the building, leaving the two of them alone. It wasn’t until the door had shut behind him that Fenris finally spoke.

“Hawke…” He murmured, pressing his lips into a thin line and speaking in a tone laced with disappointment, “From the description, I had expected a bear.”

Hawke's face broke into a wide grin at the unexpected quip, and he replied with a chuckle, "Well, I hope I didn't crush any dreams?"

Fenris didn’t speak again right away. It was obvious to see that he was still tense despite that icebreaker; tilting his head Hawke’s eyes were drawn downward to the bare toes that were pressed onto the chilly concrete sidewalk.

"Don't tell me they sent you back out into this weather dressed like that?" He asked, some of the humor draining away from his voice. Fenris looked away, shrugging noncommittally as he turned his attention toward the street Anders had indicated.

“You ah, look better. I’m glad.” Hawke said, receiving a soft noise in response.   
  
“I am alive.” The elf responded flatly, looking everywhere but Hawke’s face. “I am just... relieved. To be out.”   
  
“Heh, I would be too. Hospitals aren’t my favorite place either.” Hawke tilted his head a bit, trying to catch Fenris’ eye, yet the elf seemed determined to keep his attention fixated on an incredibly interesting crack in the sidewalk. Recalling the shivering, unconscious, half-dead state he'd found the elven man in the morning before, Hawke set his jaw decisively—he felt an odd sense of responsibility towards Fenris, and would sooner be sucked into the Void than not at least try to help him into a better state than the one he was in right now.

"Hey..." He spoke again, smiling when Fenris' attention finally turned toward him, "Are you hungry at all? Maker knows hospital food tastes like shit."

Fenris seemed to contemplate the offer, opening his mouth and closing it just as quickly without saying anything. His body language and the way he held himself had been defensive since the second he stepped out of the building, and Hawke had to wonder what in the world could have happened to have shatter the elf's trust in people so deeply.

"...a little." Finally came the answer as Fenris shifting on his feet. It was enough at least for Hawke to seize an opportunity, motioning toward his SUV parked nearby.

"Would you let me treat you to some breakfast?" He asked hopefully. Again the elf seemed to weigh the question, staring hard at Hawke as if he was trying to see through him. It was almost unnerving, yet Hawke's expression only softened, smile remaining as he started to add, "It's alright if you don't want to—"

"You don't have to." Fenris cut in, looking a bit perplexed by the offer.

"I want to. You look hungry. After the night you’ve had, you deserve a hot meal." Hawke insisted. Once again he was met with that direct, intense, almost probing gaze, as if Fenris was trying to determine an ulterior motive to the offer.

After a beat Fenris seemed to come to a decision, sliding his hands into the pocket on his hoodie and seeming appeased by whatever he’d been searching for in Hawke’s expression. “Yes, please. If you do not mind.”

"Not at all! Come on, my truck's this way." Hawke beamed, feeling a light little skip of excitement that Fenris had accepted his offer. He'd feed him and then perhaps see if the elf would allow him to drive him to wherever he wanted to go next to save him from having to walk there. Considering how poorly Fenris was dressed it was really the least he could do.

"There's a great little diner down on Seventh Avenue, it's got some killer eggs benedict!" Hawke said as he unlocked his truck with his fob, walking around to the driver side and glancing over the roof at what he could see of the top of Fenris' head. "It's got the best smoked sausage and bacon, as well." He added, opening his door to slide into his seat as Fenris got into the passenger side.

As soon as the doors were closed the tension in the vehicle was almost palpable. The elf was pressed rigidly against his seat, staring fixedly down at his feet with a furrowed brow and drawing long, deep breaths as if attempting to calm himself down. It was enough to cause Hawke's heart to clench in concern.

"Fenris...?" He spoke up softly, his brow knit with concern as Fenris spared him a fleeting glance before resuming the restless fidgeting with his sleeves that he'd been doing since exiting the hospital. "Hey, it's alright."

"I'm sorry." Fenris sighed, fingers twisting his sleeves, "I will be fine." He let out a slow exhale, closing his eyes before reaching into his pocket for the card Anders had given him. Opening his eyes, he lifted the card to his face and squinted to read the address printed across the front, speaking up again a moment later.

"...eggs sounds good."

 

* * *

 

The drive to the restaurant had been filled with an awkward silence, though not for any lack of effort on Hawke’s part. Every attempt he made to engage his passenger with idle conversation fell short. Fenris didn't seem comfortable enough with him yet to make small talk; either that or he was just really bad with people.

As they pulled up to the restaurant Hawke caught a brief look of what seemed to be genuine surprise on Fenris' face, as though he hadn't actually expected to be brought to a food establishment. Immediately the elf began to fidget again, however as Hawke turned off the ignition a sudden, aggravated groan of hunger from Fenris' stomach surprised them both.

"Sounds like we got here just in time, huh?" Hawke said with a laugh, his smile widening even further when he caught the briefest, tiniest quirk of the elf's lips. So he was capable of a smile!

The diner was quaint. Hawke inhaled deeply once inside the door, holding it open for Fenris who slunk in after him like a feral cat, stopping when Hawke did and waiting for the man to proceed before he followed.

"Did I mention this place has fantastic breakfast sausages? They make them and smoke them, all in-house. You should definitely try some." Hawke couldn’t help but try another attempt at filling the silence between them, his own stomach rumbling now that they were inside. For a moment Fenris looked like he wanted to say something, and Hawke was about to speak again to encourage a response when a waitress showed up to guide them to a table, giving Fenris a double-take after seating them. Hawke frowned at her as he caught the slight wrinkle of her nose in reaction to the elf’s state; considering everything Fenris had been through, between whatever lead him to a homeless life and the state Hawke had found him in the day before, the last thing he was going to allow was for anyone to treat him rudely.

“Two coffees, please.” He ordered, giving the waitress a pointed look until she walked away. He’d left the coffee he’d ordered earlier in the car, but more coffee would never hurt. "So," He spoke next to his companion, "What would you like to eat, Fenris?"

Hawke flipped his menu open and was pleased to note there were a few new additions to it since the last time he’d been there. When he didn’t receive a response he glanced up at the elf across from him and saw that he hadn't even bothered to open his menu yet. In fact Fenris was looking at him with surprise at the question, brow furrowing before he finally answered.

"Um. I thought you were going to order."

"Order for you?” Hawke chuckled softly. “I have no idea what you like! Go ahead and take a look. Order whatever you want, it's all on me."

Again Fenris fixed him with that stare. It was as if he was trying to look past Hawke's expression and read his thoughts; as he watched the elf slowly opened his menu and began to look over the items, and Hawke couldn't help but find his expression while he was concentrating to be a bit adorable.

"Toast."

"What?" Hawke blinked.

"I would like some toast." Fenris repeated, setting his menu down.

_Toast._ All Hawke and Anders had known him to eat thus far were the buns he managed to grab from the shelter. Hawke stared at him, slightly gobsmacked.

"You can order anything, you really can. You were in a pretty rough spot yesterday, Fenris. Maker knows you need the energy."

Fenris looked as if he was fighting with himself a little, picking at some lint on the arm of his hoodie before he spoke up, "...can I get some eggs?"

"You can order all the eggs, if that's what you want. Are you sure you don't want a full breakfast? _Sausage_..."

Fenris sighed and shook his head slightly. "I... actually cannot handle meat very well." He admitted softly.

"Are you a vegetarian?" The man found himself asking, genuinely curious while also feeling a little foolish for pushing the meat products on the elf without knowing him a little better. Still he couldn’t help but be a bit pleased that they were finally having an actual conversation!

"In a sense." The elf replied. "Um... it makes me feel sick. I’m really not sure how well I will handle a lot of food right now either, to be honest. Eggs and toast will be fine."

Fenris glanced over at Hawke, blinking as he caught the man staring at him with a ridiculous smile. Unnerved, Fenris looked down at the table and then across to paintings on the wall, seemingly by a local artist, before his gaze returned to Hawke's face. "...what?"

"That's the most you've spoken, yet!" Hawke mused, looking genuinely pleased. "If eggs and toast is fine, then go ahead. Get some hashbrowns or another side with it as well, if you want!" He really wasn't going to let Fenris go hungry, not by a long shot.

As soon as he set his menu down the waitress returned with their coffee, ready to take their orders. Hawke smiled up at her, "I'd like the Lumberjack's special, please! White toast, eggs sunny."

Hawke Turned toward Fenris and the elf simply stared at him, as though expecting Hawke to order on his behalf. After a beat Fenris seemed to realize that wasn't going to happen and hesitantly opened his mouth.

"Er... rye toast and tw—three eggs, please." He said, reaching for his coffee to avoid making eye contact.

"Style?" The waitress asked.

"Sorry?"

"How would you like your eggs, sir?" She clarified.

"Oh... over-easy, soft, please." Fenris answered, flushing a little and staring hard into the black abyss of his drink. He didn’t look back up at Hawke until the woman had taken their menus and left.

"I am not used to this." He said with a slight huff.

"You'll get the hang of it." Hawke assured him with a smile, sliding the bowl of creamers over to Fenris so he could help himself. Quietly the elf added three creams and two sugars to his coffee before stirring it, remaining silent for a few moments before he spoke up again.

"So. You and... Anders? You are together?" He asked, hesitating a moment and meeting Hawke's eye very briefly. "You do not just repair heaters for a living?"

"Ha! So you _do_ recognise me? I didn't think you did!" Hawke laughed. "I actually am a repairman normally, but yeah, that one was a bit of a favor. I'm sorry if I was a little overbearing back then. Anders was pretty worried about you, and for good reason."

“Heh. You did stand out a bit.” Fenris murmured, falling quiet again and sipping his coffee. Wrinkling his nose he added one more sugar to it, stirring and then staring down at the caramel-brown surface of the liquid.

When he spoke again his voice was subdued. "Thank you."

"What for? Inadvertently intimidating you into apples that day, instead of b—"

"You... very likely saved my life." Fenris cut in quickly, silencing the other man. There was something strained in the elf’s face that made Hawke’s chest tight. He knew exactly what Fenris meant, and it certainly wasn't anything to do with buns versus apples.

"You should thank the woman that lived in the house next to that one." Hawke eventually responded. "She heard you rustling around. If she hadn't asked me to come and check..."

"But you did." Fenris scratched at a tiny chip in the enamel on his cup with his fingernail, glancing up to meet Hawke's eye. The two regarded one another for a moment, and Hawke smiled gently.

"Anybody would have..." He started to say, trailing off as Fenris shook his head.

"Not many."

The response caused the conversation to dwindle. Watching the expressions on Fenris' face, Hawke wondered just how much he could coax him into letting him help him out today. If nothing else he wanted to try to bring out more of the odd sense of humor he’d gotten flashes of so far. It was oddly endearing.

The waitress soon arrived with their breakfast and a top-off for their coffee. Hawke's stomach rumbled eagerly at the sight of it; to his surprise Fenris perked up a lot more at the sight of the food in front of him, and was now looking around the table for condiments. Deciding they could talk more later Hawke focused on his breakfast, adding some salt and pepper to his hashbrowns before sliding the shakers over to Fenris once he was done and pausing to watch him for a second. The elf had pulled over the little rack of jams, hesitating for just a moment before tearing open a grape jelly and smearing the entire contents on a half a slice of his toast with his knife. The first bite he took was slow, tentative, and the expression on his face looked to be one of pure bliss.

Eating his own breakfast Hawke trying his hardest not to be a creeper and stare as Fenris repeated the action with the second slice of toast. It was on the third that he caught the man's eye; pausing Fenris almost looked guilty to have been caught overindulging, fumbling for a peanut butter pack to add to the second-last slice and mixing it with raspberry jam. He seemed to almost be debating whether or not to take a bite now that he realized he was being watched.

"Hungrier than you thought you were?" Hawke asked, breaking the silence. Fenris could only nod around his mouthful of toast.

"I wasn't able to hold the food down last night." Fenris told him after swallowing. "I should pace myself a bit with this."

"How long has it been since you even had a proper meal? Er... if you don't mind me asking." Fenris shrugged, and Hawke's heart fell.

"A while, if we could leave it at that." Fenris answered. His tone was subdued tone but not defensive at least, and Hawke considered that a victory even if toast and eggs were hardly a proper meal. He supposed it was loads better than the bread rolls the elf had been making off with from the shelter.

The conversation was getting into some badly depressing undertones, and Hawke decided it was time to change the subject. "Is there anywhere else you need to go, after this?"

Fenris looked up from his toast, a smear of jam on the corner of his lip as he answered, "No. Well... there is a clinic that Anders recommended." He added, falling quiet and sitting back to to pick at his eggs with his fork.

"Do you need to go there? I can take you, if you need.” Hawke offered.  
  
“...if you don’t mind.” Fenris replied hesitantly.   
  
“I don’t mind. There’s no minding here, Fenris. Would it also be alright if I took you shopping for some footwear?" Hawke asked, gesturing toward Fenris' bare feet with his fork. "I can't, on my good conscience, let you out into this Blighted, icy weather with nothing on your feet."

"That is too much to ask. I can’t..." Fenris was frowning, tucking his feet in further under his chair. He lifted his gaze as Hawke shook his head.

"I'm offering." Hawke said, his expression soft and sincere. Fenris didn't seem convinced however, looking away and staring down at his eggs as if they'd personally offended him.

"...Fine." Fenris finally relented, picking up the last piece of his toast. He left it bare as he used the corner to break one of his yolks, swishing around the viscous, yellow liquid before biting into it. Hawke at least was content with the acceptance; the two finished the rest of their breakfast in a comfortable silence, and Hawke paid the bill once the waitress came around with it.

As the two were preparing to leave Fenris hovered at the table for a moment or so, seeming to debate with himself over something. It didn't take long for Hawke to figure out what it was, catching the elf out of the corner of his eye as he stuffing several jam and peanut butter packets into his hoodie pocket. He skulked after Hawke with a generous fistful, looking terribly guilty about it.

"For later. It will go well with the bread rolls." Fenris mumbled. The remark made Hawke's heart clench, and he resolved once again to make sure he helped this man as much as possible before he even thought of letting him step back out onto the streets.

 

* * *

 

The clinic Anders had recommended to Fenris wasn't too far out of the way, and after leaving the diner Hawke had suggested swinging by there first. Fenris had accepted this despite seeming nervous at the prospect, and it wasn't long before they were there. Clinics were far easier for Hawke to handle than the hospital was, thus he had no problem going in, stopping to stand in the lobby as Fenris hesitated. The elf seemed obsessed with fidgeting with his sleeves.

"You alright? You could always come back later." Hawke spoke up softly. He wasn’t sure what Fenris was here for—a prescription? Something the hospital hadn’t been able to treat?—but the elf didn’t seem to be in danger of dying so it was likely alright if he wasn’t ready to deal with this right now. Fenris shook his head though.

"I need to do this, now." He said, his jaw clenching tight before he approached the check-in counter to speak with the elven receptionist.

Deciding it wasn't his business to eavesdrop, Hawke turned his attention to some of the paintings and posters on the wall, hooking his thumbs into his belt loops. There was one painting in particular that caught his attention—it was a great white deer with antlers carved into intricate, looping twists. For the life of him Hawke couldn't put a name to it. He knew they were important to the elves of old, sacred even, but despite how long he stood there staring intently at it he just couldn’t remember the name of the creature.

"I may be a while." The voice directly behind Hawke caused the man to jump, barely catching the yelp in his throat as he turned, wide-eyed, to meet Fenris' gaze. The elven man looked bemused by Hawke's reaction, something softening in his expression.

"That's... that's fine. Maker, you're quiet. I thought you were still at the desk!" Hawke breathed, his heart jittering. Thankfully there weren't other patients in the lobby to have witnessed his less than regal reaction. "It's okay, I can wait as long as needed. I still fully intend to get you those shoes."

"Fenris?" The woman at the desk motioned him over, "The doctor will see you right away." With that Fenris cast another uncertain glance at Hawke, before turning to walk down the hall, following the young nurse and leaving the man alone in the lobby.

Hawke wandered over to the corner across from the hall to take a seat, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone and send a text off to Anders.

**Garrett** [11:25 AM]: Hey, I just brought Fenris over to the clinic you told him about

**Garrett** [11:25 AM]: Gonna get the poor guy some shoes, too. It makes MY feet hurt just watching him walk around with nothing on them. Hope work’s going well!  <3<3

Hawke stared at his phone, not expecting an answer right away. Anders was working after all, it could take hours sometimes before he got a break. There was a message from someone else pending however; swiping to the inbox a grin broke across his face when he saw who it was from.

**Varric** [11:10 AM]: Hey Chuckles. Game night as usual, Friday. Garev's going to be there. We should play poker so I can milk that bastard of every drop of coin in his pocket.

Hawke shook his head, thumbs speeding over his screen as he typed a reply.

**Garrett** [11:26 AM]: You're a monster, Varric

The reply came almost instantly. The dwarf practically sat on his phone.

**Varric** [11:27 AM]: Nonsense. I'm a Class A businessman, Hawke. You know that.

**Garrett** [11:27 AM]: You've squeezed every coin out of my boyfriend before! You're merciless!

**Varric** [11:30 AM]: Hey, it's not my fault Blondie's got a tell-all game face. Speaking of, he and Cheeky are both welcome to join us if they're up for it.

**Garrett** [11:31 AM]: Thirsty for more unsuspecting victims?

**Varric** [11:32 AM]: You wound me, Garrett Hawke.

**Garrett** [11:34 AM]: Ha! You and I both know you're too thick skinned

**Varric** [11:34 AM]: I’m a dwarf, it comes naturally.

For the next hour Hawke texted back and forth with Varric, occasionally glancing at Anders' window to make sure he hadn't missed any replies and at one point receiving a very brief message from his brother, Carver, asking if he could borrow his reciprocating saw. When Fenris finally made his way back down the hall, a prescription note clutched in his hand, the elf paused and stared at the man in the waiting room as though he hadn't been expecting him to actually stay. By this time a handful of other elven patients had filtered into the clinic and were scattered throughout the lobby—Hawke would have stood out like a sore thumb among them even if he hadn’t been was waving like a fool to make sure he caught Fenris' attention.

"You waited." Fenris mumbled, walking over as Hawke stood and stretched.

"I said I would." The man answered. He received a low noise in response that might have been appreciation from the elf. "Do you need to fill that?" Hawke asked, motioning to the yellow slip clenched in Fenris' hand.

"Yes." Fenris furrowed his brow at the note. "She said the pharmacist in the connected building would be able to do it."

Hawke noticed almost immediately how much more tense Fenris had gotten. The way he clutched the prescription slip as if it would blow away at any second. The way he seemed in an unusual hurry to get to the pharmacist. Following just behind the elf Hawke waited at the door as Fenris walked up to the counter, looking like a man who wanted to absolutely get this over with as soon as possible.

Luckily it didn't take long too long. The woman soon handed a small white bag across the counter to him and Fenris took it, hesitating for a moment.

"No need to pay, you're covered." The pharmacist smiled reassuringly. Hawke waited patiently, smiling a bit himself as he caught her words at the end. Anders certainly had connections.

"So. Shoes next?" Hawke asked enthusiastically as they got back into the truck, all too aware of how Fenris had tucked his feet under himself as much as he was able once back in the passenger seat. Naturally Hawke's response to this was to crank the heat and switch the dial so it was blowing on the floor. Fenris was quiet, pensive, having took one of the pill containers into his hand and rattled it in a manner that was almost a nervous tick. Hawke drummed his fingers on his steering wheel. “Any idea what size shoe you wear?”  
  
Fenris turned his head just enough for those green eyes to sweep over Hawke’s face before he shifted a bit, curling his toes a little more. Hawke realized he should probably be paying more attention to the road than his passenger.   
  
“I’m not sure.” Was the answer he finally received, sullen and quiet.   
  
“Good time to find out, then!” Hawke was smiling despite the overall guarded, neutral look that his passenger was maintaining. “I’m thinking some boots. Something warm… Uggs maybe?”   
  
The elf shot him a look, one that made Hawke chuckle. “I’m kidding! No Uggs. Er... what do you like?”   
  
“Does it matter?” Fenris asked. He was looking directly at Hawke now, as though he was once again trying to figure the man out.   
  
“It will, unless you’d rather just close your eyes, point out a pair, and leave the place wearing a pair of fluorescent colored crocs. The mall’s a bit of a drive so you’ve got plenty of time to think of something.” As indifferent as Fenris was, Hawke was sure the elf would appreciate the gesture once they reached the mall.   
  
“I was also thinking...” Hawke started again after a moment of silence, “Would you be alright with me getting you a jacket, maybe a change of clothes?”   
  
“No.” Fenris stated, shaking his head with finality. “The footwear will be more than enough.”

Well, at least shoes or boots of some kind would still bring Fenris leagues further than the state he was in, now. The rest of the drive to the mall was fairly quiet after that; as much conversation as Hawke had managed to get out of Fenris during their breakfast, the elf had been far more subdued ever since leaving the clinic. He almost seemed weary. Hawke decided not to press him too much with empty chatter.

Still… "You have a bit of an accent." Hawke couldn’t help but say after several minutes of silence. "I can't quite place it though. Where are you from?"

It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question to ask, yet the look he received from the elf beside him immediately had the man feeling penitent.

"North." Fenris answered, flatly. When he didn’t offer any more than that Hawke decided to leave it alone, though he couldn’t help but wonder if it was something he’d said or done that had caused this sudden dip in the elf's mood. He hoped that wasn’t the case, but he didn’t really know Fenris well enough to be certain.

Surprisingly, parking wasn't the typical nightmare Hawke was used to as he pulled into the mall's lot. Probably had something to do with it being midday on a weekday; before long they’d parked and the two of them were headed into the building. Hawke couldn't help but notice how Fenris seemed to shrink in on himself once they were within the crowded corridors of the mall, though he assumed he just didn't do well with crowds. It would be best to make this a quick in-and-out and not linger too long.

Luckily, Elren's Espadrilles wasn't too difficult to locate. Hawke had never been in the shop before, all he knew was that they sold shoes he'd never be able to get onto his feet. Many of the items were handmade, and the sharp smell of leather always assaulted his senses anytime he passed the store. Today was no different; as they walked in a young elven girl looked up from the counter and gave Hawke a strange smile, looked for a moment as though she was going to redirect him to the Shoesplus store further down until she noticed Fenris. Instantly her face brightened at the sight of him.

"Good afternoon! Is there anything I can help you with?" She asked.

Fenris merely stared at her, shaking his head and seeming at a bit of a loss of what to do now that they were there.

"We'll have a look around first, thank you." Hawke told her. The girl nodded and returning her attention to a shoe she'd been patching up, and the man looked to the elf he’d walked in with who had begun wandering aimlessly between the shelves.

"You alright, Fenris?" Hawke asked quietly.

"I am just a bit tired." He answered weakly. Picking up a pair of boots he began looking them over as Hawke mulled over that answer. He could take him back to Haven after this, or even the Tabris House… considering those options the man watched as Fenris rubbed his thumb on the inside of the boot, preoccupied by the fur-lined quarter.

"You like those?" Hawke inquired, smiling a little. Fenris started at the sound of his voice, meeting Hawke's eye as though he’d forgotten he was there for a second before his gaze dropped to the price tag stamped on the box the boot had been sitting on.

"I do, but these are expensive." Fenris answered a bit too quickly.

"Whatever you choose, don't worry about the price tag, okay?" Hawke told him. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a rack of socks and motioned toward them. "We should get you some socks to go with them too, while we're here. I saw they have gloves as well, if you'd like a pair? You can have anything you want from here, Fenris. I mean that."

Fenris nodded, and Hawke swore that he caught the tiniest, barest hint of a smile. It could have just as easily been a grimace though. The elf's expression was far too neutral for him to be sure.

After several minutes looking around the shop Fenris finally found a pair of boots he wanted to try on. They were hand stitched, finely crafted leather with firm, yet pliable soles, a carry over from an earlier age when elves had far more difficulty wearing human-crafted footwear and had begun crafting their own for their needs. Fenris slid them on, taking a moment to revel in how they hugged his feet, and Hawke had to bite back a chuckle at the way he sat with his legs extended, clearly wiggling his toes within the footwear.

"I want these." Fenris blurted out, catching himself a little too late. His ears flushed and he bit his lip, dropping his gaze as he added quickly, "Er... please."

"They fit alright? Not too tight, or too big?" Hawke inquired.

"They are a bit big. But they will be more snug if I have socks on." Fenris said, glancing towards the wall with the sock display Hawke had mentioned before standing and making his way over to pick out one of the packages of six pairs. Holding them in his hand Fenris met Hawke's eye as though questioning if this was okay and received a reassuring smile.

Not long after that the two of them left the store, Fenris with his new boots and socks on as well as a bag that held the package of remaining socks and a nice warm pair of gloves. Walking beside him Hawke couldn't help but feel a little richer for the good deed, unable to keep the smile off his face.

"You said you were tired, earlier?" He spoke up as they walked back through the mall to the doors they’d entered through.

"I am." The elf's voice seemed a little lighter now that he had warm boots on his feet.

"Would you like me to take you to Tabris House? Or maybe back to Haven?"

"...I don't know."

Hawke frowned at that, worried for a moment Fenris would want to go back to that dusty, damp old dump he'd been squatting in.

"Is there anywhere in particular you want to go...?" Hawke asked tentatively. Despite the slight lift in Fenris' mood there was still tension, a certain nervousness that only increased when they passed through the mall crowd. The way the elf's eyes flicked across the faces of the people around them, it was almost as if he was expecting someone to jump at him if he strayed too close.

"Not particularly." Fenris said finally. That answer wasn't very helpful. A new thought began tentatively prodding at the back of Hawke’s mind.

"Um... well, if you don't want to go to the shelter..." Hawke started, voicing the thought as it came to him, "...you could always come over to my place?"

"What?" Fenris stopped abruptly enough that a young girl behind them nearly crashed into his back.

"You don't have to...! I just thought that if you don't want to go to either of the shelters and you want a place to crash for a few hours, I have a guest bedroom...?"

Fenris was staring at him with such a look that Hawke couldn't help but shrink a little, feeling scrutinized. It was that fixed, searching gaze again, as if the elf was trying to look straight into his head to see what he was thinking, what possible ulterior motive he might have to be offering such a thing. After a beat, Fenris' brow knit together as he weighed his options, taking a long, silent moment to work out whether to accept the offer or not.

"Why...?" The question caught Hawke off guard after the long stretch of silent scrutiny. The answer was an easy one, however—Fenris' skittish behavior, plus the fact that he'd been half dead just the morning before due to refusing help... Hawke was beginning to get the feeling the man was trying to run from something, and he couldn’t just turn a blind eye to that.

"It's warm, dry... and you would be safe."

At that, Fenris was silent. Hawke watched him, waiting quietly for his decision while he was held under the elf’s hard, searching gaze. He couldn’t be sure of what was going through Fenris’ head, only that he appeared to be weighing the offer very carefully.   
  
“...Alright.” Fenris finally answered after what seemed like a few very long minutes. Hawke couldn’t hide the surprise in his expression—he’d begun to convince himself that Fenris was going to decline his offer despite whatever personal danger might be out there for him. Instead, the two of them left the mall and headed back to the SUV, and even though Fenris still seemed cautious and tentative about the decision, Hawke was more than happy with the choice that he’d made.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains discussions of past drug use, as well as the tiniest, barely-there hint of suicide. -Lego

"Okay, you can come in now!"

The front door of the house was wide open. Standing in the threshold Fenris peered into Hawke’s home as the man held Gorbash back, stepping through a second later with all the mannerisms of a skulking cat.

"I remember that dog." Fenris stated, cautiously eyeing Gorbash from where he stood despite the amicable wagging of the great dog's tail. Hawke blinked, raising his brows.

"You’ve seen him before?"

"He barked at me the other night. When I walked by." Fenris pressed his lips together, meeting Hawke's eye for a second before his attention slid back to Gorbash. Hawke's mouth dropped open.

"That was you?? I thought I heard him barking after I let him out a few nights ago. Sorry, he really is friendly, I swear!" Standing with two fingers hooked in Gorbash's collar Hawke was still being halfway dragged across the floor towards this new stranger anyway. Fenris looked uncertain, standing still to let the mastiff sniff his leg before the dog shoved his enormous head against his stomach, nearly knocking the wind out of him.

"Sorry!" Hawke apologized again, hauling Gorbash back, "Come on 'Bash, you big lug. Let's go outside! You wanna go outside??" At that the mastiff let out an excited bark, and Hawke made a playful dash to the back door to entice him to chase after him.

Once the dog was outside Hawke returned to the living room to see that Fenris had made his way a little further into the house. The elf was currently staring around the room with a look on his face that Hawke knew all too well—he and Anders had accumulated a vast variety of trinkets and decor over the years, all of which covered nearly every inch the available space on the walls and bookshelves. Hawke always enjoyed new reactions to the sight.

"You live in a pawn shop?" Fenris asked, his voice so laced with dry sarcasm that Hawke couldn't help but laugh. The elf fixed him with a look for only a second before something just behind the man seemed to catch his eye.

"Hawke."

"Hm?"

" _Hawke_."

Hawke's lips twitched into a smile, following Fenris' gaze. Over his shoulder, directly behind him, was the particular item Fenris was staring at.

"Is that... a Qunari _cat_?"

"An Arishkitty, to be precise."

"An Aris… Arish… what?" Fenris was shaking his head a little, utterly bewildered by expanse of decor around him. Much of it was cat, dog, and dragon themed, with a few random oddball items in the mix and a decent amount of rainbows and other pride colors throughout. Oddly enough, the sight of it seemed to put the elf just a little more at ease.

"So! Um... the guest bedroom is just over here! There's a bed, plus a washroom attached if you want to use the shower." Hawke walked with him down the hall, unable to help himself from chuckling a little as Fenris continued to stare at the variety of knick knacks all around. "You can stay as long as you need. I won't disturb you, but if you need anything you can come find me!"

“Okay... thank you.” Fenris said with some hesitation. He was clearly cautious, casting a quick glance over his shoulder before disappearing into the room, leaving the door open a crack behind him.

Hawke couldn’t help but stare after him for just a moment before he walked back to the front closet, taking off his shoes and jacket and then sinking onto the couch to pull out his phone. He’d finally gotten a text back from Anders just a few minutes ago in response to his earlier note about buying Fenris shoes. He should probably let his partner know that the elf was at their house now; opening the app Hawke’s eyes fell on Varric’s name first, which reminded him of the other thing he needed to bring up.

**Anders** [1:07 PM]: Work is a mess. I’ve been covered in more bodily fluids than you want to know about ever since you left

**Anders** [1:07 PM]: Glad to hear Fenris is being taken care of  <3 Maker knows he needs it

**Garrett** [1:12 PM]: It’s been an interesting morning with him!

**Garrett** [1:12 PM]: Before I forget, Varric wants to know if you two are coming this Friday

Hawke swiped over to check his email, more than accustomed to not receiving responses immediately while Anders was at the hospital, but to his surprise the phone chimed just a minute later. His boyfriend must have finally been on his lunchbreak.

**Anders** [1:14 PM]: I’ll ask but I doubt we’ll make it

**Anders** [1:14 PM]: We’re rewatching Hannibal and it’s getting good

**Garrett** [1:15 PM]: By good you mean very creepy

**Anders** [1:15 PM]: You just don’t understand the nuance of their relationship

**Garrett** [1:16 PM]: Oh no

**Garrett** [1:16 PM]: Let’s not talk about Hannigram again

**Anders** [1:16 PM]: Maker, you know I don’t actually ship them. They’re more like a really fascinating train wreck

**Anders** [1:17 PM]: One I don’t make you watch so you should be happy :)

**Garrett** [1:17 PM]: I see how it is. You’d rather watch murder porn with your other boyfriend than hang out with me :(

**Anders** [1:17 PM]: You know it  <3

**Garrett** [1:17 PM]: Well let me know so I can tell Varric  <3

**Anders** [1:19 PM]: Just texted Karl. I have to go back to the mess now :(

**Garrett** [1:19 PM]: You love it :D See you tonight!

Smiling, Hawke glanced at the orange tabby that had joined him on the couch a minute earlier, reaching over to scratch its head before he realized the shower was running in the downstairs bathroom. Fenris must have decided to take him up on his offer; pleased, he rubbed his hand obnoxiously over the cat’s back against the direction of his fur, earning an irritated ‘mrrow’.

“What do you think of our guest, Pounce?” He asked, tapping the cat’s tiny pink nose and grinning as Ser Pounce flinched away and jumped off of the couch. Listening to the sound of water running it occurred to Hawke that Fenris didn’t have a change of clothes; after a moment’s consideration he got up and went upstairs to the master bedroom, pulling open a drawer in his and Anders’ dresser to see if either of them had anything that might fit an elf even slightly.

After about five minutes of searching the best he’d come up with was a pair of old pajamas that Anders had outgrown a few years back. The pants were plaid flannel with a pattern of cartoon kitties wherever the lines intersected; they were probably far too long however they could be easily rolled up, and they had a drawstring that could be pulled as tight as Fenris needed. The shirt was blessedly plain—all in all Hawke figured he could have done much worse considering some of the things in their wardrobe. Folding them back up he brought them downstairs, pausing to make sure the shower was still running before nudging open the door to the guest room and leaving the pajamas on the bed for Fenris to find.

That done he went back out into the living room, closing the door behind him and making sure to leave it open just a bit the way it had been. Normally this time of day Hawke would be out on a job, but his phone had thankfully been quiet all morning which meant he had a perfect excuse to hang out and make sure Fenris was taken care of today. Sitting back on the couch Hawke wondered if he could convince the elf to stay for dinner; it was clinic night for Anders so he wouldn’t be home until late, which typically left him alone for dinner unless one of his siblings decided to crash in on him unexpectedly. Cooking for three really wasn’t that different than cooking for two… cooking something _vegetarian_ on the other hand could prove a challenge, Hawke realized. Meat was generally a staple to anything he cooked, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try something different. Pulling out his phone again he began browsing for ideas, trying to think of something he could cook that would be easy and satisfy all three of them should Fenris agree to stay.

 

* * *

 

Fenris blinked awake, squinting a little as his eyes adjusted to the grey haze of winter afternoon light filtering through the window.  For a moment he froze in the unfamiliarity of the room before his sleep-addled brain caught up and reminded him of where he was.  

Hawke's house.

Fenris had showered and, after returning to the guest room, discovered Hawke had laid out some clothes for him. He'd had some mixed feelings over the gesture but had ultimately decided to accept them—it was nice to wear something clean, after all, even if it was only for a short time.

He'd fallen asleep shortly after dressing himself and sitting down on the bed. It was comfortable and warm, enticing him to stretch out and doze off before he’d even gotten under the blankets. Eventually Fenris had woken long enough to correct that, and the added warmth had lulled him right back to sleep.

At some point he'd been disturbed by the creak of the bedroom door being pushed open a little further. Nothing had come of it, or so he thought—now Fenris could see there was a small, black and white bundle of fur lying beside him in a ball, which stirred and mewled grumpily when he sat up. Fenris blinked at the sight of the kitten before smiling a little, tentatively running his fingers over the gentle arch of the little cat's back and feeling it tense under his touch. A pair of vivid yellow eyes turned in his direction and they regarded one another for a moment, before the kitten yawned the most adorable of little yawns and rose to its feet, moving out of Fenris' reach.

"Sorry, little one..." Fenris murmured, propping himself up on his elbow and pulled the offending hand away from the kitten. His senses were slowly coming around after his nap; it had been surprisingly restful, and he felt a bit better than he had earlier. The medication must have been working.

Fenris climbed off the bed, his feet just meeting the cool floor when he realized there was a rather enticing smell wafting in from down the hall. His stomach rumbled in response, and he promptly sat back down. He couldn't get comfortable here... could he? This was only temporary.  Hawke, thus far, had been more than kind enough, and Fenris couldn't help the itch of caution under his skin.

_Be careful_. It said. _Remember what happened last time._

But last time wasn't like this. Fenris was aware this time, he was cautious, _experienced_. He wouldn't let his guard down so easily, and he wasn't nearly as vulnerable. Still, thirst was clawing at his throat and he realized he was going to have to leave the room to at least get water, thus it was with great caution that Fenris stood again, leaving the kitten eyeing him from the bed as he crept to the door.

Slowly, Fenris walked down the hall. As before he felt his senses were slightly assaulted by all there was to see in this house. The place was ridiculously cozy, decorated with everything from wall hangings, lamps, framed posters, paintings, to the sculptures he’d noticed earlier. Every inch of available space seemed to have something interesting to look at, and Fenris found himself stopping in the middle of the living room, fully taking in the spectacle around him.

It was just as Fenris was looking at what appeared to be a stuffed animal in the shape of a nug—or a cat? He couldn't tell—wearing a sweater, that a very sudden, very deep "WOOF" sounded almost directly behind him. He nearly startled out of his skin, every muscle in his legs tightening as he fought the immediate impulse to flee.

Instead, he sucked in a breath and turned to find Hawke's druffalo-sized dog peering at him from the archway that lead toward the kitchen. It wasn't that Fenris was afraid of dogs, but the sheer size of this one was enough to intimidate him. Still, he managed to remain calm and still as the mastiff trotted over.

"Hello." Fenris rasped, his voice failing him. The dog's tail was erect, waving back and forth in a slow, friendly wag; as he snuffed at his hands, waist, stomach and legs with all the enthusiasm of a curious puppy, Fenris tried his best to remember the name Hawke had called him, tentatively petting the dog's broad head. Grob... Bush...?  Biff?  Something similar.

He didn't have long to think on it. The answer came just seconds later as Hawke called out to the beast, stepping out of the kitchen.

"Bash! You big oaf, you're going to knock him over!"

Fenris was met with an almost comical sight as the human appeared. Hawke was wearing an apron, tied securely around his waist, with an incredibly exaggerated muscular torso printed across the front. In his right hand was a wooden spoon coated in what appeared to be sauce, which was currently being waved menacingly at the mastiff.

As Hawke hurried over to grab Gorbash by the collar Fenris couldn't help but tense again, doing his best shaking the feeling off while reminding himself he was safe. The apologetic look on Hawke's face was enough to throw his knee-jerk responses off kilter.

"Sorry, Fenris, sorry...! I hope he didn't scare you?" Hawke was now trying to keep the spoon out of Gorbash's reach as the dog attempted to lick it. Fenris shook his head in response and watched as Hawke gently scolded the dog before sending him to lay on his bed in the corner. He directed a smile at Fenris once Bash was a safe distance away.

"Good! Did you have a good sleep?"

"It was... restful." Fenris admitted, furrowing his brow as he caught a look on the man’s face. Hawke, in that moment, had finally gotten a good look at the state the elf was in. It was clear Fenris had fallen asleep with his hair still damp from the shower; now it stuck up in every direction it wasn't supposed to, and the clothes Hawke had pulled out for him were draped loosely over his slim form. The elf had rolled the legs up, or tried to… one had become unraveled, and the excess fabric had piled up over Fenris’ toes. The sweater was barely clinging to his shoulders, half exposing one as well as his collarbone. What Hawke could see of Fenris’ skin was completely covered in the intricate white ink tattoos he’d noticed on his hands earlier, which stood out in stark contrast against his darker skin.

All in all, despite the fact that the elf also appeared to be worryingly malnourished, Hawke couldn’t help but find his current appearance rather cute. As he raised his gaze large, vivid green eyes locked onto his own; immediately heat crawled up his neck as he realized he’d been caught staring, and he cleared his throat softly, one corner of his mouth quirking up into an awkward, lopsided smile.

"I'm glad you did. You must have needed it. Anyway, I'm cooking dinner right now."  Hawke waved his spoon, trying to shake off the momentary distraction. This was no time for gawking!

"Clearly." Fenris deadpanned. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect at this point. He’d slept, which was what he’d come there for, it seemed reasonable to assume that it was time for him to leave. Hawke, however, continued to surprise him.

"Would you like to stay...?"

"I... what?"  Fenris stuttered.

"For dinner, would you like to stay?" Hawke clarified with a small smile. There was a hopeful tone to his voice. "I'm making alfredo!"

Fenris opened his mouth and then closed it again. He looked so utterly perplexed that it was all Hawke could do to stop himself from smiling even wider.

"...are you sure?"  Fenris asked.

"Of course I'm sure."  Hawke replied, "I was thinking we could maybe watch TV?”

It sounded so much like a date that Fenris almost laughed at the absurdity of it. His gaze fell and he stared hard at the floor, his mind frantically trying to work over a decision.

He couldn't for the life of him think of a reason Hawke had to feed him again. The man didn't know him, he had no reason to want to reach out like this. The kindness was alarming, yet... also refreshing. Over the past few weeks Fenris had grown accustomed to the indifference paid to him by people who'd passed him on the street. They moved about their daily lives as if he didn't even exist and he'd felt safer for it.

Yet here, within this house and standing in front of one of two men who'd insisted on attempting to talk to him... Fenris couldn't settle on how he felt about it. He could easily say no, leave right then and there. He _was_ hungry though. The breakfast that morning had been the first hot meal he'd eaten in a while, and the temptation for a second was almost too much.

As he mulled over his answer a ridiculously large, long haired tabby padded across the living room toward him and rubbed its face against his leg. Fenris watched the cat for a moment, before his eyes turned back upwards.

"Alright." He answered quietly. "I will stay, if it is no bother."  
  
“Perfect!” Hawke’s smile widened. He turned back toward the kitchen, hurrying away to give the sauce another stir. “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable, TV remote’s on the table beside the couch!”

For a moment Fenris just stood there listening to the sounds of dishes clinking and being set out on the counter, before he looked around the living room again. The large cat had jumped up onto the back of the couch nearby and was stretched out across it now, peering at him languidly. Settled on the seat just below was a smaller, orange tabby who seemed hell bent on fishing something out from between the cushions. Fenris couldn’t help but smile as the cat reared up on its hind legs and pounced, thrusting both front paws into the gap; amused he stepped over and sat down on the opposite end, watching him play.  
  
A few minutes later Fenris felt something slap his heel, and a few pinpricks of pain shot up his achilles. With a surprised yelp he yanked his leg up, peering down just in time to catch two white paws disappearing beneath the couch. A second later they shot out once again, assaulting his other foot.    
  
“Gah! You little menace!” Fenris gasped, sliding his feet away from the gap. The kitten had latched onto the loose cuff of his pajama pant leg and was wrestling with it as viciously as a tiny kitten could be. Fenris recognized it as the one he’d woke up beside earlier.  
  
“I see you met the gang.” Hawke’s voice caused Fenris to look up, spotting the man peeking into the living room from around the corner. Hawke stepped into the living room and his appearance immediately caused the kitten to skitter back under the couch.  
  
“The little terror is Mr. McMittens. That’s Ser Pounce-a-Lot,”  Hawke motioned to the orange tabby beside Fenris, “And the regal fellow on his throne there is Lord Meowington.”  
  
Fenris blinked, raising his brows and not bothering to fight off the smirk. “Interesting names…” He chuckled, relaxing just a touch more.  

“They’re Anders’ kids.” Hawke explained with a chuckle. “He put a lot of thought into those names.”  
  
“And the dog is… ‘Go-bash’...?” Fenris asked, looking toward the mastiff who was currently sulking on his bed in the corner.  
  
“Gorbash…!” Hawke’s grin widened with pride, and Fenris knew the dog must belong to him. At the sound of his name Gorbash got to his feet and trotted over, tail wagging and head butting up against Hawke’s thigh. The man laughed, stooping down and scruffing at the mastiff’s cheeks.  
  
“Who’s a good boy? Yes you are! Do you want to go and give Fenris a proper ‘hello’ now?” Hawke cooed before smiling back over at the elf. “Dinner’s pretty much ready. Anders won’t be home for it, so having you stay and keep me company is pretty great!”  
  
“Why won’t he be home?” Fenris inquired, reaching out to pet Gorbash as the dog sauntered over and plopped his chin on his knee.  
  
“Tonight’s one of the nights he volunteers down at Haven.” Hawke explained, motioning for Fenris to follow him into the kitchen. “Two or three nights a week, usually.”  
  
“I see…” Fenris got up, pushing past the dog to follow Hawke and nearly tripping over McMittens’ paws as they swatted at his toes. On the stove was a large pot that was simmering with fettuccini noodles; next to it a smaller pot bubbled with sauce, and the delicious smell caused Fenris’ stomach to pinch up with hunger. Hawke stirred the noodles, wrapping one around the fork and taking a bite of it to test its readiness. He appeared satisfied, nodding to himself as he removed the pot from the heat and carried it to the sink.  
  
“Hey, there’s some oven mitts on the counter over there, could you do me a favor and pull the garlic bread out of the oven?” Hawke asked as he drained the noodles into the colander that was waiting in the sink. Fenris nodded and found the oven mitts, and as he pulled the oven open the delicious, buttery, garlic-y scent filled his nostrils. His eyes fluttered, and was incredibly tempted to make off with the entire loaf and eat it himself. Pulling it out he set it on top of the stove just as Hawke finished straining and set the now empty pot down beside him.  
  
“How’s it look?” Hawke asked, peering over the smaller man’s shoulder. Immediately Fenris stiffened up, and Hawke quickly pulled back out of the elf’s personal space, moving around to look from the side instead.  
  
“It smells ready. Though I wager it would smell ready before it was even baked…” Fenris murmured. His stomach chose that moment to grumble impatiently.  
  
“Sounds like we’d better get you fed…!” Hawke grabbed one of the plates that he’d already pulled out of the cabinet and moved to the sink to scoop up some noodles. “Here, how much do you want?”  
  
Fenris frowned, thinking. As ravenous as he was, it would be better not to gorge himself. “Just a little bit for now, please.”  
  
“Alright. If you want more, feel free to help yourself.” Hawke placed a fair portion of noodles onto the plate, following up with a scoop of the rich sauce.  
  
“So, Tale of the Champion has a two episode back-to-back special on tonight.” Hawke told him while slicing up the garlic toast. “It starts in a few minutes, would you like to watch it with me?”  
  
“Watch what now? I… I’ve never heard of it.” Fenris admitted somewhat sheepishly.  
  
Hawke turned towards him, eyes wide, a look of surprise mixed with absolute _glee_ coming over his face. “Really?? Oh Maker, are you in for a treat!”

 

* * *

 

Anders leaned against the window of the bus and sighed, glancing at his phone to see if he had any new messages. He'd been texting with Karl throughout the afternoon and evening, talking about the upcoming weekend and Varric's game night, however he hadn’t been able to help but be a bit distracted over who’d shown up at Haven. Or rather, who _hadn’t_.

In the four hours he was there Anders hadn't seen even the faintest glimpse of Fenris. Granted, he'd been called to help in the clinic nearly the entire time he'd been there—a girl had come in with pneumonia and had taken up all of the volunteer attending's time, leaving Anders to handle everyone else who was dealing with less severe ailments. The other volunteers at the shelter knew the elf well by now though, and when he’d asked none of them had reported seeing him that night, or for several nights prior.

It wasn’t worth getting too worried about, Anders kept telling himself. Maybe he was at the Tabris House. Fenris _had_ been given that option. Anders had stopped himself repeatedly from texting Hawke to ask where he’d left the elf after he’d finished driving him around and helping with his errands; he could ask when he got home, there was no sense worrying his partner needlessly.

It wasn’t worth getting worried about. So of course he was worried about it.

Anders got off of the bus at his stop and shivered as a blast of ice cold wind hit him. He hurried down the street to his house, luckily just a few doors down, fighting for a moment to retrieve his keys from his pocket with gloved fingers. At least he knew for sure that Fenris had made it to the clinic he’d recommended, Anders reminded himself as he stuck his key in the door and waited for the sound of big dog ‘boofs’ as Gorbash discovered he was home. When a few seconds passed in silence he quirked an eyebrow in curiosity and finished turning the key, tentatively poking his head inside as if expecting the monstrous dog to be waiting in secret to leap on top of him.

There was no Gorbash. Instead there was a very familiar white haired elf sitting on his couch, a game controller in his hand, a cat in his lap and…

_Are those my old pajamas??_ Anders thought incredulously, staring at the kitties that adorned the flannel pants before realizing he was being stared right back at. Frozen where he was in surprise, his eyes were comically large as their gazes met before the sound of his partner from the direction of the kitchen snapped him out of it.

“Anders, welcome home…!” Hawke beamed, smiling somewhat sheepishly as the other man finally stepped inside and closed the front door.

“Um… hey Gare.” Setting down his backpack Anders removed his gloves and coat, putting on what he hoped was a sincere-looking smile as he turned his attention back over to Fenris. It only half worked, his eyes still quite wide from the shock he was still absorbing.

“So this is where you are. It’s... better than many alternatives, that’s for sure.” Ser Pounce-a-Lot hopped from Fenris’ lap and padded eagerly across the room, winding happily around Anders’ legs in greeting. He bent over to pick up the tabby cat, hugging him to his chest and rubbing behind his ears as the elf seemed to falter a bit around his reply.  
  
“Hello… I… yes, Hawke allowed me to stay for a short time.” Fenris said, managing a small smile back despite the way Anders was just _staring,_ like he’d grown an extra head. Uncertainty flickered across his features and he sunk back down in the couch, tearing his eyes away to resume the game he’d been playing.

“Well that’s good…! Glad you’re somewhere safe.” The smile seemed plastered to Anders’ face at this point, a half-maniacal look in his eyes as he walked around the couch to where Hawke was standing looking somewhat guilty. Wordlessly Anders walked past him into the kitchen, letting Pounce down when he began to squirm.

“Sorry that he’s still here so late.” Hawke gave him an apologetic smile, stepping over to peck his partner's lips. “I wanted to feed him again, so he stayed for dinner and we watched that Tale of the Champion special. Then I figured I could at least wash his clothes before he left. We’ve been playing Mario Kart since then, waiting for the dryer to buzz.”

“…when were you going to tell me he was here?” Anders asked with a slightly weak laugh. Hawke gave him a perplexed look.

“I did tell you, I texted you earlier when we got here.”

“You said you were taking him to the clinic and then buying him shoes, I remember that.”

Now Hawke was really confused. Stepping back he pulled out his phone, tapping the messaging app. “No, I sent you something when we got here. He was tired and wanted to rest, I offered him the spare bed, we came back here and he took a shower and I texted you…”

“You asked if Karl and I wanted to go over to Varric’s this Friday.” Shaking his head there was as much amusement in Anders’ tone as there was gentle admonishment. Scrolling through his texts, Hawke’s face fell when he realized his boyfriend was right—there was nothing about Fenris after his original message while he’d been in the waiting room at the clinic.

“Shit, I’m so sorry Anders, I thought I told you.”

"It's alright." Anders offered him a weak smile. "I just wasn't expecting it. I'm glad to see he's safe, I was looking for him at Haven tonight."

Smiling back Hawke stepped in close for another soft, apologetic kiss. “If you’re hungry I made some pasta.”

Anders leaned against him, quirking an eyebrow. “Don’t we still have leftover pizza?”

“Ah, yeah, he doesn’t eat meat.” Smiling a bit sheepishly Hawke settled his hands on the other man’s hips, rubbing his thumbs gently across the hem of his shirt.

“You made something meat-free??” Anders asked with an exaggerated gasp. Hawke chuckled and made a face, swatting his hip.

“I did…! Don’t tell my mother, my reputation will be ruined.”

“Well I’m going to have pizza, I’ve been wanting it all night.” Anders pecked his lips before stepping away and walking to the fridge. “So, what are Fenris’ plans then after his clothes are done? Are we taking him somewhere?”

“We hadn’t really talked about that much.” Hawke leaned against the counter and glanced towards the doorway that led back into the living room where the elf was. “I suppose I could give him a ride to Haven. It’s after ten though, maybe he could just stay here tonight?”

Anders grabbed a plate and dished out a couple of pieces of pizza, putting the box back in the fridge as he thought over that idea. He couldn’t help but frown at it a little, not because he didn’t want to open their home up to someone they could help, but for… other reasons.

“…do you know what he went to that doctor for?” He asked tentatively. Hawke shook his head.

“Didn’t tell me. He picked up a prescription when he was done but I don’t know what it was.”

Anders sighed softly, taking a bite of cold pizza and chewing slowly as he tried to think of exactly what to say without saying too much.

“Gare…” He finally said, “I’m beyond thrilled that we’ve helped Fenris this much. Really, it’s wonderful that you took care of him all day, but I’m just… I’m a little uncomfortable letting him stay in our house.”

Anders’ voice had dropped to a near whisper by the end, as he was fully aware of who was only one room away from them. Hawke looked a bit confused for a second before he tentatively tried another smile.

“Ahh, no I understand, you haven’t really spent a lot of time with him. Maybe we could go sit in the other room and you could talk to him a bit?” Not that Fenris had talked much at all throughout the day. Still, what Hawke had gotten out of him had been decent enough.

“It’s not that, it’s… Maker, I’m sorry but I can’t tell you why.” Anders may have only been a student on his first year of proper rounds, but there were some things he knew well enough without years of experience or his MD. One of the most important of those things was knowing when he could and couldn’t share information that was in a patient’s records.

Luckily for Anders his partner could be fairly perceptive at times. Hawke’s expression shifted into one of slight concern, and he asked in a quieter voice, “This is a doctor-y thing, isn’t it? You know something that you can’t tell me.”

Anders nodded, relief and guilt crossing his face as he fumbled for the right words to use. “There are just… there are certain situations that can make some people less trustworthy than they normally would be. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t _ever_ trust Fenris, we just need to be careful. I don’t think leaving him unattended in our home is a good idea right now.”

“I am not a thief, if that is what you’re concerned about.”

The voice caught both men by surprise, and they jerked and looked towards the doorway to see the subject of their conversation standing there. Fenris’ tone had been rather sullen, and it was obvious from the look on his face that he’d caught at least part of what they were talking about.

“Whoa, we don’t think you’re a thief…!” Hawke responded almost immediately, shaking his head before looking back over at Anders questioningly. “We don’t, do we?”

Anders dragged a hand down his face, avoiding both of their gazes and wishing he could just escape the whole situation and go to bed. Andraste’s knickers, he was tired. “…that’s debatable.”

Blinking in surprise Hawke couldn’t help but gape at his partner a bit. “Why do you think he could be a thief?”

"Most likely because I am a heroin addict." Fenris supplied the answer to that question himself, folding his arms across his middle. A look of disgust flickered across his features, and his eyes fixed angrily onto the floor as Hawke blinked at him in surprise.

With a sigh, Anders could only nod. Difficult as it was it felt as if a burden had lifted off of his shoulders; he’d known, of course, ever since he’d been shown Fenris’ lab results the night before. There had been a trace, just enough to show he had used recently. Even without that there were the bruises and characteristic marks on his arms from injection sites, obvious signs of frequent drug use.

“Even the most well intentioned addict will do anything to get a hit if they need one.” Anders replied in a flat, tired voice. “I’ve seen good people sell anything they could get their hands on for the money.”

Green eyes snapped upward at his words, fixing on him. Fenris' brow knit together and a muscle in his jaw tightened; with his lips pressed into a thin line he seemed to bite back an angrier response, swallowing it down as he spoke.

"...I have no _need_ for it."  His voice was low, nearly a growl, digging his fingers into his biceps. "I never asked for this to be done to me. It was not my choice and I have no intention of taking _anything_ of yours for another 'hit'."

“Regardless of how you got into it, it’s part of your life.” Anders argued. Hawke stood beside him, still rather speechless as the two went back and forth. “I’ve seen people do horrible, ridiculous things for drugs. You at least seem to want to get out of it, which is a really great start. It’s why I gave you Fiona’s card. Did she give you something to help?”  
  
Fenris opened his mouth, shutting it with a click. Something in Anders' argument seemed to have struck a nerve; he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, taking a step back before responding sullenly, "Yes."

Anders’ expression softened a bit, and he offered a small smile. “That’s good. That’s the first step. I’m happy to help you with it as well.”

"Directing me to the clinic was help enough. Thank you." Try as he might Fenris couldn't neutralize the emotion wavering in his voice. His expression had twisted up with disgust and tension—all at once he looked as tired and weary as he had in the hospital bed. With another step back, Fenris turned away.  
  
“You have done more than I could have asked. I won’t trouble you any further.”  

As Fenris walked back out of the kitchen Hawke seemed to snap back out of his frozen state. Turning towards his partner the expression on his face was frantic as he pleaded, “Please don’t tell me we’re making him leave.”

“Gare…” Crossing his arms Anders hugged his chest, a heavy look of guilt in his eyes. Hawke spoke again before he could continue.

“I spent all day with him Anders, he’s a good person I swear. He’s just… he’s so cautious, it’s like he’s never been given a reason to trust anyone before. There’s also…” Hawke hesitated, remembering the reason why he brought Fenris to their house to begin with. The way he’d eyed everyone they’d come across while they were out, as though he was expecting to be attacked.

“…what is it?” Anders prodded quietly, his brow knit with concern.

“I don’t know for sure, but it feels like he’s running from something, or someone. Can we just let him feel safe for a night? Please?”

Staring into those big, brown puppy eyes, Anders heaved a sigh after a moment, squeezing his eyes shut before nodding in acquiescence. “Alright, I’ll trust your judgment. Go let him know he can stay.”

“ _Thank you_.” Hawke moved forward to kiss his lips briefly before turning to hurry after Fenris. Not finding him in the living room he went to check the guest bedroom, finding the elf standing in the middle of the room staring down at the bag on the floor. Within it were the socks and gloves Hawke had bought him earlier that day.

At first it didn't seem as if the elf was aware Hawke was behind him, yet before he could say anything Fenris spoke in a quiet murmur.

"My clothes are still in the dryer. If... if you could get them for me, I'll be on my way."

“Actually... I was able to convince Anders to let you stay.” Hawke told him. He smiled hopefully despite the odd clench in his heart over just how dejected Fenris looked. “So, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You can have the bed for the night.”

At that Fenris finally turned to look at him. His expression was solemn, almost hurt, despite the small smile turning his lips. "You are very kind, but you don't have to do that. Not for my sake."

Hawke shrugged a bit, putting on his sweetest smile with the hope that he could undo some of this damage and convince him. “Well it wouldn’t be _entirely_ for your sake. If you’re here I don’t have to worry about what’s happening to you out there.”  
  
“Why would you be concerned over a complete stranger?” Fenris asked abruptly. He caught himself a second later and looked away. “My apologies. I… I do not wish to sound ungrateful, I have just… I don’t know what to do.”

“Fenris, you aren’t a stranger anymore. We spent the whole day together, I’d say we’re at least acquaintances by now.” Hawke kept his voice light despite the fact that his charm didn’t seem to be getting him anywhere. There was a fear growing in him now that he was losing control of the situation; with a soft exhale he spoke in a more serious tone.

“If you’re worried what I think about the heroin… I don’t think any less of you for it.”

"You're a first, then." Fenris stated. His shoulders sagged and he moved to take a seat on the bed, digging his hands into his hair. He seemed to be thinking it over, eyes clenched shut as he weighed the situation out. After a beat of silence, he looked up again and met Hawke's eye.

"...are you sure it won't be a bother? I won't deny it would be... nice... to have somewhere warm to sleep. It's preferable to freezing to death."

Hawke couldn’t help but blink in surprise before a delighted grin came across his face. “It’s not a bother at all. Stay, have a good, warm night’s sleep, and tomorrow I can help you figure out what you want to do next, if you want.”

"Thank you."  Fenris answered in a subdued tone.  "...I am sorry for not being upfront about this ahead of time, Hawke. Just... just please understand that I am not so desperate as to steal anything from you."

“I trust that you won’t.” Hawke didn’t have quite the same experience with the subject that Anders did, so he could only hope that this trust wouldn’t bite him in the ass later. If it did, well… he just had to hope his boyfriend would be graceful about the ‘I told you so’.

“I should go get your clothes for you though, I don’t want you to think I’m holding them hostage or anything.” Hawke offered a small chuckle as he turned to walk back out of the room before something made him stop. Turning halfway back he furrowed his brow and asked after a seconds pause, “When I found you… that wasn’t an overdose or something, was it?”

The question had Fenris' expression tighten. Looking up his eyes met Hawke's and he shook his head. "No. The opposite, actually, I was suffering from the withdrawal. It’s what makes it so hard to quit."

Hawke’s expression relaxed at that, and he offered a sympathetic smile. “That’s gonna suck for awhile I bet. It can only get better though, that’s one good thing about it.”

"The medication I have been given is going to help. Thank you." Fenris managed another small, more sincere smile. He seemed to relax a little, looking tired and worn out. "Er... could you leave the door open, please?" He added quickly as Hawke made to leave.

“Sure. I’ll be right back with your clothes.” With that Hawke turned again and headed back to the kitchen, making sure the bedroom door was left open and feeling a great deal lighter than he had when he’d followed after Fenris. Anders had just finished his pizza and was placing his plate in the dishwasher; he looked up and smiled softly as Hawke walked past him to the washer and dryer.

“He’s staying, then?” He asked. Hawke nodded, digging into the dryer to retrieve Fenris’ clothes.

“Yep. I want to try to help him out tomorrow, find him a place to stay.”

“That’s good. I hope it works out.” Anders still felt a little guilty over the earlier conversation, but he could at least trust in his partner’s decisions. They would know in the morning if this had been a good one. With a yawn he scratched his head, tugging his hair out of its bun and running his fingers through it to shake it out. “I’m going to head to bed I think.”

“I’ll be up in just a few minutes.” Hawke told him, shutting the dryer door before exclaiming, “ _Shit_ , I forgot I put Bash outside!”

Dropping the clothes on top of the dryer the man spun around to head over to the back door. Gorbash hadn’t been outside for too long, he’d let him out shortly before Anders had come home, but it was still the second time in so many days that he’d put his dog somewhere and then forgotten about him.

“I’m a horrible father,” Hawke lamented as he opened the door, almost slamming himself in the face with it as Bash shoved his way in the second the door was open a crack. The mastiff shook bits of icy cold precipitation from his coat before he noticed Anders standing in the kitchen—with an excited ‘boof’ he bounded for his other father, nails clacking on the tile floor as Anders’ eyes opened wide in horror.

“Bash no— _OOF!!_ ” The dog’s head collided with his stomach, knocking him back a few steps before Gorbash was up on his hind legs, giant front paws on Anders’ shoulders and tongue licking a wet stripe right up the side of his face.

“ _UGH_ , Bash get down!! Garrett _help!_ ”

“Come on Bash you big ol’ lug…!” Hawke scurried over just as Anders was able to push the paws off of his shoulders, stepping back as his partner pulled the great dog into an admonishing bear hug. “You know you’re not supposed to jump on Anders like that!”

Gorbash woofed again happily, wagging his tail in excitement until Anders heaved a heavy sigh and walked back over to pat his head. “No licking,” He scolded, though there was hardly any real annoyance in his voice. “I hope you don’t try to lick Mr. McMittens like you did when Lord Meowington was a kitten. He won’t be nearly as forgiving.”

Satisfied with his pats the dog settled down, and Hawke stood back up with an apologetic grin. “He just really loves you.”

“I know. I _suppose_ I kinda love him back.” Anders said with another sigh, smiling and shaking his head. “Okay, I’m going to go wash my face and then go to bed. See you soon.”

The blonde left to head upstairs and Hawke returned to the laundry, gathering the clothing up in his arms to bring it to the guest room. He found Fenris further up on the bed, resting on his knees and tugging the blankets loose. The elf started a bit when he heard the door bumped, looking over his shoulder and relaxing only once he realized who it was.  
  
“Thank you.” Fenris said at the sight of the familiar clothes. Hawke smiled at him.

“Good night. If you need anything I’ll be right upstairs.”  
  
“Noted. Thank you again, Hawke.” Fenris replied, that small smile ghosting his lips once again. Hawke turned and closed the door halfway, taking a few minutes to turn off all of the downstairs lights and lock the doors before heading up to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Good representation of Hawke and Anders' house, tbh.](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ff/f9/52/fff952e6e05d8d67bbdacf35d9468db9.jpg) -Lego
> 
> Also, [the Arishkitty](http://lukatisus.tumblr.com/post/157421470220/for-those-rml-readers-who-were-curious-about-what).


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some mentions of abuse in this chapter. 
> 
> I've also updated the tags - we weren't really expecting this to be a long, slow burn fic when we started it but then the word count kept going up and we realized we're incapable of telling a short story. So uh, hope you're settled in for the long haul! We both really appreciate all of the comments from everyone, seriously it makes our day every time and is a huge motivator when it feels like we aren't making any progress. Thank you all!!! -Lego

Fenris wasn't certain what time it was when Gorbash woke him. The dog had suddenly stood and leapt off the bed, jostling him with the disturbance. His neck was sticky with canine drool and McMittens was stretched out beside him, tiny paws pressed to his chin with just the faintest prick of claws to his skin.

Sleep, for Fenris, had come quickly enough once he had managed to calm himself down after the encounter with Anders. Blankets up to his ears, his back to the wall, the door open and a soft light filtering through the blinds from the streetlights outside, he’d drifted right off despite the long nap he’d had that afternoon. Both the dog and kitten had woken him at various points during the night, creeping into the room and climbing up onto the bed with him; as uncomfortable as being squashed beneath Gorbash’s bulk should’ve been the dog made Fenris feel more secure. Safe.

Now, he felt a little feverish. His muscles ached from the awkward position he'd been in; that along with his parched throat and aching bladder prompted him to get up. Half asleep Fenris wandered into the washroom to relieve himself before meandering down the hall toward the kitchen for a drink of water.

He stopping short in the entryway when he realized the lights were on. Anders was standing in the middle of the kitchen, Gorbash and the two tabbies he’d met the previous day at his feet.

“Oh.” The man started a little in surprise when he saw the elf standing there, before offering him a small smile. “Good morning. One second.”

Stepping over the cats Anders walked around to the back door to let the dog out, shivering at the blast of cold, early morning air that hit him. After closing the door he returned and retrieved a couple of cans of cat food from a cabinet, glancing around the kitchen curiously before looking back over at Fenris.

“I don’t suppose you’ve seen a little black kitten about?” He asked, opening the larger of the cans and spooning out the contents onto two small plates. “He doesn’t usually miss breakfast.”

"He was on the bed with me when I woke. He may still be there." Fenris rubbed the heel of one hand against his eye, with a yawn. "Are you always up this early?"  

“Most days.” Anders set the plates onto the floor, maneuvering the cats a bit so that they were each on their own separate plate and not trying to eat off of the same one. “My rotation at the hospital starts at seven, and the bus doesn’t come through our neighborhood very frequently this time of morning so I have to be out of here by six if I want to be on time.”

With Pounce and Meowington taken care of he popped open the smaller can, raising a brow at the guest in his kitchen. “McMittens slept with you last night? He only ever gets into bed with us to attack our feet.”

“My feet remain unscathed. He was far less intrusive than the mastiff was.” Fenris bit back another yawn, picking his way across the floor toward the cupboards to search for a cup. Right on cue the black ball of terror darted from around the corner, meowing up a storm at the smell of his breakfast. He made a beeline for Lord Meowington’s plate and Anders dropped the spoon he was holding to grab the tiny cat around the middle and pull him up and away.

“Oh no, that’s not for you…!” Anders’ voice took on a high lilt as he spoke to McMittens. The kitten yowled in protest. “You don’t get that food until you’re a bigger kitty!”

Being held to the man’s chest, McMittens twisted around until he was able to get a good claw hold into Anders’ shirt and climbed out of his grasp, ending up on his shoulder. Anders left him there for the time being and continued preparing the kitten’s food, not looking at Fenris as he apologized, “I’m sorry if I woke you, I’ll be out of here soon.”

“You didn’t.” The elf answered, staring up into a cupboard full of plates. The next one he tried had cups; retrieving one he moved to the faucet to fill it. “This was a vast improvement from waking up in a hospital.”

“ _There_ , you ridiculous thing.” Anders set the last plate on the floor a couple of feet away from the other cats before plucking McMittens from his perch and letting him have at it. Done with that for the time being he stretched, glancing over towards where Fenris seemed to be making himself at home.

“You could’ve asked me for a glass of water, you know. You _are_ our guest.” Anders and Hawke had ended up spending a bit of time talking about the elf after going to bed the night before. They’d gone back over their options—take Fenris to a shelter and hope he stays there and gets help, or help him themselves. In the end they’d determined that they were both too invested in his well-being at this point to send him on his way and potentially never hear from him again, thus Anders had agreed to leave the situation in Hawke’s hands, providing, of course, that Fenris was sincere in his efforts to overcome his addiction. It was a bit daunting of a task, and the first part of it for Anders was trying to make himself a bit more at ease with the elven man’s presence in their home rooting through their cabinets.

“Sorry… you had your hands full.” Fenris’ brow furrowed a bit as he stood there holding the glass, as if he was uncertain if he should drink it now. His thirst overcame his hesitation in the end, and he watched Anders over the rim as he took a sip.  
  
“It’s alright.” Maker, this was awkward. The kitchen seemed to thicken with tension the longer the two of them stood there together; with a small sigh Anders glanced at his watch to check how much time he had left, before deciding to just jump right on top of the elephant in the room.

“Listen, about last night… I really hope you didn’t take that too personally. I wasn’t trying to accuse you of anything, I’ve just seen that sort of thing happen before.”

"It certainly felt like an accusation." Fenris answered, setting the cup down next to him. He was frowning, eyes fixed on Anders' for a moment before his gaze dropped and he sighed.

"You directed me where I needed to go. I only wish to be done with this 'part of my life'..." The elf's gaze flicked back toward the blonde, and there was a certain sincerity in his expression for a moment before he added, "And you needn't worry. I'm not about to make off with your dishes."

Anders cracked a smile at that. “I doubt you could get very much for that cup anyway, it probably came from the dollar store.” There was something else that had come up night before that was niggling at the back of his mind, and his expression turned serious again a moment later.

“You… mentioned something about this not being your own choice…?” He asked carefully.

Immediately Fenris' expression turned wary. There was an unmistakable flash of discomfort and fear before he swiftly wiped all hints of it from his face, however his shoulders were tense and his jaw was tight.

"...that... that is not something I would like to talk about right now." He said quietly. "But no. I did not want this."

“I understand.” Anders reassured him, his eyes softening a bit. “If you ever, um… get to a place where you want to talk about it, either of us would be willing to listen.”

The response seemed to relax Fenris, at least. He let out a soft sigh, looking up at the man across from him again. "I appreciate that, thank you."  

Before either could say anything else a loud, scoring scrape sounded at the door, causing Fenris to jump and nearly knock the glass of water at his elbow over. Eyes wide, it took him a minute before he realized it was Gorbash, whimpering to come in for his breakfast.

“That’d be the other kid.” Anders shook his head with a smile. Bash’s food bowl was on the other side of the kitchen close to the door; he walked over to where they kept the kibble, scooping up a big cupful of it and making sure the mastiff’s bowl was full before he let him back inside. The second the door was open Gorbash bounded straight to his bowl and began noisily devouring his breakfast.

“You can feel free to use the TV if you want, just maybe turn the sound down a bit. Garrett doesn’t usually get up for a couple more hours.” Anders told Fenris as he walked back over to see how the cats were doing. Meowington was finished and had sauntered off, and Ser Pounce was busy licking both of their plates spotless. McMittens had managed to get half of his food onto the floor.

"I may actually lay down for a bit longer. I am still pretty tired." Fenris said, lifting his water to his lips to finish it off before placing the cup in the sink. "I hope your day goes well."

“It at least has to be better than yesterday was.” Anders nudged Pounce away to retrieve the plates, sighing at the kitten that was now circling his own plate for all of the bits that had been knocked off. “I’ll be home earlier today, I only go to Haven every other day. Don’t let Garrett talk you into too much, he gets excited sometimes.”

Fenris nodded, idly watching McMittens' antics, though Anders' remark caused a perplexed look to cross his face. "I will keep that in mind..." It was clear by the look on the elf's face that Anders now had Fenris wondering if Hawke had plans for the day. "Perhaps I will see you later, then."

At that Fenris headed back toward the hall. Gorbash, who had wolfed down his food in a matter of seconds and moved to drinking out of his water bowl, looked up as the elf walked away.  Rather happily the mastiff trotted after him, seemingly intent on taking advantage of being allowed on the spare bed.

“Don’t let _that_ beast take advantage of you either!” Anders called after him. It was only another ten minutes before Fenris heard the front door open and close, and then the house was quiet again, save for the heavy breathing of the dog that had followed after him.

 

* * *

 

Hawke woke to a room full of bright morning light. He stretched and sat up, raking a hand through his hair and scratched at his scalp. Anders had already left, and Pounce and Lord Meowington were both now sprawled across his side of the bed.

"Such a demanding responsibility, being a cat." Hawke chuckled, scratching Pounce behind the ear for a moment before climbing out of bed. Hawke pulled on his PJ bottoms and headed downstairs, noticing immediately that Gorbash wasn't in sight.

Fenris wasn't up yet either, it seemed. For a moment Hawke wondered if he hadn't left sometime in the night; the thought lead him straight to the guest bedroom, finding the door still open as the elf had asked.

What he saw immediately upon peeking in was Gorbash's bulk up on top of the spare bed. McMittens was up by the pillow and, barely visible beneath the mastiff and blankets, was a swathe of white hair and the telltale lump of another body occupying the bed. Maker, as unexpectedly adorable as the whole scenario was, Bash was probably smothering him!

" _Ssst_! Bash, get down!" Hawke hissed as quietly as he could. The mastiff immediately raised his head, tail thumping the mattress. Fenris stirred with the movement.

"Venhedis, he weighs a ton." The elf’s voice was raspy with sleep. One arm appeared from under the blankets as Fenris turned and pushed at the dog a bit to shoo him off. Finally able to raise his head, Fenris blinked blearily at Hawke, squinting and utterly oblivious to why the man was smiling so ridiculously at him. "What time is it?"

"Oh, it's just after nine…! Sorry about Gorbash, he... ah... is enthusiastic when it comes to keeping people warm." Hawke apologized, his smile turning a bit lopsided with amusement. He was glad Fenris hadn't slipped away. It would give him a chance to act upon the decisions he and Anders had made together the night before.

First things first, though. "Are you hungry?” Hawke asked. “I'm going to start some breakfast pretty quick, if you'd like some."

"Er... yes, please."  Fenris rumbled as he sat up, swinging his legs off the bed and pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes to rub the sleep out of them. At his side McMittens had begun to contentedly knead Fenris' thigh, purring the whole while.

"How'd you manage to tame that little beast?" Hawke asked, bemused. The sight of the kitten so calm and content was almost bizarre. The man had grown far too accustomed to the little terror finding new and inventive ways to get into trouble every moment possible.  

"I didn’t do anything." Fenris shrugged, standing up to head toward the washroom. He hesitated and Hawke realized he was still gawking into the room like a goof; with a hasty apology he ducked out of the guest room to leave Fenris to his business, heading down the hall into the kitchen.

As much as Hawke wanted to default to bacon and eggs, knowing Fenris didn't, or couldn't, eat meat had the man contemplating. Rifling through the pantry, Fenris' current state of health was also on his mind—as skinny as the elf was he definitely needed something nutritious. Hawke had spent a bit of time the night before reading up on his addiction and withdrawal symptoms on his phone after Anders had fallen asleep, and based on what he’d found what the elf needed was something that would be easy on his stomach as well as healthy.

Fenris took his time in the washroom. By the time he’d walked into the kitchen Hawke already had two bowls of hot cereal prepared with small carafes of milk and two little containers of brown sugar set on trays next to him. He was busy slicing some fresh fruit now; it was the squeak of a kitchen chair being pulled out that alerted him to Fenris' presence, and he glanced over his shoulder toward the sound.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked cheerfully, carefully arranging some strawberries in one of the bowls. "I mean, aside from Gorbash using you as a pillow."

"He wasn't a bother." Fenris answered quietly, watching the man closely. Soon Hawke turned around, carrying both trays to the table and setting one down in front of Fenris. The hot cereal was steaming, and there were tiny chunks of chopped apple mixed into it with cinnamon-sugar sprinkled over the top. Fenris raised his brows and Hawke caught the tiniest quirk of his lips as the elf’s eyes settled on the fruit bowl.

Sliding into the seat across from Fenris, Hawke noted that he seemed to like the fruit, filing that thought away for future use. He also noted that the elf hadn't actually answered his question on the quality of sleep but decided to drop the subject for now; he was too enthralled at the moment by the subtle signs of delight on Fenris' face, and wished Anders could be there to see this side of the elf.

Fenris added some of the cream and sugar to his cereal, and his eyes fluttered with the first bite. They ate in amicable silence for a good few minutes before McMittens seemed to have decided it was too quiet—having crept into the kitchen the mischievous kitten pounced on an unsuspecting Lord Meowington, and the larger cat letting out a dramatic howl before the two were rolling around on the floor in a playful scuffle.

As Fenris turned his head to watch the scene Hawke glanced up at him… and frowned. There was a dark, reddish-blue patch just under Fenris' jaw. The yellowing of the skin around it indicated that it was a bruise, and on closer inspection it wasn't the only one.

"Maker, Fenris, what happened to your throat??" Hawke asked before he could catch himself. He regretted it almost immediately as Fenris' hand shot up to his neck; the elf instantly dropped his head and tucked his chin inward.

"Nothing." He answered quickly.

Hawke couldn't help the concern from showing on his face, though he didn’t pursue the matter any further. His suspicion that Fenris was in some sort of trouble was only growing, and as his stomach twisted with concern he found his appetite had dwindled. The way Fenris picked at his own food, it was clear the feeling was shared. The elf sunk into his chair, casting furtive glances up toward Hawke and absently rubbing at the side of his neck.

"So, um... Anders agreed to let you stay here, if you'd like." Hawke found himself saying, trying desperately to change the subject and end the awkward, tense silence. Fenris looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

“But…?” He asked, having caught on to the unspoken ultimatum. Hawke smiled a bit.  
  
“But… you’ve got to be serious about recovering from your addiction.”   
  
“I am.” Fenris’ tone was firm, as was the expression on his face.   
  
“Good, that’s good! We’re also going to help you get back on your feet. Find a job, find a place of your own, that sound good?”   
  
Fenris’ face fell a bit. Poking idly at a bit of apple in his cereal, he replied with a sigh, “That may be a problem.”   
  
“Why…? Do you have a record?”   
  
“No! No, at… at least I do not believe so. I have no identification.” Fenris clarified. Hawke tilted his head curiously.

“Nothing? What about your Social Security number?”   
  
Fenris shook his head no, shifting as McMittens hopped up into his lap and began batting at the edge of his cereal bowl.   
  
“Really? That… might pose a bit of a dilemma.” Hawke drummed his fingers on the table, his other hand pressed to his chin in thought. “What about family members? Anyone you can contact?”   
  
Fenris’ brow furrowed, eyes falling to a spot on the table as he slowly shook his head.   
  
“Hawke…” His voice was low and measured as he replied. “I do not know if I do. I… lost my memory a few years ago.”   
  
“...really?” Hawke felt his heart clench, watching as Fenris raised his head and turned it. With one hand he pulled back the hair just above his temple, revealing a scar running from just inside his hairline to the inner edge of his ear.   
  
“My earliest memory is waking in the hospital, with this.” Fenris said slowly. He lowered his hand and let his hair fall back into place. “So finding a job may be a bit difficult.”   
  
“Maker, how’d THAT happen?!” Hawke asked, gaping. He caught himself a moment later, “I mean, you probably don’t know do you?”   
  
Surprisingly Fenris let out a small chuckle, a tiny ghost of a smile flickering across his lips.   
  
“A fall. At least, that is what the nurses told me. I was dropped off by two men who left without leaving any information, the doctors deduced what they could by my condition.”   
  
Hawke was stunned. This was definitely going to put a damper on the job search, to say the least. “There’s no way to contact that hospital? Possibly find out who left you there?”   
  
The question had an instant effect on the elf, who tensed immediately, grip tightening on his spoon as he shook his head and replied in a strained voice, “ _No_ . No. Please. I would rather not.”   
  
_What happened to you?!_ Hawke thought, quickly wracking his brain for a way to pull the conversation back into safe territory. “Um… well, jobs. Is there anything you’re interested in?”   
  
“Not off the top of my head.” Fenris latched onto the topic, clearly desperate to talk about anything else to avoid being pressed for more personal information.   
  
“What do you like to do?” Hawke stood to shoo McMittens off the table. The kitten had hopped from Fenris’ lap onto it and was making a beeline for one of the milk carafes.   
  
“Er… I don’t really know. Read, I guess.”   
  
“Reading’s good! Do you have any other skills? Things you’re good at?” McMittens squirmed the moment Hawke grabbed him and he winced as tiny claws dug into his forearm.   
  
“None that I’m aware of.” Fenris answered. The elf’s attention was focused on the kitten’s current antics, watching with a flicker of amusement in his face as Hawke grappled with him, trying to get the little ball of terror down onto the floor. The kitten was not making it easy however, clinging to his sleeve and kicking at his hand.   
  
“I can see why you’ve branded him a terror.” Fenris managed another small laugh before clearing his throat.   
  
“He’s a menace. Tiny, furry little demon incarnate!” Hawke laughed. He finally got the kitten off of him and watched as McMittens immediately bounded across the kitchen floor to attack Bash. The mastiff played along with the kitten’s game, rolling onto his back in mock defeat, legs flailing in the air and tail thumping on the floor as McMittens swatted at his nose.   
  
“Anyway…” Hawke returned his attention to the matter at hand, sitting back down. “I actually got a call for work after I started breakfast. One of my clients woke up to frozen pipes. Poor man couldn’t even take a shower.”   
  
“A travesty, I’m sure.” Fenris raised a brow, Hawke barely suppressing the amused snort at the deadpan tone the elf used.   
  
“So, I would very much like it if you came along. Who knows, it could be your thing?” Hawke smiled hopefully. Fenris’ brow furrowed a bit as he considered the suggestion.

“I likely won’t be of any help.”   
  
“That’s fine, I could show you the ropes! It’d get us out of the house for some fresh air too.”   
  
For a few moments Fenris studied Hawke’s face contemplatively, before he shrugged.   
  
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. However, if I lose a finger, I am blaming you.”

 

* * *

 

"Andraste's flaming arse, once it starts it doesn't end!" Hawke stated, exasperated, as he set his phone down. He'd just received another phone call, the fourth one that day since he and Fenris had headed out. Thus far three had been for frozen pipes. The latest one was thankfully simple—one of his elderly clients just needed to have some furniture moved around.

"You're a fairly busy man." Fenris noted, curled up on the passenger seat with his hands pressed to the heater vents as they blasted warm air. Hawke had loaned him one of his winter jackets, knowing it would be cold work, and he was glad he did. Even with it Fenris was shivering faintly, and halfway through the second job Hawke had told him it was perfectly alright to go and warm up in the SUV.

Surprisingly Fenris had declined, determined to be of help. The elf was a fast learner and proved to be incredibly adept with tools, and the extra hands had halved the time it would have taken Hawke to get the jobs done on his own.

It was afternoon by the time they finished at the last house. Fenris looked exhausted, despite his obvious attempts not to show it, and Hawke decided it was time for a break.

"Past lunch already." He noted. "Are you hungry?"

The elf looked up, furrowing his brow a little. "A bit. I need to take my medication soon too, but I left it back at the house."

"Oh." Hawke pursed his lips. "Did you need to take it with food?"

"It didn't specify." Fenris answered, climbing into the vehicle. He really looked weary and Hawke couldn't help but be impressed he'd kept up with the work as long as he had.

"Well, we can grab some lunch and head back home, providing my phone stays quiet. You did really well today by the way! Have you done repair jobs since your memory loss?" Hawke backed out of the driveway, heading down the street toward Main.

"No."

"Well, your help today saved me probably about four hours." The man smiled, glancing over at him again. "So. Food. What are you in the mood for?"

The elf gave another small shrug. "Nothing overly filling."

"We could just grab some french fries from somewhere?" The suggestion instantly had Hawke wanting some himself. "Ever had this thing called 'Poutine'?"

"Poo-what?" Fenris' brows raised skeptically. "What kind of name is that?"

"It's Orlesian, or something. It's like... french fries, with mozzarella and gravy." Hawke explained, an amused quake in his voice at Fenris' reaction. "It's actually pretty tasty!"

"I'm not sure anything with a name like Poo-tin is very appetizing, Hawke." Fenris deadpanned. Hawke was openly chuckling by this point.

"It's good! If you want to try it, I'll get one. You can get regular fries, then just try a bite? If you don't like it then you've got your own!"     

Hawke's enthusiasm seemed to rub off a bit and Fenris agreed. The nearest fast food joint wasn't too far away; Hawke ordered through the drive-thru, adding on a large coke for himself as well as an apple juice at Fenris’ request.

"Ahhh... smell that? That is the finest cuisine." Hawke stated, setting the bag between them once it was received. He enjoyed their gravy, there was a spice in it he couldn't place but made a dish as simple as poutine taste exquisite.  

"Here, go ahead!" Hawke pushed the bag toward the elf while keeping his eyes on the road. "Try the first bite, I guarantee you won't be disappointed."

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Fenris staring at him incredulously.

"Hawke, it looks messy. It's not something to eat in a moving vehicle."

"I suppose you're right, though I'd forgive you for a gravy stain." Hawke said with a laugh. "The house isn't that far at least."  

Within ten minutes Hawke was pulling into his driveway. The two of them headed into the house; once again Fenris couldn’t help but hesitate in the threshold as he had the day before, however it was only for a moment. The pair were soon in the kitchen and Fenris watched as Hawke pulled a small plate out of the cupboard, spooning some of his poutine onto it and pushing it eagerly towards him.

"That looks revolting. What kind of gravy is this?" Fenris wrinkled his nose. The cheese curds had melted, giving way to a stringy mess of fries and gravy.

“It's probably supposed to be beef. Most fast food places use an artificial flavor, does that count?” Hawke faltered, he hadn't thought about the gravy having a meat base.

“It's a small amount, it might not bother me.” Skeptical as Fenris seemed he picked up a fry, twisting the melted tendrils of mozzarella around it and taking a small bite. Hawke watched, his expression far too ridiculous and eager.

"It's not bad." Fenris admitted, using his thumb to wipe a bit of gravy from the corner of his lips. "A little too salty for me, however."

"I suppose we can't win 'em all." Hawke lamented, with a sigh. Fenris still finished what was on the plate before taking his own fries and his juice; the two ate quickly and he returned to the guest room afterwards to take his pill.

Wandering into the living room Hawke flicked on the TV. He pondered for a moment before heading to where his coat was hung next to the front door, digging in the pockets just as Fenris returned.

"Hey!" He spoke up, walking up to the elf and extending his hand, "Here."

Fenris blinked, staring at the small stack of twenty dollar bills Hawke was offering to him. Confused, he took them slowly, looking up to meet Hawke's eyes as he did so, "...what is this for?"

"For your help today. I wasn't about to not pay you, Fenris. You worked hard, you deserve it!" Hawke explained with a small grin. Fenris looked down at the bills in his hand as though uncertain what to do with them.

"I... thank you." He seemed touched by the gesture, though still not sure how to react.

"If you want, you could help me out some more until we find something for you." Hawke offered as he moved to sit on the couch.

“I wouldn't mind that.” Fenris said. He was still staring down at the bill in his hand, considering them. The uncertainty in his expression shifted towards conflict, and after a few seconds he spoke again.

“Um… Hawke?” Hawke looked up as Fenris approached, holding out his hand to give the money back. “Would you be able to hold onto this for me? Please?”

Blinking, Hawke glanced down at the elf’s hand and back up at his face, somewhat confused. “Why...?”

“I don't… I would rather not keep this on me right now. It's…” Fenris sighed, dropping his gaze from Hawke’s face. “It’s a temptation.”

“...oh, oh of course!” Smiling reassuringly Hawke took the bills back from him and tucked them safely in his pocket. As long as they weren’t in his wallet he’d could easily keep them separate from his own money; he didn't pursue the topic further, and Fenris finally sat down on the couch next to him, looking like he felt quite a bit better.

“I wanted to let you watch Tale of the Champion from the beginning, if you're game.” Hawke flipped to the Netflix app and began browsing through his list of saved shows.

“The episode you showed me was interesting. I wouldn't mind watching it.” At that response Hawke selected the first episode on the list and hit play, before settling back to watch the show.

They made it through one episode and were barely through the second when Hawke noticed Fenris had nodded off. Quietly Hawke got up and turned the TV off, letting his exhausted guest have the couch. It had been a long day for Fenris, he'd worked hard and deserved the rest.  

Softly Hawke called Bash to come with him down the hall to the spare bedroom that Fenris was currently staying in. Hawke’s computer was set up in the corner; settling in front of it he opened a tab to Google potential jobs around town, before thoughts of dinner came to his mind. An hour later he was fully engrossed in looking up vegetarian recipes for his guest.

 

* * *

 

When Anders got home that evening the smell that was coming from the kitchen wasn't entirely familiar.

“What are you cooking?” He pecked Hawke's lips, smiling as Ser Pounce rushed over to headbutt his legs, meowing up a storm.

“Just potatoes and carrots in the skillet.” Hawke told him. Anders leaned down to pick up the orange tabby cat, cooing at him and scratching his head as he wandered into the kitchen to investigate. It had been a busy day as always at the hospital but thankfully not quite as tiring as the day before; he was ready to eat dinner and spend some time with his boyfriend and their brand new housemate, who was nowhere to be seen at the moment.

“Oh, steak and potatoes!” Anders recognized the dish once he saw it, cocking a brow over the distinct lack of steak mixed in. That must’ve been why it smelled different. “Or… just potatoes…?”

“Hah, yeah.” Hawke had followed him in and now stood there looking a bit sheepish. “I was trying to make it more vegetarian but now it seems like it’s missing something.”

“I never thought I’d see the day when you went meat-free.” Anders chuckled, amused and a bit disbelieving at the sight. He let Pounce down and headed over to the pantry, pulling out a can of green beans a second later and holding it up. “How about this as a side dish? It’s not steak but it might fill a bit of the void.”

Fenris walked into the kitchen at that moment, pausing to look between the two of them, as well as to what was cooking at the stove. At some point he’d relocated from the couch to his bed to sleep, however judging by the redness in his eyes he hadn't slept much at all. His gaze fixed on Hawke with a certain amount of suspicion.

"Why would you cook it like that?" He asked, his voice gruff. Hawke smiled over at him.

"Well, you don't like meat, so I thought—"

"I can _pick the meat out._ " Fenris cut in, startling both men with the sudden harshness in his tone and body language. "Why are you doing this?!"

Hawke stared, stunned, for a moment before casting a helpless glance toward Anders. The blonde man was staring in shock over the whole debacle; looking back at Fenris, Hawke attempted another small smile. "Because I thought... I mean, it's easier for you this way, isn't it? It doesn't bother me to cook it like this."

" _No_. I meant this. ALL of this." Fenris gestured, vaguely, though his eyes were locked on Hawke. "The special meals, the boots, all of it must have a price. You know I can't afford to repay you so what is it?? Is it sex?!"

"I—what?! No!!" Hawke sputtered.

"We're just trying to help you, Fenris." Anders interjected, setting the can of beans on the counter with a small frown. He didn't know what in the Maker's name had happened while he’d been gone all day but he was fairly certain Hawke hadn't done anything to deserve this.

Fenris exhaled sharply, his eyes fixed on Anders as he spoke. His entire posture was defensive, from the bunched shoulders right down to the tension in his legs.

"Well whatever it is you expect from me in return for it, I cannot pay." He growled. Without another word the elf stepped back and disappeared down the hall.

"Fenris, wait...!" Hawke started to walk after him but Anders reached for his shoulder to stop him.

"Hold on, Gare." There was a contemplative look in Anders' eyes as he considered what had just happened. Hawke looked over at him, obviously upset.

"I don't know where this came from, I haven't done anything inappropriate." Anders brushed his thumb over his partner's shoulder and the man gave him a slightly pleading look. "You know that, right??"

"I know, love." Anders slid his hand up to brush his thumb across Hawke's jaw. "Why don’t you let me go talk to him?”

“I don’t see how that will do much good.” Hawke said bitterly. Anders raised a brow and offered him a small smile.

“You forget, I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of your hospitality. I’ll talk to him, you just keep doing what you were doing, alright?"

"Yeah, alright." Hawke took a deep breath and released it, and Anders gave his shoulder a pat before turning to follow after their guest.

"Bash, out of the way you fool dog!" Fenris had hastily yanked on his hoodie and boots and was at the front door trying to squeeze by without Gorbash escaping. The mastiff seemed to be under the impression that he was going for a walk, and was bodily trying to push his nose through the gap in the door and force it open so that he could leave with the elf. By the time he’d finally escaped Anders was coming after him; Fenris hadn't even made it to the bottom of the steps before the door reopened behind him.

"Fenris, wait a second!" The blonde man called out. He’d had to shove his way around the dog as well and was tugging on his jacket now, praying to Andraste that the elf would listen to him. Fenris stopped at the foot of the porch steps, tension rippling through him as he fought every urge to keep moving.

“What do you want? Leave me be.” Fenris growled, his shoulders tensing as the man walked down to where he stood.

“I just want to talk.” Anders finished buttoning up his coat before crossing his arms across his chest against the cold breeze. "I don't know what exactly brought that on, but I think you've got the wrong idea here."

"Do I?" Fenris set his jaw, looking up at Anders as the man approached him. The elf was rigid, but there was a slight falter in his expression that could have been fear. "I have no idea what your intentions are. Nobody offers kindness like this for free. Especially not people like _you_."

Anders stopped at that, his eyes widening for a second in shock before they narrowed. “What the… what the fuck does that mean??” He snapped, his voice taking on a sudden edge.

“You _doctors._ ” Fenris gritted out. “You all act like you just want to help, just want to make a difference, but I’ve seen your true colors. Whatever it is you’re trying to do, you won’t fool me!”

“What—” Anders blinked, caught a bit off guard. He’d obviously been prepared for a different response, but his thoughts quickly caught up and he continued after only a second’s pause. “What are you talking about??”

“It doesn’t matter!!” There was tension rippling through Fenris’ shoulders as he snapped back, and his gaze averted once again to the sidewalk. “I can’t stay here without knowing what your intentions with me are.”

The irritation in Anders’ expression shifted towards concern, and he paused for a second before shaking his head as though to clear it. “Well, disregarding that that’s a _completely_ unfair generalization, I’m not even a real doctor yet. I’m just a med student, and my intentions right now are to clear up whatever this misunderstanding is you have about my partner. Is that okay, or do I need more justification?”

Fenris’ expression faltered, just enough to betray the fact he was confused on top of being extremely wary. "...then what do you want? I don't understand why anyone would go these lengths for someone like me. Everyone's always just wanted to take."

Anders huffed at that. "Garrett isn’t like many people." There was an oddly contemplative look on his face as he looked Fenris over, taking in that hint of fear—the same fear that Hawke had mentioned seeing in him before—while deciding how to word what he wanted to say. Finally, "Will you walk with me a bit? The street is well lit, and I can guarantee that at least two of our neighbors can see us."

There was a moment of hesitation before Fenris answered. His gaze flicked up to the house briefly, then down the street as if assessing his surroundings before he slowly nodded and tucked his hands into his hoodie pocket. “Fine.”

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Anders walked down to the sidewalk, pausing at the end of their walkway to make sure Fenris was with him. The sun had mostly set by this point, leaving the sky a darkening hue of blues and purples; around them the street was lit by streetlights as well as occasional festive decorations leftover from Satinalia. The holiday was two months past, but many families left their decorations up through First Day.

"When I was a young man," Anders walked down the sidewalk at a relaxed pace, "I ended up here in Kirkwall after getting out of a very bad situation. I was on the street for a while, and then I was... _recruited_ , for lack of a better word, to work at the Blooming Rose."

He paused at that and glanced over at the elf. "Do you know it?"

"...Blooming Rose..." Fenris parroted quietly, thinking for a moment. "I don't believe so."

"It's a brothel." Anders stated matter-of-factly. He tucked his hands into his coat pockets and continued. "It wasn't bad work, and it paid enough that I was able to get an apartment. I met some really great people while I was there, some of them are still my friends.

"Anyway, one night this man comes in, very young, barely my own age and _I_ was barely legal at the time. He sees me at the bar and comes and sits next to me and just... talks to me. Just talks _forever_ , until eventually Madam Lusine made him leave so he would stop discouraging paying customers." Anders chuckled a bit at that, craning his neck to look up at the first few stars that were starting to show up.

"A few nights go by and then he's back, and this time he's got money. I'm thinking... alright, here we go... but he pays and then he asks if I'm interested in dinner. I wasn't supposed to leave the building but the bar served food so we got a table and spent an hour eating and just talking. When his time was up he paid for the food, told me he'd had a good time, and left.

"I won't bore you with every detail but he kept doing this, and eventually we started meeting outside when I wasn't working. One day we got talking about our lives, and what we would do if we could do anything... I told him I wanted to go to school and become a doctor, and he offered to pay for it."

Shaking his head Anders glanced towards Fenris again, one corner of his mouth turned up in a smile over the absurdity of it. "I had known him for maybe a month at that point, we barely knew each other outside of the Rose, and there he was offering to send me to medical school! I mean, who does that for someone they just met?? But that's the thing about Garrett, he just _does_ things for people like that. Even if we hadn't started dating he still would have helped me go to college, because that's just how he is. He honest to goodness just wants to help.

"Anyway, here I am now with a bachelor’s degree halfway through my third year of med school. I never could have gotten this far without him.” Anders concluded. A second later he added, “And yes, we have sex, but that's because I love him, not because I owe him for anything. He'd never ask for that."

With his head down towards the sidewalk, Fenris had only listened, his feet crunching the thin crust of ice with each step. Now the elf stopped walking, staring down at his feet with an expression of deep contemplation.

“Hawke did all of that for you?” Fenris’ voice had lost some of the defensive edge. “I just… it is difficult for me. I've not had the best experience with people offering to help me… do you understand?”

"I do." Anders had stopped when Fenris had and turned halfway to face him. He didn't know what Fenris had been through beyond the heroin but it didn't take a lot of imagination to think of what could have happened to an elf on the street—for as much as they'd fought for equal rights there was still discrimination, still people who viewed them as a lesser race. Considering some of the stories Anders heard on the news at times, Fenris had every right to be wary.

"You know you don't have to stay with us." He added. "We just want to make sure you're safe."

Fenris looked up and regarded Anders quietly. His posture had relaxed though he still looked strained… and somewhat lost.

"I need to... I need to think." He said finally, dropping his gaze to the ground. Letting out a low sigh a plume of steam spiraled from his lips and dissipated into the air around his head. "Thank you for talking to me."  

"Of course." Anders managed to offer him a smile. "I'm gonna head back to the house. Just let us know if you want to stay somewhere else."

With that the blonde turned and headed back the way they'd come, leaving Fenris to sort out his thoughts. Anders’ own thoughts were far away, back during that time when he and Hawke had first met—the evenings they spent in the bar, and eventually the mornings they’d spent in Anders’ small apartment. Hawke had admitted to him later on that he’d had no idea the Rose was a brothel when he’d first gone in, or that the pretty young blonde at the bar wasn’t just another guest. He’d simply been looking for a place to get a drink, and had ended up with far more when all was said and done.

It had been difficult for Anders as well to understand Hawke’s charity at the time. Youthful impulsiveness and a certain amount of infatuation had led him to accept it, as well as the offer to move into Hawke’s house not long after… Anders stopped in front of said house as he reached their walkway, and as he looked up at the warm glow of light through the windows a strange feeling came over him.

Despite what he’d told Fenris, Anders knew that Hawke had been attracted to him back then. It might not have been the reason he’d offered to help him go to school but it _was_ the reason he’d kept coming every night to spend time with him. Hawke may have been a generous person by nature but he also tended to wear his heart on his sleeve. It was easy to see when he was perhaps a bit more personally invested in someone than usual.

_Oh Maker, I’m blind._ Lifting a hand Anders rubbed his brow with a sigh before a small, lopsided smile came to his face and he started up the walk to the front door. There was no dog waiting to accost him when he walked in, which meant Hawke must have put Gorbash in the backyard; after hanging his coat back up he walked into the kitchen and found his boyfriend sitting at the dining table looking listlessly at his phone.

“Everything’s done cooking, if anyone wants to eat.” Hawke said in an uncharacteristically detached tone.

“It looks great, Gare. I’ll have some in a bit.” Anders walked over and stood beside his chair, wrapping his arms around his partner’s head as Hawke leaned against his stomach.

“Does he hate me…?”

“No.” Combing his fingers through short, brunette hair, Anders began to massage Hawke’s scalp, receiving a small grunt of pleasure. “He just needs some time to think things over.”

“I was just trying to be nice.”

“I know, love, I know. He’s obviously been through a lot though, it could take a while for him to trust you the way you want him to.”

Hawke let out a huff. Twisting around in his seat he moved until he could wrap his arms around Anders’ waist, tugging him closer so that he was standing between his knees. The two stayed like that for a few minutes before Hawke let out a heavy sigh and let him go.

“Might as well eat, yeah?” He looked up at Anders with a weak smile. “I don’t suppose you know when he’s going to be back?”

Anders shook his head, looking down at his adorable, ridiculous, and yes, ever so slightly _smitten_ boyfriend with a smile in return. “He just needs time. Let’s eat, he can have some when he gets back if he wants it.”


	8. Chapter 8

The last remnants of light on the horizon had given way to night, and with it came a brisk wind blowing up from the sea. The wind was icy, peppering Fenris' face with the ice crystals it swept up off the ground in its wake. Shivering, he pulled his hood tighter around his head as he walked, regretting the fact he'd left his beanie behind when he had stormed out of Hawke's house.

After his talk with Anders, Fenris had less inclination to flee. He was now walking aimlessly through the urban streets of Lowtown, and was thinking endlessly about his encounters so far with the two men who had taken him into their home. As of that moment the only thing that had caused any sort of real tension between them had been Anders' wariness about Fenris' drug problem, however this hadn’t hurt him. And Hawke… aside from his enthusiasm and eagerness to perform so many small gestures of kindness, the man hadn't once displayed any reason for Fenris to distrust him.

The special meals, the boots... Hawke had offered to buy him more but Fenris had declined. The gestures were worlds away from what he'd been roped in by the last time, so why had he reacted like that? Last time he'd been confused, vulnerable... _foolish._ He was smarter now, but perhaps he was also a touch paranoid. After everything he'd gone through he supposed he had a good reason to be.

The side effects of his medication certainly weren’t helping matters either. His earlier attempt at a nap had been feverish and plagued with nightmares of a face he never wanted to see again, of hands closed around his throat…

"Tch..." Fenris shuddered as the icy wind cut through him again. He’d woken agitated and thirsty and had gone to get a glass of water only to overhear the two men discussing what was again to be an unusual dinner made for his sake. Had he been able to actually rest properly perhaps he wouldn’t have reacted to it so badly.

The smell of snow was on the air, and a few stray flakes had blown in from distant clouds over the ocean. The elf stopped and looked around. He had walked without a particular destination in mind and now stood overlooking the Market District of Lowtown. He'd traveled this route often enough in the last month to know where it led—if he continued down the road he was on he'd end up in the seedier parts of the city, further still and he'd be at the docks. Right now it was not a place he wanted to end up.

Fenris sighed and leaned against the railing that ran along the sidewalk, taking a moment to look over the rooftops and out into the distance. He knew he couldn't continue to stay with Hawke and Anders in their home, he'd end up being a nuisance before long. The two had said they would help him get back on his feet, however, help him find his own place…

Fenris closed his eyes as he considered what Anders had told him. The blonde had come from a bad situation as well—whatever it was, it seemed they had that much in common at least. And what he had said about Hawke... the man _was_ very generous, Fenris had picked up on that much. Knowing there wasn't an ulterior motive beneath all of that put much of the tumultuous thoughts in the elf's mind at ease.

_“We just want to make sure you're safe.”_ Anders' words resonated. Hawke had said the same thing.

Safe was something Fenris hadn't felt for some time now. Yet, curled up in the warm bed in Hawke's guest room, the comforting weight of the dog resting against him, Fenris had to admit he had felt safer. The dog would alert him to anything out of place. He wouldn't freeze to death in that bed. Above all, he was out of the public's eye. He wouldn't be caught sleeping, wouldn’t get snatched up and returned to _him_.

With a sigh, Fenris watched the steam from his breath spiral up into the air in front of his face.  With his shoulders bunched and his arms folded close against his sides to keep himself warm, he slowly turned and headed back up the street.

 

* * *

 

“So…” Anders glanced over at the man sitting next to him as he settled on the couch with his laptop. “If he does come back, are you two going to be okay alone together this weekend?”

Hawke paused with his drink halfway to his mouth, brows raised. The thought obviously hadn’t occurred to him until just that moment, but he quickly brushed off any uncertainties he had and nodded.

“Yeah, it’ll work out.”

“Are you sure?” Glancing over Anders tried to read his partner’s expression but only saw the same thing he’d been seeing ever since he’d returned to the house earlier—guilt and concern mixed with such a small amount of pining he was fairly certain Hawke wasn’t yet aware of just how he felt about their new friend. It was honestly adorable to see, or it would have been had it not been for the negative emotions it was currently tied up with.

Despite how he was currently feeling Hawke nodded decisively, giving Anders’ knee a pat. “Yeah, I’m sure. I don’t want to ruin your time with Karl. You two have fun watching your murder husbands, I’ll be fine.”

Anders snorted. “They aren’t _married_.” Out of the corner of his eye he caught a small grin on Hawke’s face.

“You _wish_ they were.”

“I really don’t.”

Anders had brought his laptop out of his office so that he could sit with Hawke while his partner waited for the wayward elf to return. It was the last night of the week that he’d be able to get any studying done—on Fridays he took the bus across town after work to stay at Karl’s place until Sunday, and he generally didn’t get very much studying done on those days.

Karl Thekla had been one of Anders’ first loves back during his tremulous youth, before he’d ever come to Kirkwall or met Hawke. They’d only recently regained contact with one another a couple of years earlier, and had spent an awkward but blessedly short amount of time trying to work out what to do with the feelings they both still had for each other before the three of them had sat down and worked out the arrangement they had now. Anders wished at times that he could live with them both but Karl had turned down the suggestion, thus they continued on in this fashion; they rarely missed a weekend, but if Hawke wasn’t comfortable or needed him to be home then Anders would have to work out something.

It was around 45 minutes later that they finally heard the shuffle of boots on their front steps. Immediately Hawke tensed, and both men stared at the front door as it opened and a dripping and slightly snow-covered elf stepped inside. Standing there Fenris shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, his gaze settling on the two men sitting on the couch; Gorbash trotted over, butting his nose against his hip and the elf reflexively dropped a hand to pet him, using his other to pull his hood back.

“Um… I’m back.” He murmured. He couldn’t maintain eye contact with Hawke, but he knew he needed to talk to him.

Anders smiled slightly, closing his laptop with a soft ‘click’ and announcing, as he got to his feet, “I’ll be in my study if either of you need anything.”

With that Anders stood and walked to his office, leaving Hawke and Fenris on their own together. Hawke’s attention was focused on their guest where he was still standing in the doorway, and Fenris held his gaze, breaking it only long enough to stoop down and pull off his boots. His hoodie followed and then he was walking slowly across the floor to the couch to take a seat.

For a long moment, there was silence. Fenris wrung his hands together in an effort to warm them; his cheeks, nose, and the tips of his ears were red with cold, and droplets of water clung to his hair where the snowflakes had melted against the warmth of the house. Hawke glanced at him briefly before turning his attention away to something else as not to stare. Fenris was hyper-aware of the brittle, awkward tension between them, and knew he would have to be the one to break it.

"Hawke." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Hawke's face turn in his direction. Fenris looked over to meet his gaze. There was a carefully concealed hurt and concern there, and Fenris knew he'd caused it. "I am sorry."

Hawke opened his mouth and then shut it with a click, before trying again. "It's... it's okay."

"It isn't." Fenris shook his head, "I need to apologize for my accusation. You've been nothing but kind and... I threw it all back in your face."

"I need to apologize too, then." Hawke said and Fenris looked up at him, "I made you uncomfortable without meaning to and I'm sorry. You've been through a lot of shit, after all."

"Heh… that is a bit of an understatement." Fenris managed a small smile, looking down to stare at his hands. One thumb traced along the white ink swirls that passed over the knuckles of his opposite hand. Hawke was watching him again, yet he looked away quickly when Fenris looked up at him.

"I think I shall double my efforts on finding a job. A place to call my own, also... I do not want to become a burden for either of you."

"You wouldn't be a burden...!" Hawke said quickly, sagging slightly a second later at the expression on Fenris' face.

"I would. I need to learn to fend for myself. Learn how to _live_ . Maker knows I've not had the chance since losing my memory." Fenris’ voice lowered to a near whisper toward the end of his sentence. Hawke was the only one Fenris had confided in thus far regarding his amnesia, and he didn’t feel like having that conversation again at the moment.   
  
"I'm going to help you with that, Fenris. Whatever you need." Hawke was finally starting to relax a bit. Fenris meanwhile was nervously picking at the skin around his thumbnail at this point, though he quickly stopped when he realized what he was doing.

"Thank you." He leaned back and scrubbing his hands over his cold face, before letting them fall away with a sigh and staring up at the ceiling. His eyes settled on the brightly colored, intricately designed mandala rug that was stretched and pinned there. Following the gold weave pattern with his eyes Fenris finally spoke up again, his tone sullen and apologetic.

"I suppose this was a terrible start to learning how to be a friend. I've never really had one."

"Friendships have bumps." Hawke couldn’t help the smile on his face as he replied. "The important part is to always find a way through them."

 

* * *

 

The day was bright and clear, sunlight shimmering off the surface of the Waking Sea, dancing and reflecting off the waves like light on a faceted gem. Hawke stared out over the ocean from where he stood on the cliff face, a short respite from navigating the treacherous trail that ran along the Wounded Coast.

He was in search of _adventure_. Bandits had been spotted out here and the man pressed on with intent, scaling a steep incline where the trail opened onto a plateau, the highest point these cliffs had to offer. From there he could seek out his prey and plan his ambush.

Yet today it seemed Hawke was also being stalked! He heard the unearthly howl before the creature showed itself, its vast shadow sweeping over him and the ground shaking with the impact of its landing. Hawke turned to face a monstrous dragon. Smoke plumed from it's nostrils in thick, black spires as it regarded him with sharp, golden eyes before opening it's mouth and—

Hawke jerked awake, bleary and confused as to what had woke him. He could still hear the terrible howling of the dragon from his dream—it filled his ears, disorienting him. Shifting he glanced at the empty spot next to him, huffing and snuggling into Anders' side of the bed with the hope of some leftover residual warmth.

It was a good minute before his senses pieced themselves back together and Hawke realized the loud baying wasn't a byproduct of his dream. Gorbash was downstairs howling along with another, higher pitched sound that had Hawke immediately jerking upright and launching off the bed.

The fire alarm?! Panicked he flung the bedroom door open and sprinted down the stairs into a plume of grey smoke. Nearly tripping over McMittens, Hawke rounded into the hall and ran for the kitchen, skidding to a stop at the sight he was met with.

"Suilla ventris, vishante kaffas! Ne Incendio!" Fenris was scrambling around, frantically trying to smother the small flames that were leaping about in a frying pan he had on the stove. Panicked, the elf abandoned attempting to save whatever it was and thrust it into the sink in an effort to douse the fire under a running faucet.

Looking frustrated, Fenris waved his hand in the air in a feeble effort to try and clear the smoke away, turning and taking two steps across the kitchen in the direction of the fire alarm when the sight of Hawke had him stopping so abruptly his feet skidded on the tile.

"Ah! Hawke?! Bonum man—eh..."  He paused, looking confused for a beat before he cleared his throat and spoke again. "Good morning. I... suppose this requires a bit of an explanation...?"

Hawke stared at him, then up into the hazy kitchen, before nodding, "Yes, I think so." Still a little stunned he stepped over to the fire alarm and turned it off.

"I had full intentions of surprising you with breakfast.” Fenris explained. “A peace offering, after last night. It, ah... backfired, however. It turns out I am very bad at cooking bacon."

"You didn't have to..." Hawke rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, trying to get his heart to calm down from emergency-mode. Bash had stopped howling and had now taken to whining and thumping his nose against his legs; idly Hawke patted his head to try and calm the mastiff, walking into the kitchen to reassure himself the bacon was the only casualty. His brow furrowed a second later, confusion flitting across his face.

"Why'd you cook bacon?" He asked, before realizing Fenris had meant it entirely for him. Peace offering, indeed... bacon was certainly the most effective way to win his favor. Touched, Hawke smiled like a dope and peeked into one of the other pans Fenris had on the stove. "You saved the hashbrowns at least?"

"I suppose." Fenris sulked. He’d opened the kitchen window and had resorted to using a dishtowel to try and fan the smoke out, shivering at the icy chill. The elf cast a sideways glance toward Hawke, one dark brow quirking slightly as his gaze lingered a bit further down than usual. "Sorry I woke you."

Hawke's eyes widened slightly as he realized what state he was in. Having run straight down from bed he was in nothing more than a pair of boxers, which were covered in happy cartoon dog faces. Internally he thanked the Maker that he'd at least had the modesty to begin keeping them on at night while their guest was there. Sprinting into the kitchen in what he normally wore to bed—that is to say, nothing—would have caused an entirely different sort of mayhem.

"Ha! Er... that's fine. Let me... ah... let me just go get some clothes on." Hawke garbled, face flushed as he hurried back upstairs to grab his pajama pants and a plain grey shirt. With the crisis now over he took the time to use the washroom as well, scrubbing his face in an effort to wake himself up a little more before he headed back downstairs.

Fenris had deemed the bacon to be beyond rescue, however the hashbrowns had made it out alive. He'd divided them up between two plates and was currently very intently standing watch over four eggs, barely sparing Hawke a glance as the man returned to the kitchen.

"You liked your eggs sunny-side up, correct?"  Fenris asked.

Hawke gaped, "You remembered that?"

"What? Of course." Fenris frowned as though it should have been the most obvious thing. "I think these are done."

Carefully the elf split and maneuvered the eggs onto the two plates before setting the pan into the sink next to the other one. He cast one last, scornful look at the burned bacon, and then carried the plates to the table where Hawke had taken a seat.

"I apologize if it's a bit bland." Fenris said, setting a plate in front of the other man. "I wasn't certain what spices to use for the hashbrowns and just went with salt and pepper."

"It’s fine, this is actually very thoughtful Fenris, thank you!" Hawke was more than reassuring, despite the fact the yolk had been broken on both his eggs. "It's a shame about the bacon though. Are you sure it can't be used? I do like it crispy..."

"There's crispy, and then there's incinerated, Hawke. If you enjoy the latter then I'm sure it would be fine." Fenris laughed a bit, walking back to the counter to grab the plate of toast he'd been working on buttering when the chaos began.

“I didn’t even know you could cook.” Hawke said, scooping some hashbrowns with his fork.   
  
“Well… this was a first attempt.” Fenris admitted, poking at one of his eggs with the corner of a slice of toast.   
  
Hawke blinked over the bite of hashbrowns he’d just taken. The elf’s inexperience certainly showed—the hashbrowns were half cooked and a little too peppery, and Hawke choked back a cough as he inhaled a bit of it.

Alarmed Fenris looked up, his expression a mix of worry and utter horror that was so comical Hawke’s coughing fit turned into a wheezy laugh. The elf sat forward, wide eyed.   
  
“Hawke? Hawke, are you okay?! What’s wrong?”     
  
“I — I — f-fine! I’m — fine!” Hawke choked out, his eyes watering. He pointed at his plate, giving a thumbs up though it did little to convince the elf across from him. Fenris was out of his seat a second later retrieving him a glass of water, which Hawke gulped down thankfully. Sucking in a breath he took a moment to make sure his airway was pepper-free before realizing Fenris was scowling at him.   
  
“Don’t do that to me.” Fenris huffed, returning to his seat. Maker, Hawke couldn’t help but laugh again. Scowling harder the elf added, in the most deadpan serious tone, “I mean it. I have no intention of performing mouth-to-mouth.”   
  
“Pfft — what?!” Hawke nearly choked again, and he caught the corner of Fenris’ mouth twitching upward. The cheeky little shit!   
  
“Is it really that bad?” Fenris asked. He tasted his own hashbrowns and wrinkled his nose.   
  
“Not terrible, no.” Hawke couldn’t hide the amusement in his voice as he watched Fenris openly now. The elf definitely seemed a little different this morning. Some of the walls seemed to have come down after yesterday, Hawke noted with some pleasure.   
  
“Too much pepper…” Fenris pointed out mostly to himself. He turned to his eggs, scooping some onto a slice of toast and trying it. “Eggs aren’t quite done either.”   
  
“Hey, this isn’t bad for a first try.” Hawke told him reassuringly, making a point of eating a bit more of the hashbrowns. He expected the pepper this time, so it could deliver no surprises. “I mean, aside from nearly burning the kitchen down I think you did perfectly well.”   
  
“Your vote of confidence is appreciated.” Fenris smiled a bit more. The two of them were silent for few minutes as they ate, before something occurred to Hawke.

“That language you were speaking earlier, was that Dalish?”  
  
Fenris looked confused for a moment, furrowing his brow before he realized what the man was talking about. “Of course not.” He scoffed, adding, with some hesitation, “...it was Tevene.”   
  
“You’re from Tevinter?” Hawke asked, surprised. Fenris immediately tensed, and Hawke realized this was perhaps another personal question the elf wasn’t ready to answer. Setting his jaw he fishing for something to change subject.

"So, I think we should focus on the job hunt, today." He began, already aware that the job subject was safe. He polished off his eggs with a couple pieces of toast, clearing his plate despite the fact that everything wasn’t entirely cooked through. "But if I get some calls to work would you like to accompany me again?"  

Fenris nodded. "I would not mind."

"You put any more thought into what you'd like to do?" Hawke asked, leaning back in his chair. "We've got all day, and most of the weekend. Anders is going to be gone until Sunday afternoon."  

Fenris looked up at him, brows raised in question though he apparently decided not to ask. "Oh... I haven't really thought about my options yet. I doubt I have many."

"We'll find something, Fenris." Hawke smiled at him, reaching over to take the elf's plate once it was clear he was finished eating and carrying the dishes over to the dishwasher. 

"I hope so."  

"We will." Hawke affirmed.

 

* * *

 

"Well, I suppose that wasn't a complete waste of time."  Hawke said as he and Fenris stepped through the front door. He was inwardly pleased to see that Fenris didn't hesitate in the threshold as he had the previous two days; the elf looked tired, and both men were coated in a fine dusting of snow. The roads had been a little precarious to navigate—it didn’t snow very often in Kirkwall, thus no one was ever prepared for it.

"I'm going to take Bash for a walk, if you want to watch TV or something." Hawke stated, grabbing the mastiff's leash. Gorbash was already pushing his way past the two to get to the door, tail whipping back and forth with elevated enthusiasm. Hawke winced as the tip of it whacked him in the thigh.  

"I'll probably lay down for a bit." Fenris answered, shouldering out of his coat and sliding his boots off. Hawke nodded, leaning down to clip the leash to Bash's collar before gathering it up tight in his hand as he prepared to open the door.

"Alright then, I won't be long!" With that he swung the door open, bracing himself as Gorbash excitedly dragged him out onto the porch and halfway down the steps before he could reined him back.

Overall, the day out hadn't been much different than the one before. Hawke had taken Fenris down to the employment office where they’d picked up a copy of the local job listings and application forms. Going through it together they'd circled the jobs Fenris felt he'd be most comfortable with given his anxiety around large crowds. It was frustrating that he had no experience in the workforce, though Hawke knew that couldn’t be helped.

Still, for the next couple of hours they had driven to a few places to speak with managers. Many had asked for a resume, and a few had directed them to fill out an online application. Eventually Hawke received a phone call from an elderly customer of his asking if he could swing by to clear and salt his driveway; the two had taken a break from the job hunt to go do that, and Hawke made sure Fenris was paid for his help.

One late lunch and a few more job visits later, and here they were back home. Fenris was spent.  Dealing with strangers certainly seemed to drain him a bit faster, Hawke had noticed, though he had a feeling the elf’s medication was a bigger reason for his exhaustion.

Hawke chuckled as Gorbash snapped at a few snowflakes circling down around his nose, gleefully bounding into a fresh pile of powder left by a neighbor's snow blower. His mind was on resumes now; he could help Fenris with that, at least to the best of his ability, though the lack of information Fenris had about himself put a bit of a wrench into things. Hawke almost wished he was more than just a casual, part time worker so he could just employ Fenris himself.

Before long the mastiff was shivering and dancing from foot to foot, prompting Hawke to head back up the block toward home. Once inside he opted to borrow Anders' laptop from the study rather than disturb the guest sleeping in his computer room, plopping onto the couch with it and smiling at the desktop background, which was a picture of himself and Anders from several years ago. They were in a bar and were completely trashed, both flushed and holding up glasses of a pair of very colorful cocktails.

Hawke had every intention of researching how to construct a resume for someone with virtually no references. Tutorials, tips and tricks, anything that would help Fenris. It didn’t take long for him to be sucked into the internet's clutches, however, and after several hours he'd become lost in the YouTube rabbit hole and was watching very blurry videos of claimed Fen’Harel sightings.

He was squinting at the computer screen, trying to make out the large, indiscernible blob 'walking' across the scene when Fenris' voice at his side nearly startled him out of his skin.

"What time is it?" Fenris croaked, wincing a bit at the way Hawke had jumped.

" _Maker_ , you're quiet. I need to get you a bell!" Hawke wheezed, glancing at the clock on the laptop. "Oh... oh. Shit, it's past six."

Hawke's face fell. He'd fully intended on cooking something for dinner and had lost all track of time. There was still a few slices of leftover pizza in the fridge, though after three days Hawke doubted it'd still be any good.

"Do you like Asian?"  Hawke asked.

"That would be fine." Fenris replied. There was a slightly bemused expression on his face. "What were you watching?"

"Ah, stupid things. Y'know, with all the fancy cameras that smartphones have these days people just seem to love filming cryptids with toasters." Hawke managed to surprised a short laugh out of Fenris with that comment.

"I'll take your word for it." The elf shook his head, moving to take a seat on the opposite side of the couch.

"Hey, you wanna play a game...?"  Hawke inquired, motioning toward the Wii. "We can play a battle round after I call in our order."

"I accept your challenge, Hawke." Fenris let a small smirk ghost over his lips. Over the past couple of days he’d developed a bit of a penchant for Mario Kart. The two quickly decided what they wanted to order and Hawke called it in, starting up the console once he was off of the phone and handing Fenris his steering wheel.

The difference in Fenris’ mood between today and yesterday was like day and night. He’d slept well and actually laughed while they were playing the game, bantering back and forth with Hawke as his Yoshi zipped past the other man’s King Bowser, much to his dismay. Hawke quickly retaliated with a banana peel and hooted as he passed Fenris again, who was now flailing with the steering wheel control clutched in his hands in an attempt to regain control.

"Hawke, that was terrible!" Fenris groaned at the sound effect he’d made.

"Just staying in character!" Hawke retorted with a laugh and Fenris rolled his eyes.

"Is this the sort of mayhem you get up to when Anders isn't around to make you behave? Where is he anyway?" Fenris hit 'L' as he passed through an item cube and realized he'd picked up turbo-mushrooms. Yoshi once again screamed past Bowser, leaving him in the dust.

Hawke glanced over at him, a small, amused smile playing his lips as he answered in a light and playful voice, "He went to see his 'other' boyfriend."

Fenris turned his head to stare at Hawke directly, brows raised before he shook his head with an incredulous noise at the idea, turning back towards the TV. A second later let out a yelp of surprise, "AH! Did—Did you just knock me right off the track?!"

"Red shell, baby!" Hawke whooped, "One lap to go!"

A knock sounded at the door at that point, startling them both. Hawke hit pause and scrambled to his feet to grab his wallet.

"Right! Food's here! Just a minute!!" He called out, maneuvering around Gorbash to block him as the mastiff headed to the door seeing who had showed up. Hawke paid the delivery boy, leaving him a nice tip for any troubles he'd had with the weather before closing the door and holding up the bags of food.

"Ahhh, this smells delicious." Hawke stated with a grin. "Shall we put the game on hold for a bit?"

They had just moved into the kitchen and were dividing up the food when there was another knock at the door. Frowning, Hawke headed into the living room to answer it however before he could reach it the door swung open on it's own, and a familiar head poked inside.

"Ah, so you are here." Hawke's younger brother, Carver, stepped inside and shut the door as if he owned the place. He took a moment to stoop down and affectionately scruff up Gorbash's ears before shouldering out of his coat.

"Carver? How'd you know I was home?" Hawke asked, somewhat bewildered. Friday was game night, he was usually over at Varric’s by now. He’d opted to miss out on this one, he didn’t want to leave Fenris alone and was fairly certain the elf wasn’t quite ready to meet his friends. Considering Anders had also ended up declining the invitation Hawke was fairly certain he was going to have to make this up to his friend later somehow.

"Your truck's in the driveway, doofus." Carver raised his brows, glancing around. "Did you order Chinese? I smell ginger beef, and…. bacon?"

Somewhat amused that the house still smelled vaguely of Fenris’ attempt at breakfast, Hawke started to reply, "We did—"

"Anders here too?" Carver interrupted, giving him an odd look. Walking past his brother he headed into the kitchen, before stopping dead at the sight of Fenris.

"No." Hawke managed, huffing in annoyance at how easily his little brother made himself at home. For a long moment Carver and Fenris seemed to be staring each other down, before a look came to Carver’s face that told Hawke he was probably going to want to kick his brother after he opened his mouth.

"Sneaking around behind Anders' back? I'm disappointed in you, Garrett."

"I am doing no such thing!" Hawke stammered, his cheeks burning. Across from them Fenris blinked, looking rather surprised and flustered, and Hawke attempted to mediate as quickly as he could before the elf got the wrong idea. "This is my new friend, Fenris. Fenris, this is my insufferable little twat of a brother, Carver. He's the less adorable of my siblings."

Carver looked affronted, even as he casually claimed the half full carton of chow mein from the table. "That's not fair, comparing me to Bethany."

"It's... nice to meet you?" Fenris spoke up tentatively, his brows furrowed. Carver nodded brusquely and shoveled a few bites of chow mein into his mouth. Returning to his seat at the table, Hawke giving his brother a look.

"So, what brings you by?" He inquired with a note of suspicion.

"What, I can’t just come visit my brother?" Carver huffed, rolling his eyes dramatically. "I came by for your reciprocating saw. I asked if I could borrow it on Wednesday, if you recall."

Hawke blinked, furrowing his brow as he thought and then thumped the table lightly with his fist, "Shit, I forgot all about that! I had a lot on my plate that day, sorry I didn't reply."

"You never reply."

"Well you're not exactly the reply-within-minutes guy either, Carv."

"Pfft! I'm a busy guy Gare, I can't answer every text I get!" Carver snapped back.

Fenris was picking at his food, listening to the back-and-forth bickering between the two. He looked up when Hawke made a slight dismayed noise.

“You’re eating all the noodles…!” He accused.

"So, what are you two up to, anyway?" Blatantly ignored his brother’s protests, Carver deliberately took another large bite of chow mein.

"Hawke’s helping me find a job." Fenris spoke up again tentatively. Carver cocked a brow at him.

"Any luck with that?" Setting down the now empty carton Carver headed to the fridge to grab a beer.

"None yet, actually." Hawke answered, glaring at his brother. He had a sneaking suspicion that he knew now where his beer kept disappearing to every week when he wasn’t home.

"Huh." Carver took a swig, thinking for a second, "Did you try cousin Amell's library? He gave Beth that job, I’m pretty sure it was just as a favor. Maybe he’d do one for you too."

Fenris perked up a bit at that, and Hawke smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. "I didn't even think of the library!" He laughed, looking over at the elf, "You did say you enjoyed reading."

"Libraries are quiet." Fenris added. He seemed to approve of the idea. "It would be nice."

"Then we should go there tomorrow and see if Piers is around." Hawke said.

Now it was Carver's turn to perk up. "I could come with, y'know, as an added reference."

Hawke's expression turned somewhat devious, and he grinned. "A 'reference', huh? Riiight."

"Shut up." Carver huffed, face flushing.

Hawke leaned over conspiratorially toward Fenris, who gave him a somewhat confused look before Hawke whispered, very loudly, "He just wants to come along to see his giiirlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Carver almost shouted, causing Hawke to crack up laughing.

"Oh, come on Carv, why else would you wanna come with us??"

"I like to read, for you information!" Carver scowled at his brother, looking utterly scandalized. “And maybe I want to see my sister, you ass!”

"Thank you, for the suggestion, Carver." Fenris said, a small, amused smirk playing across his lips.

“Well, at least SOMEONE appreciates my good will.” Carver grabbed the carton of ginger beef next. “Unlike my gigantic arse of a brother.”   
  
Hawke’s eyes widened, and he stood to snatch the carton back only to have Carver dodge the attempt. “Andraste’s ass, you’re a bottomless pit! Do you just come here to eat all my food?!”   
  
“The short answer? Yes. Yes I do.” Carver laughed, letting out a yelp as Hawke lunged at him. Fenris watched with amusement as the two wrestled over the food. Somehow, he was starting to get used to this chaos.


	9. Chapter 9

The Grimoire had a rather intriguing sort of atmosphere. It was built within one of the older buildings in Kirkwall, and while the windows and roof had been refurbished and weather-proofed some time ago, the outside walls were still the original granite blocks and mortar. It was one of few buildings that had held fast against the test of time despite being surrounded by the newer, more modern architecture around it.

Though it was referred to by locals as a library, it was technically a bookstore. Many of the books and other items were for purchase, however there were also couches and reading nooks throughout where people could simply stay and read. It was a haven for people looking to relax for a couple of hours, and with a small coffee shop in the connected building next door it was not uncommon to see people nestled in for the afternoon with their coffee and an old book.

Fenris and Hawke stood at the base of the steps, looking up at the entrance to it. There was some skepticism on the elf’s face, as well as a certain apprehensive tension in his shoulders that had been there most of the morning. Before their stop Fenris had requested a visit to the mall so that he could purchasing himself some more presentable clothes prior to this meeting; he had enough cash out of what Hawke had paid him to buy a new shirt and pants, as well as a much nicer winter coat to replace his shabby hoodie.

“My cousin, Piersen, was sort of disowned by our family.” Hawke explained as they headed up the steps. “Well, not _mine_ , the Amells, my mother’s family. He ran off with this girl and had a kid, she’s actually the one in charge of this place but he basically runs it. He gave my sister a job here when she didn’t have any experience, so hopefully he’s still feeling generous.”

Walking through the door they were met immediately with the sharp scent of leather and paper, mixed with a muskier sweet scent Fenris couldn't quite place. He paused for a moment, letting his senses adjust before hurrying after Hawke who was headed straight for the front desk.

As they approached the girl behind it looked up, and her eyes lit up with recognition.

"Garrett! What are you doing here?" She asked, hurrying out from behind the counter to give him a hug. Hawke returned it and Fenris stood back to watch the exchange; he noted that the girl resembled Carver, and figured this must be Hawke’s younger sister.

Hawke stepped back from her to motion toward the elf. "Bethany, this is Fenris."  

Fenris stepped forward, reaching out to shake her hand. Her smile was warm and friendly, and whatever tension Fenris had in his shoulders slipped away just a little. "A pleasure to meet you."

"Are you a friend of Gare's?" She asked with a slight tilt of her head.

"Ah, I am, yes." Fenris replied quietly. He stood back once the handshake broke, tucking his hands back into his pockets and fidgeting with the stray change in the bottom of one. "I was... wondering if you were hiring...?"

"Yeah, is Piers around?" Hawke asked, looking around the immediate vicinity and lowering his voice to a stage whisper. "Or, y'know, his old lady?"

“You’d better not say that where Morrigan can hear you.” Bethany chastised, pursing her lips.

Hawke grinned. “She’d probably put a curse on me if she heard that.”

"You're awful." She sighed, rolling her eyes and giving Hawke's shoulder a playful shove. "Anyway, neither of them are here. They usually aren’t on the weekend."

"Do you think there are positions open?" Fenris inquired. Bethany pondered for a moment.

"Well, we do need a stock person, I think...! You'd have to talk to Piers or Morrigan about it though. Do you have a resume?" She asked, furrowing her brow as Fenris shook his head.

"See, that's the thing..." Hawke lowered his voice again though this time it was a proper whisper. "We're hoping our ‘cuz will pull us a favor. Fenris is... a unique case. He doesn't have any ID."

"No ID?? At all?" Bethany raised her brows questioningly.

"None. We're working that out, but in the meantime do you know when Piers'll be in?"

"Monday, most likely." Bethany was now looking at Fenris with increased interest. Hawke could tell she was dying to ask questions and jumped back in before she could make the elf uncomfortable.

"That'll be perfect, think he'll be in around noon?" Hawke asked. Bethany nodded, glancing over at a couple of customers who had just walked through the front door. Fenris also looked over, watching them with that unmistakable wariness Hawke had witnessed at the shelter. After a moment the elf seemed to relax, turning his attention back to the siblings.

"So have you been in Kirkwall long?" Bethany asked Fenris. He blinked, slightly unprepared for the question, and Hawke glanced up curiously from where he’d been typing a reminder into his phone for Monday.

"A little less than a month, I think." Fenris replied after a moment of hesitation. Bethany raised her brows, her smile widening a little.

"No wonder I haven't met you before! How much of the city have you visited?" She asked. Before Fenris could answer the bell rang at the counter behind them, and Bethany started at the sound.

"Oh, Maker! Sorry! I'm coming!” She turned to apologize to the customers who were waiting for her, looking back at the two of them quickly. “I've got to get back to work, Gare. It was nice meeting you, Fenris! Hopefully we'll be working together soon?" She smiled at both before hurrying back behind the counter and leaving the two men standing where they were.

"Well, if this works out I might have to buy Carver a whole case of beer." Hawke smiled over at the elf. "What do you think of this place?"  

"It's... big." Fenris' brow furrowed. He wasn't quite sure how to answer the question considering he didn't work there yet, however his gaze turned toward the expanse of bookshelves surrounding them. He couldn't help but want to look around a bit. He had enough money left over that could be easily used for a book or two.

The idea of using the last of what he’d earned on that made him hesitate though, and thus he reluctantly pulled his gaze away and headed back to the door. Hawke followed after him and soon they were outside again.

At the foot of the stairs Fenris paused for a moment, carefully scanning the crowd on the street. At his side Hawke tried to follow his gaze, curious and badly wanting to ask who he was watching for.

"I hope this works out." Fenris said suddenly. His hands were in the pocket of his coat and he hunched his shoulders up so the collar covered most of his neck and cheeks against the cold wind.  

"It should." Hawke answered. "My cousin's a good guy. He'll understand."  

"It's a risk. Could he not get in trouble?" Fenris was still staring into the small crowd of people passing on the street, though it was more thoughtfully now and without any real focus.

"Maybe, but until we figure out a way to get ahold of your information it'll have to do." Hawke stated. "Do you want to go anywhere else today?"

"Not particularly." Fenris answered softly.

"We can head home then. I think I'll stop at the grocery store, we're out of milk. Do you need anything?" Hawke inquired. Fenris shook his head, and they headed back to the car to go on their errand.

 

* * *

 

It was around an hour later when the two of them got back to the house. Fenris insisted on taking Gorbash for a walk around the neighborhood and Hawke smiled, handing him the leash.

"There's a little park at the end of the block he likes to go to. If he tugs too hard, just tell him 'no' and to 'heel'." He was a bit nervous about how well Fenris could handle the gigantic, over-enthusiastic mastiff, but the elf seemed fairly confident.  

"A walk will be... helpful." Fenris said rather vaguely. As he left and Hawke couldn't help but think that he seemed tired again; sure enough as soon as the elf returned he went straight into his room, and Hawke didn't see him again until he was preparing dinner.

Concern had been gnawing at the back of his mind for most of the afternoon, and as he looked up and saw Fenris' tired face as the elf walked to the sink for a drink Hawke decided to say something.

"Hey..." Fenris glanced over, raising a brow. "You've been sleeping an awful lot lately. Am I pushing you too hard, with helping me work and dragging you all over town...?"

Fenris regarded Hawke for a moment, his brow furrowed as he seemed to be working out what to say. Slowly he shook his head, leaning against the counter once he'd filled a cup and taking a sip.

"I'm just tired." He answered quietly. "I... did nearly die a few days ago, and the sleep I'd managed to get before that was very limited. I suppose I'm catching up."

Fenris drank deeply, emptying the cup and continuing as he filled it again. "The medication makes me drowsy as well, and it doesn’t allow for a very restful sleep. At least it hasn't made me violently ill, as some of the side effects have listed."

Fenris looked over at Hawke again and faltered at the expression of genuine, open concern on his face. It was an expression the elf had been seeing quite often since they’d met. Dropping his gaze to the floor he began to fidget a bit until Hawke spoke in a careful tone.

"You're alright though...? I was just worried, like maybe you were getting sick, or... or something."

"I'm fine, Hawke." Fenris looked up again, and this time he managed a small smile. "Thank you for your concern. You... you have a good heart."

The elf’s attention was focused intently on the cup in his hand as he said that, eyes following the swirling liquid. It was strange to have someone so concerned about him, though, he decided, it was a good strange, and one he felt he could get used to.

 

* * *

 

“I wish I could come with you.” Anders sighed for about the fifth time that weekend. Karl gave him the same soft smile he had every other time and dropped a hand down to rest on his thigh, the other holding onto the steering wheel of his old and well-loved sedan. It was just after noon on Sunday, and they were headed to Anders’ house for lunch for the last time in a couple of weeks due to a business trip Karl had been roped into the following weekend. Anders had tried not to let the sudden knowledge of this ruin their visit, but the closer they got to home the less happy he was about it.

“You know you don’t.” Karl told him, giving his leg a squeeze. “There’s too much baggage in Ferelden, it’s not worth dealing with for such a short trip.”

“You have the same baggage though.” There was no real conviction in Anders’ argument, they’d already had it a couple of times. “We could be each other’s moral support.”

“I stayed there longer than you did, it’s not all bad to me anymore.” Pulling into the driveway Karl stopped the car and looked over to give the other man a reassuring look. “It’ll be fine. It’s just one weekend, I’ll see you the week after next.”

Taking Karl’s hand in his own Anders linked their fingers together, twisting in his seat to face him and give a mock pout. “But who’s going to make me healthy green smoothies next weekend…?”

Karl chuckled. “I’ll tell Garrett how to make them.”

“Now _that_ I’d love to see.” Anders said with a snort as they got out of the car. They usually brought lunch with them when Karl brought him back home, and today they’d stopped and picked up some soup and sandwiches from a shop near Karl’s office. He gathered up the bag while Anders went to the door, following shortly after and lifting the bag up high in anticipation of Gorbash’s greeting, which came seconds later in the form of a very large, very excited dog snout colliding with his stomach.

“ _Oof_ , hello Bash…!” Karl rubbed his ears, smiling as Hawke rounded the corner from the kitchen and grinned at them both. Anders dropped his backpack and wrapped his arms around his partner—his live-in partner, that was—giving him an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, welcome home…!” Hawke gave Anders a squeeze before he letting him go and walking over to investigate what was in the bag of food today. “Hey Karl, how are things?”

“Things are mostly the same as usual.” Handing over the bag Karl followed the two of them to the dining table, shrugging out of his jacket and hanging it over the back of a chair. Hawke set the bag on the table and began pulling out bowls of soup and wrapped sandwiches, making a sound of approval as he got a better look at what they’d brought over. Anders sighed a far heavier sigh than necessary, sinking down into a chair with his chin in his hands.

“It’s not _all_ the same as usual.” He said somewhat dejectedly before reaching for a sandwich to begin unwrapping it. “The company’s sending Karl to Denerim next weekend for some conference.”

“No shit, really?” Hawke glanced up, a bit surprised by the news. “That’s got to be at least a little good, yeah?”

“It _is_ a good opportunity.” Karl told him. “They’ve been talking about moving me to a management position, this could be a step in that direction.”

“Well congrats then. I promise to take good care of this one while you’re gone.” Hawke nodded towards Anders with a smile as he pulled a fourth soup from the bag. Karl gestured towards it with the plastic spoon he’d just picked up.

“Anders told me about your guest. We didn’t want to guess on a sandwich but I wanted to get him something. Is he here…?”

Hawke nodded, smiling a little as he set the extra soup aside for now. “Fenris is taking a nap. He’s tired a lot, he’s been dealing with a bunch of crap. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it later though.”

“Has he been sleeping a lot…?” Anders raised a brow at that, stirring his own soup. It was tomato, and organic at that—ever since they’d reunited Karl had been a bit of a health nut. Anders always ate better with him than he did on his own, and definitely better than he did with Hawke. They often joked that it was reason Karl insisted on feeding them on Sundays, because it was the only day of the week he knew the two of them were eating well.

“Yeah, he usually naps for a few hours every day.” Sitting with them Hawke tore into his sandwich, which he had to admit was incredibly tasty. “Said his meds are making him drowsy, plus I don’t think he’s been sleeping very well at night.”

“Anders says you’re trying to help him get back on his feet.” Karl smiled at Hawke at that, a soft look on his face. “That’s really great of you. I’m sure he appreciates it.”

He started slightly a second later, coughing to cover up the movement while his eyes darted over towards Anders. The blonde was giving him a look of warning while also trying not to laugh as he withdrew his foot from where he’d ever-so-gently booted Karl in the ankle. Fenris’ presence in their house wasn’t the only thing Anders had told him about—Hawke’s positively adorable, barely-there crush had also come up, because really, there was no one else Anders could talk to about it short of bringing it up with the man involved, and he still wasn’t sure _Hawke_ knew he had a crush on the elf yet.

“So how’s the job hunt going…?” Anders asked in an attempt to change the subject and squash down his amusement for the time being.

“Not too much luck. We’re going to go over to the library tomorrow and see if my cousin will do us a favor.” Hawke gestured towards his soup approvingly with his spoon. “This is the best tomato soup I’ve ever had.”

“Isn’t it good?” Karl grinned over at him. “I go to this café all the time for lunch. They get all of their produce locally.”

“What else have you two been up to?” Anders asked casually, hiding his smile behind his sandwich as Karl nudged at him beneath the table this time. Hawke grinned, utterly oblivious.

“Mostly playing Mario Kart, and watching Tale of the Champion.” The look on his face was so delighted that it was all either of them could do to hold back their amusement, Karl swallowing down a chuckle with a sip of water while Anders tried to keep himself from grinning too widely.

“I’m glad you’re getting along. No more drama since I left?”

“None…! Actually things have been better than they were before, he…” Hawke paused with a laugh, shaking his head as he recalled that morning. “He tried to make me breakfast. Burned the shit out of the bacon, set off the fire alarm, it was madness.”

“Wow.” Anders’ brows shot up and he exchanged an impressed look with Karl, a sly grin on his face. “Maybe I should leave more often. Like, say, to Ferelden.”

“You can’t come with me.” Karl shook his head with a chuckle and a sigh, though his expression was nothing but fond. “It’s just one weekend, I’m sure Garrett can keep you plenty occupied.”

“Oh I can keep him _so_ occupied.” Hawke waggled his brows suggestively at the blonde, grinning as he continued in an exaggeratedly flirtatious tone, “You, me, and sleeping in until ten.”

“My, however can I turn down THAT offer?” Anders slid a foot over to brush the toe of his shoe up Hawke’s ankle, giving him a wink as he did so before finally saying, “Alright, I give in, I’ll stay here and behave next weekend. But…” His attention shifted over to Karl, “…you’d better text me every day.”

“I will.” Karl told him, reaching over to pat his hand affectionately. “I promise.”

The three of them continued conversing while they ate, talking about their respective jobs and what Karl would be doing on his trip. Ser Pounce and Lord Meowington both joined them to look for table scraps eventually, and Hawke told them about how attached Mr. McMittens seemed to have become to Fenris—it seemed whenever their guest was asleep the kitten was there with him, curled up by his head or under his chin as if he wasn’t a terror cat from the Void. Hawke had walked in on them both asleep on the couch that morning after Fenris had passed out from playing video games all night, and he was certain McMittens was in the spare room with him now sharing in his afternoon nap.

After about half an hour Karl stretched and stood. “I’d better get going, I have some shopping to do before my trip. You two enjoy the afternoon and next week.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Anders offered, standing with him and following him to the front door as Hawke began gathering the empty sandwich wrappers and cardboard soup bowls to clear off the table. At the door Karl stopped, tugging on his jacket before he was pulled into a tight hug.

“Bring me back something?” Anders murmured, face tucked against his cheek. “Maybe a nice little wooden mabari?”

“You have so many mabaris already…!” Karl chuckled, and Anders drew back to grin at him.

“I don’t have an authentic Ferelden one yet.”

“I’ll look around.” Karl acquiesced. He lifted a hand to his partner’s jaw, and for just barely a second his smile faltered before he leaned in to kiss him. They stood together for a long moment, locked in each other’s embrace, before Karl finally drew back and reached for the door handle.

“I’ll see you in a couple of weeks, Anders.”

“I love you, Karl.” Anders’ voice was soft enough to almost be a whisper, and Karl smiled brightened at him again.

“Love you too. Talk to you later.”

With that he was gone, the door closing behind him as he walked to his car. Anders sighed softly, his shoulders sagging a bit as he turned to walk back to the kitchen before the sight that met him from the hall stopped him in his tracks.

“Oh of _course_ you woke up for that.” He said, exasperated, to the elf who was staring at him.

Fenris was certainly awake, though whether he was _fully_ awake and not in the midst of a sleepwalking induced hallucination, the elf couldn't be sure. The sound of Anders’ voice seemed to break him out of his shock.

"...what's going on?" He croaked, confusion lacing his tone. "Who was that?"

Anders sighed again, the sigh of one who has had this particular conversation far too many times. “That was Karl. He’s…” He gestured vaguely at nothing, as if hoping Fenris would simply reach the appropriate conclusion on his own, before giving in and finishing, “…my partner.”

For a long moment Fenris seemed to be at a loss. He stared at Anders almost vacantly, half squinting as though still questioning the reality of the situation before a look of realization came across his face.

“Wait, Hawke was serious about the ‘other boyfriend’...?”

“Yes, that was the other boyfriend.” Anders typically loved his and Hawke’s ‘other boyfriend’ jokes, but his mood had dropped the second Karl had walked out of the door and all he really wanted to do now was curl up somewhere comfortable and not think about things for a while. He didn’t like it when they went off schedule—he missed Karl whenever they did, just as he missed Hawke whenever he spent more time than usual away from home.

“But… how...?” Fenris asked.

“It just… _is_ , okay?” Shaking his head Anders dragged his hands over his face. “Sorry, I’d love to have this conversation with you but I just… talk to Garrett about it, alright?”

Turning the blonde walked to his office, disappearing inside and leaving a bewildered Fenris in the living room. He didn’t have long to think on it—having heard his voice Hawke appeared in the archway of the kitchen a second later.

“Hey, good timing!” His expression was bright. “Are you hungry? I was going to put this soup in the fridge but it’s still warm if you want it now.”

Fenris turned at the sound of Hawke's voice, his brow furrowed a little. "Soup...? Oh, yes please."

Following the man into the kitchen Fenris trudged up to the table and sunk into a chair. Bending forward he rested his forehead in his hands, his thumbs rubbing his temples as he spoke in a voice still rough from sleep, "So, Hawke... the _other boyfriend_ …?” The elf raised his head just enough to try and read Hawke’s face. “You were serious?”

Hawke set the last unopened bowl of soup in front of Fenris along with a plastic spoon, raising a brow before an amused grin came to his face. “Oh yeah, he’s totally a real thing. That’s not too weird for you, is it?”

“A bit…” Fenris admitted, sitting up so he could eat. “I admit I am… _perplexed,_ that there would be no jealousy. You aren’t jealous?” The elf’s expression was unreadable at this point, though his tone was certainly far from judgemental.

“Nah, Anders and Karl go way back. They weren’t together when we met, but I dunno, it just… felt natural when Karl moved to Kirkwall. I was actually the one who suggested it.” Leaning his arms against the back of the chair opposite Fenris, Hawke glanced inquisitively towards the doorway. “Did Anders go outside with him…?”

Fenris was stirring his soup, his brow furrowed deeply in thought as he tried to absorb this. At the question he shook his head and motioned vaguely toward the hall. “No, he went into his study.”

Hawke frowned, the gears in his head turning for a few seconds before he headed over to where the kettle was sitting on the stove. Behind him Fenris shook his head and sunk his face into his hands again.

“Forgive me Hawke, but I’m having a very hard time understanding. I would have thought this would be more upsetting.”

“Ah, it’s a weird thing for a lot of people.” Hawke turned the burner on and pulled a mug down from a cabinet nearby. Anders often enjoyed tea when he was unhappy; lately he’d been into a lemon ginger tea that one of the other students at the hospital had introduced to him, so Hawke pulled out one of those and dropped the bag into the mug, continuing as he did so, “I admit it was a _bit_ bumpy at the start, but it worked out well. Anders is happy, so I’m happy.”

Despite this reassurance Fenris still looked pensive. Absently, he raised a hand and rubbed at his throat.

"And... you're both okay...?" Fenris asked slowly.

“Me and Anders? Yeah, we’re great.” Waiting for the water to heat, Hawke leaned against the counter, the smile returning to his face as he tried to explain. It was obviously a subject that came up often, and both were used to fielding questions. “He stays with me during the week and goes to Karl’s place for the weekend. As long as we all talk to each other it’s not a problem.”

Fenris fell quiet for a few seconds at that, slowly eating his soup as he considered what he'd just learned. Despite the explanation he still looked perplexed.

"Anders seemed upset." He felt the need to point it out, looking up at Hawke as he did so. Regardless of the tension between himself and Anders, Fenris still felt concerned, especially considering Hawke’s insistence that everything was fine.

Hawke's smile faded a bit, and he glanced towards the mug he’d set out. “Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's because Karl won't be around next weekend. It'll be alright, we'll find something fun to do together.”

The kettle began whistling and he pulled it off of the stove, filling the mug with steaming water. Maybe he should have suggested Anders stay at Karl's place this week, Hawke mused as he set a timer to let the tea steep, although knowing his partner he'd just end up sending him an onslaught of sad, affectionate texts by Monday night along with constant questions about how the cats were doing.

Fenris still seemed a bit unconvinced. Nearly finished with the small meal the elf paused and lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose for a moment; his face scrunched up, and he blinked a couple of times before dropping his hand and focusing on finishing off the soup while he mulled over the subject.

Once he was done Fenris discarded the empty bowl and moved to the cupboard to get himself a glass for water, filling it at the sink. It wasn’t until he shut the faucet off that he finally spoke again, tentatively questioning, “He should be pleased he gets to spend a weekend with you, at least…?”

“Oh I’m sure he will be.” Hawke’s smile revived a bit, and he looked fondly at the rainbow dragon adorning the mug he’d chosen. The timer beeped a few seconds later and he went about finishing the tea, discarding the bag and adding some sugar as well as a bit of milk from the fridge. After it was thoroughly stirred Hawke picked up the mug and glanced back over at the elf.

“The soup was from Karl, by the way, he didn’t want to leave you out. He’s a good guy.”

“Oh? It was very good. I will have to thank him.” Fenris said, leaning against the counter as he drank.

Lifting the mug in his hand Hawke nodded towards it. “I’ll be back, I’m gonna bring this to Anders.”

Hawke walked out the kitchen, heading to the room his partner had disappeared in. As soon as he was gone Fenris leaned forward and pressed the cool glass against his temple, letting his eyes fall closed. For most of the day he’d been suffering the threat of a migraine; he could feel it thumping behind his eyes, and bit by bit it was starting to get a bit worse.

It was making it even more difficult than it would have normally been for Fenris to wrap his head around this new revelation about the two men he was staying with.

With a sigh he filled the cup again, drinking deeply with the hope that the water would ward off the growing discomfort. Wandering into the living room Fenris settled down on the couch, leaning into the cushions and resting his head on the back. Whether the headache was caused by his medication, dehydration, his current health, or something else, he couldn't quite be certain. A bigger problem was whether or not he could take any painkillers with the medication or not.

After several minutes Fenris felt something brush against his leg. Cracking open an eye open he looked down and found Mr. McMittens staring back up at him; the kitten was perched between the elf's ankles, and by the alert look in his eyes the kitten was in quite the mood. Fenris smiled a bit and shuffled his foot, wincing as it was immediately pounced, the prick of tiny claws in his bare toes offering the barest reprieve from the pressure in his head.

He scooted his other foot quickly across the carpet and McMittens took the bait. The kitten reared up on his hind paws and hopped after the movement, grappling Fenris' ankle and kicking at his heel. Fenris jolted this time—playful as the kitten was he was also a bit rough, and the elf wasn't keen on having his feet shredded to ribbons. Swiftly he changed tactics, wiggling his fingers over the edge of the couch cushions to draw McMittens’ attention to them and jerking them out of the way at the last second.

Hawke was gone for around half an hour before the soft murmur of voices from the room he and Anders had disappeared into grew louder, and the two finally emerged. Anders looked like the weight of a thousand worlds had been lifted from his shoulders, smiling and as happy as he’d been before Karl had left; carrying his empty tea mug he was headed for the kitchen however the sight on the couch had him making a detour as Hawke disappeared into the downstairs bathroom.

“Look at the two of you just hanging out together.” Leaning against the back of the couch Anders beamed down at McMittens, reaching down to pet his tiny ears. The kitten attempted to capture his hand but Anders withdrew quickly, waggling one finger at him and tsk-ing. “ _No_ , McMittens, no more biting.”

Fenris looked up to where Anders had leaned into his line of sight. He couldn't suppress the throaty chuckle that came as McMittens swatted cheekily at Anders’ scolding finger; Fenris had managed to get the kitten good and riled up, and his laugh turning into a yelp as McMittens caught his wrist and climbed up his arm in a fit of hyperactive feline fury.

"Ha! Ouch, _shit_." Fenris laughed once he managed to retract his arm. The kitten launched off the couch at that point to chase a speck of dust through the sunbeam filtering in the window, and the elf finally turned to meet Anders' eye, noting he looked far better than he had earlier.

"I hope you did not think I was judging you earlier.” Fenris shifted in his seat a bit, rubbing his arm where it was covered in tiny, angry red scratches. “I admit, that was the last thing I expected to walk in on. I was a bit concerned... mostly over... um... reactions."

He gestured vaguely and offered no further explanation, asking the blonde next, "You are okay?"

Anders offered a small smile, nodding and glancing down at his empty mug as he replied, “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for the concern.” Hazel eyes turned back upwards to focus on Fenris, and his expression shifted to uncertainty. “Are _you_ okay? With… all of this?”

Fenris rested his head back against the couch cushions, weighing the question before answering. "...I am. Even if I weren't, I'm in no position to judge anyone else for their choices. As long as there's no violence, then... yes, I am fine."

Fenris' gaze had fallen on McMittens again as the kitten try to squeeze into the TV stand to attack the cords. He missed the slightly larger smile Anders cast at him at that response.

“Well, I appreciate that. Some people aren’t as accepting.” Anders looked over to watch the kitten as well, frowning and snapping his fingers just as the tiny black head disappeared behind the entertainment center. “McMittens, get out of there!!”

Briskly he walked around the couch and set his mug on the coffee table so that he had both hands to snatch the little cat up around his middle. McMittens let out a yowl that sounded like he was being murdered and immediately began squirming to get away as Anders carried him across the room from the TV.

“Kitties don’t belong back there!” Anders admonished, trying to twist the uncooperative little feline around so he could hold him properly. McMittens was having nothing of it, kicking at his arms and squirming this way and that until Anders finally gave up and dropped him back onto the floor. The second he landed McMittens darted down the hall and out of sight, claws scrabbling at the carpet and barely missing Hawke’s feet as the man came out of the bathroom.

"Such an innocent little angel." Fenris scoffed, amused, stifling a laugh as Hawke yelped in surprise at the furry black streak shooting past him. His head was still throbbing and he closed his eyes and rested his head again, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes and rubbing at them in a feeble attempt to ease the discomfort.

In the back of his mind there was an intrusive little voice plucking away at his thoughts, and Fenris was doing his best to shake it off, gritting his teeth the more insistent it became. Still it persisted, telling him that he could easily get rid of the headache. He knew how. It wouldn’t just be relief either, oh no. It would be _better_ than relief.

_No_. He wouldn’t. He _couldn’t._

Letting out a shaky breath Fenris spoke up tentatively. "Anders, do you know if... if I can take anything for headaches while on Subutex?"

Returning for the mug he’d left on the table Anders raised a brow at that. “Um, well…” He thought for a moment, shifting idly on his feet before answering, “I don’t have a lot of experience with Subutex, and I don’t want to tell you the wrong thing, but I can call Fiona and ask?”

"Please do." The elf’s expression was tight as he peered at Anders from under his palm. Anders nodded and walked to the kitchen, pulling his phone from his pocket as he went, and Hawke settled on the couch beside Fenris looking rather concerned.

"You alright?"  He inquired, meeting Fenris' eye when the elf looked over at him.

"I think so. Be much better if I can take something for this, though." Fenris huffed.

“All things considered, I think you’re doing pretty good.” Hawke said with an encouraging smile. Fenris felt a little guilty for the thought flitting through his head.  
  
_Shake it out._ Fenris thought, closing his eyes again. _Don’t fucking let this win._   
  
“Thank you.” He answered, his voice a small croak. “It… feels good to know I have some support.”

“You have all the support, Fenris.” Hawke reiterated, glancing fondly toward the kitchen. They could hear Anders’ voice carrying from around the corner.   
  
“I’m just not sure I can ever repay the both of you.” Fenris found himself saying, dropping his arms to his lap and rubbing the inside of one elbow with his thumb. Hawke made a noise next to him and Fenris glanced over to find him shaking his head.   
  
“Then don’t pay it _back_ .” Hawke stated in a matter-of-fact tone. “Pay it _forward_ . Help someone else, when you can. However you can.”   
  
Fenris blinked, opening his mouth to say something before he fell quiet. It was something to consider... what he could do, what Hawke and Anders obviously felt he was capable of if he could pull himself past this part of his life.

They heard Anders walk down the hall from the kitchen and then the brief sound of him shuffling through things in the bathroom, before he returned holding a bottle of Tylenol.

“Here, you can take two of these.” He handed the bottle over to Fenris, glancing at the nearly empty glass of water sitting on the table. “You also need to make sure you’re drinking enough water so you don’t get dehydrated, that can be another cause of the headaches.”  
  
“Could explain the odd dreams. One of the recent ones was gulping down gallons of water with no relief.” Fenris relaxed slightly as he took the bottle, popping it open and shaking two pills onto his hand before swiftly popping them into his mouth and swallowing, along with what was left of the water in his cup.   
  
Hawke smirked. “As long as those dreams don’t make you don’t wet the bed…”

Fenris shot him a look, rolling his eyes as he set the glass down on the coffee table. “Thank you, Anders.” He paused for a moment, thinking before he spoke again, “Your mentioning of Fiona actually reminded me, she wants me back on Wednesday for a checkup.”

“I was meaning to ask about that.” Anders perched on the edge of their recliner, fiddling absentmindedly with his phone. “Does she want you going to any kind of rehab or did she just give you the Subutex?”

“She... recommended an inpatient program.” Fenris said slowly. He picked at some lint on his shirt sleeve. “It took some convincing but I managed to get her to allow me to try the outpatient program. I… um… I am supposed to go to the treatment center for an hour or two a day.”  
  
“What?” Hawke sat straighter at that. “Fenris, why didn’t you mention this on Thursday? Or even the last couple of days? If you needed to go...”   
  
“I thought I could handle it on my own!” Fenris interjected. “I’m… the last few days have been overwhelming, I didn’t… I didn’t feel comfortable.” The look Hawke was giving him had him averting his gaze and frowning hard at the floor.

“Fenris, you _need_ to take this seriously.” Anders’ full attention was on him now, his brow furrowed with some irritation. “The medication can only take you so far, you have to start going to those sessions if you don’t want to be checked into the inpatient facility.”

" _I know that._ " Fenris snapped out of reflex. That whisper was still in the back of his head though, and despite how much he disliked it he was beginning to realize he wouldn't be able to handle this through willpower alone.

"I know..." He reiterated, his tone more subdued. Any excuse he came up with for not going so far would be just that—an excuse. If he didn't do as his doctor suggested he was going to fail, that much was becoming clear.

“ _Tomorrow_.” Anders stated, looking over to Hawke and speaking to him next. “Make sure he gets over there, Gare.”   
  
“Absolutely.” Hawke answered. There was a look of disappointment on his face as he looked back at Fenris.

“The meetings are early. They start at seven, last about two hours.” Fenris quietly pointed out.

“We'll figure out something.” Hawke said decisively.

“Make sure you let your cousin know too when you talk to him.” Anders told his partner. “That way if he hires him he can schedule his shift around it.”

"I will."  Hawke said, before his focus shifted back to their guest. "I can't believe you didn't mention this, Fenris."

"I'm sorry, I've been a fool. I'll start going." Fenris scrubbed his hands over his face. His head was still throbbing, and he was beginning to feel a bit grungy on top of it.

Abruptly he stood up and stated, "I’m going to go take a shower, I haven’t had one yet today." At that he left the room, heading to the guest room he’d been using.

Honestly, Fenris needed to think. He’d had a number of reasons for not going to the first two meetings—he’d been exhausted for days, and had still been recovering from the ordeal that landed him in the hospital. He thought it'd be alright to take a couple of days to recuperate from the hypothermia he'd suffered. He even had hoped he'd be stubborn enough to be able to handle his recovery on his own... yet the whispers in his mind and the familiar itch crawling all underneath his skin made it clear he couldn't.

He needed help. He needed support. Anders was right.

Fenris left the bedroom door open just a crack and made his way to the washroom, making sure to shut and lock it as he began to strip down. Stepping into the shower he pulled the curtain closed, resting his head against the cool tile wall as he cranked the faucet and biting back a noise of discomfort as cold water sprayed down his back. Once it had warmed up he tilted his head into the stream to soak down his hair.

_The support group will be safe_. Fenris told himself this repeatedly. Still, he didn't know the people who were going to be in it, what they were like, whether they'd sell someone like him out for money. Gritting his teeth Fenris dug his fingers into his scalp to ground himself with the pricks of pain.

_It won’t be like that. Stop it_. He drew in a breath, grabbing the shampoo and squirting a dollop onto his head before furiously working it into a lather. It was difficult to push the thoughts aside; they wormed their way back to the forefront of his mind the moment his guard was down, causing him to tense again. With a frustrated sigh Fenris rinsed out his hair and grabbed the bar of soap, making short work of washing up.

Once he was clean Fenris took some time to rest his head against the wall again to think, his eyes half closed and staring down at the rivulets of water running down his legs. Perhaps if he voiced some of his apprehensions to Anders and Hawke the two would understand his hesitation. Yet the thought of them finding out more about him, discovering who he was, where he’d come from…

_They aren't like that_. Fenris scolded himself, hitting the tile next to his head with a balled up fist. _They wouldn't... they wouldn't send you back there._

Cranking off the faucet, Fenris stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, pausing at the mirror to inspect the wet elf staring back at him. He stepped closer and leaned against the counter to look himself over. The bruises on his throat were still visible, standing out in sharp relief against his skin. His color was better at least, he didn't look as pale as he had when he'd first got here.

Still, Fenris frowned at how skinny he was. His collarbone and ribs were still visible despite having eaten better the last few days than he had the last month. He supposed it would take a while to recover and start gaining some weight back... with a sigh he looked down at his arms, eyeing the small, pock-like scars spattered across the surface of them. There were still half healed bruises and scabs from the last few injections he'd given himself.

_Just a few more scars to add to the collection_ , Fenris told himself, his gaze flickering up his body and settling on his chest. Those had healed some time ago, and the tattoos helped keep them fairly inconspicuous. Idly Fenris ran his thumb along one, still able to feel the raised lip of scar tissue beneath the skin, before his attention shifted back to his neck.

His brow furrowed, he lifted a hand to gently massage the front of his throat where the bruises were still obvious. One thing was for certain, he doubted the people within the support group would do something like that to him.

Turning away from the mirror Fenris finished toweling off before he grabbed the borrowed pajamas he'd left folded over the edge of the hamper that morning. He felt a bit better now even though he knew the discussion regarding his treatment was by no means over.

It would be okay, Fenris silently reminded himself once again. He was safe. He just had to let himself believe it.


	10. Chapter 10

After some discussion the previous day, it was decided that the easiest way for Fenris to get to the rehab center first thing in the morning would be to simply catch the bus with Anders. It was on his route, Anders had assured them—besides, he knew all too well that while Hawke would have continued bending over backwards to help their new friend and current housemate, he really, really didn't want to have to be awake that early every day.  
  
Thus it was around 5:30 in the morning when Fenris was woken up by an all-too-awake Anders, dressed and showered and far too functional for what time it was.   
  
"Hey, half an hour, alright...?" McMittens roused himself at the sight of the blonde, stretching on Fenris' pillow before hopping down and darting out of the room in anticipation of breakfast. "Bus will be here five after six."

To say Fenris was less than enthusiastic about the wake-up call was a gross understatement. He was well aware he had to stop letting his apprehensions control him and take charge in his recovery, but it still took a substantial effort to drag himself out of his warm bed and stumble into the washroom to prepare for the day.

"How are you this spry?" Fenris grumbled as he walked into the kitchen several minutes later. He was rubbing the sleep out of one eye, squinting against the bright light while Anders went about feeding the cats.

“Trust me, this is the only day you’ll see me this awake.” Anders said as he went to the back door to let in the dog. Gorbash bounded in, scattering pine needles on the floor in his haste to get to his food bowl. “My hours are so odd the only time I ever have to catch up on my sleep is the weekend.”

Fenris huffed, murmuring something in Tevene and walking over to the counter as the sharp, earthy scent of coffee filled his nose. He eyed the pot before helping himself to a mug, taking a sip with a sigh.

“I suppose this will be my official introduction as to why people tend to ‘hate Mondays’.” He muttered, running a hand through his hair and scratching at his scalp.

Spotting Fenris with the coffee Anders made a sound as though something had just occurred to him, walking around to a cabinet on the far end of the kitchen and retrieving a travel mug. “Here, you can use this if you want. I got a new one a few months ago so it hasn't been used for a while, but it should be clean.”

“Oh, thank you.” Fenris said, a grateful look on his face as he took the mug and poured the contents of the regular one into it.

It wasn't long before they were bundled up and headed out the door. Outside it was pitch black, and Anders switched on a small light he had hanging from his backpack to give any early morning motorists better visibility to them as they walked down the street.  
  
"This will be enough to get you a two hour pass." Anders handed Fenris a couple of dollars once they reached the bus stop. They'd decided that Anders would help get him to the place and Hawke would come by to pick him up when the session was over, at which point the two of them could go back to the library as planned.   
  
“Alright…  you said our stop was the same?” Fenris asked for clarification, hoping he wouldn’t end up hopelessly lost. Kirkwall could be a maze at the best of times with it’s ridiculous street layouts, particularly once you got closer to the docks.

“I actually get off at the stop after yours, but I’ve got time.” Anders told him. His hands were wrapped around his own travel mug—pink and yellow with a black cat printed on one side—and his shoulders were scrunched up to try to ward off the chill. “I can get off with you and walk the rest of the way. It’s only a few blocks.”  
  
“Alright. I hope it’s not too far a walk for you.” Fenris stated, sipping his coffee and looking down the street. The weather was quite chilly this time of morning and he was greatly appreciating his new coat. It was almost comical the way the elf tucked himself into it, bunching his shoulders so his face was just visible in the opening of the collar; to any passersby he very likely looked like a broody Tweedledee, clutching his travel mug for the warmth emanating from within it.

Aside from the two of them the street was dark and deserted at this time of morning. Most of the snow from the week before had melted but there were a few piles leftover here and there where people had shoveled their driveways; now everything was covered in a fine layer of frost, adding a bit of sparkle to the sidewalk and the yards around them.

The bus came soon enough, and Anders climbed on and showed the driver his pass before making his way towards the back where there were a couple of free seats together. He tended to sit towards the back even on his own—the lighting was better and it was usually less crowded than the front of the bus. Fenris wasn't far behind, pausing long enough to pay for his pass before following and settling in the seat next to Anders, fidgeting restlessly with the small flip-lid of his mug.

“It’s about a thirty minute ride.” Anders explained as the bus rumbled down the street. He had slid his backpack onto the floor and was now pulling his phone from his pocket to tap open the map app. “The place you’re going to isn’t that far from where you’ll be getting off. I can help you find it today.”

“That will help. Once I know where it is I can get to it on my own.” Fenris said, trying to take a sip of his coffee without it spilling as the bus jostled over some uneven holes on the road. “Thank you for your help, Anders.”

“Sure thing.” Swiping across the map Anders double checked that he’d remembered correctly, offering his companion a smile. “I go everywhere on the bus so if you ever need to go somewhere without Garrett I can probably help you get there.”

They rode in silence for a while, Anders tapping on his phone while Fenris subtly examined the other riders who were on the bus with them. It wasn’t too crowded and no one seemed to be paying him any attention. After several minutes he was content enough to turn his gaze past Anders towards the window, however there wasn’t much to see in the dark, unfortunately.

After about five minutes Anders glanced to the side towards his companion. Outside of when Fenris had been in the hospital and the night before he’d left for the weekend, the two of them hadn’t really spent much time alone together. The thin, elegant curve of white ink up Fenris’ chin caught Anders’ eye, and a second later he spoke up.

“Your tattoos are impressive.” Anders met his eye briefly before glancing down at what he could see of them again. “I haven’t seen many done in white like that. Is it like the markings that the Dalish use…?”

Fenris shifted in his seat as Anders' gaze fixed on the visible tattoos. He was fidgeting, tapping the rim of his mug, though the question made him pause as he considered it.

"I don't know." He answered carefully. "They're just... tattoos, as far as I'm aware."

“Do they mean something?” Anders slid his phone back into his pocket and took a sip of his coffee.

Fenris didn’t respond immediately, his gaze dropping to his gloved hands, cupped around the mug as he thought. After a moment he shook his head, not looking back up as he replied.

"Maybe. I don't know."

“You don’t know…? That’s an awful lot of ink for not knowing.” Raising a brow Anders gave him a slightly confused look, though he shook his head a second later to shake it off. “Sorry, no judgment here. They’re very nice regardless.”

"I wasn't the one who chose the design." Fenris said in a clipped voice. He shot a quick sideways glance toward the blonde man, who was now staring at him slightly wide eyed, and shifted uncomfortably. After a beat of silence he added, his tone more subdued, "...I’d rather not discuss it."

Anders was slightly at a loss for words. He hadn’t thought the topic would be quite this complicated, but the body language of the man beside him told him that he’d definitely been wrong on that account. This was the second time Fenris had confessed to something being done to his body outside of his own control, and the thought of what he _wasn’t_ saying was beginning to make Anders a bit anxious.

“…alright, um. Sorry.” Anders fiddled with his cup for a few seconds, glancing out the window to see where they were. Fenris focused on drinking his coffee; he was starting to wake up a bit more but was still somewhat irritable, which didn’t mix well with the nerves he already had over how the day was going to go.

When Anders finally looked back over he decided to try a change of subject. “Have you worked at a library or a bookstore before…?”

Fenris furrowed his brow in thought before answering. "I... no. I don't think so? I don’t remember.”

“No…?” Wary now, Anders was cautious to venture too far into this new territory despite how disturbing that comment had been, opting to play it a bit safer this time. “Well if you like dusty bookshelves it’ll be good. The Grimoire is an interesting place, and Garrett’s cousin is a decent person.”

“Heh. Well, I do enjoy books. The dust will just add character.” Fenris relaxed as the conversation took a more comfortable turn, though he couldn't help but wonder if Hawke had informed Anders of his amnesia. “It seems it may be a quiet job. That will be nice.”

Finishing his coffee, Fenris glowered at his now empty mug as if it had personally offended him before adding on, “...I am a bit apprehensive about this group treatment, however.”

Anders nodded, taking another sip from his own mug. “Just remember that everyone there is coming from a difficult situation. It might be awkward at first but no one should judge you.”

“I would hope not.” Fenris said quietly. He’d taken to flipping the lid open and closed on his mug, stopping himself once he realized what he was doing and turning his attention back to the window. The streetlights illuminated the sidewalks, as well as the few people were already out and about at this hour. Fenris couldn't help but think that had been him less than a week ago, aimlessly walking through town in a desperate bid to keep warm.

The two remained quiet for the rest of the trip. Anders signaled for the stop as they approached, and soon the two of them were back outside in the cold and the dark, except this time it was on a road neither was particularly familiar with.

“It should be just over here…” Anders had his phone out again, looking for their destination on the map before he looked back up and gestured down the street. “Just a few buildings down.”

"Okay." Fenris stared down the street, the eerie amber glow of the street lights illuminating the sidewalk.  Most of the businesses' lights were out, save one at the end of the block. Fenris fidgeted a little, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he fought with his nerves and sucking in a long, steadying breath, letting the crisp, cold air fill his lungs. It was just enough to calm him a bit as he began to walk in the direction Anders had indicated.

"Are you sure you'll make the walk to the hospital in time from here?" Fenris asked.

“Oh, yeah it’s not that far. I’ve still got twenty minutes before I have to be there.” It was obvious which building was the right one and Anders put his phone away, heading for the place where lights could be seen from the lobby through the glass door. “I usually get there early, unless the bus is running late for some reason. Here, this looks like the place.”

From what they could see of the lobby the place looked mostly empty, though there was someone at the front desk as well as a couple of people talking to each other nearby. Anders glanced towards Fenris.

“You have Garrett’s number if anything comes up, right?” The elven man didn’t have a cellphone, but he could always ask the receptionist if he could use the phone if he had to.

“Yes, he gave it to me last night.” Fenris said, reaching into his pocket to feel the small slip of paper with the man’s number on it. “Said I should call him if the meeting ends early.”

He stared through the doors at the people inside, tentatively commenting, “I hope this goes well.”

“It'll be good, don't worry. I'll see you later tonight.” Anders offered him a wave before he turned and headed back the direction they'd come. Steeling his nerves, Fenris pushed the door open and willed himself to approach the front desk as the door swung closed at his back.

 

* * *

 

When Hawke pulled up to the treatment center a couple of hours later he found Fenris sitting on the sidewalk outside. The meeting had ended just a few minutes prior; Fenris rose as soon as he saw the SUV pull up, heading over to climb in.

"Good morning!" Hawke greeted him, sounding a little too chipper and far too well rested. Fenris gave him a pointed, almost disgusted look of jealousy as he made himself comfortable and fastened his belt.

"You're in good spirits." Fenris muttered. He sounded so put-out that Hawke couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"How was your first group...?" Fenris didn't appear too particularly stressed out, but Hawke already knew he could be a hard one to read.

"It was fine." Fenris answered. "A lot of talking. Not as many questions as I expected, which was nice."

Hawke nodded. He hoped at some point that the elf would be able to open up, talk about whatever it was he'd been through, either with this new group or with himself and Anders. "That's good then. Are the people friendly?"

"They're alright. The group leader is encouraging enough." Fenris said. Hawke glanced over at him and smiled a bit; the elf didn’t seem anywhere near as tense as he’d thought he would be after that morning, which was a good sign.

"Well, next stop is the library. Piers should be in!" Hawke pointed out, casting another glance at his passenger to judge his reaction. Fenris shifted a little, fiddling with the sleeve of his coat.

"Right. I hope my charming demeanor encourages him to hire me." Fenris said sardonically. Hawke laughed.

"Don't be like that, you'll be fine!"

Fenris drew a breath, letting it out slowly. "I hope so."

The library wasn't far; within fifteen minutes they'd found a parking spot just down the street and were walking up the sidewalk toward the Grimoire together. Hawke pushed the door open and let Fenris walk in ahead of him.

There was an elven girl at the front desk today who hadn’t been there the last time they’d come by, however she perked up nearly as much as Bethany had when she spotted the two coming in, smiling as they walked over.

“Oh, hello Hawke! You’re earlier than Bethany said you would be.” She spoke in a quick flurry of words, her attention turning to Fenris before he had a chance to respond. There was a swirl of faded lines on her face that were just barely visible. “You must be… Fenris, is that right?”

"Yes?" Fenris blinked, rather caught off guard by the enthusiasm.

"Morning Merrill!" Hawke greeted her with a smile. "Yeah, we’re a little early. Is Piersen in?"

“He just got in actually! I can take you back there.” For half a second Merrill seemed about ready to walk out from behind the desk before she stopped herself and smiled somewhat sheepishly. “You probably don’t need me to, you know where the back offices are. Sorry, I’m just excited, there aren’t any other elves working here!”

"Well, with any luck there'll be at least one more you can talk to soon." Hawke said. "I can go ahead and take Fenris back, no need to pull yourself away from the desk!"

Hawke lead Fenris between the aisles to the back of the building. For the most part there was nothing out of the ordinary save one doorway in the very back covered by a beaded curtain; curious, Fenris peered at it but was unable to make out what was beyond.

In the very back they arrived at a door marked 'Employees Only', which Hawke pushed open without hesitation. It opened into hallway with what appeared to be a lunchroom on one side and several doors on the opposite wall, likely leading to offices or storage areas. Hawke headed towards the back, stopping in front of one that was slightly ajar.

“Here we are.” Hawke rapped on the door before poking his head in. The room was small, just big enough for a desk and a few chairs, and nearly every surface was piled with books and papers save for the space immediately in front of the man sitting there, which was instead occupied by a laptop along with a scone and a cup of coffee.

“Hawke, good morning…!” The man at the desk stood and walked around to greet them. “Beth mentioned you’d be stopping by.”

“How have you been, Piers?” Hawke grinned at his cousin. “How's the kiddo? I haven't seen him for a while!”

“He’s back in school this week, thankfully. Had last week off for winter vacation. How’s Anders doing these days?” The resemblance between Hawke and the man standing in front of them now was uncanny, and Fenris couldn’t help but stare. Piersen Amell was a good couple of inches taller and not as well built, with longer hair tied back in a ponytail and a more tidily trimmed beard, but all in all the two looked like they could have been brothers.

“Anders is doing great! His rotations keep him pretty busy, and he’s still volunteering at Haven.” Hawke turned towards Fenris and gestured, “This is my friend, Fenris.”

Fenris was staring between them, just enough of an adorably perplexed look in his expression that Hawke raised his brows in question.

“Hello.” Fenris reached out to shake Piersen’s hand. “I was under the impression I was meeting a cousin. Are… you certain you’re not long lost twins?”  

Piersen let out a small laugh at that. “Whatever he tells you, I came first. Hawke just got a good dose of Amell genes. It’s what makes him so pretty.”

"Hey, I would have been ravishing no matter which side of the family I took after!" Hawke retorted with a chuckle. Fenris let out a snort and stifled a laugh before he caught himself, clearing his throat and deciding to take a bit of initiative.

"Bethany said you may have a position open...?"

“So that’s what this is about. Beth didn’t leave me many details.” Gesturing towards the chairs in front of his desk Piersen headed back around to sit back down, tapping on his laptop for a second before closing it and giving Fenris his full attention. “Have you ever worked retail before? Everyone calls us a library, but we _are_ a store.”

Fenris, despite having prompted the discussion, immediately felt a nervous flutter in his chest. He cast a glance toward Hawke who smiled reassuringly at him as they both sat down, and Fenris directed his attention to the man who would, Maker willing, be his employer.

“I... haven’t, actually.” Fenris said with some hesitation, planting his hands on top of his knees to keep them from jittering too much. “I don’t have a lot of immediate experience with anything.”

“Here’s the thing, Piers. We were hoping you could help him out? He’s coming out of a pretty rough situation, Anders and I are helping him get back on his feet but at the moment he’s got no identification of his own…” Hawke granted his cousin a hopeful look.

“No identification?” Piersen regarded the two of them with some surprise, pursing his lips a moment later as he mulled over this information. “That complicates things. You and Anders can vouch for him, I’m guessing.”

"We can and we will." Hawke stated.

"It's... complicated." Fenris spoke up, trying not to fidget too much. "I can work hard, though. I'm fairly organized and I learn quickly." He recalled Hawke pointing that out the other day when he was helping him with his own work. Despite lacking experience, Fenris was at least confident he could catch on to what the job required soon enough.

“Hmm.” Drumming his fingers on the edge of his laptop, Piersen took a long minute to think this over. Finally he said, “I can’t add you to the official roster, this would be entirely under the table, but I could use another stock person. Morrigan won’t like it but as long as you don’t steal anything or show up drunk I think we can work out something.”

Fenris’ mouth dropped open, his eyes widening a bit. Whatever he expected, it had certainly not been that. After a moment he found his voice again, stammering, “Oh… really?”

“This is the last time though, Hawke.” Piersen shot a look towards his cousin. “Beth just needed job experience, she’s a legitimate employee here, but I could get in trouble for this if it was found out.”

“I understand.” Hawke replied quickly. “With any luck we’ll be able to help him look his information up somehow. He just needs something temporarily to help get back on his feet.”

“Well, good luck with that.” Piersen turned his attention back towards Fenris, raising a brow. “Is there anything else I should know? Preference of hours, felonies committed…?”

Fenris tried not to tense. Looking up he held Piersen’s gaze and decided honesty was likely the best course of action, though it didn't do well to settle the stirring anxiety in his guts.

“I have no felonies.” He began, steadying himself by twisting the fabric of his coat in his hands beneath the table. “I am recovering from narcotics, so afternoon shifts would be preferable. My… my support group runs until nine during the week. Weekends are flexible.”

Piersen had pulled out a notepad and was taking a few notes now, though he didn’t write down much, nodding as Fenris explained his situation. “I can work with that. Let me work with the schedule and I’ll get back to you. Is there a number I can reach you at?”

“It'll have to be mine for now.” Hawke told him. “He's staying with Anders and I for a while.”

“Alright, I’ll call you this afternoon sometime.” Piersen scratched down another note before looking back up at Fenris, sighing ever so slightly. “If you were hired as a regular employee you’d have to take a drug test, but as it is… just don’t let it affect your work, alright?”

“It won't.” Fenris croaked. There was no hiding the stunned expression on his face. “Thank you. _Thank you._ ”

“Piers, you know you're the best cousin in Thedas, right? I owe you like, the biggest favor in the world for this.” Hawke beamed, quite pleased to say the least. “Do you need him to sign anything?”

Piersen shook his head. “The less there is about this, the better.” After a seconds thought he smirked at his cousin. “You could get me a bottle of that fancy vintage wine Grandma Amell always hoarded.”

"Done. I'm fairly sure Mom has a few bottles stored away.” Hawke said with a wink. “I'm sure I could sweet talk one out of her."

“Thank you again.” Fenris couldn’t think of much else to say other than repeatedly thanking the man. Grinning, Hawke got to his feet.

"Thanks again, Piers. If there's nothing else then we should get going. I seriously can't appreciate this enough."

“That’s all I need for now. I’ll be in touch.” Piersen told them.

"Thank you." Fenris couldn't help slipping one more in there, standing and following after Hawke as they left the office.

They said a quick goodbye to Merrill on their way out of the building, heading back to where the SUV was parked and climbing in to head back to the house. Hawke was excited, enthusiastically bringing up ideas for lunch when he noticed Fenris was being even more quiet than usual.

"You alright?" Hawke asked, glancing over at him as he waited for a light to turn green. Fenris  seemed preoccupied by a bit of lint on his sleeve.

"What? Oh... yes. I suppose." He trailed off, seeming distracted. Hawke raised his brows.

"You've got a job!  Why so downcast?"  Hawke asked.

Fenris didn’t respond right away, staring out of the window once they started to move. He was thinking, the muscle in his jaw working; when he spoke again his voice was soft.

"I just can't help but feel like this lucky streak is going to end." He sighed. "Things have been working out too well for me. They never work out this well."

Hawke frowned a bit. "You know, you're allowed to have things work out for you sometimes, Fenris."

"Forgive me... I'm grateful, I really am. It's just...  I'm afraid of what might happen once the luck runs out." The elf cast a glance toward Hawke and the man sighed, tapping his fingers over the steering wheel for a moment before finally deciding to just say what he was thinking.

"Fenris… is someone after you?"

The elf didn’t reply, and Hawke immediately frowned. He’d had his theories, yes, but to realize he was right had his insides twist up. Questions immediately surging through his head, and the most pressing one had him tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

“Fenris.” Hawke spoke again once they’d pulled into the driveway, putting the SUV in park and taking a moment to work out how to ask this. “I want you to be honest with me. I don’t expect details, but I _have_ to know something. This situation you’re in… is this anything to do with drugs?”

”No…” Fenris answered softly.

“Did you do anything illegal?”

“ _No_.” Fenris sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.  

“Is the person who’s after you dangerous…?”

Fenris hesitated at that, shifting uncomfortably. Pressing his lips together Hawke drew in a steady breath and pressed, “Fenris, I need to know if Anders and I are safe.”

“Yes, yes of course you are… he's only a danger to me, I’d imagine.” Fenris finally answered. He still wouldn't look at Hawke, and the man watched his face in profile for a few long moments.

“Have you been to the police?” Hawke asked carefully.

Fenris shook his head, silent for a moment or so before he answered, “No, I... just put as much distance as I could between us. I would rather not call attention to it.”

Hawke digested this information for a long moment, before coming to a decision.

“Anders and I will do everything we can to keep you safe.” He said with conviction. “I mean that.”

Fenris remained silent, his expression strained. One corner of Hawke’s mouth turned up and he decided to attempt to lighten the mood if he could.

"Besides, Gorbash loves you. You think anyone would be stupid enough to threaten a one-hundred and twenty pound mastiff's best friend?" Fenris stifled a laugh at that.

"I suppose that would be foolish." He said finally. "I… am sorry for this. I know this must be troublesome for you. There are just… there are things that I’m not ready to talk about yet.”

"Well, whenever you are, I’m ready to listen." Hawke stated.

As the two finally exited the vehicle and headed into the house, Hawke quietly watched Fenris as he walked across the living room. He watched as the elf stooped down to pet the little tuxedo kitten who came to greet him. He watched him laugh as Gorbash took advantage of it, licking a wet streak across his cheek.

Whoever was after Fenris, Hawke swore, they would have to go through him first.

 

* * *

 

Hawke heard from Piersen that afternoon as promised, who asked if Fenris could start the next day later in the morning. Just like that, the elf was employed—his hours were short and he was only scheduled a few days out of the week, but it was something.

The next day Fenris caught the bus with Anders again in the morning. Hawke was there to pick him up when his rehab session was over; with a couple of hours to spare they went out and got breakfast before Hawke drove him to the Grimoire and then, for the first time since Fenris left the hospital a week earlier, he went home by himself.

It was strange, even after such a short amount of time Hawke had gotten used to the constant presence of his guest. Having no one around except for the dog and cats, and no jobs so far that day, he settled on the couch and pulled out his phone while wondering just what to do with himself for the next few hours. He’d gotten a few texts while driving home and glanced at each of the names, opening the one from Anders first.

**Anders** [12:36 PM]: Finn’s cat had her kittens! <3

_[Anders sent an attachment]_

Hawke shook his head with a smile at the picture his boyfriend had sent, though he had to admit the three little fuzzballs squished against the mother cat’s side were adorable.

**Garrett** [12:47 PM]: We aren’t getting another kitten, love

**Anders** [12:49 PM]: I didn’t say anything!

**Garrett** [12:49 PM]: You were thinking it. I know you

**Anders** [12:50 PM]: They’re just so cute

**Garrett** [12:50 PM]: If you get another kitten I get to get a puppy

**Anders** [12:52 PM]: Maybe Karl wants a kitten

Laughing Hawke swiped out of that conversation and opened one of the other messages he’d received, reaching over to scratch Gorbash’s head when the mastiff came over and leaned against his leg.

**Varric** [11:56 AM]: Hey Chuckles! I hope you aren’t planning on standing me up again this Friday. You’ve been awful cryptic this last week over this mystery guest of yours.

Groaning slightly Hawke thought for a few minutes, idly drumming his thumbs on his phone case as he tried to decide how to reply. Fenris had been alright with meeting his brother and sister, and if he was going to be around from now on they should really introduce him to the rest of their usual gang. It occurred to Hawke that this Friday might be the best time for it—Anders would be with them so there would be at least two people there who Fenris already knew.

**Garrett** [1:06 PM]: A man needs a little mystery in his life, Varric

**Varric** [1:10 PM]: Ha! I was under the impression I had enough mystery of my own to go around.

**Garrett** [1:11 PM]: Maybe I wanted to be the one with the secrets this time

**Garrett** [1:11 PM]: I’ll talk to him about Friday and see what he thinks

**Varric** [1:12 PM] Well, you've got me curious enough about this mystery guest that I'm about to make a house call if you don’t bring him around soon.

**Varric** [1:12 PM] Blondie and Cheeky gonna make it?

**Garrett** [1:13 PM]: Anders will be there with me. Karl’s going out of town

**Varric** [1:17 PM]: Well, I hope you boys can make it. Feel free to invite some new faces if you can.

**Varric** [1:17 PM]: The more the merrier, after all.

**Garrett** [1:18 PM]: You just want new victims to swindle out of all their hard earned coin

**Garrett** [1:19 PM]: You can’t fool me, Varric Tethras!

**Varric** [1:22 PM]: Hawke, your accusations cut deep. You know I give them every honest chance to win that coin back. I also know for a fact that YOUR coin is definitely not hard earned.

**Garrett** [1:23 PM]: Details, details

**Garrett** [1:23 PM]: I’ll do my best to get all three of us over there this Friday

Hawke’s phone rang at that point and he nearly dropped it, shouting in surprise and fumbling for a second to press the answer button. It was one of his mother’s old friends who lived a couple of streets down from him—apparently their garage door had gotten stuck halfway open and they couldn’t get their car out. Getting to his feet after he hung up Hawke began gathering his work supplies, glancing at his phone as he tugged on his coat when it chimed again.

**Carver** [1:42 PM]: Your friend got that job looks like

With a smirk Hawke couldn’t resist pausing for a minute to reply, knowing where his brother had to be to have made that observation.

**Garrett** [1:43 PM]: At the library again? I never realized you liked reading so much

**Carver** [1:44 PM]: Shut up I came to see Bethany

**Garrett** [1:44 PM]: Right. Nothing to do with the other cute clerk

**Carver** [1:45 PM]: IM NOY INTERESTED IN HER

**Garrett** [1:45 PM]: *I’m not

**Carver** [1:46 PM]: Ass

Hawke laughed and stuffed his phone in his pocket, grabbing his things and heading out the door. He had just climbed into the SUV when a thought occurred to him; grinning he typed up another text to his brother while he waited for the car to warm up.

**Garrett** [1:54 PM]: Are you doing anything Friday?

**Carver** [1:58 PM]: Maybe

**Garrett** [1:58 PM]: Want to come to game night at Varric’s?

**Carver** [2:01 PM]: Why

**Garrett** [2:01 PM]: You sorta helped get Fenris that job. Think of it as repayment

**Carver** [2:03 PM]: Why do you think I want to hang out with your friends

**Garrett** [2:03 PM]: You’ve practically begged to hang out with my friends before

**Carver** [2:04 PM]: Fuck you

**Garrett** [2:04 PM]: Carver Aristide Hawke, you kiss our mother with that mouth??

**Carver** [2:05 PM]: DUCK YOU GARRETT MALCOLM

**Carver** [2:05 PM]: fUCK*

**Garrett** [2:06 PM]: ): <

**Garrett** [2:06 PM]: I’ll make it worth your while if you come

**Carver** [2:07 PM]: Fine I’ll think about it

Smiling Hawke put his phone away again and backed out of the driveway to head over to his neighbor’s house. He’d have to remember to talk to Fenris about Friday when he picked him up later in the afternoon, though he was hoping now that the elf would be alright with it. There was also one more person he needed to talk to now as well… at least, if he wanted to keep his word to Carver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Who would give someone they just met a job under the table?", we asked ourselves. Obvious answer - the Warden.
> 
> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos!! You make us shout and flail at each other every time. If you want to come chat or flail at us or just quietly follow on Tumblr we're here:  
> -[legoprime](http://legoprime.tumblr.com)  
> -[lukatisus](http://lukatisus.tumblr.com)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally introducing the gang eleven chapters in. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter as much as we enjoyed writing it!

Hawke tapped the horn after pulling up in front of the apartment building, letting the car idle while they waited for Carver. Beside him in the passenger seat Anders had claimed one of his hands, and was idly stroking his knuckles and fingers.

“This isn’t going to be like the last time we invited Carver to a party, is it?” He asked. He’d taken his hair out of its bun after getting home from the hospital and had left it down, which he didn’t do often. It fell softly to his shoulders, and Hawke knew his fingers would be in it at some point during the night.

“Oh that was years ago, he’s a lot more mature now.” Hawke brushed his thumb over Anders’ hand, peering up towards the door to the apartment. Seeing no movement yet, he glanced over his shoulder to where Fenris was in the backseat. “You’re still okay with this, yeah?”

Fenris looked up from where he was sitting, directly behind Anders on the passenger side. He'd been staring out the window, noticeably quiet and just a little apprehensive about their destination.

"Yeah." He answered, working his jaw for a moment, "I am a little nervous, I won't deny that."

“If you don’t like it we can always leave.” Hawke assured him. “You already know most of who’s going to be there though, and the others are harmless. Well… mostly harmless.”

" _Mostly_." Fenris almost laughed, catching himself, however he failed to control the amused twitch at the corners of his lips. "I am sure it'll be fine. It will be good for me to meet new people."

A blur shaped like a person hurried past the car windows, and a second later the door behind Hawke opened and Carver climbed in.

“Right, I’m here.” He slammed the door shut, sparing a glance towards Fenris and Anders before meeting his brother’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “I better not regret this, Gare.”

“Oh please, I know you and Nate would have just been playing video games all night. This is good for you, some healthy socialization.” Hawke put the SUV back into drive, glancing back one more time and raising a brow. “Put your seatbelt on.”

“Yes _Dad_.” Grudgingly Carver pulled the belt across his lap as they pulled away, slouching down in his seat with a slight huff. After a few seconds of silence he looked up, “Didn’t think you’d be here, Anders.”

“There was a change of plans this weekend.” Anders said lightly. “So I get to hang out with you guys.” Overall he was feeling far better now about the unusual Friday than he had been last weekend, though he hadn’t been able to help texting Karl before they’d left. He also still hadn’t relinquished his grip on Hawke’s hand.

“Huh.” Carver looked over at Fenris next, raising a brow. “You’re still hanging out with these two, huh? They haven’t driven you off yet?”

Fenris regarded Carver, raising his brows before answering, "Actually, I'm surprised I haven't been escorted out the front door by now."

Fenris chanced a glance at Hawke’s face in the rearview mirror as the man snorted, glancing back at him with a smile and a shake of his head. “You know that’s not going to happen.”

“Wait, you’re actually _staying_ with them?” Carver looked at Fenris with renewed interest. “How do you stand it? I can barely handle five minutes of them, they’re so _gross_ together all the time.”

“Aww, is little Carver jealous?” Craning his head back, Anders smirked before raising Hawke’s hand in his own, maneuvering it so he could extend one of his partner’s fingers. He was halfway toward sticking out his tongue to lick it before Carver made a sound of disgust and jerked his head around to look out the window.

“Maker, _stop!_ We’re in public!”

“We’re in a car.” Anders laughed, kissing the tip of Hawke’s finger before lowering their hands again. Hawke’s shoulders were shaking with laughter as he tried to stay focused on the road.

“You’re so not funny.” Carver pouted. “I knew this was a bad idea.”

“Oh come on.” Hawke said with a chuckle, glancing back at his scowling brother. “We have to celebrate Fenris getting a job, and you helped with that.”

Fenris smiled at the mention of his job and looked over at Carver, who was pointedly staring out the window. "Thank you for the suggestion, Carver. It worked out quite well."

It honestly had. His first day training had been with Bethany, and Fenris had found her ridiculously sweet, helpful, and very instructive. In contrast, his next day with Merrill had been a definite test—the girl was extremely bubbly and incessantly chatty to the point there had been a couple times Fenris had to tune her out to focus on his job.

Still, despite coming home from both days utterly spent and with a headache he attributed to squinting at book titles, he liked it. Between the job and his morning group, Fenris found the routine to be good for him; it provided him with more structure to his day, and helped him keep his mind focused rather than dwelling on the darker things lurking at the corner of his thoughts.

A few minutes later they were pulling into the driveway of a fairly nice house in Hightown. It was in one of the oldest dwarven neighborhoods in the city, and you could certainly tell from the architecture—the walls were stone, built with the sort of craftsmanship that was hard to come by nowadays.

Getting out of the car the four of them walked to the door and Hawke rang the bell. It wasn’t long before the door swung open and a rather stout, blonde dwarf was grinning up at them; he was wearing a fine looking red and gold vest with several buttons at the top unfastened, exposing a rather impressive chest.

"Hawke! Blondie, it's good to see you! Oh, you brought Junior?" Spreading his arms he ushered them through the door, “Come in, come in. Rivaini's already here.”

His gaze settled on the fourth, unfamiliar face as the others passed him. "Oh ho? You must be Hawke's mystery guest?" He extended a hand to shake, offering up a winning smile. "Varric Tethras, at your service."

"Fenris. It's a pleasure to meet you." The elf answered, shaking Varric's hand and letting the dwarf usher him inside.

"Pleasure's all mine…!" Varric chuckled and followed the others down the hall toward his game room.

The furniture inside of the house was appropriately dwarf-sized, up to and including the table in the center of the room. Most of the chairs had been pulled away and were lined against the walls—in their place were a number of colorful cushions, one of which was already occupied by a woman who was shuffling a deck of cards.

“Bela…!” Anders called out when he spotted her, grinning and walking over to plop right down next to her. She looked up at the sound of her name and instantly her eyes lit up, a smile spreading across her lips; it took some adjusting for Anders to get his long legs situated under the low table but he managed, crossing them and leaning over to give the woman a hug.

She certainly wasn't averse to contact, squeezing him close and planting an affectionate kiss on his cheek. "Varric said you'd be here tonight, sweet thing…! It's been far too long."

Isabela’s gaze shifted to Hawke as he walked towards them, and she flashed him a sultry little smile. "Hawke. I trust you've been treating my boy well?"

“ _Always_.” Hawke said, grinning back at her as he knelt to take the seat on the other side of Anders. “Except when he’s bad.”

Anders gasped in exaggerated indignation at that remark, shooting a scandalized glare at his partner. “I am perfectly innocent!”

"Oooh! I want details!" Isabela teased. "Anders, love, I know you're far from innocent." She added with a chuckle, nudging him playfully.

Fenris was watching this, looking around with some uncertainty as to where he should sit when Isabela noticed him. There was an unmistakeable flicker of interest in her eyes, and she leaned forward to plant her elbows on the table.

"And who's this?" She gave Fenris a look over and the elf tensed; picking up on it Isabela relaxed her scrutiny a bit and motioned to the seat on her other side. "Come on, have a seat. I don't bite."

“At least not very hard.” Anders added under his breath, receiving a playful elbow in his side.

"...I'll be fine next to Hawke." Fenris settled next to the man and shrunk down a bit to block himself from Isabela’s line of sight.

"Rivaini, behave yourself." Varric chastised. He walked around to the head of the table where one chair remained, sinking down into it and reaching for the deck before he glanced toward Carver.  "Junior, how've you been? Behaving yourself?"

Carver had been tentatively walking around the table when Isabela had leaned forward, a considerable amount of cleavage put on display from the position. He’d stopped and was gawking slightly when Varric spoke to him; snapping out of it Carver tore his eyes away, a slight flush on his cheeks as he stammered a response, “Uhh, yeah. Just… busy, y’know, with stuff.”

“He’s been reading a lot of books lately.” Hawke chortled, looking up at his brother with a horribly amused expression on his face as Carver’s eyes widened with indignation.

“What, am I not supposed to read??” Huffing he stomped over to take a seat apart from the rest of them, staring at the pile of cards on the table and pointedly avoiding all eye contact.

“By the way Varric, there’s one more person I invited.” Hawke said, reaching for the case of beer that was nearby and grabbing two, setting one in front of Anders.

"Oh? Anyone I know?" Varric asked, not bothering to hide his amusement over Carver's behavior.

“No, but _someone else_ here knows them.” Hawke said cryptically, casting another amused glance at his little brother.

Varric chuckled, “A mystery, then? I do enjoy seeing new faces.”

The dwarf couldn't help but notice Fenris hadn't made much of a move to help himself to anything while the others had been grabbing drinks. "You can help yourself to whatever you’d like." Varric told him, motioning toward the case of beer. There was a bottle of brandy in the middle of the table as well, a small stack of tumblers next to it.

Fenris shook his head and settling further down onto the cushion he was settled on. "Thank you but I can't drink right now."

“Shame.” Varric replied. “If you need anything, just ask. Water, juice. I think there’s a box of soda in the fridge.”

“Hawke.” Isabela spoke up from where she sat leaning against Anders’ side, craning her neck to look over at him and the elf he was sitting next to, her dark hair spilling over her collarbone. “Are you going to introduce me to your lovely new friend?”

“Only if you promise not to get any ideas.” Hawke said with a grin. Isabela pouted.

"Oh, you're no fun…!"

Glancing to the side Hawke met Fenris’ eye and nodded towards her, “Fenris, this is Isabela. Isabela, Fenris. He’s staying with Anders and I temporarily.”

Isabela beamed over as the elf finally met her gaze again. "Fenris, it's nice to meet you!"

The doorbell chimed, cutting off any response Fenris might have made. Varric jumped up from the table.

"I'll get that. Rivaini, keep your hands off the deck!"

Fenris twisted around to watch the dwarf as he exited the room, turning back just in time to spot Isabela sneaking a peak at the first few cards on the deck. Hawke immediately cleared his throat, directing her with his best stern gaze; the woman let out a small, indignant huff and flopped against Anders.

"Your boyfriend's no fun, Spicy. Oi, Carver, tell your brother to stop being such a prude!"

“You think I have any control over him?” Carver rolled his eyes, reaching for one of the tumblers and the brandy. Hawke gave him a suspicious look.

“You’re not going to throw up in my backseat if you drink that, are you?”

“I’m not eighteen anymore Garrett.” With another roll of his eyes Carver poured himself a glass, taking a tentative sip. The face he made afterwards was enough to make Hawke burst into laughter right as Varric returned with one more guest.

“Oh, what did I miss? I’m not late, am I?” Merrill paused, looking from Hawke around to the others at the table and smiling tentatively.

“You’re— _ahahah—_ you’re right on time, Merrill…!” Hawke’s face was red from laughter as he grinned up at her. “I’m glad you made it!”

“I got a little lost, I’ve never been in this part of Kirkwall before.” Her smile relaxed as she approached them, hovering slightly near the table and beaming at Hawke. “Thank you for the invitation, Hawke, no one ever invites me to anything!”

Fenris' shoulders were shaking with silent laughter when Merrill's familiar voice reached him.  He glanced up at her, watching how she seemed almost as nervous as he was, though Fenris couldn't help but wonder how long that would last. Merrill had, after all, trailed after him through the whole library with an endless array of questions just the day before.  

"Oh, but aren't you a dear!" Isabela exclaimed at the sight of the newcomer. She was positively beaming. "Hawke, how many lovely friends have you been hiding from me? Inviting both on the same day? It's not even my birthday…!"

Eagerly she motioned Merrill over, patting the empty cushion at her side. "Here, you can sit next to me if you'd like…!"

“Oh thank you…!” The elven girl walked around to where Isabela was sitting and knelt down gracefully beside her. “I don’t know much about Wicked Grace so I hope someone doesn’t mind explaining the rules.”

“We’ll help you out, don’t worry.” Hawke assured her with a grin. He cast a quick sideways glance at Carver to gauge the expression on his face and it was all he could do not to choke on the drink at the sight of it. His brother had frozen the moment Merrill walked into the room and was now doing his damnedest to look everywhere except at her, a faint flush on his cheeks.

“Careful now,” Anders was smirking in amusement towards Isabela, watching her with her new friend as he took a sip of his beer. “You’ll make Zevran jealous.”

“Sweetheart, when have you ever seen Zevran jealous?” Isabela replied with a laugh. “Don’t worry, I’ll mind my manners.”

“You’re pretty quiet over there, Fenris.” Varric spoke up, grinning in amusement at the antics around the table. Fenris looked over at him, raising his brows in question as the dwarf prepared to deal out the cards. “I’m curious how you managed to fall in with this crowd.” Varric motioned to Anders and Hawke.

Fenris shrugged and simply replied, “Shenanigans.” in a sarcastic tone that caught Varric off guard.

“Oh ho? Shenanigans are always interesting. They make for good stories!” Varric leaned forward, “Care to elaborate?”

“I’d rather keep you in suspense.” Fenris answered, matching Varric’s smirk. The dwarf laughed and turned his attention over to Hawke.

“You pick up some interesting characters, Chuckles.”

"What can I say? I've got a magnetic personality." Hawke answered with a laugh before sparing a glance at Fenris to see how he was doing. So far he’d mostly been very quiet, but he wasn't showing any particular signs of being uncomfortable at the moment.

Varric fixed Fenris with a bemused look as he began to deal out the cards. "You're pretty broody. I thought elves were supposed to be all sunshine-and-rainbows?"

Meeting Varric's expression, one corner of Fenris’ mouth turned up as he replied, "And I thought all dwarves had beards. Where's yours?"

Varric let out a surprised noise, replying in a mirthful voice, "I misplaced it!"

"I thought perhaps it fell onto your chest." The dwarf laughed in surprise, faltering with the cards so badly he nearly flung one into Carver's eye.

"The broody elf tells a joke!" He laughed. “Keep this one around, Chuckles.”

“Can that actually happen…?” Merrill wondered aloud. Across the table Carver coughed and attempted another sip of the brandy he’d poured, fighting it down before he pushed himself to his feet.

“Gonna get some water.” He mumbled, heading out of the room. Hawke gave Anders’ shoulder a pat before he decided he should probably follow, taking a sip from his bottle before setting it down and standing.

“I’m just… gonna make sure he doesn’t get lost.”

To his credit Carver actually managed to find the kitchen—Hawke found him filling a glass from the water faucet on the refrigerator, scowling and red faced.

“Told you I’d make it worth your while.” Hawke said with a grin, heading around to grab another glass. Fenris didn’t have anything to drink yet, he figured he would at least get the elf some water.

“What’d you invite her for??” Carver hissed in a quiet, almost hysterical voice.

“Hey, this is good…!” Hawke insisted. “You two can hang out a bit, have a few drinks, get to know each other…!”

“Oh yeah, that’s gonna happen when Isabela’s practically sitting on top of her.” Carver scoffed. Hawke paused from filling the glass, setting it down and placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder to look him right in the eye, an expression of deadly seriousness on his face.

“You are a _Hawke_.” He stated. He leaned in for extra emphasis, “ _Get her._ ”

With that Hawke finished filling the glass with water, cocked a brow at his brother, and walked back out to where the others were. With the heaviest of sighs Carver shook himself before following.

Returning to the game room the two found the table in an uproar; Varric was laughing hysterically, tears in his eyes as he slapped his palm on the table while Isabela had her head down on the table, shoulders shaking. Even Fenris was laughing, covering his reddened face with one hand, though it did little to hide his grin.

Hawke blinked, settling back down between Fenris and Anders and leaning over to his partner, "What'd I miss?!"

Wiping his eyes Anders shook his head, his shoulders still shaking with laughter. "I'm not sure you want to know, love."

After a brief explanation of the game for the newcomers, Varric dealt the first hand and the game began. At Hawke's behest he had dusted off his set of Wicked Grace chips to use in the place of real money for the night, hoping to make the game a little less awkward for Fenris, who still only had what Hawke had paid him for his help the week before.

The first round went a bit slowly as Fenris and Merrill figured out the mechanics of the game. The playful chatter only got more playful as most of them finished off their first drinks and started in on another; at one point Isabela brought up Karl, who had always been a rare sight these nights but who was usually the one on Anders' arm when he did come, and the blonde promised to bring him by again sometime soon when he was back in town.

As they played Fenris had found himself growing more and more at ease. The group got along ridiculously well and had accepted him into the fold rather easily; Varric in particular seemed to enjoy his dry wit, and Fenris found himself the target of a few good-natured jokes as the dwarf tried to see what else he could get out of him.

Eventually Varric started asking questions again, particularly in regards to how he ended up with Hawke and Anders and where he was planning on going if his stay was only temporary. Fenris felt at ease enough to explain at least part of his situation, talking about his search for a job as well as his desire to find a place to live.

"I've looked through the classifieds. There aren't a lot of options open right now." Fenris shrugged, staring fixedly down at his cards.

Beside him Hawke snapped his fingers with a sudden shout that had Isabela nearly knock her drink over with a yelp. "Shit!" Hawke exclaimed, turning to Varric and he gesturing wildly with one hand. "Varric! Don't you have a suite here?"

"What?" Varric blinked. "Oh, you mean the flat downstairs? Andraste's tits, I haven't bothered to go down there since Bartrand kicked the bucket."

"So it's empty?" Hawke beamed, giving Fenris a ridiculously hopeful look. Fenris just stared at him, slightly baffled over this.

"Sure.” Varric told him. “I wasn't thinking about renting it out though. There’s mostly just a bunch of shit stashed down there, so it would have to be tidied up."

“Well shit, there you go Fenris.” Anders leaned against Hawke's shoulder, grinning past him at the elf. “I wish I'd had this kind of luck when I first came to Kirkwall.”

“But then you and I never would have met, sweet thing!” Isabela protested, poking at his side.

“Very true.” Anders held up his beer in her direction, smiling. “You did a pretty good job of supporting me yourself back then, I'm pretty sure half of my income came from you.”

“Completely worth it.” She said with a wink.

Fenris looked completely stunned, a similar expression to the one that had been on his face when Piersen had hired him. "...are you serious?" He breathed. "Venhedis, what is even happening to me right now?"

Varric barked a laugh and Hawke chuckled as the dwarf said, "Don't get too excited yet. I'd have to triple-check and make sure the blighted place isn't infested with nugs. Like I said, haven't been down there in a while, but if you need a place I'm sure we can work something out."

"Varric, have I ever mentioned you're my favorite dwarf?" Hawke told him with a grin.

"You might have, a few times." Varric grinned. "I won't complain if you want to tell me again though. You want to deal the next round since you won this one?"

“I don't think I'm doing very well.” Merrill was staring at her last hand with a frown that was utterly adorable. She looked up a second later and smiled, “It's still fun though!”

“Don’t worry, Daisy. It was only the first round.” Varric said as Hawke gathered all of the cards that were scattered about the table.

Fenris quieted again, making an indecipherable noise as he drew a new hand. He was still reeling a bit over the thought that he could have a place to stay soon that could be his own—out of everything he’d expected from that evening, that hadn’t been on the list.

“You doing alright?” Hawke leaned over and asked quietly, a small smile on his face. “I know we’re a loud bunch.”

“What?” Fenris looked up to meeting his eye. He felt his expression soften a little before he could stop it, and he nodded. “I think so.”

They played another round and the chatter continued, loose and relaxed with the occasional bout of laughter. Carver was mostly silent unless someone spoke to him first, guzzling the beer he'd finally retrieved and sneaking glances across the table periodically to where Merrill was sitting with Isabela.

"Oh Fenris, I've been meaning to ask you...!" Merrill leaned over the table towards him once they'd all played their hands, a slight flush on her cheeks from the alcohol. "Who is your vallaslin for? I've never seen one like it. And you even got it permanently! Not many people do that anymore."

The question had Fenris furrowing his brow, his gaze dropping to his hands where the white lines stood out in sharp contrast against his darker skin.

"It's not for anyone." Fenris said, a tiny wrinkle to his nose as he tried to remember what 'vallaslin' was. Something the old Dalish clans were into no doubt, though he couldn’t quite recall. "What's a vallaslin...?"

"You don't know...?" Merrill's face fell, and Carver felt a sudden irrational desire to kick Fenris for it. "I thought... well, I suppose not all families remember. It was an old tradition of our people, the tattoos were in honor of our gods. It isn't practiced much anymore though, and it's usually temporary for special occasions." She smiled a bit again as she added, "I do mine in henna."

“Oh…” Fenris felt suddenly conscious of a few pairs of eyes on him. Isabela had leaned forward to try and get a better look at him, eyes fixated on the intricate lines down the front of his throat. “I don't think these were meant to be vallaslin.”

“Well, they’re still lovely…!” Merrill said brightly. “I think it would be wonderful to get mine done for real someday.”

“I have a tattoo.” Carver blurted. He instantly regretted it as six pairs of eyes turned in his direction; cheeks reddening, he looked away and mumbled, “It’s, uh… of a dog.”

“Oh Carver, you should show her how you make it bark!” Hawke grinned hugely and Anders snorted at his side, dissolving into laughter as Carver shot his brother a glare that could have killed a lesser man.

“Oh, what kind of dog is it…?” Merrill asked, her expression brightening.

Looking back over, Carver met her gaze for about half a second before he was looking away again and mumbling, “…just a dog.”

“I’ve got a tattoo as well.” Isabela spoke up, smirking as the attention shifted to her. She cast a glance at Anders with a sly smile and he waggled his brows knowingly at her.

“Well? You gonna divulge, Rivaini, or leave us wondering?” Varric laughed and Isabela smirked.

“I'll just say ‘X marks the spot’.”

Fenris shifted a bit, feeling the need to take a break from the group. Leaning over toward Hawke he told him, “I'm going to step outside for some air.” With that he rose and excused himself quietly, heading for the door.

“I could use a trip to the boy’s room.” Anders used Hawke's shoulder for leverage to get to his feet, stretching once he was standing and grabbing his empty beer bottles to throw them away.

“Oh, is there a girl’s room too?” Merrill inquired. Anders chuckled and offered a hand to help her to her feet.

“Come on, I'll give you the Tethras estate tour.”

The group seemed eager to take a few minutes to stretch their legs. Stepping out into the cold on the front porch, Fenris shivered a bit and leaned against the banister. It was dark out save for the eerie orange glow cast by the lampposts dotting the street. With a sigh he pulled his beanie off, raking a hand through his snowy hair.

He had to get used to this. People were going to be curious about him, there was no way they couldn’t be given his appearance. It was just going to take some time for him to feel ready to _answer_ them.

Fenris heard the front door open and close behind him and steeled himself as he heard the sharp _tak-tak-tak_ of shoes that definitely didn’t belong to Hawke or Anders.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Isabela spoke up as she appeared next to him, turning so her back rested against the rail. She was about an arm’s reach from him, a comfortable distance away, and Fenris watched out of the corner of her eye as she reached down her front for the cigarette carton she had stashed in her bra. A lighter followed and Isabela took a moment to draw a cigarette from the box and settle it between her lips before extending her arm to offer the elf one, “Smoke?”

“No thanks…” Fenris eyed the carton, chewing the inside of his cheek. He was badly tempted to accept it, but she simply smiled and put the carton away again. She watched him quietly as she took a long drag, exhaling just enough to check which way the breeze was blowing and positioned herself so the smoke wouldn’t end up in Fenris’ face.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot in there.” Isabela said. Fenris now turned and looked at her fully, and she smiled a little wider, her expression friendly and lacking the flirtatious glint that had been in her eye when she’d first spotted him. “I hope you’re enjoying yourself, the lot of us can be a bit much when we get together. Particularly when we haven’t seen one another for a while.”

“I’m enjoying it.” Fenris said shortly. Isabela raised her brows and took another short draw from her smoke.

“You’ll get used to us.” She said, grinning as she turned around and mirrored the way the elf was resting against the railing. Fenris finally took a moment to really look at her—she was quite pretty, with loose black hair that spilled over her shoulders in wavy curls that framed her face. Her choice of clothing, however, caused Fenris to snort a bit.

“Aren’t you cold?” He asked. She was wearing a low-cut black sweater-dress just long enough to reach the back of her thighs, along with knee high white boots. The whole ensemble left a good portion of her legs bare, and Fenris was shivering just looking at her.

“Nah.” Isabela answered, “I’ve been here for years, I’m used to this cold by now. Besides, this just prevents me from lingering outside to indulge my bad habit.” She grinned, flicking the ash from her smoke. “Primarily, cavorting with handsome elves.”

Fenris almost scoffed, looking away from her as though in anticipation of more flirting. Isabela, however, took a decidedly different route as she spoke again.

“You’ve fallen in with two very good men, you know.” Fenris glancing at her again, a questioning look on his face. “Hawke and Anders. They’re two of the most selfless men I’ve ever met. I’ve known them for a long time.”

Wordlessly Fenris furrowed his brow, confused what suddenly brought this on. Isabela fixed him with a sincere look, gentle but searching, and she smiled. “You’ve been through some shit. I’d recognize the look in anyone’s eyes. I’m not going to probe though.” She took a long drag, letting the smoke escape slowly before she added, “Just know that you can trust those two with your life. Varric, as well. They say dwarves are greedy but I’m pretty sure Varric is just very bad at being a dwarf. I’d say you could trust me, too but… well, you already caught me raiding the card deck.”

Fenris couldn’t help but laugh, surprising himself and earning a giggle from Isabela in return. “I’ll be sure to hide my valuables.”

She pretended to look hurt at that response, though the amusement in her eyes spoke otherwise.

“Ready to head back in?” Isabela trotted around Fenris and down the stairs so she could snuff her cigarette out on the sidewalk rather than on Varric’s painstakingly detailed porch.

“I guess so.” He answered, straightening. Isabela ascended the stairs again and Fenris turned to follow her inside, trailing behind her into the game room where he settled back down next to Hawke.  

They played a few more rounds, each one louder and sloppier than the last as the drinks kept going around. By the time midnight rolled around Anders had given up on playing and was leaning against Hawke’s side, head on his shoulder as he laughed at another one of Isabela’s jokes. Hawke’s hand had predictably ended up entwined in Anders’ hair; he stroked it as he held up his cards for both of them to see, and they whispered badly to one another about which cards to discard.

“I think it might be time for us to head out after this.” Hawke said as Anders pulled one of the cards from his hand and tossed it onto the table. “Otherwise Anders’ll fall asleep on me and I won’t have my designated driver.”

“It's about that time, isn't it?” Varric glanced over at an old grandfather clock on the wall opposite the table before taking in the state of everyone there. Isabela was definitely drunk and was currently draped against Merrill, babbling something about the elven girl’s shawl. Carver looked as if he'd dozed off in the crook of his arms.

“Still awake, Broody?” Varric asked Fenris. The elf didn't seem to realize he was being addressed and took a moment to react.

“...’Broody’?” He parroted, incredulously. “I am awake, yes…”

“Good! Good. You did fairly well those last two rounds.”

“Likely because I'm the only sober person at the table.” Fenris stated, though there wasn't any sting behind his words. He was also tired now, and was ready to go home after the long day.

“Hey, I’m perfectly fine…!” Anders protested. He attempted to look at Fenris without lifting his head but all he could see was Hawke’s beard. “I’ve been pacing myself, which is good because you definitely don’t want this guy—” He patted Hawke’s belly for emphasis, “—driving us home.”

“I haven't had that much to drink!” Hawke said as he squinted at his hand, “Or maybe I have, the numbers are a little wobbly.”

Isabela snorted, teasing, “Lightweight!” Drawing another card she exclaimed, “Angel of Death, cards down everyone!”

The group laid their cards down and Isabela’s grin turned mischievous. “Well would you look at that, I win again.”

Greedily she leaned in to pull the pile of chips her way while the others groaned. Fenris had also had a pretty good hand, and Hawke cast the cards a suspicious look. “How?? Did you steal cards from poor Merrill?”

“Garrett Hawke, how dare you!” Isabela gasped. “You think I would cheat this sweet little kitten??”

“You're very good at this game.” Merrill observed, blinking somewhat drowsily at her own hand and back to Isabela’s.

“Do you two have a way home?” Anders asked, glancing at both of the girls before meeting Isabela's eye. “I'm guessing Zev’s working since he's not here? Did he drop you off?”

“Mm, he did.” Isabela answered, clinking the chips together as though it were a pile of gold pieces. “I usually use Lyft to get home when he’s not with me. Or I crash here if Varric’s feeling particularly tolerant.”

“Rivaini, you make it sound as if my patience is finite.” Varric laughed. “You know you’re always welcome to stay here if you need.”

“Do you think the bus is still running?” Merrill was looking up at the clock now, frowning thoughtfully. “I took it to get here.”

“Probably not, but we can give you a ride if you need.” Anders answered, shifting as Hawke maneuvered him off of his arm so he could stand up.

Isabela smiled at him, pulling her phone out and flicked her thumb across the screen. "I could take her!” She said, motioning toward Carver with her free hand. “Besides, you’re going to have plenty enough fun trying to wrestle him into the back seat.”

Fenris' brow furrowed in concern, and he turned towards Anders. "You're _sure_ you're alright to drive...?"

“Oh yeah, I'm good.” Anders stretched and yawned, cracking his neck. “A little tired but not drunk. I only had a few.”

“Anders is a champion of holding his liquor.” Hawke said in a slight whisper as crept around to where Carver was passed out leaning against the table. Bending down, he had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from laughing and giving himself away; he leaned in until he was inches away from Carver’s ear and then let out a shout that was loud enough to startle the whole table awake.

“AHHHHH!!” Carver woke up shouting, flailing and throwing his cards everywhere. Hawke dissolved into uncontrollable laughter as his brother looked around like a terrified animal for a second before he turned and smacked his leg.

“You fucking asshole Garrett!!!”

“Ow, _hahaha_ , shit…!!” Hawke stumbled back away from him, still laughing so hard he was near tears.

Fenris had still been looking skeptically at Anders when Hawke's sudden shout startled him bad enough he banged one knee on the underside of the stone table. Isabela had shrieked and spilled what was left of her drink onto her lap, and Varric was positively howling, head thrown back laughing.

" _Vishante Kaffas_ , Hawke! Shit... fuck..." Fenris breathed, dragging in a breath and lowering his head so he could dig his hands into his hair under his beanie, face red.

“ _Sorry_ …!” Hawke wiped his eyes, struggling to catch his breath as he wobbled back around to where Anders was getting to his feet, throwing his arms around his partner’s shoulders and shaking with quiet laughter as Carver scowled and dragged his hands down his bright red face. With an affectionate sigh Anders looped his arms around Hawke’s waist, twisting his head around to shake it in Varric’s direction.

“Let me get these idiots home. Thanks for the beer, Varric, it was nice to see everyone.”

“Anytime.” Varric nodded, still grinning wildly. “I hope you can join us again soon, Blondie!”

"Wait!" Isabela was flailing as she struggled to get up, legs wobbling as she threw her arms open and clumsily pounced against Anders. "Hugs first!"  She demanded, wrapping her arms around him as he extracted one arm from around Hawke and wrapped it around her instead. She pressed an affectionate, lingering kiss to his cheek. "Who knows when I'll see you next! Or that lovely silver fox of yours. Give him a hug from me, will you?"

“Oh he’ll be getting _lots_ of hugs when he gets back.” Anders said with a grin, squeezing her around her waist. “I’ll make sure he knows one is from you.”

“Good! You need to come visit more often too. Zev would love to see you.” she smiled, pressing another wet kiss on his chin as she missed his cheek.

Fenris was standing at this point as well, glancing between Varric and Hawke and working his jaw. Quietly, not wanting to interrupt, Fenris touched his fingers against Hawke’s shoulder to get his attention before asking, “Should we ask about the flat…?”

“Oh! Shit, yeah!” Hawke’s eyes widened at the reminder, bracing himself as Isabela swayed while still clinging to Anders, nearly bringing the three of them to a topple. “Varric! It alright if I call you tomorrow about the flat?”

“Of course! I’ll go down in the morning and have a look at what we’re gonna have to deal with.” Varric answered as he stood, ready to follow his guests to the door and say his goodbyes. It was clear even he was a little tipsy, stumbling clumsily over one of the cushions he attempted to sidestep; Isabela giggled at him, still hanging off of Anders as she struggled to bring the Lyft app up on her phone.

“Merrill, where do you live sweetie?”

“My apartment is in Lowtown, in the old alienage sector.” Merrill cast a smile around the room at everyone there. “Thank you again for inviting me, I had a lot of fun! It was nice to meet you, Varric. And good to see you, Carver.”

At the sound of his name Carver stopped scowling at his brother for a moment and blinked at her, seemingly caught off guard that she was suddenly speaking to him. After a beat he smiled rather sheepishly. “I, uh... yeah. You too.”

“Always a pleasure to meet new faces.” Varric smirked at Carver’s sudden change in demeanor. “I hope to see you a lot more often!”

“Thank you for allowing me to come along as well.” Fenris felt the need to say. Varric just chuckled at him.

“Broody, let me tell you, any friend of Hawke’s is a friend of mine. You’re welcome anytime.”

Heading out to the car Hawke handed the keys over to Anders, who pecked his lips before declaring, “Drunks in the backseat, people who are still thinking clearly in the front…!”

“You’re making me sit with Carver??” Hawke whined, though he obediently made his way to the door behind the driver’s seat.

“I’d like to save Fenris from Carver, if you don’t mind.” Anders winked at the elf as he pulled open the driver’s side door and climbed in. “I’m sure he doesn’t want to be back there with either of you right now.”

"An accurate assessment." Fenris quipped, eyeing the way Carver's eyes drooped and recalling Hawke's remark about him vomiting. Though it was unlikely Carver was that intoxicated, Fenris appreciated the sentiment as he climbed into the front passenger seat and buckled his belt. He was still a little unsure of Anders though, and Fenris found himself watching the blonde's movement for any slight sign that he was drunker than he claimed.

It wasn’t something he could judge right away. Anders took a full five minutes to carefully adjust his seat and every mirror, double and triple checking that everything was in its proper place before he finally put the car in reverse and slowly backed out of the driveway onto the road.

“So…? That was fun, yeah?” Hawke grinned at Carver who was smiling wistfully without realizing it.

“It… wasn’t all bad.” Carver admitted reluctantly, turning to look out the window, that smile still tugging on his lips.

The trip back to Carver’s apartment seemed to take an inordinate amount of time. Anders was careful to stop at every intersection, never going above the speed limit despite the fact that they were the only ones on the road that time of night. By the time they were pulling into the parking lot Carver had passed out again; Anders carefully parked in a spot near his door before turning off the SUV and twisting around to look at him.

“What do you want to do with him?”

“We could just toss him out and let the raccoons have him.” Hawke suggested, looking contemplatively at his sleeping brother.

“I’m certainly glad I’m not your sibling.” Fenris stated dryly. He was amused, though it didn’t reach his voice given he was just as ready for bed as Carver seemed. “Should we carry him…?” He asked, looking up at the expanse of steps that led to the apartment door. Likely not the best plan.

“You could call Nate or Alistair and ask them to come down for him.” Anders suggested. Hawke, however, was apparently still drunk enough and not yet tired enough to have run out of mischief; with a shake of his head he opened his door, mumbling something as he got out and walked around to the other side.

Curious and rather amused, Anders watched as Hawke yanked open Carver’s door, nearly spilling the young man onto the pavement. It was only his seatbelt that saved him from falling—with a shout Carver woke up flailing a second time that night, scrambling to straighten himself back in his seat as Hawke snickered.

“Come on Sleeping Beauty, go pass out in your own bed.”

“Maker’s fucking balls…” Carver dragged his hands down his face, shaking his head before unclipping his seatbelt and gracelessly tumbling out of the SUV. Hawke, seemingly deciding it was too much work to walk back around to the other side, climbed in on that side and crawled back across so he could sit behind Anders again.

“Have a good night, Carver.” Fenris called before Hawke closed his door. At this point he was making a mental note not to fall asleep around drunk Hawke, _ever_. As he watched the young man head away to his apartment another thought occurred to him and he asked, “Why didn’t we invite Bethany?”

Anders waited for Carver to climb the stairs to his door and disappear inside before he backed up and headed out of the parking lot, a tiny, ever-so-slightly regretful smile on his face at the question.

“Bethany’s not really into this sort of thing.” He said, switching on his blinker and dutifully looking both ways before pulling back out onto the empty road. “Her boyfriend is a very devout Andrastian—”

“And a _jackass_.” Hawke interjected from the backseat.

“—and a jackass, so we don’t go out together very often.”

“Her boyfriend doesn’t have to come along, does he?” Fenris asked slowly. Something about the way they said that caused a tight twist in his chest, and he found himself asking, “He doesn’t hurt her, does he?”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing like that.” Anders assured him. “She’s very devout as well, they have a lovely little life together. The tension is all, er… elsewhere.”

“He doesn’t agree with our ‘wild polygamous lifestyle’, or how we met, or really anything about us.” Hawke leaned forward and rested his head on the back of Anders’ seat, reaching around to settle his hands on his partner’s shoulders, the only part of him he could easily get to. “Makes for really awesome family dinners.”

Fenris hadn’t realized he’d clenched his fists, but at the reassurance Bethany wasn't in an abusive relationship he relaxed them. The rest of what they had to say didn't make him feel much better though.

"It's not anyone's business but your own." Fenris huffed. "Nobody has any right to judge you." He leaned back into his seat and sighed, reaching up to scratch the tip of one of his tapered ears as he stared out the passenger window.

“And this is why we’re keeping you!” Hawke said with a smile, reaching over to clasp his hand over Fenris’ shoulder. “It’ll be awesome if things work out well with Varric’s place. He’s a great guy.”

Fenris hadn't expected the touch and flinched when he felt it, his head jerked around to fix his gaze on Hawke. He had to force his shoulders to relax again.

"I hope so. I'm still a bit wary about this streak of good luck, however." Fenris said, managing a small smile. He moved as though to position himself in his seat more comfortably though it was more a subtle attempt to escape that hand; getting the hint Hawke settled it back on Anders’ shoulder.

Looking back out onto the road Fenris realized they'd been sitting at a four-way intersection for a little longer than was necessary, given the dead roads. "Anders? There's... no traffic."

“I’m just obeying traffic laws.” Anders said stubbornly, finally hitting the gas again to move forward.

"We haven't even left Carver's neighborhood yet." Fenris observed, certain it didn't take this long to travel three blocks. "Are we even doing the speed limit?"

“ _Exactly_ the speed limit.” Hawke said affectionately, nuzzling the back of Ander’s seat a bit and letting his eyes eyes fall shut.

“Weren’t you concerned about my ability to drive earlier?” Anders seemed to almost be going slower now, as if out of pure spite. “Now you’re complaining that I’m driving too safe?”

Fenris opened his mouth to argue before realizing Anders had caught him in a stalemate. He promptly shut it, though when they stopped at another intersection with no traffic for at least a half a minute he let out a soft, frustrated sound. "Kaffas, it's a good thing I don't have to piss."

Hawke snorted and Anders shook his head, though he was smiling. “Maker’s mercy, maybe I should’ve made you sit with Carver in the back after all.”

It was another ten minutes before they were home, Hawke stumbling out of the car to drape himself over his boyfriend as they made their way into the house. Anders felt dead on his feet—he might not have been drunk but he was certainly tired, the weeks’ worth of late nights all catching up to him at once. Hawke released him once they were inside and Anders stretched and yawned, blinking sleepily at them both.

“I’m heading to bed.” He announced, pointing at Hawke before he walked away. “You drink some water, or you’re going to have a headache in the morning.”

"I will...!" Hawke answered, stumbling past Fenris and around an excited Gorbash to sit on the couch so he could remove his shoes without falling on his face.

Fenris slipped out of his boots and hung his coat. He was tired and he had to work tomorrow; he was heading toward the hall with every intention of crawling into his bed when Hawke spoke up behind him.

"Hey."

Fenris paused, turning toward the man. "Yes...?"

Hawke was smiling, eyes drooping with the mixture of alcohol and fatigue while looking a little ridiculous with one shoe still half on his foot.

"You're doing great, y'know." He said. "You're stronger than I think you realize."

Fenris stared at him, at a complete loss for words and not entirely sure where this had come from, though he felt an odd stir in his chest. The way Hawke was looking at him was odd—there was a strange sort of amicable affection on his face that Fenris was sure he'd never had directed at himself before.

"Thank you, Hawke." He said finally.

"I mean it." Hawke said seriously, despite the comical way he was trying to stand and pull his other shoe off at the same time.

"You're going to crack your skull open." Fenris couldn't help but laugh, deciding to take a detour into the kitchen to grab a glass of water for him. He felt strangely lighter from the encouragement, and when he returned he pressed the glass into Hawke’s hands with a small smile.

"Here. Sit, drink that. Please don't fall down the stairs trying to get to your bedroom."

"It's a good thing my boyfriend's gonna be a doctor." Hawke grinned at Fenris, his smile broadening as he heard a low, throaty chuckle escape the elf’s throat.

The moment was ruined a second later as Gorbash decided to remind his master he needed to go out, bumping his nose against Hawke's elbow while he was holding the glass up to his lips. Hawke sputtered, coughing and snorting as he sucked water up his nose.

"Bash! Maker take you, are you trying to drown your dad?!" Hawke garbled, groping for a tissue from the box on the side table so he could wipe his nose after he’d finally set the glass down. Fenris chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm going to head to bed. I'll see you in the morning, Hawke."

"Alright. Sleep well, Fenris!” Hawke got up so the he could go let the dog out. “I'm glad you came to the game, tonight."

"I'm glad you invited me, it was... it was enjoyable." Fenris admitted.

"That's good. There'll be plenty more I hope you can attend." Hawke said with a hopeful smile. Fenris returned it, and then turned to head to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw a headcanon once that Anders' line, "Justice doesn't let me get drunk anymore", means Anders physically _cannot_ get drunk due to a side effect of spirit possession (rather than Justice not letting him drink alcohol, as is the usual interpretation). I thought it was a really neat idea and adopted the headcanon for myself, and then decided to roll with it for this story even though Anders isn't possessed here (outside of maybe a spirit of Social Justice). Thus, Anders' ridiculously high alcohol tolerance. -Lego


	12. Chapter 12

It was sometime after nine when Hawke slowly began to wake up. As he stretched and yawned his foot collided with what curiously felt like an ankle—blinking, his eyes met with the sight of blonde hair and a freckled shoulder beside him.

It was rare for Hawke to have a weekend with Anders, and rarer still that the other man slept in longer than him. He must have been exhausted from the week, Hawke mused, shifting himself up onto his elbow so that he could look down at his partner, who was turned away from him. A small smile came to his lips as he took in the sight of Anders’ relaxed face—the way his lips were slightly parted, the lack of tension in his brow, the light trail of freckles that led up his neck and across his cheeks.

He should really let him sleep. This thought passed through Hawke’s head even as he reached out to run his fingers feather-soft across Anders’ shoulder, brushing long strands of hair away to expose more skin. Leaning in he pressed his lips to the curve of his shoulder in a soft kiss, peppering them slowly and intently up to Anders’ neck as his hand glided down his partner’s side.

Hawke had just reached the elastic of his briefs when Anders finally stirred, the muscles in his shoulders flexing as he made a soft sound of sleepy inquiry.

“Morning…” Hawke murmured, kissing his earlobe. His fingers ventured below Anders’ briefs, sliding over his hip, and the blonde man shuddered slightly against him.

“…morning…” Anders’ voice was thick with sleep, and his eyes cracked open blearily as he turned his head to look over his shoulder at his partner. Hawke kissed across his jaw, rough with stubble, ending with a peck right at the corner of Anders’ mouth.

“Want to sleep more…?” Hawke asked, nuzzling his cheek. His hand hadn’t moved from Anders’ hip, fingers flexing teasingly close to his partner’s groin. Anders chuckled softly.

“Would you let me if I said I did…?”

“Course I would.” Hawke was kissing across his cheek now back to his ear, placing one last one right at the curve of the shell. “D’you want me to stop…?”

“No…” Anders arched against him, pressing back into the firm chest and legs behind him and feeling the tentative beginnings of an erection against his rear. Twisting his upper body around he raised a hand to tangle his fingers in Hawke’s hair, pulling him closer and breathing against his lips, “…don’t stop.”

He tugged Hawke into a kiss, lips parting against his and swallowing up the soft groan the darker haired man let slip. Hawke withdrew his hand from his briefs, following the curve of Anders’ thigh and cupping him through the thin cotton, which earned him a small moan.

“ _Tease._ ” Anders breathed against his lips. Hawke chuckled and rocked against him, pressing his own clothed cock against his ass.

“We’re going to have to be quiet.” He murmured as his fingers massaged the shape of Anders’ growing erection. “Unless we want Fenris to know a lot more about us than he probably wants to know…”

“Can _you_ be quiet?” Anders smirked up at him, scratching his fingers through short, dark hair. Hawke grinned devilishly.

“ _Let’s find out._ ”

 

* * *

 

 

Fenris was awake when the two made their way downstairs sometime later. He was sitting on the couch watching TV, and Hawke greeted him cheerfully when he spotted the snowy head. “Morning Fenris!”

The elf didn’t respond right away, glancing over and giving the two of them such a look that it was obvious he knew exactly what they’d been up to. He didn’t maintain eye contact for long, fixing his attention on the television again before he finally replied. “I trust the two of you had a _good morning_.”

“Oh _Maker_.” Anders visibly wilted a bit, his cheeks burning red as he absconded to the kitchen, refusing to meet Fenris’ eyes.

Hawke's brows shot up, and he flashed a semi-embarrassed grin at Fenris as he followed after his partner.  "Sorry. We _did_ try to keep quiet."

Fenris made an indiscernible noise, and Hawke noticed his ears were flushed, though the blush didn’t quite reach the elf's cheeks. Hawke couldn't help but find it ridiculously endearing anyway; shaking it off he stepped into the kitchen and found Anders at the counter putting a pot of coffee on.

“What would you like for breakfast?” Hawke asked, sidling up to peek at the label on the coffee beans his partner had decided on that morning.

“My dignity back.” Anders snorted, leaning against the counter while he waited for the coffee to brew. “We haven’t done biscuits and gravy in a while. How does that sound?”

“Hmm, what should we use instead of sausage?” Hawke asked, mentally going through the recipe. They didn’t make it often, mostly because it was one thing they usually made together—Anders made fantastic homemade biscuits, while Hawke was always in charge of the sausage gravy.

“Do we have eggs? We’ve done it with them hard boiled before.”

“We do but I’m not sure how much time we have.” Hawke walked back around to look out into the living room. “Fenris, you work today yeah? When do you need to be there?”

"Noon, I think there’s an eleven-twenty bus." Fenris replied from the couch.

“We can give you a ride!” Hawke offered, though he was a bit pleased to hear that Fenris had apparently been looking into the bus schedules to figure out how to get himself around. He was going to need that if he moved somewhere else, Hawke realized as he headed to the fridge to pull out a few eggs to boil.

It took about an hour for the two of them to cook breakfast, making light conversation and laughing at the occasional joke. It was a refreshing change of pace—Hawke had to admit he missed these mornings with his partner, the relaxed days where neither of them had any particular obligations and could just take their time enjoying the morning together.

“So I figure maybe after you get off work we can call Varric up and see about that flat?” Hawke shoveled a forkful of biscuit into his mouth, glancing over at Fenris as the three of them sat together to eat.

"I was just going to ask about that." Fenris said, looking up to meet Hawke's eye as he took a bite of egg. "You don't think he's awake now?"

Hawke shook his head. "Varric's a night owl. Pretty sure if I called and woke him up now I'd be talking to an ogre instead of a dwarf."

"Comforting." Fenris raised a brow and Hawke just chuckled.

“Nah, he’s just not the most alert morning person to talk to is what I meant. I’ll let you know what he says when we come get you later.” Hawke glanced over at Anders next. “Anything in particular you want to do today...?”

“We could go visit the Saturday craft market?” Anders suggested, a hopeful and slightly bashful look on his face. He went there often with Karl but so much of what was sold there was incredibly expensive, so they mostly just ended up browsing. There had been a nice set of ceramic bowls Anders had seen the last time he was there though that he’d been mildly coveting ever since.

“That sounds like a plan.” Hawke smiled. “I haven’t been there in ages.”

After breakfast Hawke and Anders cleaned up and then gave Fenris a ride to the Grimoire, stopping in to say hello to Bethany. They made another stop at the café next door for more coffee before they headed over to the craft market; it was an annual Saturday event in the Hightown square full of various artists and craftsmen, some of whom were there every week. The only rule was that everything there had to be handmade in some fashion, which made for a wide and often eclectic selection.

The two of them spent several hours browsing the stalls and tables. When they finally headed back to the car (with a bag of carefully wrapped ceramics) Anders was in high spirits, leaning on Hawke's arm and providing suggestions for a late lunch.

Hawke had been texting with Varric by the time they went to pick Fenris up from work, and they’d made plans to go over to his place and check out the basement flat that evening. Sitting in the passenger seat as they headed back to the Grimoire, Anders was smiling at his phone as he typed away, a soft, affectionate look on his face.

“Apparently they’ve got over a foot of snow in Denerim.” He said with a chuckle as Hawke parked the SUV. “Can you imagine if that happened here?”

“Oh it’d be anarchy.” Hawke replied, shutting off the car and opening the door to get out. “Everything would be closed, there’d be old ladies fighting over the last can of soup left at the corner store.” He paused contemplatively while Anders walked around to his side before remarking, “I could charge double just to shovel driveways.”

“You’d be out doing it for free and you know it.” Anders chuckled again, sliding his arm in his partner’s as they walked to the bookstore.

Saturdays at the Grimoire could typically go one of two ways. Sometimes the place was a buzz of activity, which typically circulated around whether or not a popular new title had just been released. Other days, like today, were quiet, with just a few customers milling about.

Fenris was finishing up his day by double checking the stock on the shelves, reassuring himself nothing was out of place. He was walking down one of the busier aisles, straightening things out so the all the book spines were flush when he heard the chime indicating someone had just walked into the store, though from where he was he had no view of the main entrance. It was thus Bethany's voice that alerted him to whom had just walked in.

"Hi again Gare, Anders...!" Bethany said once she'd looked up from the computer at the register. "Fenris is somewhere around here."

“Sorry, I’m here!” Fenris called as he came out from between the aisles. Bethany moved over as he stepped behind the desk to sign out. “I suppose I will see you Tuesday, Bethany?”

She nodded and smiled at the three of them. “Enjoy your weekend, guys.”

A customer approached the counter with an armload of books at that moment, forcing her attention away from them. The three men left the store and headed back to the car.

“So we’re going to head over to Varric’s!” Hawke explained as they climbed into the SUV.

“Okay.” Fenris answered, fastening his seatbelt as Hawke pulled out and headed down the road. He was feeling a bit nervous and was still more than a little stunned at the connections these two men had. It was starting to look like he could possibly build a normal life here.

"I take it work went well?"  Hawke inquired as he drove.

"A little slow today." Fenris answered, looking out the passenger window. He was paying closer attention to the direction they were going, attempting to memorize streets; if he was possibly going to live here it was important to at least know where he was going.

"That's good." Hawke said, pausing a moment before he chuckled, "Nobody asked you where the adult magazines were today, I take it?" Anders snickered a bit in the passenger seat.

“Fortunately, no. I managed to avoid that particular awkward encounter.” Fenris smirked, shaking his head.

It didn't take long to reach Varric’s. Pulling into his driveway the trio piled out of the vehicle and headed up the steps, and Varric welcomed them cheerfully.

“So, there's a bit of work.” The dwarf explained, heading over to a door beneath the staircase. Following after them Anders jolted suddenly as his phone went off, this time with his ringtone instead of a text message. With a bit of a fumble he grabbed his phone, a wide grin coming to his face when he saw the screen.

“It’s Karl, you guys go on downstairs without me.” He told them, turning around and answering the phone with a jubilant, “Hello love!!!”

His voice faded as the three men headed down another stairwell; the lights were already on, indicating Varric had already been down there earlier.  At the bottom it opened up into a small living area, or what would have been had it not been piled full of boxes.

“Like I said, gotta clear all this out.” Varric motioned to the clutter throughout the space. “There's either a small fortune down here, or enough crap to star in an episode of Hoarders.”

Hawke laughed at that, while Fenris looked around with some interest. They followed Varric as the dwarf picked his way between two piles of boxes and led them into a small kitchen.

“Appliances still work, so that's good.” Varric said, opening the fridge so he could peek inside. “There's a dishwasher, oven… ummm… I think there was a toaster in the cupboard here someplace. I’ll figure out where it all is when I go through this mountain of shit.”

“It's a decent size!” Hawke pointed out.

“It's a lot bigger than just this! I'll have to use one of the spare rooms for storage, but that would leave you with the master bedroom and a guest room.” Varric led them down the hall to the rooms.

“What do you think?” Hawke leaned down to ask Fenris. The elf was peeking into the room over Varric's head as the dwarf opened one of the doors.

“It's nice.” Fenris admitted, though he was concerned with what the rental price was going to be for it. It was furnished somewhat—there was a huge bed in the master bedroom from what he could see, along with a few small windows that would at least let some light in.

“There's also a private entrance.” Varric told them, stopping at the end of the hall and unlocking the door there. Opening it up he revealed a covered stairwell that led outside. “This way you don't have to worry about seeing my mug every time you go anywhere.”

Fenris was impressed and tentatively hopeful as Varric walked them around, occasionally pausing to dig into a box to see what was in them. The bathroom was large with a tub big enough for two people, and despite the clutter of old belongings the place was immaculate, if a little dusty.

“This is really nice…” Fenris thought aloud.

“It’ll be a lot nicer once I clear all this out.” Varric pulled open another box, “Most of this was Bartrand’s. I don’t have much use for it, I didn’t share the same sentiment for it as he did. The guy would have kept a broken plate if it once belonged to some twice-removed relative or other.”  

Varric sighed, pulling out a large mask carved out of solid marble. The sharp, angular design and intricate detail caught Fenris’s eye and he watched as Varric turned it over and ran his thumb over the engraved stamp on the inside.  

“What is that?” The elf inquired. Varric shrugged.

“I think it’s meant to be one of the ancient Paragons. Hard to say if this is authentic or just a knock-off though. Part of me kinda wishes Bartrand had some kids I could unload some of this onto…”  Varric’s lips were set in a thin line as he placed the mask back into the box, and Hawke cocked his head.

“Varric Tethras, is that a shred of sentiment I see on your face?” He teased. Varric’s expression quickly shifted to a smirk.

“Ha! Not so much. It might just be a little harder than I thought to go through this. But whatever, I’ll spend the next few days down here and start cleaning it up.”

“I can help.” Hawke offered.

“As can I.” Fenris said. “Er… after work, at least. I can come over and help.”

“Good! Excellent!” Varric closing the box he’d been going through and wiped dust from his hands. “We’ll get this finished quicker that way. How soon were you planning on moving?”

Fenris shrugged. “Whenever is feasible.”

“Well if we can get most of this stuff moved out of here this week we _might_ be able to have you in by the weekend.” Varric remarked. “Most of it is in boxes already, we just have to decide whether it’s yard sale crap or crap I’d like to hang onto.”

“You don’t mind if we come over tomorrow to start then, Varric?” Hawke asked.

“Sure! I’ve got plans tomorrow so I won’t be around until evening but here,” Varric searched his pockets a second before handing Hawke a key, “I trust you won’t rob me blind as revenge for all of my Wicked Grace wins. For now just move what you can from here into the rec room over here.” The dwarf lead the two back into the living room and indicated the closed door on the east wall. “I’ll start going through it all once I get back.”

The three headed back upstairs, and as they approached the top of the landing the sugary-sweet sound of Anders’ voice filtered down to them.

“No, I miss _you_ more.” He crooned, and Hawke couldn’t help but grin as he caught his partner’s eye and gestured that they were leaving. With a nod Anders followed a few steps behind them, wrapping up his call, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright? Start thinking about what you want to do this Friday, we should do something special.”

“Like coming over to play Wicked Grace!” Varric said, loud enough for Karl to hear on the other end. Hawke barked a laugh as Anders hung up.

“I'm pretty sure you don't want to see those two next weekend, Varric.” He said with a grin that Anders matched, a faint flush on his cheeks. Varric just laughed, lips quirked with amusement.

“Next time, I promise.” Anders assured him. He raised a brow in Fenris' direction next and asked, “How's the flat? Look like something you want?”

Fenris met Anders’ eyes and nodded. “It could be.” He was still concerned about rental price but felt it a bit tactless to bring it up in front of everyone there, making a mental note to ask Varric about it privately when he got the chance.

"We'll see you tomorrow night then, Varric." Hawke said. With that the three of them left to head home.

 

* * *

 

 As promised Hawke brought Fenris over the next afternoon, and the two began to sort and move the boxes into the spare space Varric had indicated. Once Varric arrived he started going through and marking what boxes could be donated, what was junk, and what he wanted to keep.

The next day passed in a similar fashion—Fenris had his group session in the morning but once it was over he and Hawke spent a few hours cleaning up the living room.

At one point Hawke let out a horrible shriek; that and the sound of a crash had Fenris running over to find the man halfway up the stairs.

"KILL IT! MAKER, KILL IT!" Hawke squawked, his eyes wide and his face red. Alarmed Fenris looked around for the source of the panic, only to nearly dissolve into laughter when he discovered a small house spider.

"Hawke, it won't hurt you. It's barely the size of a nickel!"

"It's a fucking eight-legged demon and you can never convince me other—ANDRASTE'S FLAMING ASS WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING IT!?" Hawke's voice raised an octave, sounding more shrill than Fenris was certain was healthy for his vocal chords, and the elf had to bite back the urge to see what would happen if he walked over to Hawke while holding the spider in his closed fist.

"I'm just putting it outside?"

Hawke looked utterly horrified as Fenris escorted the tiny troublemaker outside, and Fenris couldn't hold back his chuckle when the man fervently insisted he scrub his hands before he even thought about climbing into his vehicle.

From that point on Hawke took to very carefully nudging boxes aside with his foot and checking behind everything before he picked it up. It was amusing to Fenris to think such a large man could be so easily terrified by something so small, however he made sure to quietly remove any other spiders or insects he discovered before Hawke saw them, putting them safely outside for their sake as much as Hawke's own.

It was Tuesday evening when Fenris finally managed to pull Varric aside and question him about what he'd like for rent. Varric looked thoughtful for a few moments before giving a shrug. "I'm doing this as a favor more than any financial requirement. Four hundred a month alright?"

"That's absurd." Fenris let slip before he could stop himself, his eyes wide.

"Is it too much?" Varric asked, his brow raised.

"It's too little, Varric. For a place like this?!" Fenris said, exasperated. "Why would you give me such a good price?"

"Why not?" Varric asked. "Like I said, I don't need the money. You need a place to live but your income situation is limited. I'd be just as happy letting you stay here for nothing but you seem the type who wouldn't be too thrilled about that."

Fenris pressed his lips together. It was true, he didn’t liked feeling like a charity case—he wanted to at least contribute something and Varric didn't seem too inclined to change his offer, thus after some talk Fenris tentatively agreed with those terms.

The next day Hawke had a surprise for Fenris. He picked the elf up after his group session was finished and headed into town to the mall. Curious, Fenris inquired what they were up to and Hawke smiled at him.

"You're gonna need a phone." Hawke said simply. "So I'm going to get you one. It'll be under my contract so you just have to pay me the money for the bill, but this will give you a means of communication! I also got you a monthly bus pass this morning, so you don't have to pay every day."

"Hawke... you don't have to..." Fenris said, surprised.

"The pass was nothing. The phone though..." Hawke furrowed his brow, "I want you to be able to contact someone when you need. Me, or Anders. Varric... the police. Phones are important."

Within an hour Fenris was holding a new smartphone in his hand. Though he couldn't clearly recall ever having one, there was something familiar about holding it; squinting at the screen he entered Hawke’s number under his contacts, and Hawke frowned slightly at his furrowed brow, noting that Fenris seemed to squint every time he tried to read something with small font.

"Can you see well?"

"Sorry...?"

"You seem to hold things fairly close to read them sometimes. How are your eyes? Have you ever got them checked?" Hawke asked.

"My eyes are fine." Fenris said, though by his tone it seemed as if he was trying to convince himself more than Hawke.

"Might not hurt to get an optometrist appointment sometime." Hawke suggested as they pulled in to Varric's driveway.

Fenris made a noncommittal grunt of agreement, now acutely aware of how fuzzy the letters on his phone's screen looked. It could be done another time, he decided; they spent the rest of the day moving the last of the boxes into the spare room and clearing out the living room. A few things within the boxes had turned out to be useful—dishware, some lamps, spare bedding and towels. Varric busied himself washing the items and putting them away for Fenris to use, figuring it would save the elf some money not to have to buy his own.

Thursday Hawke went over to Varric's shortly after dropping Fenris off and dealing with a repair job for one of his neighbors. With everything out of the way the flat looked like a fast and empty space. Hawke focused on wiping the remaining surfaces down, pleased that the master bedroom had a bed considering how few personal belongings Fenris had. There was no couch and no television however, and Hawke began making some notes about all of the little things they would need to acquire.

Still, the place was ready enough that Hawke was certain they could have Fenris moved in on Friday, and he found himself quietly lamenting it. He'd got used to having the elf around and was certain he was going to miss him. Even though he was close by for a visit, there was still something else gnawing at Hawke's gut that he couldn't quite place.  

"This is looking good." Fenris said as he walked in later that afternoon. Hawke had the majority of it cleaned, and the general musty smell that had accumulated from the space sitting stagnant so long had been replaced by a lemony-fresh scent.

"It's a lot bigger than it first looked." Hawke remarked, amused as his voice echoed a bit within the large living room. "I think we need some furniture in here."

"There's a bed." Fenris pointed out.

"Well, are you going to just sit on the bed?" Hawke asked. "There's some yard sales on tomorrow, and there are a few thrift stores in the neighborhood. We could get you a couch, and a small TV at least...! Maybe some end tables? Ooh! And a small dining set!"

"You sound as though you've got it all planned out." Fenris laughed.

"I've had a lot of time in here today to think." Hawke stated, grinning. "If this place is going to feel like a home, it should at least have some of the basic comforts for you."

“That sounds like a good plan, then.” Fenris agreed. “Perhaps we’ll find something interesting.”

 

* * *

 

 “ _Maker_ , I missed you.”

That Friday had seemed to last an eternity for Anders. From the moment he’d woken up he’d been looking forward to that evening—Karl had gotten back into town two nights earlier and while the temptation had certainly been great to go and see him right away, both of their schedules had made waiting until Friday the best choice.

Thus it had been with great impatience that Anders had waited the extra days, and then the entire day at the hospital, before he had finally gone over to Karl’s apartment. As soon as the door was closed behind them he pushed his partner up against the wall to kiss him as though they’d been separated for years.

Anders loved Hawke, but he also loved Karl and everything about him—his taste, his scent, the way his body felt pressed up against his own. It was still a marvel that they could have this at all; they’d lost contact with each other in their youths, and Anders had given up on ever seeing him again before Karl had just shown up one day in Kirkwall. Two years later and Anders still had to remind himself that this was real sometimes.

He was busy refreshing his memory of just _how_ real it was when Karl’s hands settled on his shoulders and pushed him gently away.

“Anders, wait.”

“It feels like it’s been forever since I got to see you.” Smiling Anders ran his hands up the other man’s sides, murmuring, “I want to show you how much I missed you.”

“...I need to talk to you about something first.”

Faltering slightly, Anders noted for the first time just how seriously Karl was looking at him. His smile faded for a second before he brought it back and joked lightly, “Hopefully a good something.”

Leaning his head back against the wall Karl drew in a breath before sighing. There was a long pause, during which Anders’ smile slowly faded away again, replaced by trepidation the longer Karl went without speaking.

“What is it…?” Anders finally asked, unable to take the suspense any longer. Karl let out another sigh and reached down to take his hands, removing them from his sides and simply holding them in his own.

“Anders…” He finally began. There was a shake in his voice he couldn’t stop. “...I’m moving back to Ferelden.”

 

* * *

 

 Friday's shopping had turned out to be fruitful. Hawke had pitched in a bit to buy some things however Fenris insisted the man allow him to pay him back once he was able to. Overall the elf was pleased with their finds and as a result was in high spirits.

"You're still on for game night, yeah? Oop, watch that step!"  Hawke asked Fenris as the two carefully maneuvered a small sofa down the steps.  Hawke was worried about Fenris's ability to manage it but near three weeks of proper diet and recovery had helped the elf considerably.

"I am." Fenris answered, carefully navigating the doorway and tilting the couch a bit to get it through and remarking, "Anders seemed quite thrilled that Karl was back."

"Of course he was!" Hawke grinned.

"Who will be your designated driver tonight?" Fenris was a bit concerned on that subject. "It may turn out to be a good thing we bought this couch, you may need to crash on it tonight."

"Oh, you jest. I will be perfectly fine, thank you very much!" Hawke laughed as he caught the telltale twitch on Fenris' lips that indicated the elf was teasing him.

The sofa was the last of the items the two had found, and the owner had delivered it to them for a small fee. It was in nice shape, clean and comfortable; Hawke had nearly fallen asleep on it when he’d sat across it earlier to test out the cushions.

In addition to the couch the two had managed to find a small table with two matching chairs, a dresser, a couple of matching end tables, a papasan chair, a television stand, and a 24" flat screen TV for it. Fenris had also found a rather beautiful painting of a white wolf and had been so ridiculously drawn to it that, despite his attempt to walk away from it, he had gone back and purchased it in the end. The painting now hung directly over the spot where the two set the couch down, and Fenris smiled when he saw it.

They had an hour or so before everyone would be showing up for Wicked Grace, just enough time to get the newly purchased items in their places. It was that point that Hawke remembered something and ran outside to his SUV while Fenris quietly figured out where he wanted his new papasan chair; when Hawke returned he was holding a small package that he'd had tucked under the back seat of his vehicle.

"I've got something for you." He said, smiling as he held the box out for Fenris and feeling an odd flutter of nerves over it. "It's not much. Housewarming present... I hope you like it."

"For me?" Fenris never ceased to look surprised every time Hawke did something for him. Taking the box, Fenris opened it and Hawke watched as his expression lit up.

"This... wow, this is exquisite!" Fenris said as he carefully extracted the handmade ceramic mug from a bed of tissue paper. "I can drink things out of this, yes...?"

Hawke chuckled and nodded, "Yes, it's definitely for drinking things."

Fenris walked over to the light to get a better look. The mug was large enough for two healthy cups of coffee he reckoned. It had been glazed in such a way that it looked like a photo taken straight out of space, with a deep blue-black base and a gorgeous spattering of color and gold flecks that looked like a galaxy.

"Do you like it...?" Hawke asked hopefully.

"I'm quite certain this has become my official coffee mug now, so, yes." Fenris answered, his smile causing a little flutter in Hawke's chest. "Thank you, Hawke."

The two spent the next hour moving the new furniture around and putting everything into place. Once they were finished Hawke plopped down on the couch, and Fenris settled into the large chair just across from him, curling his knees to his chest and looking ridiculously comfortable in it.

“Do you think I should get a bed for the spare room…?” Fenris asked, plucking at a few stray threads sticking out of the papasan cushion.

“Maybe. It wouldn’t hurt, especially if you plan on having guests.” Hawke said, draping his arms across the back of the couch and tilting his head back. He could hear some muffled shuffling around upstairs followed by the muted tone of the doorbell. “Sounds like someone just showed up...! What time is it?”

Fenris dug around in his pocket for his new phone before answering, “Seven-thirty.”

“That’s probably Isabela, then. We should head upstairs and say hi!” Hawke said, standing and stretching. Fenris seemed reluctant to climb out of his comfy chair, however he relented soon enough and followed Hawke up the stairs that to the main house.

“Fenris, Hawke! Hello boys.” Isabela greeted the two when they appeared. She had already made herself comfortable in the game room, sprawled across the cushions next to the table with a beer in her hand. “What have you two been up to?”

“Getting my flat prepared.” Fenris answered, taking a seat. He noted there was a pitcher of water on the table next to the brandy today, and reached for a glass so he could pour some for himself, sniffing briefly assure himself it _was_ water before settling back as Hawke sat beside him.

“Oh! So you are moving in downstairs.” Isabela looked pleased. “Good, that means you’ll be able to play with us often!”

“Not if you scare him away, Rivaini.” Varric quipped, walking out of from the kitchen with a couple bowls of chips, something Fenris noted hadn’t been present the last time. “How’s everything looking down there?”

“Good...! Hawke and I found some good deals on some things around town.” Fenris answered as he reached for a chip. It felt strange, thinking that he’d be staying in his new place for the first time tonight. “It could use a little more personal touch but that is something to work on.”

Merrill soon showed up and went right over to sit with Isabela as she had last time. The two seemed to have become fast friends, Hawke noted with some amusement; popping open a beer he grabbed a handful of chips as—to his _extreme_ amusement—Carver showed up.

“Wow, got you out of your apartment two Fridays in a row…!” Hawke grinned and his brother gave him a look. Merrill perked up from where she was sitting.

“Oh hello Carver…!” She said brightly. “We got some more of that series that you like this week, you should come by the Grimoire when you can.”

“Oh, I… I definitely will.” Carver garbled. He managed to hold her gaze for a good few seconds before he ducked his head and took a seat across from where the girls were sitting.

Chuckling Hawke was about to say something else when his phone began to vibrate. Cocking a brow he fished it from his pocket to look at the screen, and then grinned at the name that had popped up.

“Karl Thekla…!” He answered it loud enough for everyone at the table to catch who he was talking to, and winked at Isabela. “Why in the Maker’s name are you calling me? I thought you two would be having wild sex by now.”

Isabela let out a whoop from where she sat. “Phone sex! Threesome!”

Fenris nearly choked on his drink, and Carver sunk his face into his hands with a muttering of “ _Why_ ”.

Laughing, Hawke fell silent for a few seconds as he listened to the voice on the other end. All at once the mirth drained from his face, and he replied in a shaky tone, “Wait, what?”

Concerned looks turned in his direction and Hawke waved them off, pushing himself to his feet and walking quickly into another room. Merrill blinked after him.

“Oh, that doesn’t look like phone sex.” She remarked.

Fenris was definitely alert now, a curl of anxiety in his gut as he wondered if something had happened to Anders. Isabela had also sobered, replying softly to Merrill, “No, Kitten, it really doesn’t…”

The jovial attitude surrounding the table had quieted considerably. It wasn’t long before Hawke returned, a pained look on his face; he sighed and glanced around the table before meeting Varric’s gaze.

“I’m sorry but… I have to go.” He told them. He looked like he’d aged about ten years in the few minutes he’d been gone. “Karl and Anders just broke up.”

“You’re shitting me…” Varric said, stunned.

“Hawke… is he okay…?” Fenris found himself asking, realizing a second too late it was a foolish question. Hawke just shook his head.

“Karl brought him back to our place, I just… need to go be with him right now.” Quickly he gathered his coat and belongings before casting a rueful smile at the group. “Sorry to shit on the party. I’ll keep you guys updated.”

Hawke turned to leave but then paused and looked back over at Fenris. He’d very nearly forgotten that this would be the first night that the elf wasn’t coming home with him. It was odd to think about, and he felt compelled to ask, “You’re gonna be alright here, yeah? You’ve got my number if you need anything.”

“I… yes. I should be.” Fenris answered quietly.

“Alright, good. I’ll see you later then.” Hawke managed another smile before he walked out of the room and headed out of the house, jogging down the steps to where his SUV was parked.

It took a great amount of willpower for him to not speed all the way home, his heart pounding in his ears, but he knew getting pulled over would only make it take longer to get there. Pulling into his driveway Hawke slammed the truck door behind him and hurried up the front walk, unlocking the door and stepping inside.

The living room was dark save for one table lamp that had been turned on beside the couch. On it, Anders was sitting with his jacket and shoes still on; Gorbash’s head was on his knees and his hands were dug into the dog’s ears, and when he looked up at Hawke his eyes were bloodshot and heavy from crying.

They held each other’s gaze for a second, and then Anders’ face crumpled.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” Hawke hurried over and sank down on the couch beside him, pulling him close. Shaking, Anders wrapped his arms tightly around him, buried his face in his shirt, and cried.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some hints of parental abuse in this one.

For the second Saturday in a row, Hawke woke up with a warm body against his. Blinking sleep out of his eyes he settled a hand over the one that was pressed against his chest, sighing softly as he recalled what had happened the night before.

Karl’s trip to Denerim, it turned out, had been for a job interview. The company he worked for had a number of locations throughout the Free Marches and Ferelden—Denerim was their newest location, which meant there were opportunities there that didn’t exist in Kirkwall.

It was a good move for Karl career-wise, plus he had been from Ferelden originally and had no qualms about moving back. The only thing that had really kept him in Kirkwall these past couple of years had been Anders.

Shifting, Hawke tried to turn over so he could face his partner but the arm around his middle tightened. Anders was awake it seemed, and was pressed tightly against him at every point he possibly could be, chest flush against his back and face buried in his hair.

“Love…” Hawke tried to move again and this time Anders let him, relaxing his arm just enough for him to turn over before his grip tightened again. Hawke wrapped his arms around him and brushed their noses together.

He had never dealt with this before, not with someone he loved. Anders was the first person Hawke had ever been with who’d had more than one partner, and holding him the night before as he’d quaked and sobbed in his arms had been an experience he never wanted to have to go through again. Gently Hawke kissed the tip of his nose before peering into his partner’s eyes where they were half cracked open, but they were turned away from him. They were red and puffy but at least he wasn’t crying anymore.

“Is there anything you want to do today…?” Hawke asked, running his hand up and down Anders’ back. The other man’s brow furrowed, and he tucked his face against Hawke’s cheek.

“Not particularly…” The reply that came was a bit muffled. Hawke began tracing patterns over his shoulders.

“Can I make you breakfast…?” He received a noncommittal sound in response. “I’ll make you whatever you want?”

Anders didn’t reply. “Pancakes?” Hawke offered and got yet more silence. “Pancakes with kitty faces?”

At that Anders made a soft, half chuckle, lifting his head and rubbing their noses together. “Okay,” He relented, a weak smile gracing his lips as he finally met his partner’s eyes.

“Hey there, beautiful.” Hawke smiled back. “Good to see you again.”

The two of them gradually made their way downstairs, and Hawke took over the task of giving breakfast to the dog and cats. Dressed in baggy pajamas he hadn’t worn in ages, Anders curled up in a chair by the dining room table and watched the cats with a look of utter misery on his face. Ser Pounce was quick to head over to him once he was done eating and Anders stretched out his legs to prop his feet up on another chair, giving the orange tabby full reign of his lap.

“How did yesterday go with Fenris?” He asked as Hawke began clattering around the kitchen, pulling out the skillet and getting together everything he needed to cook.

“It went well…! Varric’s got a nice place, we hit up some thrift stores for some extra furniture and basic things, I think he’ll be good there.”

The mention of Fenris reminded Hawke that he needed to call or text their now-former housemate and see how he was doing. He’d originally planned on being a bit more attentive to the transition from their house to the flat, but after getting that phone call from Karl last night all other thoughts and plans had gone right out the window.

“I’ll have to go see it sometime.” Anders said, adding softly, “Seeing as I’m apparently going to have a lot of time on my hands now...”

Hawke looked over at him as the stove heated up, biting the inside of his cheek for a moment as he debated whether or not to ask. “How long before Karl leaves…?”

Anders focused his attention on Pounce, who was curled up in his lap and kneading his thighs, purring contently. “Two weeks. He… wanted me to stay with him until then, but…”

His voice wavered and Hawke’s heart clenched up in his chest. “…I can’t, I just… how can I spend two weeks with someone knowing at the end of it he’s going to be gone and we’re…” Anders sucked in a breath and Hawke gave in and walked over to him, pulling him against his chest.

“It’s over either way.” Anders’ voice cracked into Hawke’s shirt. “I’d rather it just be.”

“I wish I could make this better for you.” Hawke said softly, rubbing his shoulders before he had to step away and return to the stove. Anders remained quiet for a few minutes, petting Ser Pounce and leaning his head against his arm on the table.

“He wanted me to go with him.” Anders said quietly when he finally spoke again. “He didn’t ask me to, but if we weren’t together… you and me… he would have wanted to take me with him.”

It was Hawke’s turn to go silent as he processed this information, stirring the pancake batter and considering just what this meant. Finally, struggling to keep his voice level, he asked, “Did you want to go with him?”

“ _No._ ” Anders stated decisively, and Hawke let out the breath he’d been holding. “I can’t… I don’t care if Denerim is nowhere near Lake Calenhad, I’m not going back to Ferelden. Not until that institution has been burned to the fucking ground.”

Hawke grunted in agreement over that sentiment and poured the first pancake onto the skillet.

“Karl was _there_ though, he went through the same fucking program I did.” Anders was ranting now, but it was far better than the heartbroken silence from earlier. “But he also I guess got back in touch with his sister last year, and they’ve been talking about doing some kind of reunion.”

“With his parents?” Hawke asked incredulously. “The people who sent him in that place?”

“I can’t understand how he can even _consider_ …” With a sound of frustration Anders cut himself off, shaking his head. He knew his and Karl’s situations were different, but they had gone through so much together that it was difficult to separate the experiences sometimes. “You know what to do if either of my parents ever show up here, at least.”

“Show them the finger, and then the door.” Hawke deposited one pancake onto a plate and then poured another. “Trust me, I am more than happy to deal with them if that ever happens.”

“Thank you, Gare.” Anders buried his head in his hand for a moment, his face scrunched as he fought off the headache that was threatening to overwhelm him on top of the unrelenting heartache. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so miserable, so hurt… so utterly in pieces over someone he could no longer have.

“I don’t know if I can do this again.” He said a few minutes later in a small voice. Hawke looked over from where he was retrieving a variety of items from the refrigerator.

“Do what, love…?”

“ _This_.” Anders gestured vaguely. “Juggling two partners. It took us so long to figure out how to make this work, and now it’s gone anyway. I just… want to be with you for a while.”

“You can do that.” Hawke offered him a smile as he carried over two plates that were stacked with pancakes. “There’s no rule of polyamory that says you have to run right off and find another partner the second you only have one. I’ll always love you, and if I’m the only one you want to be with, that’s perfectly fine.”

Anders looked down at the plate that was set before him and couldn’t help but smile at the cat face his partner had drawn on it with whipped cream and chocolate chips. A second later his smile turned bittersweet.

“…you want to be with someone else though, don’t you?”

Hawke paused halfway through the motion of sitting down and stared over at him with some confusion. “What do you mean?”

Looking up Anders met his gaze as he sat down, and exhaled softly through his nose. “Fenris. You like him, don’t you?”

Hawke’s eyes grew wide, and the flush that rose to his cheeks told Anders all he needed to know. “I—I don’t… he’s just a friend!”

Anders chuckled softly and shook his head. “A friend you’ve been doting on for the last three weeks. I know you, love, I haven’t seen you act like this around anyone since we met. You _like_ him. It’s okay.”

Now incredibly flustered Hawke dug his hands into his hair, elbows on the table as he shook his head and lamented, “ _Fuck_ , he’s just…” He looked up and the flushed, frustrated look on his face was so precious it almost made Anders feel better. “He’s _adorable_ , and… and… _so_ nice, and polite, and he’s been through something terrible and he won’t talk about it and I just want to protect him _fuck I totally like him aughhh._ ”

Hawke sunk down into his hands again and Anders chuckled, reaching over to touch his elbow. “It’s alright, Gare, we can make it work. Whatever you need.”

Hawke garbled unintelligibly before jerking his head back up a minute later and declaring, “Okay no, today is about _you_ and I am not going to obsess over this right now. But…” His tone faltered and became adorably uncertain. “…maybe in a few days we can talk about this more? Me and you, not _him_ , Maker not with him yet.”

“Deal.” Anders agreed. He drew back and looked at his plate again, smiling at it fondly. “I kind of want to take a picture of this before I eat it. It’s a work of art.”

“Oh, here…!” Hawke handed over his own phone, as Anders’ was still plugged in upstairs. Quickly he snapped a picture before texting it to himself and giving the phone back to his partner.

"You've got a few texts there." Anders commented, reaching for the syrup. Hawke snorted softly.

"I'll bet. They can wait until after breakfast."

They took their time eating, and Pounce sat up in Anders' lap to sniff at his plate, though for the most part the cat was surprisingly well behaved and content to simply hang out with him. Anders' almost didn't want to move him off once he was done eating but eventually he had to, gathering the tabby into his arms and placing a kiss on the top of his head before he nudged him to the floor and went upstairs to retrieve his phone.

Anders had a number of texts himself, mostly from Isabela and Varric and one, surprisingly, from Carver. Wearily, he typed out a generic response and copied it to them all, forwarding the picture of his breakfast to Isabela as an afterthought as proof that he was in good hands right now.

Hawke had heard from the usual suspects as well however there was one name among them that caused a little skip in his chest.

**Fenris** [10:43pm]: is anders ok   
  
Hawke pressed his lips together, regretful he hadn’t checked his messages the night prior. He couldn’t help but feel a little touched that Fenris was concerned, smiling as he typed a reply.   
  
**Hawke** [9:20am]: He’s still upset. Sorry I left like that last night   
  
To his surprise, it didn’t take long before his phone chimed with Fenris’s response.   
  
**Fenris** [9:25am]: it is fine I understand   
  
**Fenris** [9:25am]: I was just worried

**Hawke** [9:26am]: How was your first night in your new flat?   
  
**Fenris** [9:28am]: Cold   
  
**Fenris** [9:29am]: I need to ask Variety where the therma stat is   
  
**Fenris** [9:29am]: various   
  
**Fenris** [9:30am]: my phone insists on changing the dwarfs name   
  
Hawke laughed, shaking his head.   
  
**Hawke** [9:31am]: That’ll be the autocorrect. It can be a pain in the ass, welcome to the joys of having a smartphone!

**Fenris** [9:35am]: I hope u still have the receipt   
  
**Fenris** [9:35am]: receipt   
  
**Fenris** [9:35am]: why is there a p   
  
Laughing again Hawke wrinkled his nose as he pictured the confusion on Fenris’ face.   
  
**Hawke** [9:36am]: That’s how it is spelled

**Fenris** [9:37am]: stupid word

The ridiculous smile on Hawke’s face when Anders came back downstairs had him raising a brow and grinning slightly. “How’s Fenris…?”

Hawke cleared his throat but couldn’t make the grin go away, his eyes darting from his partner back to his phone fondly. “He’s ah… he’s good. Getting used to having a phone.”

“Wait until he learns how emojis work.” Anders paused at that thought, raising a brow as he mulled it over for a second before adding, “Actually I’m not sure if I see him as an emoji guy.”

“Accidental smilies only.” Hawke agreed with a chuckle.

It wasn’t going to be a very productive day, but Hawke was content to sit with Anders and do whatever his partner wanted to do, whether that be more talking, or crying, or watching silly comfort movies. For the time being Anders seemed all talked and cried out, so Hawke let him pick a film and was not at all surprised when he picked The Adventures of Milo and Otis.

About halfway through the movie there was a knock on the door; Hawke pressed a kiss into Anders’ hair and shifted him off of his shoulder so he could answer.

The door was barely open before Hawke found his face suddenly buried in thick, black hair, and a pair of arms wrapped tight around his shoulders.

"Hawke! I hope the two of you don't mind us dropping by." Isabela said, lightly thumping the bottle she had clutched in one hand against Hawke's shoulder blade.

Hawke wasn’t at all surprised to see her; squeezing her briefly he exclaimed, “Bela, nice of you to come by…!”

Her voice lowered to a soft whisper as she looked over Hawke's shoulder to where Anders sat on the couch. "...how's he doing?"

“He’s upset but better than last night.” Hawke whispered back, smiling and winking at the blonde elf who was with her. “We’re just hanging out watching cat movies.” Releasing Isabela he raised his voice as he greeted the other visitor, “Zevran, it’s been a while…!”

“Alas, my Isabela keeps scheduling me for Friday nights at the club.” Zevran smiled brightly at him as Hawke moved out of the way to let them come in. “I really should be home sleeping now, more work tonight, but I could not pass up coming by to see my good friend.”

“Anders!” Isabela hadn't wasted any time scurrying over to the couch once Hawke released her, plopping down into Hawke's spot and pulling Anders into a tight hug, one that inevitably ended up with his face planted in her chest.

“ _Oof_ , haha _._ ” Anders couldn’t help but chuckle a bit, his arms sliding around her as he nestled his cheek against her breasts. “Hello girls.”

"He giggles! See? Didn't I always tell you they cure everything?" Isabela laughed fondly and set the bottle she was carrying down on the cushion beside her, wrapping her arms around her friend.

“Mm, your bosom is quite a magical thing.” Zevran sunk down on Anders’ other side, and Hawke grinned a bit at the three of them, taking a seat in the recliner now that his spot on the couch had been stolen.

“It is.” Anders agreed, twisting around so he could look at his other friend while his head remained nestled where it was. “Still haven’t gotten a new bartender since that one girl quit?”

“Not yet.” With an exaggerated sigh Zevran shook his head fondly at Isabela. “This one just likes to make me work, I think.”

“Oh, you do know I love it.” Isabela chuckled teasingly before her attention returned to Anders. “Here sweet thing, we brought a gift...!”

With that she produced the bottle she’d been carrying, waving it around in Anders’ line of sight. “Casomigos Reposado. Straight in from Antiva and my own top shelf.”

“We also have orange juice and grenadine, for all of your basic needs.” Zevran set the bag he’d been holding down on the coffee table with a smile. “I suggested triple sec but I believe this is more socially acceptable for the time of morning.”

“Wow that’s… really nice, you two.” Sitting up Anders took the bottle of high end tequila and examined the label for a moment before placing it beside the bag. He wasn’t feeling exactly up to drinking anything right them, but it was still a touching gesture.

“You deserve nothing less.” Isabela said, twirling a few strands of Anders’ hair around her finger. She contemplated for a moment before giving him another squeeze. “I’m _so sorry_ about Karl, sweetheart.”

“It is truly saddening to hear.” Zevran added empathetically, setting a warm hand on Anders’ shoulder. “Let us know if there is anything we can do for you, my friend.”

Hawke watched with some concern from where he sat as Anders lowered his gaze down to his lap and took in a breath, before exhaling shakily. “Thank you…” He answered softly, his hands fidgeting together in his lap before he leaned over onto Isabela again, lifting one hand to rest it over Zevran’s.

With a small smile Hawke stood and excused himself to go let the dog out, grabbing the bag and the tequila to take them into the kitchen and leaving the three of them alone for a few minutes. He knew Anders was in good hands—Zevran and Isabela were two people Anders had known in Kirkwall before they’d ever met, the Antivan elf having been another worker at the Rose with him while the Rivaini woman had been a well known and well liked customer of theirs. At some point after Hawke and Anders had begun seeing each other, Isabela has stolen Zevran away from the brothel to work at the nightclub she owned, and the three of them had remained good friends in the years since.

When Hawke came back Isabela started to get up to let him have his seat back, but he shook his head and pulled the coffee table out a bit so that he could sit on the floor between Anders’ knees. One of his partner’s hands was immediately in his hair; the four of them sat together like that through the rest of the movie, which had Anders a bit misty eyed by the time it was over from the beautiful friendship between the dog and the cat.

"Would you like anything before we head out, sweetie?” Isabela asked. Much as they would have loved to stay she and Zevran both needed to get some sleep before heading to work that evening.

Anders stroked Hawke’s hair and shook his head with a small smile. “I’ll be alright. Thanks for coming over.”

“You can call or text if you need anything.” Zevran told him as he stood, grinning a bit as he tugged his coat back on. “Or if you just wish to hear my voice.”

Isabela stood, stooping and cupping Anders’ face to tilt it up so she could press a wet smooch to his forehead, “You’re in good hands, sweet thing. Drinks on me the next time you come by the club.”

 

* * *

 

 Hawke and Anders spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon primarily on the couch after Isabela and Zevran left, alternating between watching movies and fooling around on the internet. Anders had retrieved his laptop at one point and for once didn’t get sucked immediately into the various medical and social justice blogs he typically visited, looking at cat videos for a while instead while Hawke made the two of them lunch.

Ser Pounce and Lord Meowington took turns hanging out with them on the couch, both curling up either directly on top of or beside Anders as though they could sense that something was the matter. McMittens, on the other hand, was largely unseen for much of the morning until the two heard him meowing loudly in the now-empty guest room.

“I think he misses his new friend.” Hawke remarked when Anders had gotten up to see what the kitten was making such a big deal over. In the short while that Fenris had been staying with them he had bonded with the black and white kitten far more than either of them had, and as the day went on McMittens wandered out of the room and through the rest of the house, yowling and searching for the elf.

It was in the late afternoon that another knock sounded on the door, and when Hawke went to answer it his heart leapt up into his throat as he saw who it was.

"Hello Hawke, I hope I'm not intruding...?" Fenris stood on the step with a paper bag clutched in one hand and furrowed his brow at the stunned expression on Hawke's face. The man in question blinked before shaking himself and smiling.

"Never, Fenris. You're welcome here anytime." He said, stepping aside to let the elf in.  

Fenris stepped inside and slid his boots off. He barely managed to take a step when McMittens thundered across the living room, tail in the air and the most adorably lilted, questioning purr-meows coming from him as though demanding to know where his friend had disappeared to.

"Hello Anders." Fenris greeted as he tried carefully to avoid stepping on the kitten, who was eagerly winding himself around his legs. "How are you feeling?"

Anders had paused the new movie they’d started and was smiling slightly at the way McMittens had greeted Fenris, watching him as he stayed right under the elf’s feet before he looked up to meet Fenris’ eyes. “I’m… okay, I guess. How’s the new place?”

“It will take some getting used to. It is very quiet.” Fenris answered, gazing down at the kitten who had taken to standing with his forepaws on Fenris’s shin, letting out the most pitiful of meows. Fenris smiled a bit before he remembered something and raised the bag he was carrying.

“I brought you something. Cookies. From the coffee shop at the Grimoire.” Fenris stepped forward and set the bag down on the coffee table in front of Anders before finally stooping to scoop up McMittens.

“Cookies…?” Anders raised a brow, reaching out for the bag to look inside of it curiously.

“Oh, from the big guy, Sten?” Hawke asked with a grin. “He makes the best cookies and scones.”

“Yes, the Qunari fellow. Who had any idea a man that doesn’t look like he’s cracked a smile in his life could make pastries that tasted so good?” Fenris sat down in the recliner opposite them, idly scratching McMittens ears. The kitten looked incredibly comfortable, chest rumbling with content purring.

Drawing a cookie from the bag Anders set it back on the table and offered Fenris a small smile. “Thank you. These are some of my favorites.”  Fenris nodded and returned the smile.

“How is it getting around on the bus?” Hawke settled back on the couch beside his partner, holding his arm out so Anders could fit himself against his side once again as he took a bite of his cookie. “Were you able to get to work easily?”

“The route is a bit different and there’s one stop where I have to switch to another bus.” Fenris furrowed his brow as he thought. “I think it will be the same to get downtown on Monday for my group.”

“Still have to get up early?” Hawke inquired.

“Not so much. I’ll probably leave earlier, though. Just to be more certain of my time.” Fenris said, a small chuckle escaping as McMittens grabbed his hand and began licking and gnawing affectionately on his thumb.

Watching the way McMittens interacted with Fenris, Anders commented, “He seems quite taken with you. He was in your room earlier trying to find you.”

“Really?” Fenris looked up at Anders, then back down at the kitten. “He likely misses batting at my ears while I’m trying to sleep.”

“I think he makes up for that by attacking our feet in the dead of night.” Hawke chuckled a bit, unable to help the silly, somewhat infatuated grin on his face. When Fenris looked back up at him Hawke swiftly attempted to school his expression, and the elf gave him a slightly peculiar look.

“...are you alright, Hawke?” Fenris inquired.

“Fine, yes. Good.” Hawke grinned foolishly and Fenris simply shook his head.

“I was going to bring the two of you some coffee… I regretfully wasn’t able to remember what either of you took in yours.”

“The sugary-est thing available for this one.” Anders patted Hawke's belly for emphasis and the other man rumbled in agreement. “I'm much more simple to please.”

“You like those salted caramel lattes.” Hawke pointed out, grinning down at his partner.

“I do.” Anders admitted. He reached for the bag and withdrew another cookie before offering it to Hawke. “This is really enough though. I appreciate it, Fenris.”

Fenris mentally stored the information away for future visits. For now though he seemed pleased enough that the cookies had been a sufficient gift. “Sweets do help me feel better, when I am down.” He said quietly. “I am happy they helped.”

 

* * *

 

On Sunday Hawke drove across town to Karl's place. Anders had assured him multiple times that he was okay, and there were clothes and other belongings of his that needed to be retrieved from the other man's home.

Karl's apartment building was modest but well kept for Lowtown, and Hawke found himself sitting in the SUV for an extra few seconds when he arrived, looking around as he realized he likely would never be there again after this. With a small sigh he got out and walked to Karl's door.

The man that answered it looked weary, his eyes red and heavy with a lack of sleep. He looked, in fact, very much like Anders had all weekend, and Hawke felt a clench of sympathy in his chest.

"Garrett." Karl acknowledged, stepping aside to let him in. "Or... should I call you 'Hawke' now?"

Hawke shook his head, "It's fine. You're still family enough in my eyes."

"You have no idea how much of a relief that is to hear." Karl closed the door behind him and gestured towards a box that was sitting on the floor near his couch, explaining softly, "That should be all of Anders' things. I packed them up after I got your text."

"Thanks." Hawke wasn't quite sure what else to say. At the same time he felt awkward just taking the box and leaving; after a moment of uncomfortable silence Karl heaved a sigh and met his eyes.

"Can we talk for a minute...?"

"Sure." Karl sank down on his couch and Hawke sat in an armchair, fidgeting slightly with the zipper on his jacket while the other man rubbed his eyes and tried to figure out how to start.

"You know I love Anders." Karl finally said. His eyes drifted over to the box nearby before turning back towards Hawke. "I probably always will. But Kirkwall... hasn't been nearly as kind to me as it was to him."

Hawke opened his mouth, an offer of "We could make it better" on his tongue but Karl silenced him with a raised hand before he could voice it. "It's alright. We aren't sixteen anymore. Anders stopped needing me years ago."

"But he does need you." Hawke replied in a rush. Karl gave him a small, sad smile.

"I'm sure he did once." He acquiesced. "When we were at Kinloch, we were all either of us had. We kept each other sane, and we always talked about what we would do when we got out, assuming they didn't crush either of our spirits first."

Hawke nodded—he knew the story well from Anders. "You were going to run away to the Free Marches together."

"Mmm. Then they separated us. I had no way of knowing that Anders actually did manage to get away, they didn't exactly spread that kind of information around. By the time I got out he was just _gone_ , there was no way I could have known that he'd come up here like we'd planned. I thought... that was it. We were never going to see each other again."

Karl stopped and took in a ragged breath, before continuing. "When I came up, it was… a foolish notion. I wasn't expecting to actually find him. I mean, how often do you just stumble upon someone you used to know in an entirely foreign city?" He let out a weak laugh at that. His eyes were wet. "But I did find him, and... he had you. And you've been _so good_ for him, helping him go to college and achieve his dreams."

Pausing for a moment, Karl wiped his eyes before looking at Hawke seriously. "You're his future, Garrett. It's been wonderful being able to be with him these last couple of years, but however much I love him, I can't take him forward like you can. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life living in this shithole of a city just because he's here. So please… take care of him for me."

Hawke opened his mouth as if to argue, before closing it and letting out a heavy sigh, nodding. "I will."

"Thank you."

“Can I just ask one thing?” Karl nodded and Hawke furrowed his brow at the other man. “Why didn’t you say anything before now? We could’ve… I don’t know, made this an easier transition somehow.”

“Do you really think it could’ve ever been easy…?” Karl chuckled humorlessly and dropped his gaze, staring at his hands as they fidgeted. When he spoke again he sounded lost. “I just… I didn’t want to hurt him without knowing if I was actually going to leave. I didn’t want to spoil our time together… but you’re right, I should’ve said something. I should have prepared him for this.”

Sinking his head into his hands Karl let out a shuddered breath. “Maker, he probably hates me now.”

“I don’t think Anders could ever hate you.” Hawke said gently. “He’s upset for sure, you definitely should’ve told him what your plans were before now. But he doesn’t hate you.”

Karl shook his head, but he still managed a small, sad smile when he looked back up. “…thanks. You should probably go back to him, I don’t think he needs to be left alone right now."

“Mm, agreed.” Karl stood and the other man did as well, and before he knew it he was being pulled into a tight bear hug.

"Take care of yourself." Hawke said as he pulled away. "And stay in touch, yeah? We can still be friends."

"I'll try." Karl told him with a halfhearted smile. Hawke picked up the box that was waiting for him and went to the door, turning around one last time to wave goodbye to his partner's ex-partner before he walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him for the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the most you're going to get about Anders' history a while, but if you're really curious about what he and Karl went through a look at the tags should give you a good enough idea.
> 
> This also marks the end of the first "act" of the story, if it can be considered as such! Things are about to speed up now, which means less time spent on each individual day and more forward movement towards important things. Thank you everyone who's reading, all of the comments and kudos really make our day!
> 
> -[legoprime](http://legoprime.tumblr.com)  
> -[lukatisus](http://lukatisus.tumblr.com)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for heavy drug addiction content. This one is pretty dark.

True to his word, when Anders got home Monday evening he sat down to have dinner with Hawke and broached the subject that he knew his partner had been thinking about nonstop since it had first come up that weekend.

“So, Fenris.” Hawke paused right in the middle of slurping up a spaghetti noodle and looked up, wide eyed. Anders smiled at him in amusement. “You think he’s pretty cute, huh?”

A flush immediately rose to Hawke’s cheeks and he swallowed with some difficulty, delaying his response by taking a sip of water. It certainly had been a distracting few days, and he wasn’t sure if the sudden loss of Fenris’ presence in their home had made things better or worse. It had only been a few weeks since they’d opened up their home to the elf but now that he was no longer there, Hawke missed him—the way his mouth curled up when he smiled, his dry humor when he told a joke, Maker, even just the way he looked sitting on their couch when they played video games together.

If he was completely honest with himself, Hawke was fairly certain he’d been an utterly lost cause ever since he’d first met Fenris’ eyes in Haven. Getting to know him afterwards had only fueled the flames of his infatuation, but he’d never personally had more than one partner at one time before which made it more complicated than usual to try and sort through those feelings.

“…yeah.” Hawke finally replied in a voice that was almost a whine. Anders chuckled slightly.

“Alright then. What do you want to do…?”

“I don’t know…?” Pushing a meatball around on his plate Hawke let out a huff. “I don’t even know if he likes guys, or if he’s even in a good place for it if he does. I told you there’s someone after him, right?”

Anders nodded and Hawke continued in a distressed tone, “That’s _really serious shit_ , and I don’t know how to help him with it because he won’t tell me anything. I feel like there’s just _way_ too much going on in his life right now to ask him to consider… you know…”

“A relationship?” Anders supplied. Hawke nodded somewhat pitifully. “You might be right, Gare, but I don’t think it’s fair to decide that for him. It’s his life, if he’s interested in you too then you should let it be his decision whether or not he can handle that right now.”

With a groan Hawke set down his fork and buried his burning red face in his hands. A second later he laughed weakly, “Shit, why is this so hard to talk about…?? I don’t remember feeling nearly this awkward last time.”

Anders’ smile faltered, and he toyed with the noodles on his plate for a few seconds before responding. “You weren’t the one trying to work out how to date two people last time. It’s… definitely a very different position to be in.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.” Hawke dropped his hands and sent a mournful look over to his partner. “Is it too early for us to talk about this? I know this isn’t your relationship but it still affects us.”

“It’s fine. Hey, I brought it up, didn’t I?” Anders reached out to pat the back of his hand, and Hawke turned it over to grasp his. “First order of business is finding out what Fenris thinks about you. He obviously likes spending time with you, more than he does with me.”

“This is going to be such a disaster.” Hawke said with a short laugh as they both drew their hands back to continue eating. “You know what I’m like when I flirt, I’m terrible at it.”

“I wouldn’t say terrible.” Anders smiled again and there was a gleam in his eye this time as he gathered up a forkful of spaghetti. “You seduced me well enough.”

“I did, didn’t I?” Hawke waggled his eyebrows at his partner and Anders rolled his eyes playfully. They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes while they both ate, before Hawke spoke up again in a small, tentative voice.

“What happens if he feels the same way…?”

“Then we have this conversation again and include him.” Anders told him. He reached for his glass and took a sip before getting to his feet, collecting their now empty plates and carrying them to the sink. “And we find out if he’s alright with our arrangement.”

_And then pray to Andraste that it works better this time,_ He added silently to himself, turning the faucet on to rinse off the dishes. Despite everything Anders felt surprisingly alright with this turn of events—the ache in his chest might not have subsided much over the last few days, but the look on Hawke’s face was enough to make him want to help his partner with this new infatuation. Besides, he thought with a touch more optimism, a new project might be just what he needed to keep Karl off of his mind.

 

* * *

 

The keys jangled as Fenris dropped them back into his pocket after unlocking his front door. It had been a few days since he'd moved into Varric's basement, and despite reassuring Hawke he was alright the elf was most certainly struggling.

After just a few short weeks living with the two men, Fenris had grown fully accustomed to the their routine. He'd gotten used to coming home after work and spending time with Hawke, petting Gorbash or playing with McMittens. There had been video games, dinners and conversations with Hawke, and Anders on days when he wasn’t out late volunteering at Haven. The activity in their household was just chaotic enough for Fenris to have something to focus on and keep occupied, but here... he wasn't used to life here yet.

It was only Tuesday, and as he descended the stairs into his flat after work Fenris couldn't shake off how empty the place felt. It was too quiet, and even after he flicked on the television for some background noise Fenris still found himself fidgeting. For a moment he stared at his phone and contemplated calling Hawke... yet uncertainty reeled him back.

_Kaffas, stop acting like a child_ . Fenris reprimanded himself. _He probably does not want you harassing him._

Every day since he'd gone over to visit them on Saturday had been a struggle. Sunday he'd managed to make it down to the grocery store for some subpar frozen meals to get him by until he was paid again; he'd spent the rest of the day rearranging things in his new flat more to his liking, reading a book he'd borrowed from the Grimoire, and just generally attempting to settle in.

Monday's group session had been an attempt back to his routine but it was only a couple of hours long, and Fenris soon had to return to the quiet of his new home. He'd exchanged a few texts with Hawke, and at one point Varric had popped down to check up on him and make sure everything was working out. Fenris had relished the company and kept the dwarf for a couple of hours just chatting and getting to know one another a little more, though much to Varric's dismay he'd not managed to coax any more personal information out of Fenris. By the time he was heading back upstairs he’d sworn up and down he'd learn more about him one day, or else he would be forced to fill in the gaps himself.

Today work and group had helped immensely. He’d made a discovery at the Grimoire that afternoon after finally ventured into the hidden area in the back to deliver something that had just arrived for Morrigan, the actual owner of the place. Passing through the beaded curtain was like walking into a shop from the dark ages—the shelves were lined with various pagan and occult items, and to say Fenris had been unsettled would have been an understatement.

_Tomorrow will be better_. Fenris told himself, despite feeling like a weight was slowly settling over him. He was anxious, uncertain how receptive Hawke would be to him texting or calling just for the sake of someone to talk to. He was certain the man had better things to deal with than some wayward mess of an elf… like taking care of Anders. After what had happened Friday they both probably wanted a bit of privacy.

Unfortunately Wednesday did not turn out any better. At group one of their members had admitted to slipping up and using the night before, and most of the meeting was spent focusing on the emotional support they required. It shook Fenris a bit, dredging up something in his mind that had quieted over the past month; he did his best to shake it off when he headed to Fiona's clinic afterwards for his weekly follow up, however the appointment only left him feeling more miserable in the end.

Back at home he couldn't settle down. Reading wasn't helping, TV wasn't distracting enough.  He stared at his phone and talked himself out of bothering Hawke more times than he could count; shoving it away again Fenris gritted his teeth and dug his hands into his hair to try and relax, taking deep, steadying breaths. Why was this so hard...?

_You know what will make it go away._ His mind whispered to him. Fenris bit the edge of his tongue, using the pain to help focus his thoughts. If he was completely honest with himself he could admit that he felt lonely—he'd grown to enjoy the company at Hawke’s home, and now here he was, a grown man struggling to adapt to living on his own. At least when he’d been on the street the constant activity around him had been distracting. Here, there was nothing.

Only managing to frustrate himself, Fenris went to bed early, hoping Thursday would be the day he could shake off this looming unrest. 

The day had started well enough—his group session went better and he was in slightly higher spirits when he got to work. Bethany returned from lunch shortly after he arrived, dropped off by a man with short, auburn hair and a rather heavy accent. Observing them from where he was Fenris wondering if this could be the infamous boyfriend; the man was civil enough, smiling and pecking Bethany’s cheek before he left, and Fenris stared after him contemplatively.   
  
Some time later, he was shelving books when a customer had approached him.

"You, knife-ear. Where can I find Lady Meines Hurzens?" He demanded, voice thick with an Orlesian accent.

"...I beg your pardon?" Fenris blinked, staring at the man incredulously.

"Lady Meines Hurzens!  Eet ees a foreign novel!" The man repeated, indifferent to the look that was being directing him.

"Ask the front desk." Fenris said in a clipped tone, his jaw tight.

"I am asking _you_. Or are you as dense as every other elf in zis city?"

Every muscle in Fenris' body tensed, and he could feel the hot rush of anger surging through his veins as he fought the impulse to throw the book in his hand at this asshole's face. He needed this job. He couldn't compromise it over one foul-mouthed asshole.

“Excuse me, sir? Do you have a problem with my coworker?”   
  
Bethany’s voice interrupted his thoughts and she stalked over to place herself between the two of them, fixing the man with a stern, challenging look. Fenris paused, brow furrowed as he worked his jaw and tried to calm himself down.   
  
The man huffed and narrowing his eyes. “I asked him help in finding a book.”   
  
“Actually I’m quite certain it was more than that. If you can’t be civil then you should probably leave.” Bethany’s tone was unwaveringly professional as she squared off against the incredibly rude customer, who puffed up in offense at her words.   
  
“Leave?! I am a paying customer! Who do you think you are? Where eez your manager?!” He was nearly shouting at this point. Fenris had stepped a few paces away, not quite trusting himself to keep his temper in check, however Bethany gave the man an incredibly sugar-sweet smile in response to his demand.

“The manager? Of course, Messere. If you’ll follow me, please!”  
  
Fenris watched as the man followed Bethany around to the back. It just so happened that today was one of the rare days when Piersen wasn’t in the store; Morrigan, however, was, and based on the few times Fenris had met the woman he could only imagine how this conversation was going to go.   
  
Only a few minutes passed before the sound of the beads that hung in the entrance way of Morrigan’s occult shop reached Fenris’ ears again, and he glanced over to see the man skulking out with the manner of someone who had just had their entire ego utterly crushed to dust. He barely spared Fenris a glance as he slunk past the elf on his way to the front door of the library.   
  
Bethany was next, scowling after the man as he made his exit and stopping next to Fenris, arms crossed over her middle. “Asshole. I can’t believe that attitude! Who does he think he even is!?” She huffed and then glanced over at Fenris. “If anyone else ever gives you or Merrill a hard time, Piers and Morrigan won’t tolerate it, I promise.”   
  
As satisfying as was to know Morrigan had obviously put the man in his place, the elf was still incredibly aggravated. He all but nearly slammed his door when he got home a few hours later, unable to shake the anger; pacing around his house he looked for something to do, anything to help himself calm down. Eventually he turned the TV on and stomped over to do his dishes, hoping that would be enough to relax him.

Over the next few hours the anger dissipated, however left behind in its place was something hollow and dark. He felt empty, upset. _Alone._ He couldn’t bring himself to talk to anyone, and the voice in the back of his mind was growing more and more insistent.

_You know it will help_. It whispered. Fenris tensed and scratched at the healing track marks on his arms. He could vividly recalled the rush, the way it made every bad thing happening to him seem so insignificant. How good it felt despite the fact he hated it with every fiber of his being once the high was gone, hated how he always wanted another and never resisted when the time came.

He hated that he wanted one now.

He'd already taken his medication and wasn't due for another dose until morning. While it might help to take a second dose Fenris was all too aware of Fiona’s warnings—it would be far too easy to grow dependent on the very thing that was meant to help him, to trade in one addiction for another.

With a sigh, Fenris sunk against the wall in his hallway and buried his face into his hands as the impulse clawed at him.

_You want it._

"No..." Fenris pleaded with himself and brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He just felt empty, sad, _lonely._ What would it matter if he tried to talk to anyone? His mind focused on all of the negatives of the past few days—how alone he felt, the asshole at the store today, the group member who had fallen backwards in their own recovery, and how close he was to doing the same thing right now himself. There was also the other matter he had gone to see Fiona about that she still wasn’t ready to help him with. One more week, she’d said, one more set of tests. At this point Fenris wasn’t sure she would ever be satisfied.

Unaware of how much time had passed, Fenris eventually found himself moving as though on autopilot. He pulled his coat on, slipped into his boots and stepped outside into the cool night air, letting his feet lead him wherever they intended to as he rubbed his burning eyes. He walked as though in a trance, unaware of his destination and barely paying attention to anything around him.

It wasn't until he reached the outskirts of Darktown that awareness slammed into him all at once. He knew this route, knew exactly where this was going to take him. If he continued any further he would be walking straight back into the arms of his addiction.

The realization caused Fenris legs to falter, and he sucked in a breath, wide eyed and slightly panicked. Spinning on heel and he forced himself in a different direction, _away_ from Darktown, picking a new path that was just as familiar as the other had once been.

He needed to talk to someone. He needed support. He needed _Hawke_.  

Determined, weary and so close to breaking, Fenris forced himself to kept going until he reached the familiar neighborhood and didn't stop until he stood on the porch he'd come to know so well.  Hesitating for only a moment, he rapped on the door and winced as he heard familiar bellowing barks from inside.

 

* * *

 

Anders was in the middle of a dream in which he’d shown up at the hospital wearing nothing but daisy dukes and nipple pasties when the muffled sound of the dog barking slowly began to rouse him from sleep. He made a soft, grumbly noise of protest, his brow furrowing in confusion before he’d woken up enough to realize what the sound was.

Suddenly a bit alarmed Anders worked his arm out from underneath him and reached over to gently slap Hawke’s shoulder. The other man made an undecipherable sound and didn’t move, so Anders squeezed his arm and whispered at him.

“Gare, something downstairs…”

Finally Hawke stirred and flopped onto his back, blinking up at the ceiling before looking over at his partner. Anders was giving him a concerned look; with a groan Hawke rolled over and climbed out of bed, tugging on his pajama pants so that he could go downstairs and see what all the fuss was about. As an afterthought he picked up a wooden sword that was sitting on the dresser, blinking a bit to wake up more and prepare himself just in case there was a burglar in their house.

Hawke didn’t see anything when he slowly started down the stairs, and he felt a slight twinge of paranoia, gripping the wooden sword tighter before his eyes fell on Gorbash. The mastiff was standing by the front door barking his head off—after another moment Hawke heard a knock at the door and he blinked, relaxing just a hair and walking over to unlock and open the door.

“Fenris…??”

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected but the elf standing on his front porch definitely hadn’t been it. Bash started to surge out past him and Hawke grabbed his collar to hold him back, giving Fenris a confused and slightly worried look once he noticed the expression on his face. “What’s wrong? It’s like one in the morning.”

"I know... I'm sorry... I... sorry..."  Fenris winced, feeling a twist of panic and guilt coupled by an irrational urge to turn around and run. He grounded himself, looking up at Hawke and the concern in the man's eyes and let out a breath. He could trust him.

"...I need... could I stay here tonight...?"

“...yes, yes of course… Maker, what’s wrong?” Hawke asked again, pulling Gorbash back from the door so Fenris could enter. The elf looked incredibly relieved as he did, and Hawke realized he was shaking. 

“Fenris, did something happen? Are you alright?” Hawke immediately looked outside to check the street before he closed the door, locking the deadbolt and slider as a precaution.   
  
“I’m… yes… no... _fuck_.” Fenris swallowed, trying to get a handle on himself enough to not look like a terrified fool. He’d almost slipped. He’d come _so far_ and he’d almost fallen right back into those old habits. Absently he headed for the couch, needing to sit down.   
  
Having heard nothing other than the gentle sound of voices, Anders appeared halfway down the stairs, his hair a tangled mess and his eyes heavy with sleep as he peered down at them. “Fenris…? What’s going on…?”

“It’s fine.” Hawke told his partner. Looking back at the elf he excused himself briefly, “I’ll be right back, just sit tight for a minute, alright?”

Hawke jogged back upstairs and Anders went with him; he was gone for only a couple of minutes before he returned alone, his wooden sword traded in for a flannel shirt to go with his hastily tugged on pants.

Fenris was still on the couch, Gorbash’s head in his lap. The elf was busying himself playing with the dog’s ears, however Hawke noted the tension in his expression as he moved over to sit beside him.  
  
“What happened, Fenris…?” He asked gently. Fenris didn’t look up at first, fingers busily scruffing behind the dog’s ears.   
  
“...I almost made a mistake.” Fenris finally answered just as a soft mew caught his attention. Hawke noted the subtle change in Fenris’s expression as McMittens hopped up onto the couch and eagerly squeezed onto the elf’s lap, purring with pleasure.  Instantly Fenris had the kitten gathered up in his hands, petting him and looking far more relaxed than he had when Hawke had answered the door.   
  
“What kind of mistake?” Hawke pressed. Fenris’ focus remained on McMittens as though the cat was keeping him grounded.   
  
“I am not sure how to put this…” Fenris sighed, sitting back, “It’s been… harder than I’d hoped, adjusting to the new place. A few things happened this week and it just… it was too much. I wanted a hit and I _almost fucking got one_.”     
  
Hawke was quiet as he processed this information, and he couldn’t help but feel a stab of guilt. He should have popped by to visit, made sure he was alright. When Fenris continued his voice was laced with bitterness and a level of fury that Hawke was certain the elf was directing at himself.   
  
“...that’s why I was out here at this time of night. I was… just walking. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I reached the edge of Darktown and I just… _snapped_ out of it. I can’t... Hawke, I just can’t trust myself to be alone right now… I’m so sorry for intruding on you like this but I don’t want to fail. Not like this…”   
  
“But you didn’t.” Hawke spoke up quietly. “You stopped yourself, Fenris. That’s a good thing.”   
  
“It’s _not_ . I had the urge. As much as… as much as I _hate_ it, it’s just… there. It’s under my skin and it’s _so hard.”_ Fenris stopped petting McMittens just long enough to scrub his palms over his face. “It’s been such a bad week. All those bad feelings just built up and all my fucking brain wanted to remember was how that shit made me feel when everything _else_ was going so wrong. Like all the bad things in the world just didn’t matter anymore in that moment. It made me feel good, happy… I don’t want that synthetic euphora anymore, I just want to be normal again. Happy on my own without sticking a fucking needle into my vein for it and knowing with every one that it’s slowly killing me.

“It very nearly _did… Venhedis_.” Fenris growled at himself before continuing, “That day you found me. I told you it was the withdrawal. Trying… to come off of it, when the symptoms kick in it’s like every muscle, every _nerve_ in your body is screaming. Like every part of you is remembering what pain feels like all at once. I was just… trying to cope with it. I was hoping if I could just get through the agony that I could overcome it on my own but I started to sweat... I started to get cold and I couldn’t warm up and at that point I was just so, _so_ spent that I couldn’t move… I don’t want to go through that ever again.”   
  
Fenris sighed. His voice had gone from low and angry to a softer, shakier tone by the end. His entire face was etched with frustration and annoyance at himself, and he fell quiet, petting McMittens again as Gorbash nudged him for more ear scratches. 

“Why didn’t you call or text?” Hawke asked, a lump tight in his throat. “If you needed someone to talk to you could have contacted us.”   
  
“I didn’t want to intrude. After Friday and… and Anders… you had more pressing matters to deal with.” Fenris said, letting McMittens climb up his chest and settle on top of it, his small paws kneading the fabric of his shirt contentedly. The barest flicker of a smile passed over Fenris’ face from the warm, soft comfort of the cat.   
  
“Fenris, if you needed help…” There was a tight twist of pain in Hawke’s chest that Fenris didn’t seem to think he was allowed to confide in him. The elf still wasn’t looking at him and Hawke reached out, setting a hand on his shoulder. “I meant it when I said you’re always welcome here. That means texts, phone calls, all of it.”   
  
Fenris finally raised his head, turning his gaze toward Hawke as he continued, “You didn’t go through with the impulse, Fenris. You stopped yourself and you came here and I’m _so proud_ of you for that! You can do this. You _can_.”

Fenris swallowed, and for one horrible moment Hawke was certain he was going to break down right there in front of him. Yet the elf managed to compose himself, letting out a shaky breath and a whisper, “Thank you, Hawke…”  
  
“You know I enjoy talking to you, yeah?” Hawke added with a small smile. “Even if you just want to call and tell me you had a good day at work, or if you have a funny story to tell, that’d be good too.”

Fenris managed a soft chuckle at that, steadying himself with a deep breath. “Today most certainly wasn't a good day.”

“You can tell me about those too. It's no good bottling things up.” Hawke’s smile brightened a bit. The tension was leaving Fenris bit by bit.

“You want to listen to my whining?” Fenris asked incredulously.

“If it helps.” Hawke said. “What happened today…?”

With a bit of hesitance, Fenris took the offer to get the pent up feelings off his chest and told Hawke about the rude customer that has essentially been the straw that broke the druffalo’s back for him. He went on to talk about trying to settle in, and how being alone with just his thoughts had got to him far more than he'd expected. When he was done, tired but in a considerably better mood, Hawke offered to put on a movie since neither of them were in a particular state to go to sleep at that point. Fenris agreed and they perused Netflix's selection until they found something interesting and turned it on, volume carefully turned down so as to not disturb Anders upstairs.

It wasn't even a half hour into the movie that Hawke glanced over to discover Fenris had relaxed enough to fall asleep. A smile flickered over the man’s lips at the sight; the elf was curled in a ball with McMittens curled comfortably in the crook of his arm. It was adorable and Hawke couldn't help the giddy little flutter in his chest, however along with it was a pressing weight of guilt.

Just as Fenris hadn't texted him, Hawke had also let the week go by without any contact. He’d been a bit overwhelmed with the realization of the feelings he had, and had felt a bit uncertain about texting Fenris and bothering him. They'd spent the last three weeks together after all, surely the elf had wanted some time to himself? The lack of texts in return had only seemed to confirm that.

But Fenris had needed him, or at least _someone_ to talk to. Hawke made a mental note to not let this happen a second time. He'd be more attentive, do whatever he needed to do to ensure this didn’t happen again.

 

* * *

 

When Anders’ alarm went off in the morning there was no one beside him in bed. For a few seconds he was confused before he recalled their late night visitor; tugging on his pajamas he softly padded downstairs, curious as to where his partner was, and then stopped at the sight on the couch.

Fenris was curled up on one side, fast asleep with the dark floof of Mr. McMittens pressed against him. On the opposite side of the couch Hawke had slid so far down he was almost sitting on the floor, his head lying back at an awkward angle as he softly snored. Gorbash was at his feet and lifted his head as Anders approached quietly.

He almost hated to disturb such a scene but he needed to get ready for work, which meant he was going to be making some noise downstairs. Reaching Hawke, Anders bent over to press a kiss to his cheek, his hands settling softly on his partner’s shoulders as he rubbed them gently to wake him up.

Stirring, Hawke made a nonsensical sound at the disturbance before his eyes blinked open and he looked up to see Anders’ face hovering above him.

“Morning.” Anders whispered, a smile on his face. “I’m going to give the kids breakfast after I shower, so it’s going to get bright and noisy down here in about fifteen minutes.”

“Mm, did I fall asleep…?” Hawke stretched and yawned before looking over at the elf beside him, and Anders followed his gaze. Fenris hadn’t yet stirred and McMittens was peering up at them with glimmering yellow eyes.

“Is he alright…?” Anders asked. He hadn’t stayed up to find out what had brought Fenris to their door the night before—having a tight schedule meant that sudden midnight visitors were a bit difficult for him to manage.

“…I think he will be.” Hawke said after a moment. The conversation they’d had that night was swimming around in his brain; he wondered abruptly if they’d moved Fenris out of their house too quickly, but he had wanted that independence, and it had felt like a good step in getting his life back on track.

Still though, Hawke knew he could have done better to help with the transition, and he sighed softly and leaned into his partner’s hands. “I wish we could do more for him.”

“That flat is probably pretty quiet, isn’t it…?” Anders murmured, giving his shoulders a rub. He looked over the sleeping elf and the kitten curled up beside him one more time, wheels turning in his head, before he straightened up to go back upstairs. “I need to shower and get ready. He can ride with me to his group session when I leave.”

“Alright.” Hawke answered, stretching with a smile as his partner crept away. He then sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes for just a moment and reached over to gently nudge the elf next to him, “Hey, Fenris? Time to get up…”   
  
At the contact Fenris jerked. His head popped up from where it’d been tucked against the couch’s arm and Hawke could just make out bleary, half-closed eyes as Fenris squinted and looked around. “Quid temporum et…?”  He croaked.   
  
Having no idea what the elf just said, Hawke smiled like a dope over Fenris’ current state. He had a crease on his cheek from a fold in the cushion, and his hair was sticking in every possible direction, one swathe having flattened against his face while the rest had learned how to defy gravity. Chuckling a little, he waited until the sleep-addled elven man’s eyes focused on him.   
  
“It’s time to get up, you’ll miss your bus.”

It was easy to fall back into their previous routine—when Anders left Fenris rode the bus with him, and Hawke was there waiting when his therapy session was over. There were a few jobs that Hawke had gotten calls for that morning and the elf accompanied him as he had before, spending the day in his company instead of returning to the all-too-quiet and empty flat.

It was Friday which meant that when they finally did drive over to Varric’s house the others were there. Nothing was said when Anders walked in with them and quietly took the seat between Isabela and Hawke, a somewhat-forced smile on his face and a hand on his partner’s thigh to keep himself grounded; he had debated a bit whether or not he wanted to come but the prospect of spending what had always been Karl’s night at home by himself was too painful, and asking Hawke to drop Fenris off and stay home with him would have made him feel guilty. Spending the night with their friends would be good for him, Anders had told Hawke, and as the hours passed with laughter and alcohol he knew it had been a good choice.

By the end of the night Fenris seemed in much better spirits, if a little reluctant to return to his flat. He seemed content loitering in the game room while the rest filtered out and waited for their rides home; Hawke, noticing this, headed over to him.   
  
“You gonna be alright?” He inquired.   
  
“I do feel better. I should be.” Fenris answered. Still a bit concerned, Hawke mulled something over for a moment.   
  
“Would you like to come over for dinner next Tuesday?” He asked. “Could be a weekly thing, if you wanted.” It was subtle but Hawke swore Fenris perked up a bit.   
  
“I’d like that.” Fenris said, smiling. “After work, then…?”   
  
“After work.” Hawke clarified, grinning back, “Don’t be afraid to text or call if you need anything before then.”

 

* * *

 

The promise of a get together had at least put Fenris into better spirits. The company over the last day had also helped, and he slept a little easier in his flat that night. The fact he had work the next day helped him keep his mind off of any residual intrusive thoughts.  

Come Saturday afternoon, once he got home from work he found his appetite was back. He walked over to his fridge to pull a frozen dinner out of the freezer, however he hadn't even got it into the microwave when a knock at the door had him stiffen.

Fenris glanced over his shoulder and stared, wondering if he was hearing things. For an instant he felt a slight rush of panic as his mind raced, wondering who could have followed him home to show up this quickly.

Slowly Fenris crept over to the door. He could hear shuffling outside it; sucking in a breath the elf cracked it open and peered outside.

"Oh, Anders...? What brings you here?"

The blonde man standing outside was smiling very brightly, and was holding something large behind his back rather awkwardly with both arms twisted around. “Hello Fenris…! I um, haven’t seen your flat yet, is it an okay time to visit?”

“It is, I just got home.” Fenris furrowed his brow, eyes dropping inquisitively toward whatever it was Anders was holding. He stepped back to let the other man in, however before Anders could move a loud and rather annoyed ‘meow’ sounded from behind him.

Fenris blinked, and Anders groaned.

“You went and ruined your surprise, McMittens…!” Anders revealed what was, it seemed, a cat carrier, holding it up so he could pout through the plastic bars. “You just have to be naughty right down to the very last, don’t you?”

“McMittens…?” Fenris blinked again, looking a bit perplexed. He leaned down and stared at the kitten’s familiar little face before looking up at Anders again. “You brought him? Why?”

Anders shrugged a bit awkwardly, looking down at the carrier in his hands as if he was embarrassed to meet the elf’s eyes. “I, um, I know this place is probably really quiet, and, well… when I was on my own in Kirkwall, having Ser Pounce-a-Lot helped me a lot. McMittens has taken to you better than he ever took to me, and I’ve got two other cats already, so…”

Holding out the carrier, Anders finally looked up at Fenris with a hopeful look on his face as he finished, “…I want you to have him.”

Anders could see the very moment the words sunk in. Fenris’ eyes slowly widened and his gaze dropped to the carrier, up to Anders’ face, and then back down to the carrier again. His mouth opened and then snapped shut before he sputtered, “B-but… are you… really??”   
  
Fenris wasn’t sure what he was feeling, just a surge of different emotions as he struggled to find the words. For whatever reason the matter that came to the forefront of his mind had him murmuring in a panicked little voice, “...but I have nothing to take care of him with.”

“Alright you two, make way for the heavy stuff…!” A voice called down the stairs at them. Looking past Anders, Fenris spotted Hawke walking down with his arms full of supplies—there was a large bag of kitty litter under one arm, an empty litter box under the other, and a bag in each hand with the logo of a local pet supply store on the side.

“We did a bit of shopping today after making sure it was alright with Varric.” Anders explained with a smile, stepping inside to give his partner room to come in after him. Hawke walked to the middle of the room and began setting things down.

Fenris watched, stunned, before slowly reaching out to take the carrier as he looked between the two men. McMittens shifted and let out another irritated meow which seemed to drag Fenris back to reality.   
  
“Anders… are you certain?” He asked again. His throat felt dry, tight. If Fenris was completely honest with himself he had grown to love the little cat during his time living at Hawke’s, and the gesture was, suffice to say, overwhelming him. “...won’t he miss the other two? And you?”

“It’ll be an adjustment for him, but I think he’ll be happier with you.” Anders was struggling a bit with his own emotions over this, despite it having been his idea in the first place. Still, he put on a smile, “He was a rescue when I got him, we hadn’t exactly planned on getting another cat… and, well, there will always be more kittens who need homes. I can get another.”

Digesting this information, Fenris’ jaw was tight as he tried to keep his expression in check. The appreciation for the gift showed in his eyes, however, and his throat worked wildly around a sudden lump.

“Thank you.” He croaked. “I will take such good care of him, Anders, thank you so much.”

Anders’ expression relaxed a bit, and he beamed and gestured towards the carrier. “Well…? I’m sure he would love to start exploring his new home.”

"Right... yes..." Fenris composed himself and set the carrier down, stooping down to unlatch the door.  As it opened the kitten peeked out and into the open room. Slowly, sniffing at the floor, McMittens took a few tentative steps and looked around, and Fenris smiled again and reached out to stroke his back. He felt utterly ridiculous at how overwhelmed he was right now.

"I hope he likes it here..." Fenris murmured, rising to stand and watch as McMittens began to investigate his new surroundings.

“You’ll want to keep him in the living room for a little while, let him adjust to the new place before letting him into the other rooms.” Anders crossed his arms, hugging his chest slightly as all three of them watched the kitten. “Don’t let him go outside, at least not for a week or two. I can give you the name of the vet we use too, in case of emergency. He’s already fixed and good on all of his shots.”

“Okay… I’m not sure about letting him outside, the road is a bit close. Unless I could rig something up in the backyard…” Fenris was immediately concerned about the hazards the kitten could encounter outside.

“Cats are always safer indoors, but if you wanted to let him out it would be best to keep him in the back.” Anders agreed. As he watched McMittens leapt gingerly onto the couch, sniffing every inch of it as he checked out his new home; tearing his eyes away Anders walked over to where Hawke had set down the bags so he could begin going through what they’d brought over.

For the next half hour Anders and Hawke stayed, going over every little detail to ensure Fenris was ready for his new flatmate. They’d brought him the rest of the canned kitten food they had and had bought a bag of dry food to replace it with once it ran out—the canned food was better, Anders explained, but also expensive for someone with a tighter budget. They dry food would do just as well once the kitten got used to it.

In addition to the necessities there was also an assortment of toys, things to keep McMittens occupied when Fenris left him home alone. Anders didn’t say anything but he was a little concerned about how the kitten would handle being by himself without the dog and the other cats to harass, but he knew he would adjust in time.

By the time Anders and Hawke left, the frozen dinner Fenris had been preparing when they’d arrived was completely forgotten. He sat down once they were gone, watching McMittens as the kitten explored the papasan chair.    
  
He felt strange. After the emotional week he could still feel the lump in the back of his throat, and he released a shaky breath now that he was alone… _not_ alone. The elf stood and walked over to the chair, scooping McMittens up in his arms and hugging him to his chest. The kitten let out a mewl, instantly squirming to get back down and continue his investigation; after a moment  Fenris relented and sat on the floor so he could release the cat, using his free hand to wipe at his eyes.

Despite the tumultuous emotions, Fenris felt undeniably happy. As McMittens wandered back over to him and climbed into his lap, he let out a soft laugh and kneaded his ears until the kitten was purred contentedly.


	15. Chapter 15

Sunday, Wintermarch 28th 

**Fenris** [10:55am]: Anders

**Fenris** [10:55am]: McMittens will not stop howling as though he's hungry

**Fenris** [10:56am]: I already fed him tho

**Anders** [11:04am]: He’s just trying to make you feel sorry for him

**Anders** [11:04am]: You can give him a treat, but just one, you don’t want to spoil him

**Fenris** [11:07am]: ok I gave him one  
  
**Fenris** [11:07am]: but rather than eat it I think he wants to make sure its dead  
  
**Anders** [11:09am]: That’s a kitten for you! He’ll eat it eventually once he’s done playing with it

**Fenris** [11:10am]: Ok

 

* * *

 

Thursday, Guardian 1st 

**Fenris** [6:17pm]: Are cats supposed to chatter?  
  
**Fenris** [6:19pm]: he’s been just staring at the wall for the last ten minutes making this weird chattering sound  
  
**Fenris** [6:19pm]: It’s starting to freak me out  
  
**Anders** [6:25pm]: Is there a spider or something on the wall?

**Fenris** [6:30pm]: ok I don’t know how he saw that  
  
**Fenris** [6:31pm]: it was one of those tiny gnats. Why would he chatter at a bug?  
  
**Fenris** [6:31pm]: Cats are weird

 

* * *

 

Tuesday, Guardian 6th 

**Fenris** [12:20pm]: Hawke help

**Hawke** [12:23pm]: What’s wrong?

**Fenris** [12:24pm]: Mcmittens puked something up and I do not know if he is sick  
  
**Hawke** [12:25pm]: Oh boy

**Fenris** [12:26pm]: Anders hasn’t answered yet  
  
**Fenris** [12:27pm]: should I take him to the vet?  
  
**Hawke** [12:29pm]: Is he acting sick?  
  
**Fenris** [12:30pm]: he is acting normal I think, he is killing my boot lace  
  
**Hawke** [12:32pm]: It was probably just a hairball then  
  
**Hawke** [12:33pm]: Just wait until he throws up in one of your shoes! That’s always fun

**Fenris** [12:34pm]: Ugh

 

* * *

 

“No new emergencies today?” Anders asked with a grin after Fenris opened the door to let him in. It had been three weeks since they’d given Mr. McMittens to the elf, and almost every day he’d received at least one text inquiring about the kitten’s behavior—whether he could eat something in particular, why he wouldn’t play with a toy Fenris had purchased for him, if he would ever grow out of the insistent need to thunder down the hallway at two in the morning sounding like a herd of elephants had broken into the flat. Through all the questions it was obvious Fenris had taken the responsibility of having a pet very seriously, which made Anders a good deal more comfortable with the decision to hand the kitten over to him.

“Aside the fact he appears to have found a way to get on top of the door in the bathroom.” Fenris answered. He could hear Hawke upstairs chatting with Varric and was fairly certain others were already there as well; it had become a regular thing for Anders to come downstairs to visit the kitten on Friday nights when the group got together, and tonight was no different.

The few short weeks following Fenris’ bad night had been significantly better. The kitten’s presence in his apartment coupled with far more regular contact with his two friends had helped Fenris finally settle into his new home without too much extra trouble. Work was going well; as a precaution Fenris was handing over his paychecks to Hawke for safekeeping, taking out just enough for food and bills. He wanted to be confident that he could trust himself not to slip before having free access to his earnings, and he trusted Hawke to take care of his money for him.

“Is he up there now?” Amused, Anders peered down the hall towards the room in question. There seemed to be no end to the trouble that kitten got up to, no matter where he lived.

“I took him down, I was worried he'd fall. He was still in there when I left though, so he may have found his way back up.” Fenris answered, shaking his head with some amusement. With a smile Anders walked down the hall in search for McMittens, calling his name as he turned the corner into the bathroom.

“Mr. McMittens, where are… oh…!” The sight that met him there was unfortunately not an unfamiliar one—the cat had half of the toilet paper roll torn apart and all over the floor and was currently peering up at him from within the mess, yellow eyes wide and staring as though he knew he’d been caught.

“Venhedis! McMittens...!” Fenris groaned from right behind Anders. With a huff the elf slipped around the taller man and shooed the kitten out of the shredded tissue so he could clean it up, laughing and shaking his head. “Such a little menace.”

“He’s that for sure.” Anders agreed with a slight smile as the cat darted past his legs out of the room, claws catching in the hall carpet in his haste. As Fenris tidied up he spared a glance around the bathroom, noting the dwarven artistry around the bathtub and the sink. The amount of time and effort that had gone into these old houses was astonishing, and was certainly nothing like Anders and Hawke had at their house.

An object on the counter drew Anders’ attention, mostly due to it not being the typical sort of thing you saw sitting next to a bathroom sink. It was a plain water bottle, empty of water but with something else inside. For a second Anders wasn’t sure what he was looking at, and then it clicked… and all humor drained from his expression.

Inside of the bottle were several used syringes.

“Fenris.” Anders picked up the bottle and held it out, anger and anxiety bubbling up inside of him as he fixed the elf with a hard look. “What the fuck is _this?”_

Fenris looked over his shoulder immediately at the sudden change in Anders’ tone, and visibly winced at what the man clutched in his hand.

“Anders, those aren't… it's not what you think.” Fenris stood slowly, meeting Anders’ eye as he emphasized, “It’s _not.”_

“What the fuck is it then??” Anders shook the bottle in irritation and the needles inside rattled. No, forget irritation, he was _livid_ —all the progress they’d made, a month’s worth of helping this man, only to find syringes in his flat? “What other reason would you _possibly have_ for needing these?! And don’t try to tell me it’s for insulin, you stayed with us for weeks, I would know by now if you were diabetic.”

“It’s not for fucking _drugs!_ ” Fenris was tense now, staring hard at the bottle of used syringes in Anders’ hand and trying not to think about the fact that the only way out of the room was currently blocked.

“Then _what is it??”_ Anders demanded again. “You aren't giving me a alternative!”

Fenris’ mouth opened and then snapped shut. His face pinched into a scowl and his fists clenched at his sides as he growled, “Do I have to?!”

The elf forced himself to stride toward Anders and raised his arms, yanking both sleeves up past his elbows and thrusting them out. “Take a look for yourself, Anders. I fucking _swear_ to you, I’m not using.”

Anders very nearly took a step back when Fenris approached him, gritting his teeth and standing his ground as the elf offered up his bare arms. There were scars from his previous track marks around the ever present graceful swirl of his tattoos, but no matter how closely Anders looked he could see no new marks among them. Fenris, it seemed, was telling the truth.

“What are they for then?” Deflating a bit Anders looked at the container in his hand as if it held all of the answers, but there was nothing there he hadn’t already seen.

Fenris frowned, and then sighed. “Not drugs. You’ll just… please just accept that for now.”

“Just ac… what the fuck, Fenris?” Anders shook his head at the elf in disbelief. “I would think I’d have earned a small amount of your trust by now.”

“You have.” Fenris stated, exhaling before adding, “Have I not earned any of _yours?”_

For a long moment Anders didn’t reply, his lips pressed together in a tight frown as they stared each other down. Then, finally, he set the container back down on the counter and sighed.

“Fine.” He said with a reluctant nod. “I’ll trust you.”

“Thank you.” Fenris answered in a tight voice. “...the others are probably waiting for us.”

“Right…” With another sigh Anders turned and walked out of the room, attempting to shake himself off before going upstairs where their friends were. He still didn’t like this, but Fenris truly didn’t appear to have been using recently. Whatever the reason for the syringes, he was just going to have to hope that the elf would eventually tell him.

“Ah! There you two are. I was about to come looking.” Varric grinned as Anders stepped into the room. Fenris wasn’t far behind, and the elf didn’t waste much time moving around the table to take a seat beside Hawke.  
  
“Ah, this must be one of the new friends I’ve heard so much about…!” There was a new face at the table tonight next to Isabela, or at least he was new to Fenris; leaning on his elbows on the table Zevran cast a winning smile towards the other elf. “You must be Fenris, yes? I am Zevran, but you can call me Zev.”

Still feeling rather stormy, Fenris did his best to make sure his irritation didn’t show as he looked up at the man speaking to him. "Zevran? Isabela speaks quite highly of you."  Fenris recalled the other elven man's name coming up in conversation around the table more than a few times. "It is nice to finally meet you."

“Finally hired a new bartender?” Anders had taken what was now his usual spot on the other side of Hawke. Despite his best attempts at hiding his irritation it still came out a bit in his voice, and Hawke raised a concerned brow at him.

“Yes, finally.” If Zevran had noticed the slight bite in Anders’ tone he didn’t react to it, smiling at him before sending a teasing look in Isabela’s direction. “I was beginning to think Bela wanted to keep these new friends to herself.”

“Oooh, it was tempting.” Isabela crooned, settled comfortably beside him. She flashed a smile at Fenris that he returned, even if it felt a little forced. Isabela’s lips quirked behind the rim of her bottle as she took a sip of her beer.  
  
“Merrill said she was on her way.” Varric spoke up, smirking at the way Carver visibly perked up at the sound of her name. Despite only actually being invited the first night the younger Hawke boy had been making fairly regular appearances ever since, and it was blatantly obvious to everyone else why that was. As if on cue, the doorbell chimed and Varric rose to answer it.

There was already a beer waiting for Anders, and he took a deep drink of it, gulping down nearly a third of the bottle before he set it back down and shook his head, willing himself to relax. A gentle hand settled on his thigh and he looked over to meet Hawke’s searching gaze, an unspoken question in his eyes of whether or not he was alright; with a small smile Anders laced his fingers into his partner’s and gave them a squeeze of reassurance.

“Oh I’m always late, hello everyone…!” Merrill chippered as she followed Varric into the room. There was a potted plant in her hands, and she sought out Fenris from the group and smiled.

“I brought you a housewarming gift, Fenris…! It’s from one of my plants. I think everyone should have plants, they liven up a living space very nicely.”

“Really?” Fenris blinked at the plant Merrill was holding out to him. Slowly he took it from her, his mood lightening just a bit. “Thank you Merrill, you didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh it was no trouble, there were too many baby plants anyway.” Merrill took a seat between Fenris and Carver, as Zevran had claimed the spot at Isabela’s side where she’d been sitting the last few weeks. The blonde elf gave her a charming smile.

“You must be the other new friend, Merrill was it…? I swear we elves multiply when no one’s watching.” Zevran looked over at Varric, grinning. “Careful or you shall have four more showing up at your door next week.”

“We’re plucky like that.” Fenris remarked before he could stop himself.  
  
Carver had shot straight up in his seat when Merrill arrived, and was gradually transforming into a tomato now that she was sitting next to him. His ears were bright red and the color was slowly creeping into his cheeks as he glanced at her nervously.

“Hi Merrill!” He greeted a bit too cheerfully, swiftly taking a heavy gulp of his beer as if trying to drown himself.  
  
“Hello Carver…!” She beamed at him and Hawke couldn’t help but chuckle. Weeks of this and it hadn’t yet gotten old watching his brother flail around at her presence. Merrill's eyes widened a second later as though something had just occurred to her, "Would you like a spider plant too? I have plenty of them."

“I would love one of your plants!” Carver’s mouth ran away on him, and he was sporting a lopsided grin not unlike some of the ones his older brother had perfected. Merrill's face lit up in delight.  
  
"I can bring one to the Grimoire for you tomorrow...! Or you could come by my apartment if you'd like?"

“I… eithuuh… rrr.. either works!” Carver babbled, swallowing, “I could come and get it from the Grimoire if that's easier?”

"I'll bring it in tomorrow then...!" She seemed very pleased, and utterly unaware of how many amused grins were currently aimed in their direction. Carver smiled as if he'd just won the lottery.

“Oh!” Isabela was next to sit upright, setting her beer down as she clapped her hands together and turned toward Hawke and Anders, “I just remembered! Anders, have you found out when your summer holiday is this year?”

“Oh, for the Rivain trip?” Anders was looking quite a bit more relaxed now that he was nearly finished with his first beer, although the topic made him frown slightly. “I think we’re done the first week of Justinian, I’ll have to check exactly what day. You still want to drive up?”

“Airfare is so expensive, especially in the summer.” Zevran explained. He was holding a glass of brandy and swirling the liquid around casually. “ _Especially_ going to Rivain or Antiva.”

“It’s alright, I don’t mind driving…!” Hawke grinned, leaning over to knock shoulders with Anders. “We might just have to find somewhere to stop overnight on the way up.”

“You’re going to Rivain?” Carver blurted, eyes widening. “I want to go to Rivain!”

“So go to Rivain.” Hawke cocked a brow at his brother, still grinning. “No one’s stopping you.”

“Right, I’ll just flap my arms and go there right now.” Carver scoffed. “Why do you get to go to all the fun places?”

Isabela laughed, “You’ll get your chance, precious.”

“You’re out of school now, maybe you should plan a trip with Nate and Alistair.” Hawke suggested, taking a sip of his beer. The disgruntled noise he received in response had Varric stifling a snort from across the table.

“Right, like I want to listen to Alistair moon about the girl he likes the whole time.” Carver huffed. Hawke cast him such an incredulously amused look that Carver eyed him suspiciously, “What?”

“How long are you going for?” Fenris found himself asking.

“A couple weeks. That's the plan at least!” Isabela answered. Fenris fell quiet again, considering this.

“Two weeks in a sunny paradise.” Hawke said somewhat dreamily. “At least that’s what everyone says. I’ve never been that far north.”

“I’m certain you will enjoy it.” Fenris said.

“It is a lovely country.” Zevran agreed, lifting his glass and adding with a smile, “We’ll have to find some good Antivan brandy when we go, I can never find it here without paying an arm and a leg.”

“I'm sure you can stock up while we’re there.” Varric said, shuffling the card deck as he prepared to divvy out the first hand. Fenris carefully tucked his plant down beside him so it wouldn't get knocked over with some of the enthusiasm that always seemed to accompany these nights.

Anders had quieted after the initial question directed at himself, running his thumb over Hawke's knuckles and staring into his bottle of beer. It had been last year sometime that they'd begun tossing around thoughts of this trip—it was going to be his last real summer vacation, in the fall he would begin his last year of medical school which would lead into his internship once it was over, and that would be the end of any free time he had for a long time.

Rivain was supposed to be one last big vacation before then. When they'd first begun planning it, Karl had been invited to come along, but Karl was in Ferelden now. He'd left nearly two weeks ago; with a great amount of support and encouragement from Hawke, Anders had gone to see him off, and he hadn't been able to shake off the look that had been on Karl's face when they'd said goodbye to each other. They'd texted each other a few times since then but Anders' heart just wasn't in it. He wasn't sure if it ever would be, and the thought of going on this road trip now without him wasn’t nearly as exciting.

The rest of the chatter died down as soon as Varric flicked the first card out, continuing around the table until everyone had their hand. By now the group was well aware of the rules so the first couple of rounds were fairly fast paced. Fenris, while quiet most nights, was especially so tonight, staring half distracted at his hand as he continuously thought over the confrontation he’d had with Anders earlier.  
  
He spent the better part of the next hour fighting with himself over a decision. By the time he’d finally come to it Isabela was stretching and requesting a smoke break; Anders hadn’t eased off on his beer consumption but Hawke was taking it in stride and had volunteered to be their designated driver tonight, while Carver was nervously attempting to chat with Merrill, tripping over his words as he always did. Hawke watched it play out with as much interest as he could muster, considering the tension he could feel emanating from the men to either side of him.  
  
“A break sounds good.” Varric spoke up, and Fenris saw his opportunity. To say he was nervous about this was an understatement; drawing in a breath he picked up his plant and stood.  
  
“I’m… um… going to go put my plant downstairs before it gets knocked over. Thank you again, Merrill.”  He began.  
  
“Everything alright?” Hawke asked, raising a concerned brow in his direction. The elf looked down at him and nodded, offering a small smile. His throat was dry as he turned his attention towards Anders and caught his eye, “I’ve another question to ask you about McMittens, if you’d come with…?”

Anders had never managed to fully relax despite being nearly finished with his third beer. Some part of it was certainly about Fenris, but a big part was thoughts about Rivain without his other partner, his mind far away and nowhere near the game they were playing which had led to even more terrible hands than normal.

Now as Fenris approached him Anders found himself eyeing the elf with some wariness and uncertainty, though he still nodded at the request. “Sure.” He replied, giving Hawke’s arm a reassuring pat when his partner cocked a brow at him before he walked away to follow Fenris downstairs.

Fenris steadied himself, despite his heart thumping around inside his ribs. This was about trust. He could trust Anders. Setting the plant down on his counter he veered toward the washroom, fighting with himself to maintain composure and not look as nervous and slightly panicked as he felt. Without a word, the elf flicked the bathroom light on and opened his medicine cabinet.  
  
“You… wanted to know what the needles were for.” He began, his voice wavering just a bit. “To be honest I’m surprised you didn’t already know, considering the information on my papers when I was in the hospital…”  He picked up something small and held it out to hand it to the other man.  
  
Anders was momentarily confused when they got downstairs and Fenris led him back to the bathroom, but it was soon obvious enough that this wasn’t actually about McMittens. The remark about Fenris’ paperwork at the hospital had him confused again; blinking he looked down at the object being held out to him, before he took it and held it up to get a proper look. It was a vial, the same kind pharmacies used to package insulin in, except it wasn’t insulin.

Anders’ eyes widened, and he looked up at Fenris as if he’d never seen him before. The elf had his arms crossed around his middle and was giving Anders a hard look, nerves barely buried beneath it.

_“…oh.”_

Anders hadn’t really looked at Fenris’ information when he’d been in the ER, at least not beyond what the doctor there had shown him regarding the heroin in his blood. He also hadn’t reviewed his discharge paperwork—something that he’d taken heat for afterwards because apparently a number of sections hadn’t been filled out properly—and there’d been no reason for him to pull the files up again afterwards. He’d never looked at the gender marker in their system.

“…you’re transgender?” It was a rhetorical question at this point. The vial of injectable testosterone in his hand told Anders enough.

Fenris seemed to relax just a hair. There was no disgust in Anders’ tone, he seemed more surprised than anything else. Unable to trust his voice for the moment, Fenris simply nodded, keeping his gaze fixed on Anders’ face as though still expecting something negative to be said. As if _daring_ him to even consider saying it.

Anders definitely was surprised, but he also recognized the look on Fenris’ face, as well as how incredibly vulnerable this situation had to be for him. Mentally he shook himself, cursing his tipsy and sluggish brain and handing the vial back before stating softly, “I had no idea. How long have you been on hormones…?”

Fenris relaxed a bit more though the defensive expression was still present. He returned the vial to it’s spot in the cabinet, closing it as he answered, “About a year and a half… I was off of it for a little over a month after coming here, but Fiona finally felt I was healthy enough to give me a prescription. I’ve you two to thank for that.”  
  
Fenris swallowed, his throat working as he met Anders’ eye again. “So there it is then. I… trust you will keep this to yourself…?”

“Absolutely.” Anders replied without hesitation. “I won’t say a word.”

“My doctor didn’t say anything, either…?” Fenris was pleased if that was the case. He’d corrected the doctor in the emergency room rather gruffly the first time they’d met. It seemed the man may have respected that.

“No one said anything about it.” Anders confirmed with a shake of his head. “The staff at the hospital here are pretty good about these things, it’s one of the reasons I enjoy working there. Or will, once I’m finished with med school.”

It was likely time for them to head back upstairs, lest Hawke or someone else come down to search for them. Anders furrowed his brow a bit and offered up a hesitant smile, “Thank you for trusting me with this, Fenris. I’m sorry for… earlier.”

“Are we good, then?” Fenris asked, a bit of a crooked smile on his own face. “It was a bit foolish of me to leave those laying around like that.” His arms were still snaked around himself defensively as he searched Anders’ expression, though he seemed satisfied with the conversation overall.

“We’re good.” Anders’ smile grew a bit more relaxed as the incredible tension that had been around the two of them seemed to dissolve away. “Also you should really get a proper sharps container for your syringes, though that’s a decent substitute for now. I could see if the pharmacy at the hospital carries them if you want?”

“That would be a good idea. Considering my roommate is a bit of a trouble maker.” Fenris chuckled, letting out a sigh as he relaxed further. It was a relief knowing that Anders was alright with this information, though he wasn't quite prepared to tell anyone else. It wasn't their business, he figured.

The mood between the two of them was worlds better when they went back upstairs, and Hawke brightened quite a bit when Anders sank back down next to him and leaned in to give him a sloppy, drunken kiss on the cheek. Whatever it was that had been bothering him, it seemed to have been resolved, though Hawke couldn't help but give his partner another searching look.  
  
"You good...?" He asked quietly. Anders smiled and nodded, sparing a glance in Fenris' direction, who offered a smile back to him.  
  
"We're good. Let's play."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were some questions about why Fenris’ gender didn’t come up while he was in the hospital, so here you go. Incredibly respectful ER doctor + inexperienced med student Anders missing some key data. Is it completely realistic? Perhaps not. Did we do it anyway? Hell yes, because the alternative—Fenris getting outed in the hospital—would’ve been really shitty.
> 
> Full disclosure: Both of the writers of this fic are trans. We had a lot of discussions around how Fenris was eventually going to come out—we were adamant that he needed to make the choice _himself_ to come out rather than be outed against his will, however we were also dealing with a character who is socially read as male and thus has no good reason to simply out himself without a catalyst. It will of course come up with Hawke eventually when romance things start happening, but for story reasons we wanted Anders to be the first to find out.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The working title of this chapter was "Shenanigans". Something a bit lighter after the last few...!

Anders sat in the beanbag chair in his study, a textbook in his hands, a cat in his lap, and a drink on the table nearby. He’d finally started dipping into the tequila Isabela and Zevran had gifted to him, treating himself to a cocktail to go along with his Saturday afternoon study session. Hawke had been called away for an emergency repair job which meant Anders was home alone—a rare occasion indeed, one that, he reflected, could have been spent doing something more exciting than studying, but such was his life.

He’d already been at it for a good hour though, so he could definitely take a break, he decided. Setting the book aside Anders reached for his drink, taking a sip and rubbing his fingers over the soft fur at the base of Lord Meowington’s ears. The large grey tabby made a small ‘prrrt’ sound and stretched, yawning before settling back down and going back to sleep.

It had been a month since Anders and Hawke had discussed the latter’s feelings for Fenris, during which time very little had happened. His partner’s crush was obvious to him but Anders couldn’t get a good read on the elf, and Hawke still seemed hesitant to broach the subject in any way, which was likely smart considering what little they knew of Fenris’ past but also a bit frustrating to watch from the sidelines.

If nothing else Anders could tell that Fenris enjoyed Hawke’s company, far more than he seemed to enjoy his own, although the talk they’d had a week ago regarding Fenris’ gender identity had smoothed things out for the two of them quite a bit. Staring at the ice cubes in his glass Anders mulled over the subject for a good few minutes, wondering if there was anything he could do to help his partner out. Hawke had, after all, stepped in and helped with him and Karl when they’d been dancing around each other.

The familiar tightening in his chest at the thought of Karl had Anders abruptly springing into action to force it away, putting down his drink and picking up his phone to flip through his contacts until he found who he was looking for. Feeling suddenly jittery, he started the text he wanted to write a couple of times before he finally made himself send it.

**Anders** [1:14pm]: Hey Beth, question: have you ever noticed Fenris checking out guys at work?

Setting aside his phone Anders nervously began petting Lord Meowington again, earning a few more bothered purr-meows for his trouble. Maker, he had no idea what he was doing. What if he ruined everything by attempting to help? What if Bethany thought he was being creepy? That had been a pretty creepy question.

About five minutes later his phone chimed and he jolted purely from nerves he'd worked up, reaching for it with some trepidation.

**Bethany** [1:22pm]: That’s a weird one Anders

**Bethany** [1:22pm]: Why?

Shit, he _was_ being creepy. Anders scratched his cheek for a second before replying, wincing slightly.

**Anders** [1:23pm]: Just curious, that’s all

For a few long minutes there was no reply, and then out of nowhere his phone began to ring in his hand.

_“Ahh...!”_ The jolt of surprise this time was enough to have Lord Meowington jumping out of Anders’ lap to seek a less turbulent napping spot; suddenly far more nervous than he’d already been the blonde answered in a too-cheery tone, “Hey Beth…!”

“What’s this about?” Bethany mostly sounded confused, but there was a hint of suspicion in her voice as well.

“It’s nothing, really, I was just wondering.” Why, of all people _why_ had he thought asking her would be a good idea? If Bethany was calling him then there was a good chance she wasn’t at work, which meant there was also a good chance somebody else was with her, and Anders felt a sick sort of dread settle in his stomach at the thought of Sebastian Vael overhearing their conversation.

There weren’t any other voices on the other end of the line though. For a long moment there wasn’t even Bethany’s voice, and when she finally spoke again it was in a rather gentle, concerned tone.

“Anders, I know it must be hard for you without Karl but don’t you think it’s a little… _early_ to be looking at other people again?”

_Maker’s mercy_ , if he could’ve sunk down into the earth away from his phone he would have. “No no, this isn’t about me…! I promise it’s not.”

“So you just have a completely platonic desire to know if Fenris likes men?” She sounded skeptical. Anders covered his eyes with his free hand, rubbing his temples and trying to figure out how to salvage this conversation.

“It’s Garrett, alright?” He finally said, giving up on any other excuses. “He’s kind of… _interested_ , and I just wanted to help out.”

That was that, Anders figured, the conversation was likely over now. He knew all too well what the Chantry’s opinions were on polyamorous relationships. Bethany herself had never said anything one way or the other after finding out about Karl, but Anders wasn’t foolish enough to think she didn’t share Sebastian’s viewpoint.

“Alright.” Bethany said. Anders blinked.

“…alright?” He questioned with some skepticism.

“Alright.” She repeated. “I’m in. I’ll keep an eye out at the library and let you know what I find out.”

“I can’t believe you’re okay with this.” Anders couldn’t help but laugh, relief washing through him and bringing a wild, disbelieving smile to his face. “I thought…”

“Anders, I’ve never had a problem with you.” Bethany’s voice sounded like she was smiling too, and it just made him want to laugh again. “You’re like my second older brother by this point. I won’t pretend I understand it, but I can tell you and Gare are happy, so… yeah, I’ll help. You’ve got to promise me one thing though.”

“What’s that…?” He asked.

“Text me more…? I feel like we never talk!”

Anders chuckled at that. He felt like a massive weight had lifted off of his shoulders. “Deal.”

“Good. I’ve got to get going now, but I’ll text you, yeah? Take care!”

“You too…!” Hanging up, Anders found himself sitting there staring at his phone for a good while, the biggest, most joyful smile on his face that he could possibly muster. Of all the ways that could have gone, never in a million years had he expected it to go quite that well.

 

* * *

 

“I finally located a sunny spot to put my plant, Merrill. Where my kitten can’t reach it, at least.”  Fenris said from where he was stooped over a box of new stock that had arrived at the Grimoire that morning. He was carefully going through it and ticking off the items on the invoice, sitting cross-legged on the floor behind the counter. It was a quiet day so far, only one or two customers had come into the store; considering how beautiful the weather had been outside lately Fenris couldn’t blame them.

"Oh, wonderful!" Merrill looked over from where she was in organizing a cart full of books that needed to be returned to the shelves, smiling brightly. "I'm sure it appreciates not being knocked over. I had a cat once growing up, but she was old and mostly just liked sleeping inside of the pots of my plants."

“McMittens hasn’t… quite adopted such a benign interest.” Fenris chuckled a little, pulling the last few books from the bottom of the box and ticking them off on the invoice. Everything was in order; Fenris pushed himself onto his knees and began to return what he’d already marked off back into the box.

“Kittens are fun like that though.” Merrill mused as she examined the worn cover of a particular book. “Sometimes I wish I had one, but I don’t think it would get along well with my other pets.”  
  
“Oh? What do you have?” Fenris inquired, looking up at her for a moment as he carefully slipped the top row of books back into place in the box.

“Mostly rats, but there’s also Arty, he’s a stick insect, and Snowy. She’s a tarantula.” Merrill smiled as though this was the most normal thing in the world, adding, “I’d love to have a corn snake but one of my roommates, Tamlen, doesn’t like them.”

Fenris paused and stared at her, brows raised and nose wrinkling just a bit.   
  
“An interesting assortment.” He remarked. Curling his fingers beneath the box he stood up, lifting it in the process. “I can say with some confidence that Hawke will stay as far away from your home as possible, given _Snowy_.”  Fenris’ lips twitched with a slight smile as he recalled Hawke’s hysterical reaction to the spider they’d discovered in his flat.

“Spiders are really very nice!” Merrill placed the book she’d been looking at back in her pile with a thoughtful hum. “Well, considering they eat insects, but a lot of things eat other things. I promise if Hawke ever comes over Snowy will be on her best behavior.”

As Fenris carried what was a fairly heavy box out from behind the counter to begin putting the books away, Merrill pushed her cart after him, the rattling of the wheels behind him being Fenris’ only indication that she was still nearby. After a long moment of silence he heard her speak up again.

“Is that hard for you…?” Merrill gave him a considering look. “The heavy lifting I mean. You don’t seem to get out of breath much but it seems like it would be harder to do while binding?”

Listening as they walked, at first Fenris assumed she was worried about his physical condition due to the fact that he was still recovering from being so underweight. That was, until she finished.

“What?” Fenris nearly pulled his neck with how quickly he looked back at her, mouth half open. Why would she…? _Anders?! “..._ what makes you think I bind…?”

Merrill blinked, obviously a bit off guard by the strong reaction to her question. “Well because… you seem to be transitioning so I just assumed… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m terribly bad with people sometimes.”

Fenris’s mouth clapped shut, staring at her for a few long moments. “Well… you are half right… but what brought this on?” He asked, glancing around anxiously as though they were suddenly surrounded by a crowd. The part of the store they were in was deserted, however. “Did Anders talk to you?”

“Anders?” Merrill tilted her head inquisitively. “Why would he?”

“Why else would you have asked me a question like that...?” Fenris pressed, trying not to let any irritation reach his voice.

Merrill fidgeted a bit with the hem of her shirt, seeming a bit regretful now to have opened her mouth. “My other roommate, Mahariel, he binds every day, sometimes if we’ve been out walking for a while he gets out of breath and needs to rest. I just thought… you don’t seem to have any trouble? It was really just an observation, I’m sorry.”

“Your roommate...?” Fenris deflated a little as Merrill explained. Anders, it seemed, had nothing to do with this then. Fenris drew a breath and sighed.

“I do not bind.” Fenris murmured softly, looking around again to reassure himself there were no customers about. “...you could tell…?”

“Well, yes, I suppose, but I’ve known a few people who are in your situation, so maybe it was easier for me…?” Merrill seemed determined to fix this conversation she’d started in whatever way she could, stumbling a bit over her words as she tried to reassure him. “I don’t think anyone else has noticed, at least I doubt the humans have? They mostly see all elves the same way, or well, that’s been my experience. You’re probably fine, and I promise I won’t say anything else about it.”

“Merrill…!”  Fenris sighed as she rambled, setting the box down for a moment on the cart. “It’s fine. I just didn’t expect…”  He paused for a moment, collecting himself. “I thought Anders told you.”   
  
Still feeling a bit raw and exposed, Fenris furrowed his brow a bit and added, “Just, er… for future discussions with people like me, perhaps be a little less forward…?”

“I’ll try to remember that. Sometimes I just talk without thinking. I’m sorry, Fenris.” She really did look quite apologetic, her large green eyes peering up into his as she offered a tentative smile. Before anything else could be said the bell rang at the front desk and Merrill jumped in surprise.

“Oh, sorry, I’ll be right there…!” She called out as she hurried back, leaving Fenris to mull over their conversation.

He wondered how many others could tell and simply had been accepting. That thought bothered him a bit, and he made a mental note to talk to her about it again sometime in a less conspicuous place. It was interesting, at least, to hear her roommate was also in the process of transitioning.   
  
Slowly, drawing a breath, Fenris turned and resumed the job he’d started, stocking the shelves with the new arrivals. At least Anders hadn’t been the one Merrill had found out from, but he wasn’t sure he liked how the number of people who knew was increasing.

 

* * *

 

After the initial conversation Fenris had at least one more talk with Merrill over the next few weeks in an attempt to help her understand when _not_ to bring up these subjects, and better ways to do so in the future. They also spoke a bit about her roommate, who wasn’t nearly as far along in his transition as Fenris was but who was fortunate enough to have the support of herself and their other roommate.

The weather was getting warmer and the days growing longer every day. Fenris had settled comfortably into his new home at this point with his ‘flatmate’; on one particular day he had returned home to find McMittens dangling from his supposedly cat-resistant macrame plant hanger, yowling pitifully with his claws stuck in the twisted cord. Unable to resist, Fenris had snapped a picture and sent it to Anders, chuckled softly as he rescued his little menace.  

A day or two later and Bethany invited Fenris over to the coffee shop adjacent to the Grimoire on their afternoon break. She had begun taking more and more opportunities to spend time with him, he supposed just to be friendly; while she chose a seat Fenris couldn't resist ordering some cookies and a couple chocolate eclairs from the Qunari behind the counter.

"How are you today, Sten?" Fenris inquired as the enormous man carefully bagged the elf's order.

"Fine." Sten grunted, voice rough and gravely as always.

"The new title for the series you read has come in." Fenris added, pulling a bill from his pocket to pay.

"Good."  Sten answered, handing Fenris the bag and taking the money to count out Fenris' change.

Fenris nodded and said nothing else. Sten was never in the mood for small talk, but it made Fenris a little less nervous when the Qunari did something other than stare at him.

"That's healthy." Bethany laughed as Fenris sat across from her with his treats.

"I'm allowed to indulge myself." Fenris raised his brows, smirking as he took a sip of his coffee and slid an eclair across the table to her.

"You seem to come in here quite often, actually." Bethany said conversationally. Despite her ribbing she couldn't resist the eclair, taking a bite with a nearly imperceptible fluttering of her eyes.

"It's convenient."

"You also seem to enjoy talking to Sten!" She pointed out, a little too cheerfully. Fenris raised a brow in her direction.

"If you'd call them talks..."  Fenris blinked. She was smiling at him in a way that was a bit... odd.

"But you do talk! I mean you must want to get him to talk... right?" Bethany seemed to be struggling around something, and after a few moments of staring at her Fenris realized what she was implying.  

"What?" His mouth opened, struggling a bit before he dropped his voice, "What is this? Do you think I have a thing for Sten??"

"I—ah, but you're in here all the time!" She whispered back, a bit frantic. Color was crawling up her neck and into her cheeks at this point.

"For his _cookies_." Fenris said.

"Well yes—but—"

" _Cookies_ , Bethany! I like his cookies!" Fenris pulled one out of the bag and waved it around to emphasize, glancing nervously over his shoulder to make sure the man in question hadn't overheard them. "To be quite honest, he's not my type. And I'm not even certain _he_ has a type."

"Fenris, I'm so sorry...!" Bethany looked rather mortified, her face beet red, and Fenris couldn't help but wonder what in Thedas had brought this on. She looked up at him covering an embarrassed smile with one hand, though Fenris half felt that HE should have been the embarrassed one here.

"...cookie?" Fenris offered, holding the bag out to her. That was apparently enough to get a laugh out of her and she nodded, reaching into the bag and pulling out a chocolate chip cookie.

"That was silly of me to assume." Bethany let out a giggle, rubbing her face.

Taking another long drink of his coffee, Fenris set the cup down and stated matter of factly, "That's usually how such misunderstandings occur, yes."   
  
The two enjoyed the rest of their break with far less mortification. Fenris rose to go use the washroom before they had to return to work; once he was out of sight Bethany reached into her purse and pulled out her phone, bringing up Anders’ name and tapping out a quick text.   
  
**Bethany** [3:12PM]: Well Fenris is definitely not interested in Qunari pastry chefs

 

* * *

 

Winter soon gave way to spring, and with warmer days came the itch that both Hawke and Anders felt to work in the garden and around the outside of their house. The first nice, sunny day of the year saw them both spending their Saturday in the backyard, Gorbash running gleefully around them and chasing the poor, unfortunate squirrels that made the bad decision to come inside of their fence.

Anders had always enjoyed gardening, and this year he threw himself into it with a fervor, spending the entire day pulling weeds and planning what he wanted to plant as part of his ever constant attempts to keep his mind off of the change to his weekends. Hawke spent the morning on the back porch putting together a homemade cat tree out of some spare wood and old carpet they’d had in their shed—Fenris had expressed some dismay over how expensive they were to buy, and Hawke had urged him not to waste money on it. He’d put one together in the past for their cats so it was easy enough for him to build another one.

Now it was late afternoon, and while Anders had migrated to a lawn chair, sunglasses on his face and a beer in his hand, Hawke was still hard at work. He’d finished the cat tree an hour earlier and had, on a whim, climbed up to take a look at their gutters, finding them packed with leaves from a nearby tree. Assuring his partner that it wouldn’t take long at all to clear them out Hawke was now on the roof, Anders keeping a cautious eye on him from where he lounged below while he thought over the little ‘project’ he’d started.

After several weeks of conspiring with Bethany, Anders was no closer to figuring out anything about Fenris’ preferences than he had been at the start. The elf was almost _infuriatingly_ difficult to read—it would have been easier to simply ask him but at this point Anders was just being plain stubborn. Hawke, on the other hand, was blindingly obvious in his interest, but the man still hadn’t brought the subject up, treading carefully within the boundaries of the friendship he and Fenris had developed.

Perhaps that was enough, Anders mused as he took a sip of his drink. Perhaps, in light of whatever it was Fenris had been through before meeting them and his continued hesitance to speak of it, the best thing they could do was just continue what they had been doing as his friends. Still, Anders wanted to at least make the attempt—he owed it to Hawke, he felt, and at least if it all went horribly wrong and made things awkward with Fenris it would be _him_ who was on the receiving end of that awkwardness instead of his partner.

Anders heard the unmistakable sound of the bus rumbling past, and smiled to himself. Fenris would have gotten off of work around thirty minutes ago; they’d invited him over for dinner and to give him the cat tree, and Hawke had spent a good portion of the morning in a mild planning panic over what he wanted to cook. The first nice Saturday of the year warranted using the grill, and he’d opted for shish kabobs with bacon, beef, and a great deal of vegetables for their vegetarian friend. It had all been prepped and left to marinate that morning so once they were ready to cook it would take no time at all.

Fenris had been told to just let himself into the backyard when he arrived, so when he stepped off the bus, bag over his shoulder, he headed down the street towards the back of Hawke's house. For the first time since he'd met the two men Fenris was wearing a short sleeved shirt; his track marks had faded enough he felt a little better baring his arms, and it was warm enough now for long sleeves to no longer be comfortable all day. Another new addition to his wardrobe was a pair of sunglasses he had bought earlier that week after finding the sun becoming a little intense while he waited for the bus in the morning. His beanie still sat on his head, however, covering up his snowy hair.

Fenris headed through the side gate that lead into the backyard. The squeak of the gate instantly caught Gorbash's attention, and Fenris barely dodged as the huge dog thundered across the lawn toward him, baying at the top of his voice—a sound that soon turned into an excited yip once Bash realized who it was.

"Hello my friend!" Fenris chuckled, ruffling the dog's ears as Gorbash jumped excitedly around him. A moment later and the mastiff was running to the other side of the yard after one of the squirrels who dared attempt to make an escape out of its tree. With a small smile Fenris walked around the house, looking for his two friends.

Anders glanced up when he saw the elf round the corner, having heard the gate open and Bash’s enthusiastic greeting. With a smile he raised his drink, “Afternoon Fenris…!”

"Hello Anders." Fenris greeted, setting his bag down on the corner of the deck. He wandered over to where Anders sat and glanced around, wondering if Hawke was in the house when the man in question's voice rang out from nearby, startled him.

"Hi Fenris!" Hawke's voice was... somewhere. Confused, Fenris glanced around the yard wondering where in the Void the man was hiding before he caught the flash of movement up on the roof. Hawke was waving at him and Fenris, from where he stood, had a rather full view of the man. He had taken off his shirt at one point, and the sun was hitting him in such a way that Fenris couldn't help but lower his sunglasses for a better look.  

From his vantage point Anders had a very good view of Fenris as he looked up at Hawke. Maybe it was just the sun, maybe it was any number of other things, but he swore he saw the elf’s cheeks and ears flush as he looked the shirtless man up and down _._ A second later he seemed to catch himself, pushing his sunglasses back up and clearing his throat almost imperceptibly.

_Now isn’t that interesting,_ Anders thought.

"Hawke, do you even have fall protection!?" Fenris croaked. Hawke looked almost guilty for a moment.

"Not really." Hawke admitted, somewhat sheepish. "I'm nearly done anyway, I won't be long."

The elf forced a frown on his face, huffing quietly with a shake of his head, "Your self preservation astounds me sometimes." 

“If you want something to drink we’ve got some iced tea in the fridge.” Anders offered. “We’ll probably be cooking dinner shortly.”

“A drink sounds good. Would you like anything brought out?” Fenris snagged the opportunity to escape into the house, pointedly looking away from the man on the roof.

“Actually I’ll come in with you.” Anders wasn’t entirely sure what was prompting him to get up but he did anyway, following the elf in through the patio door into the house. Fenris veered toward the fridge, pulling the jug of iced tea out and making his way to the cupboard for a cup.

Walking after him to the pantry Anders retrieved a bag of chips, opening it and popping one in his mouth as he considered what he’d just witnessed. Unable to help himself he glanced over to where Fenris was pouring himself a glass of tea, “Nice view outside, I take it?”

For a moment, Fenris' body twitched in a way that nearly had him spilling his tea all over the counter. He recovered quickly, however, nodding and replying in a too-casual voice, "It's a nice day outside, yes."

Anders’ mouth twitched in amusement. “Anything in particular about… the day today, that you like?”

The elf turned, leaning on the counter as his brows raised behind his sunglasses. As if stalling, or perhaps hoping he could drown himself in tea, Fenris took a deep drink before humming, "Nothing in particular. Why...?"

“Just curious.” Anders didn’t say anything else after that, smiling secretly to himself and munching on chips to try to curb his appetite a bit so he wasn’t starving by the time dinner was ready.

Fenris took another deep drink from his tea, jaw working contemplatively as he lowered the glass. He swished the fluid around in the cup and the ice cubes clinked together, and after another moment he spoke.

"Are you referring to the day in general... or that you caught me perusing a different view?"

Cocking a brow in his direction Anders grinned, folding the top of the bag before putting it back on the shelf. “You did seem a bit… _taken_ by a particular sight.”

At that, Fenris made an indiscernible noise, turning his head and rubbing the back of his neck. With a light sound of defeat, he pushed his sunglasses up until they propped on his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose.   
  
“I’m sorry. Gawking at your partner was… unintentional.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” Anders tugged his own sunglasses off so that he could meet the elf’s eyes. He still looked incredibly amused, but his tone was nothing but sincere as he told him, “I’m okay with it, I promise.”

Fenris eyed him incredulously. “Are you? I mean it’s hard not to look when he’s….” Fenris gestured vaguely, grasping for a word. “...not using fall protection.”

Anders snorted and shook his head with a grin. “That the only reason…?”

“Well… he is rather robust.” Fenris finally admitted. His eyes flicked toward Anders again as he held the man’s gaze. “You’re a lucky man.”

Taking a sip of his beer Anders nodded, his smile softening. “Mm, that I am.”

“I will admit, I feel a bit foolish.” Fenris added softly.

“Don’t.” Anders raised a brow at him. “You’re allowed to look.”

Fenris fixed a sharp gaze on Anders for a moment, a slight but wry smile quirking one corner of his mouth as he raised his glass back to his lips, “Look, but don’t touch...?”

With a wink, Anders grinned again. “I didn’t say that.”

The elf hiccuped on the mouthful of tea he’d just drank, sputtering slightly and looking away as he cleared his throat. It was at that moment that the door quite suddenly swung open, causing Fenris to nearly drop the glass in his hand and Anders to just about spill the drink in his own.

“What in Maker’s name are you two doing in here when it’s such a gorgeous day out??” Hawke asked cheerfully.

“Just chatting.” Anders said with a chuckle. “Gutters all cleared out?”

“Yep…! Figured it was probably time to start cooking.” Utterly oblivious to what he’d walked in on, Hawke headed towards the fridge to get the meat and veggies that were marinating before he stopped and snapped his fingers, turning back towards Fenris.

“Oh hey, come see what I built for McBittens!”

Fenris perked up at that, brows raising as he set his cup down. “You finished it?” Curious, Fenris moved away from the counter to follow him, unable to help but be the tiniest bit flustered by the fact Hawke still hadn’t put his shirt back on.

With an amused shake of his head Anders leaned against the counter and watched the two walk off together into the living room, where Hawke had put the cat tree after he’d finished building it. He didn’t have long to muse over this new development before Lord Meowington discovered him standing there and began meowing demandingly for treats, as though there was no other reason his human would possibly be standing in the kitchen; setting down his drink Anders obediently grabbed the bag of kitty treats, giving it a quick shake to draw Ser Pounce out of wherever he was. From the living room he could hear the rise and fall of enthusiastic voices, and his smile only grew wider.

That night, as they ate out on the back patio, Anders knew what to look for. He caught every stray glance Fenris sent in Hawke’s direction, every slight cough as the elf cleared his throat and focused intently on his food as Hawke chatted happily with him, both seemingly with no idea of how the other felt. It was the most sickeningly sweet display Anders had ever been subjected to, and he forced back the knot that attempted to form in his throat over the thought of how much Karl would have enjoyed being there to witness it as well.

When they were done eating Anders volunteered to do the dishes since his partner had done the cooking, picking up their plates and leaving the two of them alone out on the patio with the warm reds and yellows of sunset peeking through the trees. After heading inside he took a minute to pull out his phone, and typed a new text to Bethany.

**Anders** [5:56pm]: Mutual pining confirmed ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, there may be a bit longer of a delay before the next chapter goes up. We ran into a pretty big issue with a plot point that was coming up and are now having to re-plan and rewrite a bit (we try to keep a buffer of a few chapters so we're in the middle of redoing a lot that was already written). Once we get that all sorted out things will get back on track!
> 
> In the meantime, we did post a [side story](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10848642/chapters/24086787) last week (read: smut story) that goes with this AU, so there's that...! We'll likely have more of them in the future because we just can't stop writing these guys.
> 
> Thanks for reading!!! We appreciate you all!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience! We made it through our rewrites and will hopefully be back to posting chapters regularly again. Hopefully this one makes up for the wait.
> 
> The song in this is Justin Timberlake's ["Can't Stop The Feeling"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxKV_E-wB10).

It was a beautiful day.

Fenris was in incredibly high spirits as he left Fiona's clinic and walked down to the bus stop on the corner. Spring was in full swing and though it had been raining earlier that morning the sun had since come out, bringing with it a delightfully fresh breeze and warm heat on Fenris' face.

Hopping on the bus, Fenris settled in a seat and watched for his stop out the window, a little smile permanently tugging at his lips the closer he got to the familiar neighborhood.  As the bus rounded the street he could see Hawke's SUV parked in the driveway and was quite happy the man was home; exiting the bus Fenris had to compose himself a moment before he reached Hawke's front door.

"Fenris!"  Hawke exclaimed when he saw him, smiling before tilting his head curiously at the expression on the elf’s face. "What's up?"

"I did it!" Fenris inhaled, and his smile grew. "My ninety day treatment. I've finished it!"

"Has it been that long?!" A ridiculously proud smile formed on Hawke’s lips. "Maker, Fenris, I'm so happy for you!"

"My group sessions will continue. Fiona recommended they continue for at least a year. But no more pills." Fenris stretched, as if relishing a new sort of freedom, before adding a bit more seriously, "I have you and Anders to thank for this, Hawke. I never could have got this far without your help."

Hawke was positively _beaming_ at him. Despite the bumps Fenris had experienced, and his very close call some weeks ago, he had persevered. Throughout the last few months Hawke had seen how determined Fenris was; he kept to his schedule and had recently started to exercise a bit on his days off as a means to redirect his thoughts onto something positive, a recommendation that had come from one of his councillors.

The change since then was obvious. Fenris was healthier, stronger. He was still thin, but not so terribly gaunt as he was when Hawke and Anders had first brought him in.

Hawke and Anders hadn't been the only ones with a hand in Fenris' recovery, however—Varric had also stepped in, visiting Fenris on his days off and telling the elf some of the most exaggerated stories Fenris had ever heard. He had also grown closer to Isabela, who always accompanied Fenris outside during breaks on game nights and chatted with him on the balcony. Fenris respected her, despite how incredibly flirtatious and suggestive she could be; the woman had certainly been through some rough patches of her own and for that the two related to one another.

Even his coworkers had become important to him. Bethany was an utter sweetheart and Merrill, despite her tendency to ramble to him about old Dalish lore, had also managed to worm her way into his good standings. She was just too adorable at times to stay irritated with.  

As Fenris stooped to ruffle Gorbash's ears Hawke brushed past him and headed for the kitchen, remarking, "This may call for some celebration, Fenris!"

Hawke reappeared from the kitchen a minute later with two refreshments in hand. He paused, and Fenris realized he had a ridiculously affectionate expression plastered on his face, freezing for an instant before attempting to smooth his expression out.

“Iced tea for you, Serah.” Hawke chuckled, handing Fenris the glass. The elf took it with a slight smirk, taking a sip before moving to sit on the couch. Hawke settled down beside him.  
  
“This is excellent iced tea, Hawke.” Fenris pointed out, fighting not to just gulp the whole glass down. “Where do you buy it?”  
  
“Don’t buy it.” Hawke grinned. “Anders makes it. It’s pretty good yeah?”  
  
“He _makes this_?” Fenris asked, impressed. “It’s better than any bottled stuff I’ve ever tried. How does he do it?”  
  
Hawke thumbed his nose with a cheeky little twinkle in his eye. “A drink master never reveals their secrets! Though I’m sure he would if you asked. I know he lets it steep outside in the sun for a while.”  
  
Fenris hummed, the slightest wrinkle of his nose making it clear he was amused. For a beat the two simply enjoyed their drinks; it was Hawke who spoke up again next, and Fenris glanced over at him.  
  
“So, how do you want to celebrate?”  
  
“Celebrate?” Fenris parroted and Hawke nodded.  
  
“Finishing your treatment!” Hawke clarified. “Anything you want to do?”  
  
“I… hadn’t really thought of anything.” Fenris shrugged. Hawke had him thinking now, but despite the suggestion after a few minutes Fenris came up empty. “I don’t know.”  
  
“Hmmm…” Hawke set his cup down to think, tilting his head a bit. “Have you been to the Siren’s Call yet?”

Fenris raised a brow and smirked slightly. “Isabela’s strip-club?”

Hawke laughed, shaking his head. “Isabela’s _nightclub_ , yes.” Fenris, since learning the name of Isabela’s establishment, had made it a sort of running gag to refer to the club as a place of debauchery. Isabela found it rather hilarious, much to the others’ dismay.  
  
“We could go there I suppose. Though there will be no clothing being removed from my person.” Fenris stated matter-of-factly. He could swear he caught a blush creeping across Hawke’s cheeks at that, however before he could make anything of it the other man abruptly stood up and clapped his hands together.

“Excellent! How does Saturday night sound??” The man looked a touch hysterical, and for a moment Fenris simply stared at him before shaking off Hawke’s awkward behavior.  
  
“Saturday would work. Though I think I should note that I’m obviously not supposed to drink heavily.”  
  
“No heavy drinking. Just a couple. Maybe some dancing! She also has appetizers on menu and it’s going to be _so fun Fenris_.” Hawke was practically bouncing as he scooped his glass up again, enthusing, “It’s gonna be your night!”

 

* * *

 

The most immediate thing Fenris was aware of as he, Hawke, and Anders approached the Siren’s Call from the bus stop was the heavy thump of bass. He could feel it in his feet walking up the sidewalk, and he braced himself as the doors opened and the loud, rhythmic beat resonated straight to his bones. His ears pinned, taking a moment to get used to the noise as Hawke said something at his side, motioning forward.  
  
The inside of the club was dark, with fluorescent lighting lining the bar and constantly shifting colors. All around the dance floor lights flashed and spun in a dizzying display; it was early yet but there were already a decent amount of people inside, some dancing, some sitting at tables, others lingering around the bar. Behind it a familiar blonde elf was making conversation as he fixed a drink, a charming smile on his face and a glint in his eye over whatever the woman was saying to him.

Anders took the lead and led them over to a free space at the bar, perching his elbow against it and waiting with a grin for their friend to notice them. As soon as Zevran was finished with the customer he’d been talking to he glanced their way, and his face lit up in surprise.

“Anders, Hawke…! It’s been _ages_ since I saw you two in here!” He shuffled over to them and noticed the third member of their party, one brow cocking in interest. “And Fenris…! It’s good to see you again!”

“Hello Zev.” Fenris was looking around, studying the people already within the establishment. He caught sight of Isabela in the far corner, chatting with a patron.  
  
“What would you all like?” Zevran asked, his eyes flicking over to Anders before he could respond. “I have something new for you to try, my friend.”

“Oh?” The music was loud enough that they just about had to shout at each other to be heard. Anders raised a curious brow, “I’ll have whatever that is then…!”

“Just rum and coke for me right now, Zev!” Hawke requested before glancing over at Fenris with a smile. “Any idea what you’d like?”

Fenris’ brow furrowed a bit as he considered the selection of mix on the shelf behind Zevran.  “Could I get a Malibu mojito…?” He inquired, adding as an afterthought, “Half strength if you could, please.”

“Ah, an excellent choice…! I do enjoy a mojito.” Zevran went about preparing their drinks with a flourish, and soon there were three glasses set down before them. Hawke pulled a card from his wallet and handed it over to start a tab as Anders tentatively sipped the mystery cocktail that had been prepared for him, nodding in approval of it and exchanging a smile with the bartender.

“Shall we go harass Bela?” Hawke suggested with a grin as Zevran left them to attend to other customers.

“We should claim a table before they’re all taken.” Anders pointed out. More and more people were steadily arriving, but there were still a few tables that weren’t yet occupied. They made their way over to a small one that only had two chairs next to it, borrowing a third from another nearby so they could all sit and watch the people around them.

“It’s quite the place Bela owns here.” Fenris remarked. He was rather enthralled, even if the lights were particularly hard on his eyes. The music was good and though there was a sound table for a DJ it seemed tonight the music was being played off of a list; sipping his drink Fenris glanced curiously over at what Anders had and nodded toward it, “What did he make you?”

“Something fruity with a _lot_ of tequila in it.” Anders answered with a small laugh. However Zevran had made Fenris’ drink, Anders was willing to bet his own had around three times as much alcohol in it, which meant it was a very good thing they’d taken the bus to get there that night rather than driving.

They were fairly close to where Isabela was chatting, and Hawke kept an eye on her, raising a hand to wave the second she glanced in their direction. When her eyes finally found them her face lit up in gleeful surprise, and the woman she was talking to glanced over her shoulder.

_“Merrill??”_ Hawke exclaimed, drawing the gazes of the other two men at the table as the girls headed in their direction. Isabela’s friend was indeed Merrill—there was a slight flush to her cheeks, presumably from already having had a drink or two, and she was holding a very fancy glass containing something blue and topped with an umbrella.

“You boys finally came for a visit!” Isabela cheered as she reached the table. “If we had Varric and Carver the whole gang would be here.”  
  
Hawke grinned up at her, relaxing in his seat and reaching out to pat the back of Fenris’ chair. “We figured we’d pop in for once! We’re treating Fenris, tonight.”  
  
“Oh?” Isabela looked to Fenris with interest. “What’s the occasion?”  
  
“Three months not being homeless.” Fenris stated without pause, sipping his drink. “Need there be an occasion?” The subject of his addiction wasn’t one that had been shared with the majority of their friends. Varric knew by now, it was just about the only thing he’d been able to pry out of his tenant over the last few months, but most of their group wasn’t aware and the elf was inclined to keep it that way.

Anders gave Merrill a smile, tilting his head questioningly as he commented, “I didn’t think this sort of place was your style.”

“It’s very energetic…!” She replied with a bright grin. She was swaying back and forth to the music as she stood there, and Hawke noted that she’d actually put on a small amount of makeup and a pair of feathered earrings for whatever this occasion was. “I love the way the music feels, and it’s nice to get out even if it’s crowded.”

“Do you want to pull up a chair and hang out with us?” Hawke offered. To his surprise and _extreme_ curiosity, Merrill turned a questioning look towards Isabela as though leaving the decision to the other woman.

Isabela smiled and gently ruffled Merrill’s dark hair. “You go ahead, Kitten. It's about time I got behind the counter to help Zev.” The man in question had just received a large group of patrons, who were all buzzing around the counter waiting to order their drinks.

“I'll talk to you boys later!” Isabela said, giving Merrill a sweet smile before hurrying off to the bar counter. Fenris scooted his chair aside to make room so Anders could drag another over for Merrill, ending up nearly touching elbows with Hawke.

As soon as the elven girl sat down she found herself the subject of three very interested faces.  
  
"So..." Anders started, a smile tugging at his mouth, "How long have you and Bela been hanging out?"  
  
"A few months, I think...! Since we met at Varric's." Merrill responded cheerily, taking a sip of her very colorful drink. "She invited me to see the club. I wasn't sure about it at first, so many people just packed in together, but I actually like it a lot...! I try to come by every few weeks."

"You're just full of surprises, aren't you?" Hawke said with a laugh. At his side Fenris shifted his drink to his right hand so he’d stop bumping the other man’s arm with his elbow every time he took a sip.

A new song began playing and Merrill perked right up. "Oh I like this one! I'm going to go dance...!"

Anders took a long drink and then set his glass down on the table before scooting his chair back with a sly sort of grin. "I'll come dance with you...!"

Standing Anders shimmied around the table, dragging his fingers along Hawke's bicep teasingly as he passed and drawing his partner's attention after him. Hawke stared openly as he began dancing with Merrill just clear of where the tables lined the dance floor, thin hips swaying suggestively in rather tight jeans.

"Maker, remind me why I don't come here that often...?" Hawke said with a chuckle before turning his attention over to Fenris.

Fenris looked from the pair on the floor to Hawke, his lips quirking in a little smile at the remark.  Even though Anders and Merrill had slipped away from the table Fenris seemed content to keep his chair where it was, nearly shoulder to shoulder with the man at his side.  
  
“I’m not sure what the answer to that is, Hawke. Why _don’t_ you?” He inquired, sipping his drink and enjoying the tangy zing the lime left on his tongue. Hawke let out a soft chuckle, glancing back over at Anders on the floor.  
  
“I guess it’s a mix between not quite having the time… and being a bit preoccupied the last few months.” Hawke’s expression softened just a touch as he glanced at Fenris, and the elf’s brows raised a little at that.  
  
“My presence shouldn’t have prevented the two of you from enjoying a night out.” Fenris said. Hawke seemed to mull that over a little.  
  
“I guess it was more just us not finding the time.” He stated. “Though it seems _Merrill_ has.”  Hawke added with a cheeky arch of his eyebrow.  Fenris let out a snort at the suggestive look on his face.  
  
“Just what are you suggesting of my sweet, innocent coworker, Hawke?” Despite the mock accusatory tone in his voice, he couldn’t quite hide his amusement. “Does she know about Zevran and Isabela…?”  
  
“There’s is… a very open relationship.” Hawke said. “If Bela’s interested in Merrill, Zev will be perfectly fine. Anders and I have known the two of them for years.”  
  
“I see. And what of Carver…?” Anyone who’d ever been around the two of them had witnessed Carver’s woeful puppy eyes directed at Merrill. Hawke let out a mournful sort of noise.  
  
“Oh, my poor little brother. I’m not sure how he’ll take this! I should have known he had no chance against Isabela.” Despite his lament Hawke didn’t seem entirely upset about it, and Fenris gave him a playful nudge with his elbow.  
  
“Seriously though, this could hurt him. Potentially. Not that I’m terribly concerned…”  Well, perhaps Fenris was concerned a bit, primarily because Carver seemed genuinely taken by Merrill. The girl had also seemed to grow rather quite close to the younger Hawke over the last few months, at least from his observations of the two both at Varric’s house and in the Grimoire. It was perplexing, to say the least.  
  
“I suppose that’ll be between Carver and Merrill to work out…” Hawke hummed thoughtfully. He stretched, leaning back in his chair; he was getting a bit cramped and decided to stretch his arm out to the side to make a little more room for Fenris, lightly draping it over the back of the elf’s chair.  
  
Fenris remained relaxed, despite being very aware he could lean back just a touch and settle against the man’s bicep. He was watching the growing group of people dancing on the floor, swaying to the beat of the music. It was almost hypnotic, and Fenris didn’t realize Hawke was speaking to him until the man gave him a light nudge on the shoulder with his thumb.  
  
“Hm?” Fenris looked up at him, midway through a sip of his mojito.  
  
“I asked if you were enjoying tonight?”  Hawke repeated, smiling at him.  
  
“Oh! Yes, of course I am.” Fenris answered. It had been an enjoyable evening so far. After work Hawke and Anders had picked him up from his place and taken him to a rather nice restaurant for dinner with some fantastic vegetarian dishes. Though he was taking a little time getting used to the club scene now, he was content sitting and taking in the atmosphere.  
  
Fenris had been feeling more and more safe over the passing months, and was finally becoming significantly less paranoid while out in public. He still watched the backs of some strangers’ heads with a wary eye until they turned around and he saw their faces, but he was less inclined now to make himself disappear next to Hawke or Anders while they were out and about. It made the crowd around him now far more comfortable than it would have been months ago.  
  
“You think you’ll be up there busting some moves?” Hawke grinned, nodding toward the dance floor. Fenris let out an incredulous noise.  
  
“I am nowhere near drunk enough for that, Hawke.” He said, stone-faced. Hawke nearly burst out laughing; they continued chatting and watching their friends on the floor, and as minutes passed Fenris slowly eased back in his seat, just enough for Hawke’s forearm to brush against his shoulder.

When Anders returned he was laughing and flushed; he threw his arms around his partner's shoulders from behind and planted a kiss on his cheek, reaching around Hawke for his neglected drink as Merrill returned to her seat with a breathless smile.  
  
"Join me, love...?" Anders stood up straight so he could drink from his glass, draining it almost entirely in one go while keeping his other hand on Hawke's shoulder. The other man chuckled and somewhat hesitantly withdrew his arm from where he'd very nearly had it wrapped around Fenris, giving the elf a wink.  
  
"Try not to get too much amusement out of this." Hawke told him with a grin. He downed the last of his rum and coke before scooting his chair back and letting a smiling and energetic Anders lead him away.  
  
"Anders has so much stamina...!" Merrill remarked with some admiration, hands wrapped around her glass and cheeks flushed as she caught her breath. "I don't know how Hawke keeps up with him!"

The remark was so inadvertently suggestive that Fenris had to quickly lower his glass to keep from inhaling it. He let out a short laugh.

“He finds a way to manage.” Fenris said, watching the two figures on the dance floor. Hawke, for his size, was surprisingly fluid, and Fenris caught himself staring halfway into the second song. Merrill was rambling about something and Fenris hadn't caught a bit of it; sucking in a breath he looked away and took a longer drink of his mojito, finishing it off and contemplating going up for another.

Deciding to wait a bit, Fenris found his gaze migrating back to the pair on the floor, however he jerked his attention away just as quickly after getting an eyeful of Anders grinding very suggestively against Hawke. Perhaps a second drink was in order after all.

As it got later into the night the club became increasingly more crowded, and the dancing became more and more risqué. Several drinks in and Anders had his hands in Hawke's back pockets while they danced face to face, their bodies brushing together with every movement while the lights spun around them and bathed them in a constantly changing rainbow of colors. Both Isabela and Zevran had joined them at different points when they took their breaks from the constant demands of the bar, and everyone had danced with Merrill at least once, including quite a few people none of them knew.

Fenris was the one exception. Despite the pleasant buzz he was feeling by this point they had yet to coax him onto the dance floor, and he was content continuing to people-watch. He had, however, caught himself bobbing his head and tapping a foot to the beat of a number of songs, his glass in his hand and ice cubes clinking about.

Hawke and Anders made their way back to the table and plopped heavily in their seats, both flushed and sweaty and rather drunk at this point. Hawke cast Fenris a lopsided smile.

“You should come dance!” He said. He laid his arms over the backs of the chairs on either side of him. “You’ll enjoy yourself, Fenris!”

“I'm enjoying myself perfectly fine right here, actually.” Fenris laughed, raising his brows at the man next to him and sipping his drink. He chuckled lightly at the exaggerated pout that formed on Hawke's face, lip jutting out from his beard; shaking his head, Fenris felt an odd little flutter somewhere in his chest as he said, “If you keep making expressions like that I won’t be able to deny you, Hawke.”

Almost as soon as he said this another song started, one Fenris had heard played endlessly on the radio at work. He’d caught himself too many times tapping his foot to it while putting books away; as he met Hawke's eyes, the look of utter glee on the other man’s face caused Fenris' stomach to flip-flop, and he wasn't sure if it was dread… or something else.

"Fenris! Fenris, this song is great! Come on!" Hawke hopped to his feet and stretched a hand out as the elf stared at him incredulously.

"Hawke..."

"Please? Just this one?" Hawke pleaded and Fenris withered a bit as he relented. By this point everyone was pretty drunk, and as Fenris stood and let Hawke lead him toward the dance floor he hoped they were drunk enough to overlook how much of an ass he was about to make of himself. Hawke turned once they reached the dance floor and instantly began dancing, sliding back and forth and swaying his shoulders to the beat.

 

_“I got that sunshine in my pocket, got that good soul in my feet_

_I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops"_

 

Somewhat reluctantly Fenris started out shuffling on the spot a bit, nodding to the music and hyper aware of others moving onto the dance floor.  It was as the beat picked up that Fenris found himself getting into it, mostly due to how enthusiastically Hawke was dancing just a few feet from him. The man's energy was contagious and, once confident nobody was staring at him, Fenris dared let himself move a little more fluidly. His hips swished and he snapping his fingers to the beat, laughing as Hawke stumbled in a silly attempt to spin on one foot and very nearly did a faceplant.

The move seemed to break the ice and Fenris let the music flow over him. He was receiving a few stares at this point but for an entirely different reason than his dancing—the blacklight he was under was illuminating his hair, turning snow white into a bright, electric frost-blue. Along his bare arms, the white ink practically popped off his skin, glowing and creating quite the spectacle as the elf moved. Hawke had also noticed, gawking at Fenris as he danced and tried to avoid banging into people on the increasingly crowded dance floor.

 

_“Nothing I can see but you when you dance, dance, dance_

_A feeling good, good, creeping up on you so just dance, dance, dance”_

 

 

Lost in the rhythm, Fenris twisted away from someone to avoid their flailing arms, running into someone else in the process. The elf paused only long enough to realize it was Hawke; caught up in the moment Fenris didn’t pull away, his hips barely brushing against Hawke as he continued dancing. He could feel the heat of the other man’s body, could smell the familiar scent of Hawke's shampoo... turning to face him Fenris met his eye as the song picked up the chorus for the final few beats.

Hawke was watching him with a look on his face that sent a shiver down Fenris' spine. With a breath, Fenris stepped in just a bit closer; Hawke was taller than he was, just enough the elf had to tilt his head back to meet his gaze, and for an instant it was just the two of them on the dance floor.

Fenris couldn't remember why he'd been avoiding this all night. The song drew to a close, and then suddenly one of the other people on the floor stumbled and ran into him, knocking him off balance. Out of reflex Hawke caught him around his middle before he fell, and then their gazes met again, Fenris’ fingers curled loosely in Hawke’s shirt.

Fenris felt a sudden, panicked flutter in his chest. Breathless, sweaty, and quite flustered, he gently pulled away from Hawke, heart pounding against his ribs.

"Hhh... I'll be right back." He croaked, his voice sounded strange. "I need to use the washroom."  

Fenris managed to smile at Hawke as he stepped away and turned toward the restrooms, trying not to walk too quickly as he shoved the door open and made a beeline straight to the sink to splash his face with ice cold water.

_What are you doing?!_ Fenris thought, staring hard at himself in the mirror. His hair was plastered to his forehead, rivulets of water running down his cheeks and neck. He shook his head, closing his eyes and breathing deeply for a moment or so before stepping away from the counter to pace around the blessedly empty washroom.

His mind was racing, heart pounding, and all he could think about was the look on Hawke’s face. The way he’d been smiling… the way Fenris had been sorely tempted to close the distance between them and _venhedis,_ if he were any more drunk he likely _would have._ He felt terrified and exhilarated and the torrent of mixed emotions had him digging his hands through his hair and clenching it tightly at the roots; moving back to the counter he dropped his face into his palms and rubbed his eyes with a low, confused rumble. 

_Do you really want to do this again?_ One side of his mind shrieked.

_It's not the same, it can't be… don't even compare it._ He reprimanded himself immediately, raking his fingers through his hair in his internal frustration.

After a few minutes, Fenris pushed from the counter and turned to head toward the door. Part of his mind was still panicking a bit, and he felt a nearly overwhelming impulse to flee, however the other, more logical side of his brain was insisting he sort this out. Running from this was not the answer.

As Fenris swung the door open and stepped out he nearly banged into someone that was just walking in, both lurching to a stop as Fenris fought back a squawk that had managed to trap itself in his throat.

"Andraste's flaming arse!" Anders choked out a laugh through his surprise, one hand clutching his chest. He was a bit unsteady on his feet, wobbling ever so slightly from the various cocktails he'd had over the last few hours and reaching for the bathroom door to steady himself.  
  
“Sorry.” Fenris said hastily. Though he was fighting to keep his expression neutral he was almost a bit too pushy as he brushed past Anders and headed back into the vibrant thrum of the club.  His heart was skittering in his chest and the instant he caught sight of Hawke, Fenris halted and hesitated.

He couldn’t do this yet. He had to calm down. Turning, Fenris heading for the exit and slipped outside before Hawke spotted him.

Outside it was nearly silent outside from the thumb of bass from within the building. Fenris breathed in a lungful of fresh air as he walked down the sidewalk a little ways and stopped to lean against the corner of the building. Tilting his head back, he watched as several moths spiraled around the streetlight above his head, glancing off the bright bulb in a state of confusion that Fenris could almost relate to.

He wasn’t _afraid_ of Hawke. Hawke had never given him a reason to be… the elf let out a frustrated noise and closed his eyes, gently thudding the back of his head against the brick.

Several minutes later the sound of footsteps on the sidewalk alerted Fenris to the fact that someone else was approaching from the club. Assuming it was likely someone out for a smoke he didn't look up, however a moment later he heard a familiar voice at his side.  
  
"You okay...?"  
  
Glancing over, Fenris met Anders' slightly concerned gaze.  
  
“Fine.” He answered quietly. He shifted a bit, arms folded across his middle. “Just needed some air.”

“That was quite a dance in there.” Anders leaned against the wall and offered him a tentative smile. “You two looked good.”

Fenris was quiet for a beat before asking, “Did we…? It may have overstepped a boundary or two…”

Anders’ smile turned reassuring, and he offered a small shrug. “Nothing wrong with it from where I stand, but it is probably time for us to talk. I don’t know what you’re thinking about right now but ah, I’m okay with it, if you want to… _dance_ with him more. Just so you know.”

“I… am not certain _what_ I want to do.” Fenris admitted with some hesitance, his brow furrowed in thought.

Anders bobbed his head slightly to the faint beat they could hear from inside the building, his body swaying side to side as he thought a moment before saying in a slightly sing-song voice, “Weeell… do you _like_ him…?”

Fenris dropped his gaze to the ground, and he hesitated a moment before responding, shifted a pebble about beneath his foot. “Yes.” He finally answered. “...but I am not certain I'm _ready.”_

“Ah, well…” Scratching his cheek Anders’ expression shifted to one of contemplation as he thought over what seemed to be the actual heart of the matter here. “You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for. You don’t have to at _all_ if you don’t want to, it’s completely up to you.”

Fenris looked back up at Anders, studying him for a moment. There was the slightest hint of suspicion that the elf did not wish to voice; chewing the inside of his cheek, his large green eyes glinted in the orange-yellow streetlamp glow as he considered what to say.  
  
“You are truly not bothered that I may be attracted to your partner…?” Fenris asked cautiously. By all accounts, Anders seemed to be keen to _encourage_ this!

"Why would I be?" Anders smiled again. Despite his obvious tipsiness he seemed to be trying his best to help with whatever was causing Fenris this hesitation. "You seem to be a pretty alright person. As long as you don't have a problem with _me_ being in the mix, then… yeah, I’ve got no problem with it."

“Hn…” Fenris pursed his lips a little, his expression mixed. “I feel it’s just… it is too soon for me. For this.”

“Well then… don’t.” Anders gave him another shrug, tucking his hands into his pockets. “This can all stay between us, I won’t say anything. If you feel like you want it later sometime then talk to me again, yeah?”

Fenris nodded and looked away again. After a moment he felt the need to say, “...if I were to consider it… I would not have a problem with you in the ‘mix’. Now is just not the right time for me.”

The smile on the blonde man’s face brightened considerably, and he nodded. “Understood. I’m gonna head back in, Gare’s probably looking for us. Do you want to come with or stay out here for a while longer…? We could even leave if you want, we don’t have to stay all night.”

“I will stay out here a minute longer, I think. The air gets a bit stuffy inside with that many undulating bodies…” The elf replied with a wry little smirk, slipping his hands into his pockets. “I will be back inside shortly.”

“Alright.” Anders turned and cast him one more smile, “Don’t think about it too hard, hey? Tonight’s for fun.”

He walked away at that, heading back into the club; Fenris heard a sudden surge of music as the club door opened which was soon dampened once again once it was shut. Quietly, he did what he could to sort out his thoughts.

He liked Hawke. He really did... he just knew he wasn’t ready. Fenris had no idea when he _would_ be ready, if he ever would be. Closing his eyes he sighed, and then a minute later he pushed himself from the wall to head back into the club.  
  
He winced again as the loud bass assaulted his ears, weaving around the people milling around the floor as he headed back to the table. Anders was sitting at it giggling at something; following his gaze, it didn’t take Fenris long to spot Hawke dancing with Merrill, and he chuckled a little at the sight. Merrill’s arms were flailing in a wavy, exaggerated sort of manner that gave him the absurd impression she was attempting to turn into a tree, while Hawke was attempting what looked like one part top-rocking and about nine parts drunken dancing due to the hilarious lack of coordination he now had.  
  
Having at least one more drink before reaching his personal limit, Fenris headed up to the bar counter, laughing as Isabela let out a hoot over his head.  
  
“YEAH! WORK IT, HAWKE!” The elf couldn’t help but look back over his shoulder, barely able to keep his eyes off of Hawke for a moment.  
  
“Boy’s got some moves, yeah?” Isabela said with a laugh. Fenris simply raised his brows.  
  
“At this point I worry he may break a leg. Quite literally…” Fenris replied. “Just a rum and coke this time, please.”  
  
Isabela didn’t have anything further to say, granting him a little smile as she fixed his drink. Fenris returned to their table, sliding into a seat across from Anders as the current song ended and Merrill wobbled back over to where the two were sitting, sweaty and breathless. She took a quick sip of her drink before skipping back out to the floor for the next song; Hawke, spotting Fenris, happily made his way over to the table and plopped down at the elf’s side.  
  
“Hi!” He said, quite brightly and Fenris offered him a small smile, focusing his attention on his drink.  
  
“Quite the dance moves you were displaying, Hawke. What would you call that?”  
  
“The _Siren Special_.” Hawke replied without even a fraction of hesitation and Fenris snorted into his drink, looking to Anders with the most incredulously amused expression on his face.

The rest of the night passed without incident, unless Hawke’s progressively worsening dance moves could be considered as such. When Fenris and Anders had been outside Isabela had apparently fed him several congratulatory shots for getting the elf out onto the dance floor, thus Hawke was now far more inebriated than the rest of them, and utterly hilarious because of it. Fenris didn’t dance again though he enjoyed himself enough watching the others when they weren’t at the table, and chatting with them when they were.

Finally Zevran announced last call, and the crowd inside the bar began to gather their belongings and make their way to the exits. Merrill went to chat with Isabela at the counter and help her clean up while Fenris, Anders, and Hawke stepped outside into the chilly night air. Fenris hadn't brought a coat and was somewhat regretting it now, stuffing his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders to ward off the cool breeze.

Anders, who was also very drunk at this point, excused himself and wandered away to hunt down a better wifi signal so that he could use his Lyft app to get a ride for the three of them. Fenris watched him walk with some amusement at how his long legs were wobbling; the elf was also hyper-aware of how close Hawke was standing to him, particularly due to the warmth emanating from the other man. Fenris resisted moving closer though he did looked up at the him, noting how spent Hawke looked, eyes half-lidded as he swayed to try and keep his balance.

"You alright there?" Fenris chuckled and Hawke seemed to startle a little, looking down at him.

"What? Yeah, I think. Sure, I'm swell!" Hawke babbled and Fenris couldn't help but laugh a bit.  He watched Hawke's face in profile for a few moments as he considered the revelation he had that night. There was a pleasant buzz running through him but he was still able to think rather clearly.

"I enjoy spending time with you, Hawke." Fenris finally said, noting the way Hawke looked over at him with a wide smile.

"I enjoy spending time with you too." He said.

“This was a nice evening. Thank you."

“It _was_ nice, wasn't it?” Hawke agreed, swaying a little unsteadily. “We should do this more often.”

“Agreed. We should.” Fenris nodded, rocking a bit on his heels. Swaying even more, Hawke eventually teetered, losing his balance and failing to coordinate his legs to catch himself. Lightning quick, Fenris snatched the man’s shirt and hauled him back, getting a steadier grip on his arm once Hawke found his balance again.

“Venhedis, Hawke… how much did you drink!?”

“Errummmmm… a few…? Lots? I lost count.” Hawke was nearly giggling, “You just saved my life!”

“Hardly.” Fenris raised his brows. “Perhaps your face from an unceremonious greeting with the sidewalk.”

“My face is important though.” Hawke pouted, looking to see Anders approaching.

“...okay, ride should be here in about five minutes.” Looking up from his phone Anders gave Hawke an amused look. “Remind me to tell Bela to cut you off earlier next time.”

“Pshhhhh I'm fine!” Hawke protested with a grin. “I bet I could walk a straight line!”

“You can hardly stand in a square foot space, Hawke.” Fenris helpfully pointed out, lips quirked with amusement. Anders burst out laughing and Hawke gave both of them an exaggeratedly offended look.

“If you're going to gang up on me then maybe I'll find my own way home…!” Hawke started to walk away from them and Anders flung an arm around his chest from behind to stop him, still laughing.

“Oh no you don't…! I'm not picking you up in jail tomorrow for walking down the street drunk.”

“Don't be so brash.” Fenris couldn't help but laugh, patting Hawke’s bicep lightly. “We’re simply concerned for your wellbeing.”

Hawke let out a whine, making an extremely half-hearted attempt to squirm away from Anders. The result was more or less the man sagging against his partner with a defeated, dramatic sigh, “I'm not _that_ bad…! ...am I?” Hawke looked over his shoulder at Anders, throwing them both off balance in the process.

“Ah Gare…!!” Anders stumbled back and flailed with his free arm, managing to throw it over Fenris' shoulders and grip him for balance. The elf in turn let out a yelp as the two men nearly threw him off his own feet; managing to catch and brace himself, for a moment the three of them swayed unsteadily before Hawke’s shoes slipped on the pavement and he slid out of Anders’ grip, ending up flat on his ass at their feet.

“Gare…!” Though concerned Anders couldn’t stop himself from laughing. Letting Fenris go he grabbed at Hawke’s shoulders while the other man leaned back against his legs, laughing so hard with him that he was red faced and gasping. “Maker’s sake…!”

“Ah… ah fuck…!” Hawke wheezed before cracking up again. “Maybe… _ahaha,_ maybe that _was_ a bit too much tonight.”

The laughter was contagious, and Fenris found himself chuckling under his breath and shaking his head over how completely ridiculous they both were. As a red-faced Hawke met his eye, Fenris held a hand out to help him up.

“Thank you Serah…!” Hawke took the offered hand and pulled himself back up to his feet, laughter still bubbling up from his chest. Once standing he flung an arm around Anders’ shoulders, who wrapped his own around Hawke’s waist for support. A car pulled up at the curb near them at that moment, and the driver rolled her window down and called out Anders’ name to the crowd that was still lingering around the club entrance. Anders raised an arm and waved to get her attention.

“Here…! This is us. C’mon, you.” Anders turned the two of them in the direction of the car and Hawke leaned on him so hard he just about fell to the side. “Fenris, go ahead and sit up front and tell her your address, we can drop you off first.”

Before long the three of them had piled into the car, Fenris settling down in the front and buckling his seatbelt as the vehicle was jostled a bit by the movement in the back. It was late, Fenris was certainly tired and despite being a bit unnerved by his personal realization earlier it had still been a good night. As the car made its way down the road he smiled a little to himself, his eyes fluttering closed while his thoughts wandered and ending up almost immediately back on the dance floor.

Hawke’s smile, his affectionate gaze. The way they had moved together, the way it had felt to dance with him. Opening his eyes, Fenris turned to glance into the back seat at the man in question, chuckling a bit at how he'd flopped himself against Anders.

Whatever came of this, Fenris was glad to at least call Hawke his friend.

Save

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The art in this chapter was done by [Luka](http://lukatisus.tumblr.com)!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small emetophobia warning right at the very start.

Morning hit the Hawke house like a ton of bricks. If noon could still be considered morning—that was the time on the clock by the bed when Anders finally coaxed his eyes into opening, and he groaned and immediately shut them again.

It was too damn bright. There were too many cats on top of him. Maker, his head hurt.

Sleep hadn’t remained peaceful for very long for the two of them that night. Around an hour or so after they’d passed out Hawke had jerked awake and stumbled to the bathroom, and the sound of him being sick had kept Anders awake for the next hour. He’d felt a bit sick to his stomach himself as the nicer effects of the alcohol wore off, though he wasn’t nearly as bad off as his partner.

The man in question was curled up fast asleep beside Anders now, having finally recovered enough to come back to bed sometime around five in the morning. Blinking at him, Anders attempted to move and realized that one of the cats lying on him was actually the dog—no wonder the blankets felt like they weighed a hundred pounds.

“Ughh, Bash, up…” Anders grumbled, kicking at the air with one leg because it was the only part of himself he could move easily. At his name Gorbash perked up, and Anders groaned as the mastiff climbed off of him, stepping on him in the process. His other leg was pinned down by Lord Meowington, and Ser Pounce was pressed up against his side, but they were far easier to wriggle away from.

Climbing to his feet Anders headed into the bathroom, where he pissed for what seemed like an hour before heading to the sink to splash water on his face. The two had collapsed mostly dressed into bed the night before; at some point during the sleepless night he’d managed to get his shirt and jeans off however he still had his briefs on, and he couldn’t see any good reason to get more dressed than that right now.

Making a short stop to grab his phone, Anders headed downstairs after the dog, both cats thundering after him and just about knocking him over in their haste to get to the kitchen. He let Gorbash out and went through the motions of giving the cats breakfast before putting on a pot of very strong coffee and finally glancing at his phone, which had been blinking since he woke up.

**Fenris** [9:20am]: Good morning

**Fenris** [9:20am]: How are you two feeling?

**Anders** [12:34pm]: We’ve been better

**Anders** [12:34pm]: How about you? Looks like you were up early

His coffee finished brewing, praise Andraste, and Anders poured himself a mug and took a sip, sputtering and cursing immediately over how hot it was. He went to the sink to add some cold water, and by the time he was taking a second tentative sip he realized he already had a new text.

**Fenris** [12:35pm]: Quite fine, considering   
  
**Fenris** [12:35pm]: I wasn’t near as far gone as either of you

**Anders** [12:39pm]: You were smarter than us last night

**Fenris** [12:41pm]: Ha! I was also on a strict limit as well

**Fenris** [12:41pm]: Otherwise I may have overindulged myself

Anders sunk down into a dining chair and took a deep drink from his mug. Above his head he heard the soft thump of footsteps as Hawke began moving about, likely drawn by the smell of coffee; the caffeine was clearing up Anders' head nicely, and after a moment he replied back again.

**Anders** [12:45pm]: I hope you aren’t texting me because you feel awkward with Gare now

**Fenris** [12:48pm]: How dare you call me out like that

**Fenris** [12:48pm]: I jest

**Fenris** [12:49pm]: though I did realize I should let him know about myself. I’m uncertain how he’ll react

**Anders** [12:50pm]: You mean about being trans?

**Anders** [12:50pm]: It’ll be fine. He’s a good guy

**Fenris** [12:51pm]: I know   
  
**Fenris** [12:51pm]: but his is not average every day conversation

**Fenris** [12:51pm]: *this

“I feel like death.” Hawke groaned as he walked into the kitchen, making a beeline straight to the coffee maker. His short hair was sticking up in all directions and his expression was one of absolute misery, but he'd at least pulled on some pants so he was doing better than Anders was in that regard.

“You look like death.” Anders observed, watching him dump sugar into his mug. “Next time Bela offers lemon drops maybe say no.”

“But they were _free,_ and I was _happy.”_ Sinking into the seat across from him Hawke groaned again and dragged his hands across his face.

“Do you want some toast?” Anders offered. “Or an entire bottle of Advil?”

“Both…? Advil first?” Nodding Anders got up to retrieve the bottle from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. He still hadn't replied to Fenris; with a pause Anders mulled over his response before typing it up with a slight twinge of nerves.

**Anders** [1:02pm] I have it on pretty good authority that Garrett is open minded about this subject

He shook some pills from the bottle for both of them, bringing half out to his partner who took them gratefully and swallowed them down with his coffee. Anders pulled the bread down from on top of the fridge next so that he could make them both some toast, something gentle for their stomachs, and was all too aware of the next chime from his phone.

**Fenris** [1:05pm]: what do you mean by that?

Anders put off replying for a minute, having another big gulp of coffee while waiting for the toaster to pop. Hawke was cradling his cup like a dragon guarding his treasure, head bowed and eyes squeezed tightly shut against the sunlight beaming in through the window; once he'd gathered and buttered the toast Anders returned to sit at the table, looking at that last text again before switching apps to flip through his photos.  
  
There were a number of them from around a year ago that he felt would suit his purposes. One in particular was very clear; scratching his stubble nervously Anders flipped back to his texts and sent it with a note.   
  
_[Attachment]_   
  
**Anders** [1:11pm]: This was last year at Pride   
  
The picture he'd chosen was of himself and Hawke sitting on a bench outside, both grinning and wearing sunglasses against the bright sun. Hawke looked fairly normal aside from the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt and had a rainbow painted on his chest; Anders' hair was down and tucked behind his ears, revealing purple feathered earrings, and he was wearing a women's fitted shirt striped with the colors of the bisexual pride flag, as well as a purple peasant skirt. He'd shaved his face smooth that day and there was a hint of makeup on his lips, as well as glitter all over both of them.   
  
Looking at this, Anders suddenly felt self conscious of his current less-than-attractive appearance, sitting in the kitchen in his boxer briefs with his hair in a tangle. He excused himself and Hawke mumbled something as he went upstairs to put some clothes on, carrying his phone with him and giving it an anxious look when it chimed again.

**Fenris** [1:13pm]: Anders is that you?   
  
**Fenris** [1:14pm]: are you transgender?

**Fenris** [1:14pm]: sorry if that was too forward

**Anders** [1:15pm]: It's okay   
  
**Anders** [1:17pm]: I'm... I don't know. I don't mind being called a man? But I don't really feel connected to it. I guess I'm sort of just neutral to the whole subject of gender   
  
**Anders** [1:18pm]: Some days I like skirts, and Gare has no problem with that. I think you'll surprise him but I don't think he'll be upset or like you less

**Fenris** [1:20pm]:  that is interesting. That helps quite a bit Anders   
  
**Fenris** [1:21pm]: Still nervous, probably will be until it is out in the open   
  
**Fenris** [1:21pm]: Forgive me if this is bold, but you do look lovely done up like that

Anders bit his lip, a tiny little smile coming to his face from the compliment before he caught himself and cleared his throat. He wasn’t able to banish the flush that rose to his cheeks, however.

**Anders** [1:21pm]: Thank you :)

**Fenris** [1:22pm]: You're welcome. To be honest Hawke is also quite… distracting

**Anders** [1:22pm]: Hah, I bet. He’s very nice in that pic

**Anders** [1:23pm]: If you do decide to come out to him I’m willing to help if I can

**Fenris** [1:23pm]: Thank you. It may not be for a bit, but it was something that was on my mind.  I will see you both for dinner Tuesday, yes?

**Anders** [1:23pm]: Yep

**Fenris** [1:24pm]: talk to you later Anders. Thanks again

**Anders** [1:24pm]: Anytime

Anders’ pajama pants didn’t quite hold the same appeal as they had when he’d first walked into the bedroom. After a moment he went to the closet, digging around in the back until he’d found an old tie-dyed skirt that had been hanging, neglected, since last summer. After tugging it on along with a t-shirt Anders went back downstairs; Lord Meowington had taken over the seat he’d vacated and he picked the tabby up, sat, and placed him in his lap as Hawke raised a brow at him.  
  
“Ooh, I almost forgot you had that.” The flush that was still lingering on Anders’ cheeks deepened a bit, and he let out a slightly self-conscious laugh.  
  
“I kind of did too. Maybe now that the weather’s warming up I’ll start wearing it again.”  
  
“You should.” Hawke smiled over his last piece of toast. He looked far more awake now than he had when he’d first stumbled in. Anders smiled back at him, feeling a bit foolish and then feeling even more foolish for feeling that way in the first place.  
  
He didn't like making a big deal out of how he felt, not when he was fine with his body and the pronouns people used for him, but gender and all of the nuances that came with the subject had always been a topic of complexity for Anders. It wasn't something he spoke about often in any measure of detail, at least not with anyone outside of Hawke and Karl, and with as busy as he always was with the hospital nowadays these little indulgences had mostly been pushed to the bottom of his list of priorities. Perhaps it was something he could talk to Fenris about though… Anders turned that thought around in his head a few times before tucking it away for future consideration.  
  
Hawke swallowed down the last of his coffee and took a peek at his phone for the first time, finally feeling human enough to care about the world outside of their house. What he saw there made his face fall so fast that Anders' brows raised in concern.  
  
_"Shit."_  
  
"What is it...?" Anders asked.  
  
"I completely forgot about dinner at my mother's house tonight." Hawke dropped his phone with a groan and dragged a hand through the mess of his hair.  
  
"Ah shit, I forgot about that too." Anders said with a wince. It was customary for Hawke and his siblings to get together for dinner with their mother once a month, just the four of them without significant others tagging along. It wasn't something he could easily get out of without a very good reason.

“I’ll just… take a ton of painkillers and make myself presentable.” Hawke said with another groan. “Wouldn’t be the first time I showed up at her place like this.”

“That’ll work.” Anders combed his fingers through Lord Meowington's long fur, drinking the last of his own coffee before adding, “Say hi to everyone for me.”

“I will.” Hawke dragged his hands through his hair again, heaving a heavy sigh. “Until then I think I need a nap, a shower, and more food, not necessarily in that order.”

“As your doctor I recommend all of these things.” Anders said with a smirk.

 

* * *

 

Hawke hadn’t grown up in Hightown. He hadn’t even grown up his whole life in Kirkwall—his mother, Leandra Amell, had insisted on marrying Malcolm Hawke, a blue collar worker, and the two had eloped to Ferelden much to the _extreme_ disapproval of his grandparents. The Amells were a prestigious family, coming from old money and bringing old thinking along with it; Leandra had been disowned for her frivolous decision but she hadn’t cared at the time, thus Hawke had spent the first nine years of his life poor as dirt in a small country town in Ferelden.

His mother’s homesickness eventually brought them back to the Free Marches, and his father had worked himself to the bone to support the five of them in Lowtown, or at least he had until he’d died shortly after Hawke’s 21st birthday. With their poorly bred son-in-law gone the Amells had welcomed their daughter and her children back into the family, and Hawke had gone from dirt poor to obscenely rich overnight.

Leandra lived in Hightown now, in the estate that had belonged to their family for generations. Hawke hadn’t quite forgiven her yet for moving herself and the twins up there so quickly back then—not even a year after his father’s death and they had left the house Malcolm had put his whole heart and soul into, desperately trying to give them a good life. Words had been exchanged at the time that neither Hawke or Leandra could take back, and in the end he’d had her sign the mortgage over to him and had taken ownership of his childhood home, where he now lived with his partner and their assortment of ‘children’.

“Oh, you look like you had a rough night.” Bethany shook her head at her older brother when he walked into the sitting room, tsking at him teasingly.

“Still obvious, huh?” Hawke grinned a bit sheepishly, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He’d slept a bit more that afternoon and had showered before coming over, but there were still circles under his eyes, evidence of having _far_ too much fun the night before. “Where’s Carv and Mom?”

“He went to help her with the turkey she cooked. Apparently it’s massive.”

“Maker’s breath, a whole turkey?” Hawke let out a laugh. “There’s only four of us…!”

Bethany cocked an incredulous brow at him. “With you and Carver’s stomachs it pretty much adds up to six. And you know we can’t do this without her sending us all home with leftovers for a week.”

It wasn’t long before dinner was ready, and oh, what a dinner it was. If there was one thing Leandra had always enjoyed it was cooking; she had likely spent all day in the kitchen planning for this evening, which was another reason Hawke couldn’t bring himself to skip out of it without an incredibly good excuse. Unfortunately ‘I’m incredibly hungover’ wasn’t good enough.

“Have you told your brothers about your summer plans yet, Beth?” Leandra asked once they were all sitting at the table digging into their food. Hawke cocked a curious brow at his sister, who gave a slightly self-conscious shrug.

“It’s nothing, really.” Bethany told them. “Seb and I are going up to Starkhaven to spend most of Justinian with his family.”

“Is everyone going somewhere this summer??” Carver asked, sounding put out. “First Garrett, now you too? I’ll be the only one here.”

“Oh, where are you going Gare?” Bethany seemed to jump on the chance to direct the subject away from her own trip, giving him a curious look. Hawke grinned.

“Rivain. Isabela has a place up there, we’re gonna go stay with her for a couple of weeks.”

“That sounds like _so much fun.”_ Bethany took a sip of wine with a wistful sigh.

“Who all is going?” Leandra asked.

“Me and Anders, Bela and Zevran, and Varric.” Hawke counted them off on his fingers, trying to think if there was anyone he was missing and feeling a slight twinge of guilt over Karl’s lack of involvement. “The house apparently has like a million bedrooms so there’s plenty of space.”

“What about your new friend?” Carver asked while shoveling a forkful of turkey into his mouth. “Fenris?”

“I… hadn’t really thought about it.” It was true, Hawke hadn’t, even when the topic had come up around the elf. Suddenly he _was_ thinking about it and picturing Fenris in swimwear at the beach, and he had to look down at his plate to hide the flush that came to his cheeks. “I’ll have to see if he’d be interested.”

“This is the friend who was staying with you for a while?” Leandra asked him. “How is he doing?”

“He’s good.” Maker save him, Hawke couldn’t banish the redness from his face. Bethany gave him a knowing grin and Hawke eyed her somewhat suspiciously. “He’s, ah… settled into his place nicely.”

“You should bring him over sometime.” Leandra told him with a small smile. “You know I like meeting your friends.”

Hawke nodded and took a drink from his wine glass, a secretive smile playing on his lips as he replied, “Yeah, I’ll have to do that sometime.”

He stayed for dessert after they were done with dinner, and as expected Leandra fixed each of them up with a good amount of leftovers to bring home. At the end of the night she pulled Hawke into a hug as he was on his way out, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Give my love to Anders, will you?” Leandra smiled up at him. “And it wouldn’t hurt you to call and talk to me every now and then, would it? I miss the three of you, this house is far too large without you.”

“I’ll do better, I promise.” Hawke told her, giving her cheek a peck before saying goodnight and heading out to his car, thoughts of Fenris and Rivain on his mind.

 

* * *

 

Fenris yawned as he stepped out into the early Monday morning chill. The sun hadn’t yet risen and it was foggy, the air brisk with the cool wind blowing from the sea below. The elf was in good spirits as he headed to the bus stop, quietly wondering what to do with his day.

Group went well, and afterwards Fenris lingered a few minutes to talk with one of the councilors, a man who simply went by Samson. Of the two men who led the group sessions he had so far been the biggest help, and Fenris knew he could attribute a good amount of his recovery  progress to Samson at this point as well as Hawke and Anders.

Once he left the building Fenris paused for a few minutes to enjoy the now risen sun on his shoulders. The fog had been burned off by the sun’s heat and it was a beautiful day—trees and shrubs were budding with new leaves, and already a few of the small rock gardens placed about the city were dotted with small purple and white flowers. The air was fresh and clean, and as Fenris walked down the street he felt inspired to make a few little changes of his own.

The biggest thought in his mind was how long his hair was getting. He'd been getting more and more irritated by it over the past few weeks; it was long enough to get into his eyes at this point, and had developed a slight upwards sweep to the sides where it stuck out underneath his beanie which resulted in a ridiculous-looking state of hat-head whenever he remove the cap. It was this thought that had him walking uptown to find a barber shop that would accept a drop in.

An hour and a half later, Fenris was back out on the street and heading now to the pharmacy. He stepped inside and looked around for the eye care aisle—reading glasses were something he'd been putting off for some time, mostly because he’d been saving up for them. He took his time, trying them on pair by pair and testing the strength until he found the magnification that worked for him, at least to an extent... he was certain he required a prescription but that would be a little more difficult given he still didn’t have an ID.

Eventually Fenris found a pair he was pleased with, despite the fact that even the elven style frames didn't want to stay put on the bridge of his nose. They had a thicker frame and a slightly tighter fit to his temple in hope it would keep them in place. After paying he headed back outside; it was after noon now and his stomach rumbled with a reminder that he hadn’t had lunch yet.

There was a cafe down on Foundry street that Fenris had been interested in trying, one that he’d been told had some authentic Tevinter cuisine. As he headed down the street, Fenris caught sight of his reflection and paused to get a good look at himself; his new haircut had been a bold decision, shaved short up the sides, save for a longer, layered sweep on top of his head. Smiling, Fenris ran his fingers through it, rubbing at the soft peach-fuzz behind his ears.

_I wonder if Hawke will like this_ … Realizing what he was thinking Fenris almost flushed, shaking it off and muttering to himself in a flustered manner as he started back down the street again toward the cafe. Lunch was what he should be thinking about right now, not this ridiculous crush.   
  
As Fenris entered the cafe his senses were assaulted by a delicious, spicy scent, and his stomach rumbled eagerly as he was led to a quiet table in the corner. In another corner a television was broadcasting the news, though the volume was too low for him to hear it; not particularly interested he focused his attention on the menu instead, looking it over to decide what to order.   
  
A few minutes later, having made the decision on the Fiori di Zucca and a glass of juice, Fenris pulled his phone out to pass the time.  He wondered if he should take a photo of himself and his new hair to show Hawke, mulling over it for a moment before he decided he’d prefer to surprise him. Instead, after messing around with the camera for several minutes, he decided to text Hawke to see how he was doing after his hangover the day before. 

**Fenris** [2:16pm]: How are you feeling today, Hawke?

**Hawke** [2:20pm]: Way better! How are you?   
  
**Fenris** [2:22pm]: That is good to hear. I am just in town having lunch. How was dinner at your Mother’s yesterday?   
  
**Hawke** [2:23pm]: The usual, Carver and I got into an epic food fight and we were punished by having to do the dishes   
  
**Fenris** [2:23pm]: That is a fib if I’ve ever heard one   
  
**Hawke** [2:24pm]: lol   
  
**Hawke** [2:24pm]: You caught me. It remained quite uneventful and I was a perfect gentleman   
  
**Fenris** [2:25pm]: I should hope. My food’s here, ttyl   
  
Fenris slipped his phone into his pocket as the waitress set his meal down in front of him. It was delicious, just the right amount of spice and salt to make it savory; making a mental note to invite Hawke and Anders here for lunch sometime he reached for his glass of juice to take a drink, and his eyes wandered up to the television.

The man staring back at him from the screen caused Fenris to freeze immediately.  
  
His throat seized around the mouthful of liquid, and the glass slipped from his fingers, landing with a loud, tinny crash against his plate and dumping juice across his lap while he struggled not to choke, doubling over the table in a coughing fit. All around him people looked over at the sound, but he barely noticed.   
  
“Sir? Sir, are you alright?” The waitress’ voice beside him had Fenris suddenly and hastily pushing himself up out of his seat. The sight on the television had shifted but the image he’d just seen was burned into his eyes. Managed a nod, Fenris struggled to keep composed and respond.   
  
“Fine, sorry. I’m fine… I need… I need to go and clean up, I’ll be right back.” Turning Fenris made a beeline for the washroom. He felt panic rising in his throat as he shoved open the door and rushed into a stall; dropping to sit on the toilet seat Fenris dug his hands into his hair, sucking in gulping breaths to try and calm himself down.   
  
“What the fuck… what the _fucking fuck_ …” Fenris gasped.

_Danarius._

Danarius had been on television, his angry, burning grey eyes staring out with an expression that triggered a deep-set dread inside of Fenris. He had no idea why he’d been on the news, in the Free Marches no less, but the sight had set off an uncontrollable _fear_ after nearly three months of comfort, of finally feeling like he could relax.

He had been foolish to think he was safe here.   
  
After several minutes, Fenris forced himself out of the stall and back into the restaurant. The waitress gave him a concerned look as he paid his bill and left without waiting for the change, leaving the cafe and hurrying down the street to the bus stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anders' Pride outfit was based off of [this art](http://legoprime.tumblr.com/post/159628441723/genderqueer-anders-to-go-with-fenris) by Lego.
> 
> And here's [Fenris' new haircut](https://lukatisus.tumblr.com/post/162791338850/fenris-with-a-buzz-is-my-jam-relight-my-life) by Luka!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for talk of domestic abuse in this chapter (which is also now in the tags).

"Oof!  Bash, you oaf! That's _cheating_!"  Hawke laughed.  It was almost noon on Tuesday and he was roughhousing on the living room floor with his mastiff. The dog in question, excited and galloping around the coffee table, had just slammed into him and knocked him onto his side.  Hawke flailed, under attack by Gorbash's tongue as the dog sprawled on top of him and licked his face, Lord Meowington gazing disapprovingly from his perch atop the couch.

As disastrous as it could be to have a dog over 100lbs crashing around the house, it was even moreso now that Hawke was stuck halfway under the coffee table with Gorbash's tail steadily beating back and forth between the table and couch.  In the excitement Gorbash knocked Hawke's phone onto the floor; from where he was lying Hawke could see that it was blinking with a message.

"Okay, Bash! Up! No, no getoffme..!"  Hawke chuckled, pushing the dog off him as Bash sprawled himself over his legs and rolled onto his back to expose his belly.  Hawke obliged and patted it, scratching Gorbash's favorite spot just below his rib cage with one hand as he picked his phone up to check the message with the other.

**Bethany** [11:45am]:  Hey Gare

**Bethany** [11:45am]: Is Fenris alright? He didn't come in to work today

Hawke frowned a little.

**Hawke** [11:57am]: As far as I know he is! I haven't heard from him since yesterday though

**Bethany** [11:58am]: Ok. I hope he's okay

Hawke couldn't help but smile at his sister's concern, though now found himself wondering if Fenris was alright.  He scrolled quickly through his messages to the elf's name, bringing it up. The last message he'd received from Fenris had been about lunch the previous day—he'd gone to try a new cafe. Hawke hadn’t received anything else afterwards, though that on it's own wasn't unusual.

**Hawke** [12:02pm]: Hey Fenris! How's my favorite elf?

Hawke waited a few moments for a reply before Gorbash's wriggling in his lap forced him to set his phone down and divert his attention on the mastiff again. Riled up as he was, Hawke decided it best to take this rambunctiousness outside before one of the many decorations in the living room ended up going flying.  

"Alright boy, let's go! Go grab your ball!"  He announced, pushing himself to his feet as Gorbash galloped over to his bed and dove on top of the tennis ball sitting next to it before following Hawke out to the yard.

By the time Hawke came back inside after a full straight hour of fetch, Fenris still hadn't replied.  Through the next couple of hours Hawke felt a slowly mounting level of concern—it wasn't like the elf to have not at least said something back.

Trying not to fret over what might be nothing, Hawke had just sat down in front of his computer to try and distract himself when he heard his phone go off with Fenris' ringtone.

**Fenris** [4:01pm]: hey

**Fenris** [4:01pm]: won't be able to make it tonight

Hawke stared. Though emotion was often difficult to decipher through text there was something almost... despondent about the message as he read it.  His brow furrowed a little. Was Fenris sick? Perhaps whatever he ate the day before had given him food poisoning?

**Hawke** [4:03pm]: :( I hope you're okay.  Beth said you didn't go to work today?

**Hawke** [4:03pm]:  If you need anything let me know ok?

There was no reply. Hawke chewed the inside of his lip and set his phone down, sighing and staring blankly at his computer screen. Everyone had bad days, he told himself. Surely Fenris would reach out if there was something truly wrong.

 

* * *

 

By the next morning most of the previous day’s events had slipped Hawke’s mind. He was lounging on the couch, bowl of cereal in his lap and a pair of expectant cats nearby trying to plunge their paws into the leftover milk, when his phone rang. He glanced at it, recognized the number, and swiped his thumb across the screen to answer.  
  
“Mr. Rutherford! What can I do for you?” Hawke answered cheerfully.  
  
“Serah Hawke… er… I’m calling about Fenris, actually.” The man on the other end answered, and Hawke felt an odd little flip in his gut. Cullen Rutherford was a neighbor of his and had been one of his customers for years . He also happened to be one of the group leaders at the rehab center where Fenris went every morning.  
  
“What happened? Is he alright?” Hawke inquired, trying keeping his voice level.  
  
“I was hoping you could tell me that, actually. He hasn’t shown up for group the last two days so I was hoping you might know if something had happened, or if you could possibly check up on him?” Cullen answered, a concerned tone in his voice. “He hasn’t answered his own phone.”  
  
“Yes, absolutely, I can go check on him.” Hawke said, his brow furrowed as he set his cereal bowl down on the coffee table. Cullen gave his thanks and the call ended, and Hawke felt a swell of anxiety as he wondered what was going on.

Fenris had never replied to his last text yesterday, and Hawke had assumed he was fighting off a stomach bug. Shooing Pounce and Lord Meowington away from his abandoned cereal bowl Hawke stood and took it to the sink, running upstairs next to quickly shower and get dressed as he considered what to do.

Hawke had made a large batch of soup the day before, something he’d already been planning for their usual weekly dinner, and he decided to bring some of the leftovers over to Fenris’ place. After pouring some into a large tupperware and packing it up, Hawke typed up a quick text to Anders to let his partner know what was going on before heading out the door with the care package.

 

* * *

 

After his shock and panic over what he’d seen on the news, Fenris’ paranoia and concerns had dredged their way back to the surface with a vengeance. He was doing his best to shake off the fears but bad memories were crawling around in his head like ants, and it was all he could do to try and keep them quiet. Feeling miserable over being completely unable to even go and spend time with his friends the day prior, the elf was currently curled up in his bed with his quilt up to his ears, and McMittens curled up beside him.

He had no idea what time it was, but given by the sunlight trickling in his window he guessed it was past noon. Glancing at his phone Fenris saw the light flashing, indicating he had messages; letting out a soft sigh he closed his eyes and ignored them for now.

It was at that point that McMittens looked up toward the window, and the crunch of gravel under shoes right outside caused Fenris to tense. Moments later there was a knock on his door and the elf held his breath; a second knock came and Fenris sat up to listen, his heart hammering erratically in his chest.

Varric would have used the door that lead down from his own part of the house. _It could be one of your other friends,_ he thought, trying to convince himself and failing. Remaining still and straining for any sound that might indicate who it was, he heard another knock, and then silence.

A few moments after the knocking stopped when his phone blipped with a text. Startled, Fenris looked down at the screen as it lit up with a message from Hawke.  
  
**Hawke** [1:42pm]: Hey, I really hope you’re ok. I’m going to get Varric to come down and check on you okay?

With an incredibly relieved sigh, Fenris swung his legs off his bed and stood, pulling a shirt on as he hurried to the door and opened it just in time to catch Hawke halfway up the stairs with a container in his hand.  
  
“Oh! _Thank the Maker,_ there you are.” Hawke looked… worried. Fenris felt a twist of guilt in his guts as he managed a nod in response. Hawke’s brow furrowed and he turned to come back down the steps. “...are you okay? You look awful, Fenris.”

Something about seeing Hawke here, in person... something about the man just seemed to calm the turmoil that had practically consumed Fenris over the last two days, and he swallowed a thick knot in his throat and spoke, voice hoarse from lack of use.

"I have... been better." He admitted. "...do you have time to come in...? I think it is time we talked."

"Of course... yes, I have plenty of time..." Fenris stepped back to let him in, and Hawke walked back down the steps. "I brought you soup!" He said as he entered, and Fenris cast a curious look at what he was holding.

"Soup?" Fenris parroted, perplexed.

"Yeah…! I thought maybe you were sick...”  
  
“Oh, thank you very much…” Fenris answered, a bit touched. Hawke headed for the kitchen, setting the tupperware down before turning and looking at him with concern.  
  
“Is everything okay…?” Hawke asked tentatively. The elf’s eyes turned down away from his gaze. “Nobody’s heard from you in two days.”

"I..." Fenris started, grasping for an explanation, "I... this is what I must discuss."

Hawke nodded, brown eyes still focused on Fenris' face, and the elf motioned to his small couch. Taking the hint Hawke moved to sit with him; he didn’t say a word, waiting quietly as Fenris began fidgeting anxiously before he finally spoke.

“The person I’ve been hiding from… I’ve realized I should tell you about it…” Fenris glanced up at Hawke, who nodded in encouragement. Drawing a soft breath the elf continued.

"...his name is Danarius. He's a surgeon out of Tevinter... was _my_ surgeon."  Fenris clarified. "When I was admitted to the hospital with my head injury, he was... the one who worked on me. I had a bit of hemorrhaging in my skull and he likely saved my life that day. But I could not remember anything of myself, my name... _nothing_. He... took a liking to me, and after a few weeks in hospital he convinced me to stay with him so he could assess my recovery because I had nowhere else to go."

Fenris paused for a moment, daring another glance at Hawke. Drawing another breath to steady himself Fenris kept going.

"We ended up... involved.  He was very kind to me, he understood me... or at least I thought he did.  He did things for me I otherwise never would have been able to accomplish on my own." Fenris paused, his hand lifting to rub idly against his chest.

"Things seemed... good.  I was happy.  I didn't know any better, I don't think, but there were times he'd get angry over ridiculous, stupid little things and argue with me... make me think it was _my_ fault.  But it would get better again, so I... like an idiot I just let it slide."

"You're not an idiot, Fenris..." Hawke interjected softly.  Fenris' shoulders sagged a little.

"...I was, though. He started getting progressively worse, making me think I was overreacting whenever we'd have an argument that _he_ started. Or, if he got upset it was _my_ fault, regardless.  Like a fool I believed him and just kept trying harder to keep him happy..."

Fenris stopped there, his jaw tight. Over the past few days he'd gone through several emotions and now, telling Hawke this story, all he could feel was _anger_ over how he'd been treated. Anger at himself for not getting out sooner.

"Why did you stay...?" Hawke asked and Fenris sighed, lowering his head to rub his fingers against the bridge of his nose. Hawke watched as Fenris seemed to work up the response, his voice low when he finally answered.  
  
“...I felt I couldn’t leave. That I owed him. _Kaffas_ … he certainly made me feel like I did.”  Fenris sighed again, glowering at the floor.  
  
“How long were you with him?” Hawke’s voice was somehow incredibly gentle for what Fenris was sharing.  
  
“Three years.” Fenris answered flatly. Hawke didn’t say anything, and after a moment Fenris spoke again. “The worst was the last year and a bit… it was when he… he just got worse. It was when he introduced the drugs.”  
  
“The heroin?” Hawke straightened and Fenris glanced up at him to see a fiery sort of look in the man’s eyes.  
  
“Yes.” Fenris hesitated a moment to collect his thoughts. “I... don't know where he got it from. Perhaps he'd always had it and I simply didn't realize. But the day he gave me the first shot, he was manipulative, pushy about it… said I'd enjoy it, questioned my trust in him when I was hesitant. I just wanted his approval so badly at that point that I let him. It was possibly the most foolish thing I could have ever done.”

Fenris paused, rubbing at the insides of his arms and working his jaw tight. He was tense, trembling just a bit as he let out a shaky breath and continued, “I put up more a fight the next time, and he made me feel like absolute shit for it. I wanted to know what it was, he asked if it had felt bad last time and… I couldn't admit that it had. It had felt nice, but he still wouldn't tell me… just to avoid a fight I let him again and… just eventually stopped resisting entirely. _Craving_ it, even. It wasn't until I'd developed a need for it that I found out what it was.

“He used it to manipulate me. The withdrawal was fierce, and if he felt I needed punishment he'd refrain from letting me take a hit, wait until I was in pain and bloody begging him for forgiveness before he’d let me have it.”

Hawke growled under his breath, his fists clenched against his knees. He drew a breath and ten spoke in a forced, level tone, “...how did you get away…?”  
  
“I… the breaking point was when he... choked me. I was just trying so hard to do what he asked and keep him happy and he came home, he was angry about something and forced me into the bedroom and pinned me down and…”  
  
“...those bruises on your throat when we first met?”  
  
“...they were from him.” Fenris swallowed, rubbing at the spot on his neck. He could vividly recall the painful pressure of Danarius’ thumb crushing his larynx. He couldn’t look at Hawke, too emotionally drained over the past few days to feel anything but a particular angry numbness at this point.

“...anyway. He went out one day. He was usually back by the evening, but he was gone all night, and hadn’t returned by the next day… when he was still gone the following morning after that I just… bolted. I took whatever I had left, I… I did take some of his money, I knew where he stashed it and just ran, bought a bus pass for as far as it would go… I was certain I was far enough off he wouldn’t be able to track me down...”

“Has he found you?” Hawke asked, a heavy, righteous anger in his voice. “I swear, Fenris, if he tries to touch you again I’ll — ”  
  
“He hasn’t.” Fenris stated. “But at the cafe the other day... he was on television. I don’t know why he was, but when I saw him… all that fear I thought I’d worked past just… slammed back into me and I just... I’ve been here the past two days.”  
  
“I was worried about you.” The admission from Hawke had Fenris finally look up at him again. Hawke’s eyes were full of sincerity, and the elf’s expression fell a bit.  
  
“I am sorry… I didn’t mean to worry you. I’ve just been overwhelmed. His was the last face I ever wanted to see again.”  
  
Hawke contemplated this quietly for a moment, furrowing his brow as he asked, “Did you find out why he was on TV?”  
  
“I didn’t. He… I think he was on the news. I haven’t been able to bring myself to look into it. I feel so pathetic. _Weak.”_  
  
“Fenris…” The couch shifted a bit with Hawke’s movement, and Fenris realized the man had edged a little closer. Fenris looked up at him, meeting his eye questioningly as Hawke tilted his head and told him, “You’re not weak. You’ve overcome more in the last few months than a lot of people in your situation… and you look like you badly need a hug, if you’ll accept one?”  
  
Fenris swallowed, hesitating for just a moment before he nodded and closed his eyes, letting Hawke shift closer and slide an arm around him. The elf let himself be pulled against the brunette, his head settling against his collarbone as Hawke tentatively slid his other arm around his slim frame. Fenris inhaled, deeply and turned his face a bit to press it into Hawke’s shirt.  
  
“You’re safe with us. You’re stronger than you might think.” Hawke murmured, raising a hand to lightly stroke the base of his skull.  Fenris made a grunt of acknowledgment and Hawke felt the tension in his shoulders relax just a bit. After a few minutes, Hawke leaned back so he could look down at Fenris, a small smile on his lips.

“Your haircut looks nice.” He said, and Fenris let out a snort.

“It looks terrible right now. Mere bedhead.”

_“Charming_ bedhead. It suits you.” Hawke couldn't help but chuckle as Fenris looked up at him with the most adorably skeptical look. “It _does!”_ He insisted.

“Thank you.” Fenris inclined his head to hide the small smile, easing away from Hawke’s embrace as the man let him go. Fenris was still tight with anxiety, working his hands together a bit, though there was the slightest hint of color in his face. He hadn’t realized until that moment just how much he’d missed Hawke’s company, but after the last two days it felt like it had been _weeks_ since they’d seen each other.

“Do you want to come over for a few days?” Hawke asked. “I can call Piers and explain if you need to take a few days off, I'm sure he'll understand. Could ask Varric to feed McMittens for you as well?”

Fenris contemplated the offer, turning his head to look into the kitchen and the tupperware container sitting on the counter. McMittens was already diligently attempting to infiltrate it. With a good deal of anxiety slowly lifting from his shoulders after the talk Fenris was actually starting to feel the pinch of hunger.

“Can we stay here a bit longer?” He asked. “I would like to try some of that soup.”

“Of course!” Hawke smiled, rising up and ushering Fenris back to his seat when he tried to protest. “Don't worry about it, you just relax! You have biscuits here, yeah? This tastes divine with some, warmed up with butter!”

“Um… yes, in the breadbox.” Fenris motioned towards it. “Butter is in the fridge… but really, Hawke, you do not have to go through so much trouble…”

“It's no trouble at all.” Hawke reassured him as he prepared the elf a small meal, smiling across the counter island at him.  Before long Fenris had a steaming bowl of soup and a biscuit in his lap, quietly eating it as Hawke settled on the couch next to him with a biscuit of his own.

“This is delicious, Hawke. You made this?” Fenris asked after taking a few bites.

“I did! Anders and I enjoyed it a good deal last night. I have the recipe saved, I could give it to you once we get back to the house.” Hawke smiled, pleased to see Fenris starting to come around.

“That would be nice.” Fenris said, shooing McMittens away from his plate as the kitten was subtly attempting to pilfer the biscuit sitting on the edge of it. The kitten scurried under the couch, hiding a moment before stretching a paw out and hooking Hawke’s sock by the ankle.  
  
“Ha! Haven’t changed a bit have you, McBittens?” Hawke laughed, pulling his foot away and wincing as the cat retaliated by latching on with both feet, claws pricking Hawke’s skin. McMittens let himself be dragged into view, staring upward with dilated pupils as Fenris smiled a bit, nudging the kitten with his own foot to encourage the hyper little beast to attack it instead.  
  
“Not a bit.” Fenris said, wiggling his toes and scuffing his foot against the stone floor as McMittens reared up and pounced it. His expression softened a bit as he added, “He’s made it easier for me the past couple days. His antics provided a needed distraction.”

“Anders made a good choice letting you adopt him, then.” Hawke smiled, certain his partner would be happy to hear that. Fenris finished off his soup despite his foot being in a full-scale battle of wills with his little companion; standing carefully he carried the now empty dishes to the sink, rinsing them and placing them into the dishwasher. It had been the first food he’d eaten in a few days and despite only being a small amount, he felt quite full as a result.  
  
“I should go have a shower and get ready then. We should… make sure Varric can watch him? Or would it be too much trouble to bring him along, perhaps?” Fenris asked as he turned back, McMittens weaving between his legs and pouncing on his toes.  
  
“Of course we can bring him over!” Hawke said and Fenris smiled slightly with some relief. He excused himself at that point to go shower and preparing a night bag with a change of clothes.

Within the hour Fenris had McMittens’ carrier sitting in his lap in Hawke’s SUV after chasing the little menace around the house for the better part of twenty minutes. McMittens had delighted in turning it into a near literal game of cat and mouse; now that he’d been captured he was purring and staring out the slots in the carrier, inquisitively focused on whatever he could see zipping by out the window.

For the first few minutes of the ride Fenris was quiet, a pensive expression on his face as he scratched McMittens’ chin through the grate of the carrier. After a bit he finally broke the silence.

“Thank you for coming over.”  
  
“Of course. You had me really worried…” Hawke admitted, pulling up to a four way intersection and giving way to another car. He took the moment to look over at Fenris and the elf met his eye. “I thought you were sick, or worse. Especially when you didn’t answer your door right away.”  
  
“I am sorry.” Fenris shifted in his seat a little, steadying the carrier on his lap once the vehicle began to move again. “I couldn’t be certain who it was.”  
  
“You’re okay, that’s what’s important. You may want to text Beth though, she was worried about you as well.” Hawke said with a light smile at the surprised expression on Fenris’ face.  
  
“I hadn’t realized… I suppose I owe a few apologies…”  
  
“Not apologies so much as reassurance you’re alright, I think.” Hawke told him. “Quite a few people you’ve met the last few months care about you.”  
  
Fenris fell quiet at that, smiling to himself a bit as McMittens mewed and rubbed a furry cheek against the grate of his carrier. Relaxing a little more, he replied, “I am happy I’ve you to look out for me.”

“We’re friends, Fen. I’ll always have your back.” Hawke said.


End file.
